Foolproof
by Tinkerbella C
Summary: My name is Bella Swan and I am totally and irrevocably in love with my best friend Edward Cullen. His sister Alice has a plan to make him notice me, claims it's fool proof but what happens if I turn out to be the fool? BxE.Slight AU.AH First full fic.
1. Chapter 1

**After I wrote my oneshot I had a few reviews asking me to make it into a story and it got me thinking. I had already wrote this for another fandom but with a little bit of tweaking it fits perfectly in the Twilight universe. So I decided to try and see what people think…If you want me to continue you know what you have to do…review and let me know ;) …Anyway here we go…

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I was only eleven years old when I came to live in Forks. My Mom had remarried and I had been sent to live with my father Charlie. Just eleven years old and sent to the smallest, wettest place on earth. I remember crying the entire plane journey, I was leaving behind my cat and my mom to live with a man who, although I called him Dad, I barley knew. It seemed the cruelest thing my mom could do to me and I knew with all the certainty of an eleven year old, I could never be happy here. It was too wet and too small. I would miss the sun, the heat of Phoenix,the lazy summer days spent in my pool.

I didn't even want to try and be happy but Renee had made me promise. It would hurt Charlie if I didn't, she told me. Emotional blackmail at it's best. Just eleven years old and already cursed with maturity that went way beyond my chronological years. Looking back, I was almost too old for myself. I always the adult in my relationship with my mother... well someone had to be.

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I remember Charlie met me at the airport and I thought he looked more nervous than me. Although we had spent time together it was always in Phoenix, never Forks. Renee hated it, said it was a malignant town, that it could destroy you if you stayed too long.

She hated forks, which was why it hurt so much for her to inflict it on me. Her desire to be with her new husband obviously outweighed her love for me, or at least that's what I felt at the time. As I grew older I would understand her motives and with hindsight accept she made the right choice, I understood it could never be as simple as my eleven year old self believed.

My first weekend was uneventful but as the time came for me to begin school, fear settled in place of the uneasiness I felt. Moving around a lot meant I was used to being the new girl and everything that entailed. Never fitting in, always being stared at, trying and usually failing to make friends. At eleven years old you cannot imagine that being alone could be a good thing and as a result I always felt like an outcast. I had never dreamed that moving to Forks could change my entire life and that one short walk to school would change my perspective forever.

I took longer than usual to get ready for school, I knew first impressions counted and the new girl _had_ to make a good first impression. I didn't know how long I would be in Forks but I would try and be happy here, for Charlie's sake.

I stared at my reflection wondering what the kids at school would see when they looked at me. Mousy brown hair tightly bound in two plaits, widely spaced brown eyes, freckles and of course the retainer I wore. I'd dressed in a pair of denim overalls and sneakers, not wanting to look out of place. Unremarkable. That was the only thing that stood out about me. I was truly unremarkable. To be honest I didn't know what kids in small towns wore, so I figured I may as well try and blend in. The new kid would stand out enough as was.

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Walking through the rain, splashing angrily in the rapidly forming puddles at my feet, I made my way towards Forks Elementary, a sense of trepidation filing me. I was nervous, terrified and it probably showed. Lost in my thoughts I didn't notice the two boys heading towards me until it was too late.

The second our paths crossed, I found myself on my knees in a puddle; pushed so quickly I didn't even see it happening. My bag was suddenly ripped from my back by the tallest boy, his white blonde hair sticking to his head, a mean smile on his face. His friend, a dark haired boy, giggled, looking down at me. I tried to ignore the stinging sensation in my knees and forced myself to face up to these bullies.

Hey! Gimme that!" I cried, jumping to my feet, trying to reach my backpack, which now dangled from the fingers of my blonde bully.

"Jump, nerd, jump!" My tormentor laughed, smiling as I jumped up and down on the spot trying to get back my book bag.

"Make her beg Mike," his friend laughed and my face crumpled. It was wet, I was wet, I had skinned my knees and now they were tormenting me, just for the fun of it. I hated being the new kid!

"Say please, pretty please can I have my bag back Mike?" he taunted me, dangling the bag before my eyes.

Mike, so that was this idiots name. Later on we would become friends of a sort but for now he was my bully.

I stared at them and tried to fight the angry tears forming in my eyes. I hated to cry, hated people to think I was weak.

"C'mon Geek beg for your bag, like a good little nerd" Mike laughed as he opened my bag and began to rifle through its contents "Oh Lookie here, lunch money, thanks geek"

I glared indignantly at the boys through my tears, how dared they call me a nerd? Sure I was smart but really a nerd? At eleven years old you don't have much understanding of boys, not knowing that they would use any name as an excuse to taunt you- deserved or not. I felt a surge of fear that I tried to ignore; they were bigger, stronger and meaner than me, which meant they could pretty much do what ever they wanted.

"Please can I have my bag back?" I asked quietly but I glared at them, furious.

"It's ours now geek"

I reached out trying to snatch the bag back.

"Ah, ah, ah! Manners!" he said as he held the bag away from me, laughing at the frustration that must have showed on my face.

"Please give it to me" I was panicking a little now, not only as I had lost my new bag but now it looked likely I would be late for my first day at my new school.

Mike looked at me and laughed as he threw my bag to the floor, it landed in the middle of a muddy puddle with a thud. My heart sank.

I raced forward to catch it, not seeing the foot Mike stuck out and suddenly I was falling again. Clumsy was my middle name, even without help from the school bully. Landing again, in a heap in the puddle, the contents of my bag now scattered around me I began to cry. Mike laughed down at me, pointing and jeering.

"Hey! Get away from her!" came a voice from across the street, that sounded as though it had been sent from heaven.

I looked up and through my tears I could just make out a tall lanky bronze haired boy loping towards me. My breath caught; even at eleven I could see he was beautiful. My avenging angel. I stared in disbelief at this wonderful boy who had come to save me from my bullies.

"Oh shit, its Cullen," said Mike, for the first time sounding scared "run for it".

Without even sparing me a look, the boys took off at a run.

I wasn't sure who this Cullen was but I had never been so pleased to see anyone in my entire eleven years.

"My knight in shining armor" I murmured almost to myself, as he leaned down to me, looking worried.

"Are you ok? Did they hurt you?" he asked with a concerned expression, holding out a hand to me.

I looked up at my savior and felt my eleven-year-old heart go flip flop inside me. He was so beautiful, it hurt to look at him.

"No they didn't hurt me, I'm ok" I mumbled with a shy smile.

He was the most beautiful boy I had ever seen, tall and lanky with messy bronze hair and friendly topaz eyes. He wore a white shirt and dark jeans and looked a little older than me.

I took the hand he offered and pulled myself to my feet quickly. With a sigh I bent and began to re pack my soaking book bag. He handed me my pencil tin as I attempted tried to dry my bag on my shirtsleeve. Pointless really as it was still raining, I could see it was a waste of time but wanted to do something apart from stare at my hero.

"I'm Edward by the way, Edward Cullen" he told me with a crooked smile and I felt myself blushing madly.

"I'm Isabella Swan but you can call me Bella" I smiled back a little self consciously, no doubt showing off my colorful retainer. The braces I wore embarrassed me but I was told I would be grateful in years to come. And i was.

Edward looked thoughtful for a second "Isabella Swan? Chief Swan's daughter? My mom mentioned you would be coming to school today"

Oh great, everybody was talking about me already, well Forks was a small town, I was probably the most interesting thing to happen in a while.

I offered him another shy smile "Well I'm trying to get there…thanks for getting rid of those guys for me, I thought I'd never get my things back"

"No problem, those guys are just jerks" he stared at me for a second and seemed to be trying to make his mind up about something "So my mom tells me you're really clever, super smart or something, like a genius"

I shook my head Charlie had been exaggerating again, it tickled me a little to know he was so proud of me "Not really, I just like to study" I admitted, and Edward laughed softly.

"That's great because I'm really stuck with this math problem, think you could maybe help me out a little?" he asked hopefully and I grinned unable to resist the look on his face.

"Sure, I owe you one for saving me"

"Awesome, we can talk about it on the way to school if you want, it's only a couple of blocks from here . . . You know I've never had a geek as a friend before" he teased.

"Well I've never had a knight in shining armor as a friend either"

"I think we'll make a great team Bella" Edward smiled.

"I think so too Edward"

And that was the day I fell in love…with my best friend.


	2. A losing Battle

**A BIG Thanx to those who reviewed, at least some people like what I am doing and for now I have decided to keep going with this story and see what happens. Just a warning I am playing with characterizations a little in this story so please don't hate me, especially Jacob fans….please let me know what you think by hitting the little button at the bottom. Love Tink. xxx

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**Six Years Later………………**

"Cullen, _you're_ late again, _we_ are gonna be late again. If I get a tardy because of you, I swear I'll…" I moaned, as I climbed into Edwards's shiny Volvo on an unusually dry, cool crisp autumnal morning.

"You'll what Bella Hit me with a math book? . . . Oh I'm scared …anyway you know I would never let you be late," Edward laughed as I buckled up and fought to hide the reaction his laugh provoked in me.

"You should be scared, I take AP math remember… have you seen the size of my math book" I threatened my best friend of six years, love of my life. Even though I knew he was right and the speed with which he drove would have us at school before I knew it, I still loved to tease him, it was almost a ritual now, part of our morning routine.

"Bella, size isn't everything" he deadpanned and I rolled my eyes in exasperation, he could be such a guy sometimes "besides I could have taken AP math"

"Yet instead you chose the much more rewarding class of gym" I snarked.

Edward grinned his crooked smile, flashing a set of near perfect pearly white teeth and I felt the familiar flip-flop of my heart, which had been my ever-present companion around Edward these past years.

"Hey" he protested, "you have your talents and I have mine".

That was certainly true. Where Edward was popular, I was merely accepted. Where Edward was outgoing, chatty and flirty; I was quiet, shy and studious. We were almost polar opposites, where I was dark, he was light, where he was tall and muscular I was short and curvy. But against all the odds of high school, we were still the very best of friends, and had been since the day we'd met.

"So have you done your chemistry assignment?" I asked, already knowing the answer. He was smart but he hated to study unless he really had to and rarely did he have to, he relied on me instead.

He looked sheepish for a second and then turned on his special smile, the one that set all the girls' pulses racing, and their hearts pounding. I grimaced to myself as my pulse rocketed, I was no exception.

"Well I was kinda hoping I could copy yours?" he looked hopeful and did I mention, utterly adorable.

"Edward! You know you're supposed to do it yourself, what will you do in your exams?" I scolded him, it was an old argument and one I did not really expect to win.

If I was honest, I enjoyed helping him, made me feel I was doing something for him, gave me an excuse to be around him. I felt as though I were justifying my presence in this godlike boys life. Not that he ever told me I needed an excuse but it made me feel better, to feel as though I were needed by him. Put us more on an equal footing.

"Please Bells, I've been so busy with team tryouts" he gave me his puppy dog eyes, dazzling me and I just melted, unable as ever to resist him.

"Okay" I relented "because it's you"

Edward grinned at me and leant across the seat to kiss me, his cool lips brushing my cheek just barely "Thanks Bells, you're the best"

I rolled my eyes to hide my pleasure at his casual kiss "Flattery will get you everywhere"

Edward wiggled his eyebrows and smiled naughtily, god I loved it when he did that.

" I know" he chuckled.

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After parking the car, we made our way slowly through school; we usually had to keep stopping as people always wanted to say Hi to Edward. Not many bothered to talk with me yet I was accepted here because I was Edwards closet friend but that was where it ended. I wasn't considered cool and to be honest it didn't bother me that much. I didn't care I had my close circle of friends and Edward, that was all I needed.

As we approached our lockers I saw Edwards brother, Emmett, locked in a passionate embrace with his girlfriend Rosalie Hale, his hands cupping her butt possessively as she leaned into him, her arms around his neck.

"Uh, Will you two please get a room!" I cried, as they reluctantly pulled apart. Emmett turned to me with a wicked smile of his own "Bells you know you get off on watching me pleasuring women"

My frown turned to a smile as Rosalie hit him upside the hide "The only woman you'd better be pleasuring is me"

"Babe, as if I'd even look at another woman" he said swooping down for another kiss. Urgh, I averted my eyes. I was too young to witness this type of thing.

Edward stood beside me chuckling silently, he was used to this kind of behavior seeing as Emmett and Rosalie lived with them but for me it got kind of annoying. It reminded me of everything I didn't have and everything I wanted but couldn't have.

"So you finished your chemistry assignment yet?" a familiar musical voice asked in my ear.

I turned with a grin to see Edwards sister Alice appear beside me as though out of thin air. Being a dancer she had this uncanny knack of sneaking up on me.

"Hey Alice, Jazz" I smiled at her boyfriend, who grinned back, still clinging to her hand.

Although not as demonstrative as Emmett and Rosalie, the intensity of their relationship was also sometimes hard to bear. I turned from stashing my books to look back at Edward who was in the middle of a conversation with Emmett.

"Bella has offered to help me," he was saying, somewhat cockily I admit but his confidence was just one of the things that I loved about him.

"Oh, you mean let you copy hers" Alice chimed in, her voice full of teasing laughter.

Edward grinned and shrugged "whatever works"

"You'll never get into a good college if Bella does all your work, you do know that right? What the hell will you do then?"

"Rely on my good looks, charm and personality"

Alice rolled her eyes at him, as the warning bell sounded; I followed her and Jazz down the hallway towards homeroom, leaving Emmett and Edward trailing behind us.

"Have you no will power what so ever, where my brother is concerned?" Alice asked with a knowing smile.

I shrugged and sighed at the same time "I can't help it Alice, he's my best friend….my other best friend" I amended quickly seeing the look on her face.

Alice snorted "How long you have you two been friends again?"

"Six years" I replied as we entered homeroom, I wanted to roll my eyes, she knew this as well as anyone.

"And how long have you been in love with him?"

"Six years" I muttered, praying nobody was listening "what's your point?"

"My point is, are you ever gonna tell him?"

"Tell him?" I repeated incredulous, this was an old conversation and one I was used to, I knew my lines word for word. "Why would I tell him, things would just be awkward between us"

"Why would things be awkward?"

"Alice you're not blind, I'm not Edwards type, he would never go out with me, look at me," I hissed in a low voice, not wanting the rest of the class to hear.

"There is nothing wrong with you Bella…I wish you could see yourself as others do, you're beautiful Bells, inside and out"

I hid a smile; Alice was instantly at my defense. That was just one of the reasons I loved her.

"Lets agree to disagree on that one, I'm just not his type,"

"Well I think you're crazy not to tell him, you two could be so good together"

"Thanks but no thanks" I replied as Edward strolled past and took the next vacant seat, mere seconds before Mr. Banner entered and began roll call.

I was under no illusions about why I couldn't be with Edward; I was everything his girlfriends were not. I was plain and studious; his girlfriends were beautiful and outgoing.

Unfortunately most of them were also bitches, especially when it came to sharing him with me. Some of them had said some really nasty things, not in Edwards hearing though and I had never repeated them. He usually found out in his own time, he wasn't dumb. And it wasn't like he had a different girlfriend every week. For a guy he was quite selective who he dated, it just seemed he had a knack for picking bitches or else I seemed to bring out the worst in them.

I realized some girls could be threatened by how close we were, despite the way I looked. I had long since removed my retainers and my once crooked teeth were now straight, My chestnut brown hair was usually tied back to keep it out of my eyes and I wore baggy, loose fitting clothes, not wanting to draw attention to my generous frame. I had been blessed or rather cursed with boobs and a butt. In short I looked like what I was, the tomboy best friend. I think it was the emotional investment we shared, the closeness and the bond that had been forged as we stood in the rain that day long ago. That's what caused the problem; they all knew that part of him would always be with me, that these girls would never be the only one in his life. The girls he dated didn't like to share, even with a plain Jane like me.

Edward on the other hand had finally grown into his height and his once skinny body was now tautly muscled. His shoulders were broad and his arms powerful. His vivid bronze hair had dulled to almost a golden brown but was still unruly, looking always as though he had just rolled from his bed. His friendly topaz eyes hadn't changed and his smile was as devastating as ever. He was outgoing and popular with a wicked sense of humor that kept me giggling. Yet for all that he was still the same kind boy I had met as a nervous new kid. He was my protector, my knight in shining armor, still there for me after all this time.

After the tedium that was Homeroom, we made our way to the library for study hall where I was going to "help" him with his assignment.

"Oh shit" cursed Edward in a whisper as we entered. I ignored the shiver it gave me, Edward rarely cursed unless he was troubled or really pissed at someone.

"What?"

"It's Tanya"

I glanced at the beautiful strawberry blond and immediately felt ugly by comparison; she was stunning, tall and lithe with big green eyes and a pouty smile. Tanya was one of Edwards exes that hadn't taken it too well when he had called off their relationship. She had turned into a bit of a stalker.

"Hey Edward" she beamed breathily, brushing up against him and ignoring me as though I didn't exist. I supposed in her world, I was no threat and on that basis I didn't exist for her.

"Hi Tanya, how are you?" he asked all politeness, but obviously wanting to get away from her. Or that's how it seemed to me judging by the way he leaned away from her.

"I'm great, how about you? You busy Saturday? Want to get together to go over old times" she asked suddenly leaning forward to give us a flash of her more than ample chest, one long scarlet fingernail tracing down his chest. I wanted to growl and pull out her so obviously fake hair.

"I, oh, I'm, er busy" he said lamely, looking at me helplessly.

Edward floundering was too cute for words but I felt sorry for him, I couldn't leave my best friend to this over sexed man-eater.

"He's coming over to my place to study" I piped up and almost smiled at the way Tanya's face twisted, as though she had just discovered a bug beneath her shoe.

"Yeah, that's right, thanks for reminding me Bells" he said with a grateful smile that made my tummy clench in interesting ways.

"Some other time then Edward" she said pouting prettily.

"Um, maybe?" it sounded more like a question and once more I hid a smile.

She took that as a yes and offered him a huge grin and walked away, wiggling her hips as she went. I rolled my eyes at her back, she was so obvious.

"Study?" Edward asked when she was out of earshot.

I shrugged, laughter bubbling up inside of me "I don't know, it was the first thing that came into my head"

"You're priceless Bella, how many girls would think of studying on a Saturday? It's date night"

I bristled a little; Edward knew me well enough to know that for _me_ Saturday night was never date night. He could be a little insensitive at times. It was though I were this asexual being rather than a girl, with a girls needs, just because I didn't date didn't mean I didn't want to. All this was further proof that Edward didn't think of me in that way, that he didn't even think of me as a girl in fact. A girl with feelings and emotions.

"Cullen do you want my help or not?" I asked hands on my hips, my head cocked to the side. I was a little hurt and this made me pissy with him.

"Sorry, I just thought it was funny that's all" he held up his hands in surrender, but his eyes were laughing at me.

"So you have a better offer?" I enquired casually, hoping he didn't actually have a date with someone else. He usually told me if he was interested in someone, and as much as it hurt, I preferred to hear it from him.

Edward shook his head with a crooked smile and looped his arm around my neck casually to ruffle my hair. "Nah, you're the only girl for me"

I twisted out of his embrace with a grimace, pushing against his side, in case he saw just how much his closeness affected me.

My heart set to thumping unevenly. He had no idea how much I wished it were true "Yeah me and every other girl in Forks"

"Hey you can't blame me if I'm popular" he said with a carefree shrug as we took our seats and opened our books.

The hour passed as I explained the chemistry assignment, Edward picked it up quickly with my help, he was as bright as me but he just didn't put in the work. After study hall we went our separate ways, Edward to gym and me to math, promising to meet at lunch.

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"Have you seen him Bella?" Alice gushed as she took her seat in math. She was practically bouncing with excitement, her spiky black hair flying in all directions as she jigged on the spot.

I looked at her in bewilderment; I didn't have a clue what she was going on about.

She rolled her expressive eyes at me "Jacob Black, he was in my French class. I swear if I wasn't already spoken for . . ." she finished with a dreamy sigh.

"Alice! You have Jasper" I was shocked. Alice had never spoken this way about any other guys before.

"I know but Jacob would be perfect for you…just what you need to get over this pointless obsession with my brother" she tinkled.

I hid a groan, I loved Alice but she was a pain, she was either badgering me to confess my feelings to Edward or to move on to someone new, which was easier said then done in a town the size of Forks. I knew practically every teenager in town. It seemed after our discussion this morning, it was moving on time, again.

"Forget it Alice, I'm not interested" I said lowering my head and dropping my voice to a whisper as Ms Smith, glared in our direction.

"We'll see" Alice said sweetly, as she turned her attention to her work.

Alice it seemed had other ideas and she wouldn't leave it alone. She continued to badger me all through next period, singing Jacob's praises, he was smart and funny, seemed really friendly. He was tall, dark and handsome. He wasn't a jock but he wasn't a nerd either. Alice thought he would be perfect for me, as she told me time and time again.

There was only one flaw that I could see. He wasn't Edward.

By lunch I had enough and to make matters worse Rosalie had seen him too.

"He is hot! He'd be perfect for you" she cooed at me as I valiantly tried to ignore them and eat my lunch.

"I'm not interested in anyone," I mumbled around a mouthful of apple.

"Except Edward", Rosalie pointed out helpfully.

"Well then I think you should tell Edward" Alice began again, mischief written all over her face. She knew something I didn't. She had an uncanny knack for knowing things happen before they did. Spooky really. Of course it could have just been that she saw him coming up behind me.

"Tell Edward what?" he asked sitting down beside me with a bump. My heart thudded, had he heard?

"Er, nothing" I lied, glaring daggers at both Rosalie and Alice, flustered and red at being almost caught out.

"There's a guy Bella likes" Alice said and I frowned at her not liking the expression on her face. It was one I recognized, the look she got when she was scheming. It was never a good look.

"Alice shut up," I snapped glaring at her; she seemed unconcerned and smirked at me instead.

"A guy, really? You never told me," he sounded a little hurt and that caught my attention. Hmm.

"That's because it's not important," I muttered flushing red, not wanting to do this now, with an audience.

"She really likes him but she won't tell him" Rosalie continued, her smile growing wider by the second. I was being set up, a blind man could see it, and luckily although Edward wasn't blind, he was thankfully slow on the uptake today.

"Why not Bella?" Edward seemed intrigued and I decided to play along.

I know I was setting myself up for hurt in the long run but maybe making Edward think I had other interests would be good for us both.

"Because he won't like me back genius" I snapped, embarrassed that I would have to spell it out to him. I felt bad the second I saw the flash of hurt in his eyes; he was just being a friend.

"He'd be dumb not like you . . . Who is he?" he enquired nonchalantly.

I glared at my friends, warning them to stay quiet.

"That new guy Jacob Black, she thinks he's hot" Rosalie said with a dramatic sigh.

"Who's hot?" Emmett boomed as he appeared beside her and planted a lingering steamy kiss on Rosalie's mouth with a smile.

"Is that true 'Bells?" Edward looked at me, our eyes meeting.

"Well yeah I suppose," I admitted slowly, not sure where Rosalie was going with this but intrigued despite myself.

I could see Edward was a little shocked, I had never mentioned guys to him before, all _I_ ever talked about was school and our friends. Sure he had asked me for advice about girls but I had never reciprocated.

"You should tell him Bells" Edward said with a reassuring smile "He'd be dumb not to like you…what's not to like, you're smart, you're funny and clever"

I forced a smile that didn't really reach my eyes "Thanks Edward"

He grinned crookedly, his eyes crinkling in the corners and tucked into his lunch.

My heart sank a little, I noticed he hadn't said beautiful but then we both knew I wasn't.

I could see Rosalie struggling to hide a grin as she watched Edward and I.

I wanted to groan; I could see her thinking experiment! Rosalie could sometimes be a bitch and be demanding but underneath it all she had a heart of gold and it seemed her current mission was to see me with a guy. I'd be willing to bet she was on in it with Alice.

I waited through lunch until Edward had eaten and left before turning to Rosalie and Alice with a furious expression.

"Alice what the hell do you think you were doing?"

"Bella will you relax, I have a plan," she said airily, waving her hand around.

"Oh no, no, no, no. I don't want to be involved in another of your plans," I said so loudly that several students near by turned and looked us with interest.

"Bells, this one is fool proof I promise," she said calmly.

"I don't care, I'm not getting involved," I could tell she thought I was being over dramatic and maybe I was but Alice was famous for her little "plans" backfiring.

"Isabella Marie Swan, are you or are you not in love with Edward Cullen?" Rosalie hissed at me under her breath.

I looked at her helplessly, defeated "You know I am"

"Then listen to me, I have an idea to help you snare Edward," Alice said triumphantly.

"Alice, I don't want to _snare_ anyone"

"Oh you know what I mean… you tell Edward you like Jacob, and he starts to think of you as a girl . . . Maybe his mind wanders a bit, you know guys think about sex every six seconds… so eventually it will cross his mind . . .Anyway you tell him you need his help to make Jacob like you" she paused looking at me expectantly, trying to gauge my reaction.

"Go on" I said unable to resist, maybe this plan had some logic. After all it couldn't hurt could it, a tiny voice inside my head asked.

"So you're with Edward asking for his help and bit by bit he starts thinking of you as potential girlfriend material for this Jacob…. eventually he realizes he wants you for himself" Alice finished with a flourish and a grin.

She beamed at me and then at Rosalie, I could tell she loved the plan. Grrr annoying little pixie!

"You know that could work Bella" Rosalie said thoughtfully, looking at me, as I considered what Alice had said.

"That would be lying to him, I can't do that," I protested weakly, fighting a losing battle. I knew it and they knew it.

"It's not really a lie; you could always change your mind and say you realize you don't like him, if things look as though they are going well with you and Edward"

I sighed; I had nothing to loose except my dignity "What would I have to do?"


	3. I'm Edward Cullen

**Hi dear readers, so as before I will remind you that I will be taking certain liberties with the characters so don't expect them to be canon…on a side note thank you to those people who have reviewed so far and to the rest of ya, come on don't be shy, tell me what you're thinking…anyway the big part in italics is a flashback. Hope I don't loose anyone off…Send me some love. Tink. XX

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I couldn't believe I had agreed to go along with Alice's hair brained scheme, I hadn't even seen this Jacob guy and was already supposed to be half in love with him. I suddenly found myself wondering if maybe it _would_ be healthier for me to try and forget my feelings for Edward and maybe move on with my life.

I would never be with him in the way I wanted to. I was just hurting myself in the long run. How long did I wait until I came to my senses? Six years? Ten Years? A lifetime? It was driving me crazy being so close to him but not as close as I wanted. I had loved him for so long now that I couldn't remember a time when I hadn't loved him, maybe it was time for a change.

As I sat in English listening to the teacher drone on, I thought about Alice's advice and I remembered the time I had almost confessed my feelings to Edward and very nearly made a fool of myself:

"_Bells, do you mind if I ask you something?" Edward had asked me throwing himself down in the grass next to me, as we stared at the blue sky watching the clouds pass by overhead. _

"_No, what's up?"_

"_How do you know if you like someone?" he asked staring up at the sky, sounding nervous, uncertain, embarrassed._

_I felt my heart beat a little quicker and I turned my head to look at him, hardly daring to breathe._

"_Well… your heart races when you're around them, you can't stop thinking about them and when they smile it makes you go all gooey inside . . . Why?" _

"_I think, I think I like someone," he blurted quietly. My heart went crazy._

"_Who?" I asked casually, yet I was desperate to know._

"_I'm not telling you that… but she's smart and pretty and kind and well she kinda makes me all nervous around her" he was smiling, I didn't have to look at him I could hear it in his voice._

_I felt my heart speed up again; could he be talking about me? I prayed he was._

"_Have you told her how you feel?" _

_Edward shook his head "Nah I'm chicken… what if she doesn't feel the same?"_

"_Well how does she act around you?" My heart was beating so fast I was surprised he couldn't hear it._

"_She smiles a lot and she's always talking to me, and sometimes she blushes when I smile at her"_

_I felt a tell tale blush spread over my face, he had to be talking about me! I rolled over onto my side and faced him, looking at him as he watched the clouds chase across the sky. He was perfection, only thirteen and already the most beautiful guy in school. I wanted to sigh._

"_I think you should tell her Edward, really" I whispered as he rolled over to face me. His topaz eyes met my brown and held for a second. My breath caught in my throat and butterflies escaped into my tummy. He was going to tell me, this is it! The minute I had been waiting for since we met in the rain._

"_She probably feels the same way but is too scared to tell you" I said softly with a little smile, my wish was finally coming true. I had to tell him I felt the same way._

"_You think?" he asked, suddenly looking uncertain and vulnerable again, my heart melted._

_I nodded "I know so" _

_He stared at me for a moment longer and then took a deep breath as I held mine waiting for him to confess his undying love for me._

"_I will tell her" he paused and smiled into my eyes "Bella…I want you to know… that you are my best friend and me asking Lauren to be my girlfriend, won't come between us"_

_I froze in shock, tears pooling in my eyes. Lauren? It was Lauren he liked? I couldn't believe it, I felt so foolish, I was convinced it was me he liked, thought he'd felt the same way as I did about him. I felt …devastated. I wanted to get to my feet and run home, to hide in my room and cry out the hurt that was building inside. But I couldn't, I had to hide my feelings, I had to encourage him, it's what he wanted, it would make him happy and I wanted him to be happy even if I couldn't be._

"_That's good to know Edward" I said softly and forced a smile out, wanting to cry. I felt so dumb, I thought he meant me and I'd been ready to tell him how I felt, I just couldn't believe that Edward, my Edward, had crush. It hurt so much, like he was tearing out my heart and stomping on it………

* * *

  
_

Since that fateful day I had seen Edward through several crushes and almost as many relationships, what Edward wanted he usually got. No girl in her right mind would turn down Edward Cullen.

Each time he got a new girlfriend, my heart broke a little more and I knew that sooner or later with college fast approaching he would get a serious girlfriend and my role in his life would come to a close, I was living on borrowed time.

It was then and there during Mrs. Simpson's English class that I decided to try and get over my feelings for Edward, like pulling off a band-aid, a little at a time. I had never been one for the big hurt, to get it over in one go. If I started now with Jacob Black, by the time we went our separate ways, the pain would be duller and who knew, I might get to like this Jacob character.

It seemed fate was on my side when Jacob joined my Spanish class, taking the empty seat beside me. Alice and Rosie had been right, he was gorgeous but in a totally different way than Edward. He was tall and muscular with long dark hair and russet colored skin. His eyes were a deep dark brown that looked at me appraisingly. I felt myself flush a little and smiled at him invitingly. I got warm all over; this would be easier than I thought.

"Hey" he said "I'm Jacob Black"

I fixed him with my most dazzling smile

"Yeah I know…around here you're big news… I'm Bella by the way. Welcome to Forks high…how are you liking it so far?"

"Its okay, I'm an army brat so this is my third high school in as many years. Once you've been in one high school, you've been in them all, pretty much as crap as the next"

I chuckled and twirled my hair around my fingers "Yeah I imagine they are"

He opened his mouth to say something else but Mrs. Goff called the class to attention and he turned to the front with a regretful smile. I watched him through the lesson, a little bit stunned by the tug of attraction I felt towards this handsome stranger. He like me was a polar opposite of Edward, yet here I was sat next to him, butterflies in my tummy, aware of his proximity to me. Occasionally his eyes would flicker to mine and he would grin wolfishly, making me shiver. As Mrs. Goff dismissed the class, he turned to me with another grin but this time it was a little sheepish

"Hey Bella, would you mind showing me where the cafeteria is, I kinda didn't pay too much attention yesterday, you know how it is when you're the new kid"

I grinned back, in a school this size the cafeteria was the easiest place to find but if he wanted to walk with me, I wasn't about to argue.

"Sure…I was the new kid once too...I moved here from Phoenix when my mom remarried" I told him as we collected our things and headed out the door. All around us people were staring a little, Jacob was the shiny new toy and he was talking to me, the school nerd.

"That must have been hard…I hate starting over" he confided, "It's like you suddenly become public property…every girl wants you and every guy wants to beat the crap out of you"

"Not in my case" I laughed as we stepped through the cafeteria doors. I looked over and spotted Alice, Rosalie, Edward, Emmett and Jasper sat together. Alice and Rosalie were beaming, so I waved, feeling a little mischievous.

"That's my friends over there, would you like to sit with us?" I asked hoping he wasn't going to turn me down.

He looked at me and I could see the regret in his eyes "I kinda promised to sit with Tyler and Mike but maybe a rain check"

I nodded, blushing a little "Sure…well I'll see you around then"

He nodded and moved to join Tyler and Mike, who nodded as I passed them. I hadn't forgotten Mike's treatment of me when we were younger but he was just a silly kid then, there was no point in holding a grudge.

By the time I grabbed my lunch and reached our table, Alice was practically squealing with excitement. Settling myself next to Edward I pretended to ignore her and turned to him instead. He looked at me speculatively, his brows raised quizzically.

"That him?"

"Who?" I feigned ignorance but with a massive grin.

"That guy, was that him, you know the one you like"

"Yeah" I nodded, still smirking. I was aware our entire table had gone quiet and was probably now straining to hear our conversation.

"Oh"

There was a slight awkward silence "So what do you think?"

"Not my type" Edward quipped with a naught wink. My knees went weak. Bad Bella- behave! I chastised myself.

I giggled, the awkward moment broken "No you idiot, what do you think, for me?"

He shrugged, chasing some vegetables around his plate "Does it matter what I think?"

"Duh! You're my best friend, of course it matters," I told him with a very Alice like eye roll.

"He looks ok"

"That's it?" I was strangely disappointed.

"Well what do you want me to say? I've never spoken to the dude, Christ Bells you only met him five minutes ago," he said tersely

"What's up with you?" I asked pissed at him, he was acting like a bastard and that was a word I never used in association with Edward, he was normally so easy going.

"I'm sorry Bella" he sighed, "It's been a long morning . . . He seems okay and if you like him that's all the matters"

"Exactly" I replied softly and still huffing turned my attention to Alice and Rosalie who were dying to know the details of how we met.

* * *

I spent the rest of lunch sighing dreamily and enthusing about him as loudly as possible. If I was trying to make Edward jealous it didn't seem to be working as he pretty much ignored what I was saying, talking with Emmett and Jasper instead. But then a thought occurred to me… what if I wasn't trying to make him jealous. The stirring of attraction I felt towards Jacob Black was very, very real and I wanted to follow it to see where it would take me. If it lead me away from Edward then it could only be a good thing right?

The rest of the day passed in a blur and when the bell rang I headed out to meet Edward at his car. There I stood in the wind and the ever-present Forks rain for twenty minutes until Edward suddenly appeared, looking flustered and sporting a bright red lipstick stain across his lips and cheek. I was livid. He had left me stood in the wind and rain for some girl… to make out with some girl.

"Where the hell have you been?" I snapped, shivering and clenching my teeth against the cold.

"I'm here now, what's the problem," he snapped back. Unfuckingbelieveable.

I glared at him "The problem is I have been stood here freezing my ass off for the last twenty minutes-"

"Nobody forced you to wait for me you know!" He shouted and then suddenly he pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"I'm sorry Bella, really, something came up"

"Yeah I'll just bet it did" I huffed eyeing the lipstick mark on his face

"I've said I'm sorry Bells what more do you want blood?" he asked me offering me a crooked smile. I tried to stay angry, I really did but that smile got the better of me and I crumbled, grinning back.

"How was the rest of your day?"

"Same day, same shit. Tanya cornered me again fifth period"

"Oops, what did you tell her?"

" Well when I finally prised her off me, I told her the same as this morning… So _do _you wanna hang out Saturday?"

"Sure but don't you have a date?"

Edward shook his head "Nah, I'm all yours, just so long as you don't really make me study"

I laughed "Well . . . Okay no studying, you could come over and watch a movie, Charlie is out"

"Are you sure he'll trust _me, _Edward Cullen alone with his _daughter_ on a Saturday night"

"I'm sure he knows you by now Edward, and he knows I'm not your type" I bit off more sarcastic than I had intended. He looked at me sideways, his expression slightly frustrated.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean he knows I'm safe from your amorous advances" I tried to inject humor into my voice to cover the hurt I felt at admitting the truth to myself; he didn't want me and never would. Like I told him I just wasn't his type.

"Oh baby no chick is safe from me" he deliberately lowered his voice making it deep and husky.

I cracked up laughing again; he was so cheesy "Well I think we can safely say that I am"

"Huh?"

I looked into his beautiful face for long moments and wondered how honest I should be with him, I didn't want him to know how I felt but at the same I couldn't lie either. A comprise then, not very truthful it was.

"Well we're best friends"

"That's not what you meant" he countered, he was too astute at times, completely oblivious at others.

"Yes it is" I insisted, just a little white lie.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I know you better than that, you're lying to me"

"Am not"

"Are too" he said childishly and I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Am not"

"Bells, you're lying to me, why?" he was suddenly serious, intent.

I should have known by now that sometimes in some things Edward could read me like a book. In fact he was a very good reader, at times it was as though he could read minds. He may not have a clue where certain aspects of our relationship were concerned, for example how very much loved him but in other areas he certainly knew me well.

I gave a long sigh; he wasn't going to let this go "Let's just say I'm not the type to inspire amorous advances in anyone"

"Why do you say that?"

"Well I'm plain Edward; surely it hasn't escaped your notice" I said scathingly.

He looked at me almost angrily "You shouldn't say that about yourself Bella"

"Why not? It's true," I sounded bitter even to my own ears.

"Bella, you are very pretty"

I blushed, bright red and Edward laughed at me "Thanks for saying it but I know what I am and it isn't pretty"

"You are _very_ pretty and I'm Edward Cullen remember, I know all about pretty girls" he said as we pulled up in his driveway.

I opened the door and climbed out just as Edward did. I looked at him over the roof of his stupid shiny Volvo and gave him a slow sad smile.

"Edward, you don't need to say those things really, I'm ok with the way I look, and I have been for years"

"Ah Bells, in some ways you are so smart and in others . . ." he let his voice trail away.

I pulled a wry face at him and gave him a pointed look, to let him know subject closed, it hurt to discuss just how plain I was next to him.

"Come on I bet Alice is dying to hear all about my encounter with Jacob Black" I said making my voice soft and dreamy. Edward frowned at me but didn't say anything and together we headed up the drive and into his house.


	4. You know we love you right?

**Just a quickie today, thanks again so much to those people who are reviewing, I was getting a little worried that nobody liked this story... I have included some of Edwards thoughts so sorry if it seems a little choppy or disjointed but I know you must wondering what he is thinking about all of this... Anyway I hope you like this little insight and if you do then PLEASE review. Love Tink. xxx**

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Later that evening after staying for dinner, I found myself ensconced in Alice's bedroom discussing "tactics" with her and Rosalie. A scary thought. I must have been out of my mind.

"So you remember we talked about getting Edward to see you as a girl, well we kinda thought" Alice began and then looked to Rosalie before continuing "we kinda thought that maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing if something did develop between you and Jacob"

"The thing is Bells; you will have to make some little teeny weeny changes" Rosalie began gently, looking at me with a hint of a smile, a nervous smile.

"Like what?" I was suddenly very suspicious.

"You know we love you right?" Rosalie said "We just think that if you really want Edward or Jacob for that matter, to sit up and take notice, you need to make more of yourself…dress yourself up a bit, show everyone you're a girl"

I grimaced and she must have caught the look as she added hastily

"Not that there is anything wrong with the way you are, you are very pretty but we know you could be such a hottie" Rosalie smiled at my expression of horror. I didn't know she spoke cheerleader.

I rolled my eyes, since when had I asked to be a hottie? For me it could be down right dangerous given my lack of co-ordination. Heels and me? Hmm, I don't think so. I couldn't help but feel a little resentful that they suggested I change to get Edward or Jacob's attention. I wanted to be loved for who I was, not what I was –a clone of those other Barbie dolls Edward dated.

"Guys, I don't want to change, Edward has known me like this for years"

"Yeah but Jake hasn't and it wouldn't hurt just to make a few little adjustments" Alice pointed out gently.

"Like?"

Rosalie tilted her head to the side in the way she did when she was thinking and wrinkled her pert nose in concentration.

"I'm thinking maybe a new hair style and maybe a couple of new outfits. Nothing too drastic"

"Nothing to drastic, you basically want me to re invent myself," I protested.

Alice and Rosalie shook their heads "Not you… just the way you look… you could be like sooo cute. Think about it, Jake would notice you then that would probably make Edward notice you too. Give him the wake up call he needs"

"Oh I just had the most amazing idea; this really is a stroke of genius if I do say so myself" Rosalie squealed and then paused dramatically "I think that you should get Edward to give you some… advice"

Talk about anti climax.

Alice and I stared at her. That was the stroke of genius? Advice?

"Advice about guys" she looked at us as though we were both mentally incompetent " what they like, what they want, play the dummy, appeal to his ego, guys can never resist that, it's sad really but it will get him thinking about you as potential girlfriend material"

"Rosalie I _am_ a dummy when it comes to guys, besides Edward knows I could just ask Alice"

"But Alice isn't a guy; and anyway he asks you for advice doesn't he?"

"She has point Bella" Alice agreed.

I nodded almost to myself, thinking it over, digesting what they had said to me and to be honest I was still a little dubious. As much as I loved Edward, I wasn't sure this was the best way to make him see how I really felt; it all seemed so false and contrived. And anyway did I still want him to notice me? Who was I fooling, of course I did.

Then there was Jacob, I had noticed a little stirring of attraction towards him during Spanish, maybe this couldn't hurt after all. I could kill two birds with one stone.

"Okay but nothing too big" I conceded, feeling more than a little nervous to be left to the mercy of Alice and Rosalie.

Alice squealed and clapped her hands together as she bounced on the spot. I wondered if I would live to regret this.

* * *

The next morning after being primped and poked for several hours I was ready to unveil the new me, gone were the baggy shapeless clothes and severe hairstyles .In there place, a new guy friendly me, complete with hair, makeup and cute outfit. Surprisingly I didn't feel like a life size Barbie doll. They had done a respectable job, I still looked like me only an improved, prettier, version. I was happy yet still dreadfully nervous.

I heard Edward honk the horn outside my window, as I grabbed for my book bag and raced down the drive, as usual despite his driving speed we would be late.

"Hey" I said breathlessly as I jumped in the car and fastened my belt, not even looking at Edward, my head turned away.

"Hey," he said absently, fiddling with the heater, then turning to look at me, staring.

"What?" I was instantly defensive, my hand flying to me hair, my face as he continued to stare. Was something wrong?

Edward was staring at me as though I had grown two heads. I couldn't decide if this was a positive reaction or not.

"Nothing, you just look different . . . In a good way" he finished weakly

I smiled slightly, still nervous "Really?"

He nodded as he drove away and then threw me an odd look "This all for his benefit?"

"Kind of" I admitted softly, but I felt the tension in the air. I was picking up some odd vibes from him.

"You really wanna go changing yourself for some guy?"

I smiled at him "I think he's worth it Edward or I wouldn't have done it"

"You don't need to do this Bells, if he doesn't like you for who you are, he isn't worth it"

"I want to Edward" I paused wondering how I could explain it to Mr. Popularity "it'd be nice to have a few dates and what I've done so far hasn't exactly been working for me" I pointed out, thrilled he was coming to my defense but confused by his less than positive attitude.

"You're just shy that's all, you don't know about guys"

I turned in my seat to look at him and took a deep breath "Actually I wanted to speak to you about that, I need your help"

"Sure whatever you want" he replied instantly not even asking what it was.

"I want your help to find out about guys, what they like, how to get him to notice me that kinda thing"

Edward looked uncomfortable, his eyes narrowing as he watched the road "Couldn't you ask Alice about that?"

I rolled my eyes at him and then tried a different tack. I made my eyes pleading "Alice is a girl; I need a guy's point of view . . . C'mon Edward please, I do it for you all the time…if not I can always ask Emmett"

I hid a smile, I knew that would push his buttons; he was far too much of a gentleman to subject me to Emmett's views on relationships with the opposite sex.

"Okay, what do you want to know?"

I shook my head "Not now I need to concentrate properly, how about Saturday night?"

"Sure why not . . .So am I going to officially meet this guy who has you so interested"

I couldn't help it, I giggled, " I don't vet your dates do I?"

" I need to know if he's good enough for my girl"

I felt a surge of pleasure, he called me his girl, although meant in a platonic sense, it still gave me a buzz. He was somewhat protective and possessive of me and I loved it.

"Well he was on AP in his last high school…Alice told me"

"Nerd" Edward pronounced as they pulled into the parking lot.

"You think anyone that doesn't play on a team is a nerd," I laughed climbing out of the car as he shut off the engine. "And in case it's escaped you, I am also a nerd"

"Yeah but you're _my_ nerd and you're pretty" he countered laughing.

"So is he" I smiled thrilled at the way he was bantering with me.

"Not to me" Edward said dryly, as we strolled towards the entrance.

* * *

People stared at me as they took in the new hair, makeup and outfit, at first it was more than a little disconcerting and embarrassing but after an hour or so, they gave up gaping and went back about their business. Guys were suddenly smiling at me and girls I'd previously been friendly with seemed less pleased to see me. Maybe Alice and Rosalie were right, I was cute.

Edward walked along side me as usual but this time with a frown, which grew more pronounced as more guys began to smile and say Hi. I made myself smile back and respond with soft breathy greetings like I'd heard the other girls do around Edward. This felt great! As though _I_ had the upper hand and Edward was the one tagging around after _me _and not the other way around.

Like every other day Emmett and Rosalie beat us to our lockers and were entwined in each other's arms, making out hungrily against the locker door.

Edward cleared his throat and they sprang apart, turning to us with a smile.

"Fuck Bells what you do, raid Alice's wardrobe? You look so hot...wow" he said and gave me a long low whistle. I found myself blushing even though it was just Emmett and that was his way.

"You look so much better," Rosalie whispered in my ear "What did Edward think?"

I grinned, "He said I looked different in a good way"

"Christ, he didn't go over board did he? What about phase two of the plan?"

"Sorted" I replied and gave her a conspiratorial smile.

Rosalie grinned and gave me thumbs up.

"What are you two plotting?" Edward asked and I fought the blush that would give me away.

"Nothing, just girl talk…you know about Jake" Rosalie assured him in a sickly sweet voice, which of course made him immediately suspicious.

"That poor bastard, I feel sorry for him if Rosie's involved" Edward said and she replied by giving him the finger.

"You have no idea," I said with a smirk as the bell went we headed for homeroom.

* * *

**EPOV**

As I followed my best friend into homeroom I pondered what in hell had happened to my sweet little Bella. In the space of twenty-four hours she had turned into a guy crazy sex fiend. Well okay not exactly a sex fiend but she was changing right before my very eyes. The Bella I knew was rapidly being erased and replaced with the vixen who climbed into my car this morning, wearing the tightest pair of jeans I'd seen on a girl in a long time. For a start the idea of Bella crushing on the new guy Jacob, didn't sit well with me. If I was honest, I was jealous when she told me. Not in a sexual way, just a possessive way. After six years though, I had got used to being the only guy in her life and that's the way I liked it, selfish I know but I am essentially a selfish creature and I crave her company too much to share her with anyone else.

And now she was changing all for him. Wearing make up, doing her hair differently and dressing like a girl, all to attract this guy who strolls in from nowhere and changes her. I didn't like it, not one little bit. She must have noticed my reaction to her this morning, I had lost my breath when I turned to her in the car and saw her beautiful face looking into mine. Who knew she was so beautiful? Sure I'd always told her she was pretty but that was as far as it went. Now she was beautiful. Dazzling even. She'd looked at me, her big brown eyes so full of hope and desperate for approval that for a few seconds I was lost for words, unable vocalize just how I felt. It was as though I was gaining and loosing something in the same breath, I didn't like the way it made me feel, uncomfortable, on edge.

Then as we walked through school, the guys were staring at her, looking at her as though they wanted to eat her up. I knew what they were thinking, I had looked that way at girls before too. But this was different, this was my girl, this was Bella. They shouldn't look at her that way, she is too good, too pure for them.

But Bella it seemed was enjoying the attention, she smiled and flirted and giggled her way through the first few hours. Bella flirting! And all I could feel was a strong sense of irritation that this was happening. Bella was mine! Nobody else was good enough for her.

She deserved something better than these jocks, who were only after her for her amazing figure and beautiful smile. They didn't know what made her laugh, what made her cry, they hadn't been there for her each time she was overlooked and ignored. It was all me, I was the only one for her; she didn't need any other guys. I froze, the direction of my thoughts surprising me. I didn't want her like _that _did I? Surely this was all just a reaction to Black's arrival. Suddenly I wasn't so sure of my motives or my feelings towards my best friend.


	5. We'll always we friends

**So here's a little treat for you all because my last one was a little short and so is this one…another chappy….again this has Edwards thoughts in and goes back and forth quite bit, you have been warned…..anyway send me some love and I will send you a crooked smile, delivered personally by Edward Cullen (I wish I could, really I do) Anyway enjoy. Love Tink. xx**

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I enjoyed my morning immensely, it appeared that in the eyes of Forks High, as long as you were "pretty" you could still be a nerd, but also be accepted. After the initial embarrassment wore off and I got used to the attention I decided I quite liked this new prettier me.

It was as though a whole new world had opened up to me, guys were smiling at me, trying to flirt with and I felt a like a kid in a candy shop. Although none of them could hold a candle to Edward, I had to admit I liked the attention I was getting. It felt good. Best of all I discovered I shared Biology and History with Jacob. However it was a little awkward, as we also shared them with Alice, who seemed intent on pushing us together, and was not being subtle about it.

"So Jake, Bella and I were wondering if you wanted to eat lunch with us?" Alice asked as we headed out the door at the end of third period.

He smiled easily, his deep brown eyes searching mine and I got butterflies in my stomach.

"That would be great" he smiled, his voice deep and gravelly, giving me shivers.

After collecting a scant lunch ( I was too nervous to eat properly) I sat down with Jake and we chatted quietly for a few minutes, waiting for the others to join us.

I was nervous despite the fact that Jake was so easy to talk to, it was almost as if we had known each other for years rather than days. But at the back of my mind all I could think was what would Edward make of him, would he like him? If something was going to develop between Jake and me, I wanted to know he could get on with Edward. This was a test for us all, only _they_ didn't know it.

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EPOV

I spotted Bella the second I entered the cafeteria, she was sat with Black, giggling softly at something he said. My gut tightened as she laughed again and I was struck by just how beautiful she was. How had I missed this? Was I really this blind?

I was pleased for her, pleased that she found someone she liked but I was also worried, worried that I would loose her to him. After having her to myself for all these years I wasn't sure I was able to share her with this guy. And I would have to share her judging by the look on his face, he seemed interested, very interested. I ignored the little growl in my head.

"Hey, there you are " she turned that smile on me and something inside me broke loose "Jake, this is my other best friend Edward Cullen" she introduced us. I could hear the tremor in her voice and wondered if he could too. She was nervous; any fool could see that but could he? I looked at him for a split second, wondering if he realized. There was something quite animalistic about him, something I didn't think I trusted.

I shook his hand, gripping it tightly in unspoken warning. "Hey"

Bella smiled nervously, I could feel her eyes on us watching closely, waiting for my reaction. She was waiting for me to tell her what I thought, either by word or deed. Wanting to please her and take that look from her eyes I sent her a half smile of my own, winked and she beamed, reassured by my forced positive response. In truth I wasn't too sure about this Jacob guy, he seemed to look at her as though she were something to eat and I could easily read the lust in his eyes.

* * *

BPOV

I caught the hint of a wink that Edward sent me and felt myself breathe a small smile of relief. He liked him. I wasn't sure if that pleased me or not, the plan was to make him consumed with jealously, not introduce him to a new best friend and from the way they were talking it was obvious they were getting on.

I found it strange to see the two of them together, one so light, the other so dark, they typified the two halves of my heart, my past and possibly my future. But which half did I go with? Edward whom I had loved and longed for since meeting or Jake whom I couldn't deny my attraction to? That thought occupied me for the rest of lunch and if anybody noticed how distant I was, they didn't make comment. Jake was pretty quiet too, I think being around my friends, especially Edward and Emmett was pretty intimidating for him. They were obviously sizing him up for me and I think he noticed.

After lunch I found myself alone with Edward for study period and I was desperate to know what he thought of Jake.

"So tell me, what did you think?" I asked hoping I sounded casual, flipping thorough my notes.

"He seems ok"

Well that was non-committal. Go Edward.

"Do you think he likes me?" I heard my tone was wistful and was shocked I hadn't needed to act.

"I think so" Edward said but he was scanning through his note book, I couldn't see his eyes to know if he was telling me the truth or just saving my feelings.

"Really? How can you tell?"

I felt giddy with excitement and couldn't fight the silly grin that stretched across my face.

"Just the way he looked at you, the things he said… He asked me if you were seeing anyone," he admitted

My heart fluttered wildly.

"He did? What did you say?" I couldn't believe this. He liked me. Jacob Black liked _me._

"I told him you were with me"

My heart stopped dead and I forgot to breath. What the fuck!

I stared at him for long seconds as he continued to gaze into his note book. I think I was in shock. Why had he said that? Was he teasing me?

"You didn't," I muttered, when I could speak again.

Edward nodded with a wicked grin and paused for a long time before saying.

"You're right, I didn't!"

"Edward!" I cried and slapped his chest "Shit Edward, why'd you say that?"

He shrugged and I seethed, my heart pounding. What did that mean?

"That's sooo mean Cullen"

"Relax Bella, I told him you weren't seeing anyone"

"Do you think he'll ask me out?"

Edward shrugged again and I wanted to strangle him for acting so blasé. Obviously he wasn't bothered that another guy was showing an interest and so suddenly I made my choice. Just like that. I was going to try and forget my feelings for Edward, forget the plan and move on, hopefully with Jacob.

"Maybe, I don't know." It was like getting blood from a stone. Grrr.

" You are such a guy. Any girl would have got details, gotten it out of him" I whined, sounding petulant but I didn't care, this was important to me.

He raised an eyebrow "Bella there are plenty of girls at Forks High that would tell you, they are glad I'm a guy"

"Edward! I don't need the details of your love life," I protested with a laugh, feeling a little warm, a hundred images of him and his love life chasing through my head.

"One day, you will thank me for them" he replied, with his crooked smile. I ignored the increase in my heartbeat. I was moving on. I was moving on, and that was final…well kind of.

"That I seriously doubt" I laughed to hide my embarrassment, it was bad enough being in love with the Edward but to imagine him having sex was too much for my poor nerves to handle. Heat washed over me and I cleared my throat loudly.

"You never know, if things go well with you and that Jake guy . . ." he let his voice trail away.

Ouch! Was he really encouraging me to go and sleep with Jacob? That hurt. He cared that little for me that he thought I should sleep with the first guy who showed an interest?

"Edward!" I cried flushed with embarrassment "I am not having this conversation with you!"

Edward chuckled, no doubt at the expression on my face "Bells are you embarrassed? Its just sex"

"Of course I am! We don't talk about these things, you're a guy"

"That's what they tell me" he confided with a wink, and my heart went mental again.

"You are incorrigible . . . now about this assignment" I said trying to change the subject, to steer it away from sex.

"Yep assignments… try to get Black to ask you out" he deadpanned.

I smacked him again. I was having real trouble keeping my hands off him today "Edward, will you please be serious!"

"I thought getting Black to ask you out was serious"

"If you say one more thing" I threatened closing my text book and moving as though to leave.

"Ok, ok . . . assignment … jeez" he grouched.

He hung his head, eyes on his book and looked so innocent and contrite that I had to bite my bottom lip to keep from laughing at him.

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EPOV

I caught her staring at me and wondered about the wistful expression on her beautiful face. For the past ten minutes we'd talked about her and Jacob Black and all I could think of was how it wrong it felt. Bella and Jacob. Jacob and Bella. Just didn't sound right. Bella and Edward. Edward and Bella. That's how it should be. I was shocked at myself and the direction my thoughts were taking. Bella was my best friend, I didn't see her in that way did I? I'd found myself asking that question a hell of a lot today. I turned my attention back to her and was shocked at the sadness in her face.

"What's wrong? You look sad" I asked concerned.

"Just thinking that's all"

"About?" I prodded; I hated the fact I could never tell what Bella was thinking. All my other friends I could read like a book but Bella was as much a mystery to me as the day we met.

"We'll always be friends right?" she sounded uncertain, unsure.

"Sure we will… what's brought this on?"

She shrugged "I'm just thinking about the future is all . . . Promise me we'll always be friends Edward" she said urgently.

"Bells, are you okay?" I looked at her, seeing the sadness in her eyes and reached out, covering her hand with my own. I looked down at where they rested together; hers was so delicate, so tiny, so feminine, just like Bella herself.

I know she thought of herself as a tomboy but she was too beautiful to ever be that. Just because she hid her curves, didn't mean she didn't have them. I knew they were there buried away, just waiting for me to discover them. I froze, waiting for me to discover them? This was wrong, this couldn't be happening, Bella was my best friend.

* * *

BPOV

I shivered a little at his touch and turned my hand, palm up, under his, feeling his warm skin over mine. My eyes flew to his of their own will and I looked at him, wanting to loose myself forever in his warm topaz gaze.

"I'm fine Edward really" I assured him with a tremulous smile, the pain of loving him for so long, suddenly acute, almost unbearable.

I watched him he looked shocked, confused even. What was happening with us?

"You now I'm here for you don't you? If you ever need anything you can come to me," he said softly, all traces of his previous humor gone from his voice.

"_Yeah, I need you Edward, need you to love me back," _I thought to myself, desperate to open my mouth and say the words. Instead I nodded mutely, savoring the feel of his skin against mine as he held my hand in his.

"Okay now?"

"Yeah, thanks… sorry for being such a girl" I smiled, feeling bereft as he removed his hand from mine with a little tug. I missed his heat immediately.

"Well it's allowed from time to time, don't know if anyone bothered to tell you, but you _are _a girl," he said in conspiratorial whisper, looking me up and down with an exaggerated leer. I felt tingles to my toes at his expression.

I giggled, lightening the sudden tension that had appeared between us a few moments before.

"Didn't think you'd notice" I said only half joking.

"Oh I noticed and today, so did half the guys in Forks High"

I was thrilled at his words and I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face.

* * *

EPOV

I smiled back as her face lit up, she had been so up and down all day, one minute high as a kite, the next so down, so low. I wondered if she was worried about how her feelings for Black would impact on our friendship and if was honest I didn't like it. I didn't like the feeling that I was replaceable.

It had always been Bella and me against the world. I was her protector, her confidant and now that role would most likely be going to someone else. To Black. What struck me suddenly as I watched her, was the fact in all the time I had known her, I had never once thought of her as being with a guy or having a boyfriend. It was always just her and me, best friends forever, we had said when we were kids. But now she wanted something else, something more, something she didn't want from me and it just felt so wrong.

I should be the one to give her those things, to giver her what she needed but she didn't want them from me, she wanted them from Black.

"Thanks Edward you're a pal, what would I do without you" she joked and I smiled despite the turbulent and confused thoughts in my head. She smiled back and I was rewarded, soothed.

"Probably work more and less play"

"Ah but what fun would it be without you?" she asked me.

"You're right, playing with yourself isn't nearly as much fun"

I grinned wickedly and watched with guilty pleasure as she turned a pretty shade of crimson. Ah Bella, you are so innocent, I thought as she squirmed in embarrassment. Then another thought appeared, unbidden, sending my pulse a little crazy. What would I give to be part of changing that innocence into experience?


	6. Moving On

**Hey all…once again thanks for the reviews they mean a lot and keep me motivated to write this. This one is a bit of a filler and fairly short but am hoping to get two chapters up tonight and I promise you the second one will be worth it…so please share your thoughts with me and I promise to share Edward with you.. Love Tink. xxx**

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At the end of a long day I saw Alice hurrying along the corridor towards me, waving her hands and looking excited, she was bubbling with energy, so much so that just watching her made me tired. She was a fireball that one.

"I have something to tell you," we both said together, as Alice came to a halt before me.

We laughed and I said with a grin "You first"

Alice beamed at me, her entire face lighting up "I've just been talking to Jake in government and I invited him to come bowling with us on Saturday night and-"

"Nobody's going bowling on Saturday" I said stupidly, I was doing something that night, something important and it was niggling at the back of my mind but I couldn't think what it was.

" They are now… and I asked him if he wanted to join us and he said 'Is Bella going', I told him you were and then he asked for your number"

I felt a little squeal emerge from me. I was turning into such a girl. "Oh my god, is he gonna call me?"

Alice nodded and grabbed my hands in hers "Tonight, after dinner"

I couldn't believe it; he was going to call me. Jacob Black was going to call me! This didn't seem real.

" So what were you gonna tell me Bells?"

My face fell a little and I felt suddenly deflated.

"Just about Edward, I think…I think you're right, I need to try to move on" I said tentatively, I still wasn't sure I had entirely made up my mind.

Alice looked at me with a curious expression " Is that what you want?"

I shrugged, leaning against a nearby locker and clutched my file to my chest. I was still a little confused "To be honest I'm not sure but I want to give it a try… I can't spend the rest of my life waiting for your brother to wake up and realize how I feel about him, it's never going to happen…I need to get on with my life"

Alice hugged me to her side for a second but her face was devoid of any real expression "Jake could be the guy to help you get over him " she mused almost as though she were talking to herself "are you excited about Saturday?"

I clapped a hand over my mouth, as I realized what it was I had been trying to remember "Oh No! Saturday! Edward and I were supposed to hang out!"

Alice rolled her eyes "He'll come bowling, Rose and Emmett have already agreed. Besides you can hang out with him tomorrow, it's Friday"

"I suppose that can work… do you think Jake will ask me out?" I already felt a little sick and excited by the prospect. My heart was thudding wildly.

"For sure, now you have a legitimate reason to ask for Edwards help," she giggled but it sounded fake, put on.

"You're right I do and who better to help me out than Fork High's resident stud- Edward" I joked as he appeared beside me, with a smile.

"What's all the excitement?" he asked me running a hand through his messy hair. I tried not to notice how good he looked in his dark shirt and loose jeans. He had his shirtsleeves rolled up and I could see the light smattering of hair on his forearms, my stomach clenched, he looked so handsome. I loved his forearms, they were so muscular. I gave my head a shake and tried to remember that I wanted Jake.

"Jake asked for Bella's number and he's coming bowling with us on Saturday" Alice tinkled, watching her brother closely. I watched them both from the corner of my eyes. Edward seemed a little guarded.

Edward looked at me puzzled a little frown appearing " Bowling…I thought we were hanging out Saturday?"

"We can do that Friday, you don't mind do you? Besides you're coming bowling too" I wheedled.

"I am?" he didn't sound too sure.

"You are" I said and turned a pair of pleading eyes on him. He couldn't resist. I knew my feminine wiles would get him one day. Wiles! Ha! Feminine! Ha! Me! Ha!

"I am," he confirmed "So what are we going to do tomorrow?"

"You are going to help me," I told him smugly, looking up into his beautiful face, fighting the sigh that tried to escape from the back of my throat.

"Help you do what?" he waggled his eyebrows, oh he was so bad.

"Figure out what guys want… what Jake wants" I clarified.

"Oh that's easy Bells," he said with blatant innuendo and his naughty grin. My heart fluttered against my chest. I pointedly ignored it. Or at least I tried. It seemed though my mind was ready to move on, my body wasn't quite there yet.

"Apart from that, you sex maniac" Alice put in; slapping him lightly around the head "She needs advice Edward, not turning into one of your bimbo's"

"Ouch Alice!"

"Well it serves you right, don't go corrupting our little Bella now" she glanced at her watch and frowned" …anyway I better go Jasper will be waiting for me, I'll see you later" and turning gracefully on the spot she hurried down the hall. She never was one to hang around and wait.

* * *

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* * *

Edward and I made our way out to his Volvo and drove home in compatible silence. I had a lot to think about. Jake would be calling me, what if I missed it? What if he forgot? What if I lost my cell charger? I was in a panic and couldn't quite get out of it. Edward didn't say much when he dropped me off but I had other more important things to worry about, like what if he forgot my number? And what was telephone etiquette nowadays, if I missed his call, did I ring him back or just wait for him to call again? Suddenly things seemed a lot more complicated than I had thought.

* * *

_

After eating a scant dinner I excused myself to do some homework and was sprawled across my bed when my cell phone rang. Looking at the screen I saw a number I didn't recognize and answered quickly. My hands shook a little and the palms were hot.

"Hello" I said breathlessly, my heart pounding.

"Bella? Its Jake"

"Oh hey Jake" I breathed; hoping I sounded casual, inside I was going crazy.

"I was just calling to see if you need a ride to the bowling alley on Saturday? I was thinking maybe we could grab a burger or something after if you wanted?"

My heart sped up, he was asking me out! "I'd really like that thanks"

"Cool, so that's a date…. I' gotta go but I'll talk to you tomorrow at school 'kay?"

"Kay, see you tomorrow" I repeated, still slightly in shock.

"Bye Bella" he said and then hung up.

My heart raced and I could feel it pounding in my ears.

I couldn't believe it, I had a date, a real date, with a guy, and suddenly I was nervous and excited all at the same time. What would I wear? What should I say? Would we get on? What if he didn't like me? It seemed like a million things could go wrong.

Bubbling with excitement I dialed Alice's number, she would understand and soothe all my worries away.

"Alice, it's me. I have a date" I squeaked in a very girly manner.

"You what? A date? With Jake?" she cried, nearly deafening me. Grinning I held the phone away from my ear.

"Yeah, he's giving me a ride to the bowling alley and then we are going out for something to eat afterwards"

"Have you told Edward?" I could hear the caution in her tone and it made me pause, seconds ago she had been screaming. Now there was this?

"Not yet, you're the first person I called, why?"

"I think Edward thinks you're going to the alley with him" she said quietly, I figured he must around somewhere in the background.

"He won't mind Alice, I'm sure. It's my first date . . . . OH my God what will I wear?"

Alice laughed down the line "Bella will you relax, we'll go into Port Angeles"

"I know, I know. It's just I can't believe he asked me, he's so cute…I really like him" I confided.

"And what about Edward?"

"What about Edward?"

Alice's changing feelings on the topic of her hot brother, gave me whiplash and I found it hard to keep up with just how she felt at the moment.

"Well I kinda thought the idea was to make him like you, now you seem all stoked about Jake"

" We've been through this already…I like Jake, Alice, and I've realized that I can't wait around for Edward, I already waited six years"

"I know but I thought you loved him" she said softly,

I sighed, surprised. Alice was normally arguing for me to move on "I do Alice but I have to try and see if I can make this work with Jake"

"Okay, Bells if that's what you want, then I'm here for you," she didn't sound convinced and that left me confused. She was all for Jake earlier on and now she didn't seem like she wanted me to move on. Did she know something I didn't?

"Thanks, and it is what I want" I was pretty much resolute now. Sort of.

" I better go, Jaspers on his way over, but I'll see you tomorrow kay"

"Yeah, see you then" I hung up, feeling slightly aggrieved. My bubble had burst a little. I had expected more support from Alice but then I had to remember that Edward was her brother.

I turned around on the spot and hugged myself in excitement with a giggle. I just couldn't believe it; I am going on a date with Jacob Black.

Should I call Edward? Part of me wanted to because he was my best friend and part of me wanted to see his reaction. Would he be bothered? I guessed not and there seemed little point in calling him now to tell him something I could tell him in the morning. Throwing myself back down onto my bed, I sighed and closed my eyes before losing myself in a daydream starring Jake and me but for some reason it was Edwards face I saw behind my eyes.


	7. What do you do?

**So here we go with out next installment…hope you enjoy this one as much as me and do the happy dance…reviews make me do the happy dance, did you know that? Anyway let me know by hitting the button. Oh and just a warning, this has Edwards and Bella's POV so it goes back and forth a bit especially at the end. Review? Love Tink. xx**

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I was already waiting for Edward by the curbside the next morning as he pulled up.

"Guess what, guess what?" I knew I was babbling as I climbed in next to him but I didn't care. I was too excited to share my news with my best friend.

"What?" he asked dully, not looking at me as he pulled away from the sidewalk.

"Jake called me last night, he wants to give me a ride to the bowling alley and then take me for dinner after. I have date," I giggled. I was doing that a lot lately "me… Bella Swan has a real live date"

"That's great" again he didn't sound exactly thrilled. I felt a spurt of annoyance and looked at him. His face was slightly turned away as he concentrated on the road but even in profile he looked pissed. His jaw was clenched and his hands gripped the steering wheel tightly.

"Edward what's wrong? I thought you'd be happy for me" I asked, a little hurt by his lack of interest.

"I am Bells, really"

I wasn't convinced "Well you're doing a good job of fooling me"

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EPOV

I didn't even know why he was acting the way I was. Bella was smart she could see I wasn't exactly thrilled for her. It was selfish I know but I was slightly pissed at her. I'd found out last night from Jasper that Bella had a date with Jake. She hadn't even bothered to call me, and I was supposed to be her best friend.

"I'm sorry, I just got a lotta stuff on my mind" I lied, not wanting to hurt her feelings. I didn't want to admit to the jealousy that seethed inside me as I thought about her with Black.

"Not too much to help me prepare for my date I hope…. there's just so much stuff I have to know"

"Like what? Guys are just guys like me"

Bella shook her head with a smile; I felt heat curl inside me "Nope not like you, there's only one of you Edward Cullen"

"Such as shame though, so many chicks so little time" I said with a forced smile so she wouldn't suspect what I really thought, how I really felt.

Bella laughed "You really are the limit… but you're still going to help me right?"

I wasn't sure I wanted to; I didn't like the idea of telling her how to impress another guy. It just felt to wrong to me, I was supposed to be the only guy in her life. I knew it was wrong of me to stand in the way of her happiness because I didn't like the thought of somebody replacing me. I knew then that I would whatever I could to make her happy and if helping her with Black would make her happy… then that's what I would do.

"What do you wanna know?" I sighed, defeated.

"Well just some little things… insider tips. But not here not now, tonight at your place, I'll bring pizza… Your favorite …vegetarian supreme" she said in a singsong voice.

I looked at her pleading expression and couldn't refuse. We shared a smile, my eyes meeting hers "Bella you always know the way to my heart"

Her face froze and something flickered in her eyes for a second before it was gone. I wondered what I had said to put that look there.

* * *

BPOV

_I wish_, I thought, _I really wish I did._

The rest of the day may as well have been an eternity for me, as I saw very little of Edward or Jake. It wasn't until last period I spotted him in the hallways, my stomach clenching as he came towards me. I felt a blush begin on my cheeks. He was handsome, so dark and rugged.

"Hey Bella" he called out along the hall, jogging slightly to catch up with me.

I turned with a smile and felt myself blush even more "Hi Jake"

" Is it okay to pick you up about 6:30 tomorrow, the lane is booked for seven"

I nodded with a big grin; this was so exciting "That's fine, you need my address?"

He shook his head and looked a little sheepish. I thought it was the cutest thing. "Nah, Rosalie has already given it to me"

I made a mental note to kill her; she had no right giving my address out.

"Oh that's cool, so I'll see you tomorrow then" I pulled my file close to my chest and bit my lip shyly.

"I'll be looking forward to it, gotta run, I don't wanna be late"

I watched him disappear into the throng of kids in the crowded hallway, it wasn't hard he stood head and shoulders above most of the kids and I think he was at least as tall as Edward, if not taller.

I found I didn't achieve much in last period, except to tie myself in mental knots worrying about tomorrow night. How would it go? What if Jake didn't like me? Would he try to kiss me? Should I let him? Did I want to kiss him?

* * *

When the bell finally sounded for the end of the day I breathed a sigh of relief and I hurried to meet Alice who was giving me a ride home. Edward was staying late for practice as they had a big game coming up.

We talked all the way home about the date, what I should wear, things we could talk about and Alice tried to calm me down. She reminded me that for the first part of the date everyone else would be there, so the pressure would be off. All I had to worry about was dinner. Oh God, eating…I couldn't eat when I felt this nervous. Ridiculous that I was seventeen years old and acting like a thirteen year old. I supposed I was quite behind in the dating stakes, by now most of my friends were all involved in heavy sexual relationships and I had yet to have my first kiss.

I didn't count the time I was forced to splay spin the bottle with Eric, Tyler, Mike, Edward and Jasper when I was fourteen. Ugh! That was an experience I would much rather forget, an idea of how not to do it! I smirked as I remembered how pissed I was when Jessica Stanley span the bottle and got Edward. He didn't seem too concerned but I could have killed her where she stood. Ah the innocence of youth. I didn't know until recently that she rigged that bottle and poor Edward never stood a chance. But "poor Edward" looked like he thoroughly enjoyed himself and could handle it.

Once home I caught up on some chores and homework before taking a long hot bath. With a sigh of relief I relaxed into the water and let myself become a prune. I had to relax.

When I could put it off no longer I dried off and changed into a pair of jeans and t-shirt, which said "I love Nerds". I smiled to myself. Edward thought Jake was a nerd, maybe it was a unconscious message. I studied myself in the mirror and was pleased with what I saw. I didn't look too bad these days. The tricks Alice and Rosalie had taught me really paid off. Going downstairs I found the pizza I'd ordered before my bath arrived and after saying bye to Charlie I headed over to Edwards.

Letting myself in as usual I was surprised to find Esme and Carlisle on their way out to dinner. I said a quick hello and headed up the stairs, pizza box in hand. I smiled to myself, as I heard loud music emanating from Edwards room and balancing the pizza box in one hand, I knocked before pushing the door open and walking in . . .

…To see Edward emerging from his bathroom, his shaggy bronze hair mussed and wet, his torso dripping, a tiny white towel around his waist, obviously having just had a shower.

I stared blatantly at perfection personified, my mouth opening and closing like a fish as I took in his body. His shoulders were broad and powerful looking, his smooth chest tautly muscled, his abs ripped to perfection and his towel perilously low on his hips. So low I could see the deep slashes of the muscles of his hips and the collection of dark bronze, almost brown curling hair around his belly button and navel, which tapered away to his . . .

I gulped and squeezed my eyes shut quickly, mortified yet totally entranced. Edward clothed was beautiful but half naked? Fucking amazing. I wanted drop to my knees and- I shook my head fighting the lustful images inside me.

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EPOV

I watched as Bella squeezed her eyes shut tight and I would have laughed out loud if it wasn't for the very real flash of longing I had glimpsed in them before they had closed.

I was taken aback, shocked. I know what lust looked like and it had been written all over my Bella's face.

"Edward" she cried, her face cherry red "Could you please put some clothes on?"

I chuckled, absurdly amused and thrilled by this development, not to mention somewhat turned on. I looked down to see the tent forming under the towel as my body reacted so bizarrely to my best friend. "You could have knocked"

"I did" her eyes were still shut and I hurried to pull on a pair of pants before crossing to her side.

"Okay Bells you can open them now" I told her, hoping she couldn't hear the grin in my voice. This was going to be interesting.

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BPOV

My eyes popped open to find Edward stood very close to me, so close I could feel the heat from his skin. He was bare foot and wore nothing but a pair of soft jeans. His chest was bare and still damp and I could see he had left the top button undone on his jeans, where he had pulled them on quickly. He was so close to me that I could smell soap and cologne and something else that was uniquely Edward. Something that was so powerful it threatened to buckle my knees.

Our eyes met and caught, he began to lean down towards me with a wicked grin. My heart began to pound in my chest, my pulse skyrocketing and I attempted to step back away from him but the wall blocked my way. I was trapped and yes, I was loving it.

"What? What are you doing Edward" I asked, sounding nervous, shaky. This is what I'd wanted all these years wasn't it?

"Mmm my favorite" he said, his voice was deep and husky as he leant closer still.

I caught the breath that stuck in my throat, was he going to kiss me? His lips were close to mine and I could feel his breath against my skin, smell the sweetness of his breath. It was intoxicating.

"Pizza" he said softly, taking the box from my trembling fingers and stepping away.

"Pi- Pizza?" I stammered, my breath releasing in a whoosh, my pulse slowly returning to normal.

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EPOV

I grinned as he took the box from her, I'd not been wrong earlier. Bella had looked at me as though she wanted me, her reaction just now confirming it. What I didn't understand was why? Why now? She'd never given any indication that she wanted more than friendship from me and I didn't really think she did. Maybe it _was_ just her hormones racing out of control because of her date with Jake tomorrow, but I was intrigued.

Id never thought that way about Bella before but now I could feel something stirring inside me, something I had been repressing for a long time. I wanted to have some fun. I wanted to see how far I could take it, how far this thing between us could go.

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BPOV

I stared dumbly at him, trying to figure out what had just happened between us. I was flustered, confused, why would Edward do that to me?

"Bells, you want a slice of pizza before we get down to it?"

"Huh?" had he just said 'get down to it'? I blanched at the blatant sexual innuendo. Was he flirting with me? I shook my head to myself to clear it. I didn't think so, he wouldn't.

Edward chuckled "What's with you today? This guy sure has you in a mess"

I shook my head again to get of the images of me and Edward "getting down to it", I was here to think about Jake, not Edward. I didn't feel that way about Edward anymore…liar, a little voice inside me whispered.

"Sorry" I mumbled taking a slice of pizza and sliding down onto the floor, as far away from Edward and his bare chest as I could get. We ate quietly lost in our thoughts and I suddenly wished I knew what he was thinking and what had caused this naughty playful Edward to appear. I wouldn't lie, I liked it more than I should but it was more than that I was… curious.

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EPOV

We ate in silence for a few minutes; I was pondering this new information about my best friend. Never before had I seen Bella look at me that way and it had shocked me. She didn't see me that way, did she? Maybe she'd reacted the way she had because I was half naked and she was all hyped up about her date tomorrow.

I had just been in the right place at the right time; there was no real mystery to it. Now Bella had realized she was a girl, she was just finding her feet, playing with her new identity as Fork's Highs newest sex bomb. I shook my head a little to clear the image of Bella as a sex bomb. She was my best friend, nothing more.

After demolishing most of the pizza I wiped my hands and picked up my shirt. I shrugged into it and was about to button it when I decided to leave it loose, a kind of experiment. I could see she was trying not to stare but she was failing miserably and I tucked that piece of information away for later, so she liked to look at my body. Well that suited me fine because there was a part of me and I wasn't sure how big a part that was, which wanted to look at her too. Yes this was going to be a very interesting evening.

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BPOV

I not to stare but I wasn't having too much luck with that. He was just so fucking perfect and beautiful and sexy. Yes I said sexy. No longer content just to be in love with Edward I now found myself with a bad case of raging hormones and lust. I felt squirmy inside and on edge as though I couldn't get comfortable. I pressed my legs closer together trying to ignore the dull throb that movement produced, but strangely I wanted to do it again.

"See something you like?" he quipped, and my face burned. Oh God he had noticed.

"Ha Ha, very funny" I stuck out my tongue and watched him warily as he crossed the room and slid down to sit next to me. He was so close his leg brushed mine and I could feel the heat of him through his jeans and my pants. I tried not to tremble but didn't quite manage it.

"So tell me what is it you want to know?" his voice was smooth and rough at the same time.

I shrugged "I'm not really sure, I just… don't know anything about guys"

"Sure you do, I'm a guy and you know tons of stuff about me"

"Not you, and not stuff like that"

"Like what?" He must be teasing me.

"Just stuff, you know between a girl and a guy… you know what I mean"

He shook his head, water droplets from his still wet hair dropping onto my skin. I'm surprised they didn't sizzle.

"I don't know what you mean, tell me" he looked the picture of innocence, but when his eyes met mine they were teasing, knowing,

I gritted my teeth in exasperation "flirting, touching, stuff"

"Oh you mean about kissing, making out…fuc-"

"-Kinda" I blurted…I didn't want to deal with hearing Edward talk dirty.

My blush returned, "I mean how will I know if he likes me?"

Edward gave me a slow but very wicked grin, which set my pulse racing a mile a minute. I wanted to fan myself but that would be a give away.

"Well there is one obvious way…you've been in Biology class you know what happens…want me to show you?"

I made a strangled sound and prayed for mercy. This was too much!

"Edward! Quit trying to embarrass me"

He chuckled "I'm sorry Bells; it's just so much fun"

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EPOV

I truly couldn't help myself; this was the most fun I had had in ages. Bella was so easy to tease and I loved the blush that sprung to her cheeks. And I'd meant what I said. I would gladly show her, from the way I felt at the moment towards my best friend, it wouldn't be too hard…if you'll pardon the pun.

I slid my eyes over her and was struck again by how pretty she was, her soft skin pulsing with color, her wide brown eyes so deep. I could see the tiny spattering of freckles on her nose and had to fight the impulse to pepper them with little kisses! Kisses!

This had to stop, Bella was my friend and I was treating her like a sex object. She wasn't to know the sudden chemistry between us was because of her new awareness of herself. I had to be the sensible one; I had to be in control because this could lead somewhere it shouldn't especially given that she actually wanted Black and not me.

."Edward, please be serious, I'd help you," she was pleading but faintly accusing. I tried not to look at her soft pink lips as she spoke.

I couldn't fight the sigh that escaped, knowing my game was up "Okay it's pretty simple, if he's asked you out, then he already likes you"

She rolled her eyes at me and I could tell that she was getting pissed "No shit Sherlock! How will I know what to do?"

"In what way?"

"Well do I touch him, hold his hand, kiss his-"

"Ass" I laughed, this was too easy!

"I was going to say cheek"

"Same thing" I pointed out "Listen Bells, just let him do all the chasing, all the work, trust me, guys _love_ the chase"

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BPOV

My heart thudded inside me.

"Do you?" the words slipped out before I could stop them.

Edward turned his head and looked at me sideways "yeah" he replied so softly I almost didn't hear him.

"Do I let him _catch_ me?" I asked staring into his eyes, wanting to get lost in his golden gaze.

"Depends if you wanna be _caught"_ there was a wealth of meaning behind those words "and what the guy does, when he _catches_ you"

"You're a guy, what do you do?" I asked before I could think better of it. It was his fault- he dazzled me!

The air around us suddenly became thick and still, charged with electricity. I felt my pulse speed up once more and my heart began to pound as I waited for his answer, all thoughts of Jacob now long gone. He shrugged and turned his body to the side, so he now faced me, his eyes never leaving mine.

"You want the honest answer?"

"Yeah" I breathed. I had never wanted anything so much in my life.

His beautiful amber eyes dropped to my mouth and then back up again. I gulped.

"Kiss"

He made the word sound so carnal, I felt my insides twist. That throb began between my legs again. This was desire? This was what it felt like to want some one so badly you could taste it?

"Kiss" I repeated quietly, unable to help myself, feeling a shiver of response flow through my body at his words.

"Then touch" his voice sounded rougher, deeper than I had ever heard.

"Where?" I asked, my body tingling all over with the need to be touched by him, my breath coming quickly in little gasping pants.

Edward reached out a hand and touched my neck where my pulse fluttered wildly at the nape.

* * *

EPOV

Her skin was soft and smooth and hot to my touch, it felt so good. I could feel her pulse racing. A thrill coursed through me. I had done that to her. I alone had made her feel this way. I slid my hand along her collarbone and watched Bella's eye shut with a sigh that stopped as I removed his hand. I could feel her trembling. Bad Edward, bad Edward, I told myself.

"Then what?" she asked me, her voice barely a whisper, her eyes still firmly closed.

"I'd kiss her again" I muttered, my voice sounded harsh to my ears. I was fighting the urge to give in and do just that.

Bella was my best friend, I shouldn't be doing this, shouldn't be feeling this way towards her. But I couldn't help it, my body reacted to her and I was over come with the urge to kiss her, hold her, and touch her. It was as though I was possessed. I needed to do this.

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BPOV

I opened my eyes slowly, to see the heat in his, turning them a deep, dark brown, I shivered and felt as though my entire body was trembling with need. I shifted again, trying to ignore the strange feeling between my thighs. I felt like I was melting, heat coiling inside me.

"How?" I whispered, unable to help my self, too caught up in his seductive spell "Slow and soft or hard and fast"

* * *

EPOV

My whole body clenched at her words and blood pooled in my erection making me hard but I could not stop myself from replying, from gritting out

"Long and slow and then hot and wet and deep" I rasped rising to my knees, to ease the pressure of my jeans against my throbbing hardness. This was madness. I had never felt so turned on in my life and it was sweet little innocent Bella and her questions that had brought me to my knees.

* * *

BPOV

I felt his words deep inside me, making me tremble. I couldn't believe this was happening, with Edward. He made me want, want so much more than a simple kiss. I had waited so long for this moment but now I was scared, should I follow my heart? In a heartbeat I made my choice. I wasn't going to question the wisdom of it; I was just going to do it.

"Show me" I whispered a broken plea, taking my breath away with it.

* * *

EPOV

I cursed under my breath, did I give in and give them both what they wanted and needed? Or did I stop this now?

My breath came in ragged gasps and I let out a little groan as Bella parted her lips unconsciously and licked them nervously. Once glimpse of her pink tongue and I was a goner. I ached to touch her, craved the taste of her. Wanted to hold her to me…. and that was what I was going to do, be it right or wrong.

* * *

BPOV

Slowly he lowered his head to mine and covered my mouth with his. It was hot and damp as it ate at mine, his lips soft yet firm at the same time. I saw shooting stars behind my eyes, as the kiss continued for long seconds. He stroked his tongue along my bottom lip, making me gasp, giving him access to my mouth, my tongue. My breath was coming in odd little pants and I felt as though I couldn't get close enough to him.

As our tongues met and caressed, we both moaned sounds of pleasure as we explored each other's mouths. I brought my arms up and wrapped them around his neck tangling my hands in his still damp hair. Edward wrapped his around my waist and pulled me into him as he began to lower us both to the floor.

* * *

EPOV

I lay on my back, Bella across me, her magnificent chest heaving against mine, our hips flush. And the kiss went on; Bella inquisitive as she rocked herself against me experimentally, as I thrust against her. I groaned harshly into her mouth, wanting to roll her over and bury myself deeply inside her but I couldn't. My entire body was on fire; I had never felt this way before. Never felt such raging need from a simple kiss.

When the need for oxygen became too much I tore my mouth away from hers, panting, looking up at her. Bella eyes were shut tightly her face flushed She looked so pretty, so beautiful and I desperately wanted to strip us both so I could sate my need inside her warm body. To make her cry out my name, to make her moan and come for me.

But it was wrong; this wasn't what Bella had come to me for, not a quick fuck to relieve a need. She had come to me because I was her best friend and she trusted me. I couldn't break her trust. I couldn't do this to her it wasn't fair, she deserved better, She wanted Black. I couldn't get in the way of that, no matter how much I wanted to. I had to be unselfish for once in my life and giver her what she wanted. Black.

* * *

BPOV

"We have to stop Bella, this isn't right, this isn't us" Edward gasped out, panting beneath me.

I felt the pain of rejection and slowly opened my eyes to see Edward looking up at me, his eyes dark with desire, so dark they were almost black. He wanted me, I could feel the evidence of that against my hip but I was embarrassed. I had done it again, made a fool of myself, thrown myself at him. He didn't want me really; he was just reacting to the biological need I had provoked in him. I rolled of him and stumbled unsteadily to my feet.

"Oh God, you're right Edward, I'd better go, I'll see you tomorrow" I mumbled not looking at him, rushing from the room on legs which shook so badly I thought I would collapse.

* * *

EPOV

I lay staring at the ceiling unable to believe what had just happened. I'd just experienced the hottest kiss I'd had in along time, with my best friend. My body was taut with need, still throbbing begging for release, begging for Bella. I wanted her. But it was so much more than that. . I needed her. But what the hell was I going to do about it? She wanted Black not me and I swore, punching the wall in frustration, wanting the physical pain to distract me from the emotional one. I think I am in love with my best friend…Holy Fuck!


	8. More than ready

**Evening all….you guys are great for all the lovely reviews and I'm sorry about the grammatical errors but I was shattered after a hard day yesterday and was in hurry to post. So what's been happening since we left Edward and Bella? If you're sitting comfortably then I'll begin……………..**

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I hurried home, my head in a whirl, I had kissed Edward, and Edward had kissed me! It had been amazing, better than I could ever have dreamed, I could still feel his lips against mine, taste his uniqueness in my mouth. Feel the length of his body against me, the powerful dig of his – I gulped and tried to ignore the hormones still surging through me.

But I was confused, he'd stopped, pulled back from me and I didn't know what to do. One minute he was kissing the living daylights out of me and enjoying it too by the feel of things, and the next minute he was telling me to stop. I was worried. Things would be so awkward between us; there would be no going back now. We had crossed that invisible barrier between friendship and something else and now part of me wished we hadn't.

I was confused, I thought I wanted to get over him and try and be with Jake, but now I was right back where I started. Wanting Edward Cullen. And now there was another feeling to add to the pot. Fear. I so was scared of what would happen between us, scared that things would go wrong, that I would lose him and his friendship. As much as I loved him, I didn't think I could take the risk of being with him and then losing him forever. Did he even want me like that? Hadn't it just been a one of reaction to the thought he was loosing me from his life? My thoughts went around and around in an endless circle, did I want him? Have we already ruined things we with that kiss? I just couldn't take the risk of losing him.

* * *

EPOV

I lay prone on the floor where she' left me, my heart thudding and my body still taught with hunger. I'd just experienced one of the most amazing kisses of my life and it was with Bella, shy, sweet, studious, Bella, my best friend Bella. Guilt flooded through me, swiftly followed by need as I remembered our kiss, I felt as though I had taken advantage of Bella's naivety.

I understood sexual tension, the power of wanting, but she did not. I was supposed to be responsible, be in control but it seemed as though around my best friend I had very little self-control, one touch from her and I was lost.

What would happen between us now? Bella wanted Black didn't she? Could we forget what had happened and just move on? Did I want to forget it? Id never thought of Bella that way, but now I'd touched her, kissed her, I couldn't seem to get her out of my head. I had to talk to her. Grabbing my shoes and jacket I hurried down the stairs and out of the door to Bella's place.

* * *

BPOV

I lay on my bed in the dark, tears rolling down my cheeks, trying to decide what to tell Edward when I saw him tomorrow. Our kiss had been everything I'd dreamed and more but the more I thought about it, the more I knew I couldn't do it. I just couldn't go there with my best friend. I had loved him for so long and now I had finally got the chance to have my wish, I just couldn't do it. I was too afraid of losing him and there was a chance that with our kiss, I already had.

I didn't understand why he had done it though, maybe he was just being kind, knowing how in experienced I was maybe, maybe he was just feeling horny and I happened to be in the right place at the right time. Maybe there was something else, something I didn't know about.

Suddenly I heard a noise outside my window and my heart began to pound in my chest, I knew who was there. Only one person ever used the window rather than the door. On legs that shook I crossed my room and opened the window to find Edward waiting on the branch, his hands stuffed in his back pockets.

"Uh Hey" he said softly, climbing into the room when I moved back to let him in.

"Hey" I replied, avoiding his gaze, scared of what I would see there. I crossed my arms over my chest and hugged myself.

"Bells, we need to talk"

"I know" I sighed.

"Listen what happened was great but-", he began, rubbing the back of his neck absentmindedly. He was going to tell me it was a mistake, I could see it coming and he was worried how I was going to take it. I couldn't bear to see him feeling so guilty and fraught, I had to reassure him that it was okay, that I understood.

"But it never should have happened, I know" I finished for him, strangely relieved that he did not want to take things any further, taking the burden of truth from him.

* * *

EPOV

I looked at her in the moonlight; she was so beautiful, that I wanted to kick myself. How the hell had I missed this for so long? She was perfect. I cursed under my breath as I heard her tell me it should never have happened, that she understood. I froze, that wasn't what I had planned on saying. I didn't actually know what I had intended to say, I was going to wait and judge by her reaction. Bella obviously thought it was a mistake and not one she wanted to repeat. I was more disappointed and hurt than I would care to admit right now.

"Okay, glad you understand" I cleared my throat "so we are still friends right? It was just a kiss after all, everyone kisses…sort of like seven minutes in heaven"

Bella nodded "Still friends" she said stiltedly, again refusing to meet my gaze.

I felt the awkward silence descend over us as we stood facing each other, me shuffling from one foot to the other Bella playing with her hair. I felt miserable; as though I had lost something I didn't even know I had. Things had become weird between us. Awkward. I was loosing her to him. My best friend and I had fucked things up because I couldn't control myself. I was disgusted with myself yet still filled with regret and yearning for what couldn't be.

* * *

BPOV

I couldn't even look at him with out picturing his lips on mine, or imagining the feel of his body. Things were weird; there was a tension between us that had never existed before, an awareness that I didn't want. I wanted to cry again and my eyes prickled in warning, this is just what I hadn't wanted to happen, I didn't want to lose Edward from my life.

"You'd better go Edward . . . Will I see you tomorrow at the alley?" I looked at him for the first time and noticed the tension in his the long lines of his body. My eyes ate him up, I didn't want him to leave but it was for the best.

"Sure 'Bells . . . good luck with your date, but you won't need it, you'll knock him dead" Edward smiled at me but it didn't reach his eyes, it was forced, I could tell having known him so long.

"Thanks Edward" I turned around, trying to hold in my tears and without looking back heard him climb out the way he had come.

* * *

EPOV

I left with a sinking feeling; I was losing her, just when I had found out how good we could be together. But she wanted Jake, she had made that clear enough and as her best friend I wanted her to be happy, if that meant just being friends, then so be it.

* * *

BPOV

I didn't sleep properly, my tangled dreams full of Edward and Jacob. I dreamt that they both rejected me, and Edward wouldn't even be friends with me anymore. I awoke the next morning heavy eyed and teary, and even a shower didn't help. By the time Alice and Rosalie arrived, I had pulled myself around a little but not enough, judging by their reactions.

"Christ Bells, are you ok? You look terrible" Rosalie said as I got into the car.

", Aren't you feeling well?" Alice asked looking at her me with concern.

For a moment I debated whether to tell them truth but decided against it, if I wanted to try with Jake then I had to focus on him and not Edward. Telling the whole story would only make it seem more real and I was trying to forget it.

"I'm fine really I just had a late night, you know studying"

"With Edward?" Alice asked with a calculating look, blatantly disbelieving

"Yeah"

"And?"

"And, nothing . . . we talked for a bit, he told me to let Jake chase me and then… I went home"

"That's it?" Rosalie asked in disbelief,

"That's it," I confirmed, my tone brooking no argument "Now can we please get to the mall?"

Once there we spent the morning trying to find new clothes for us all. Our tastes were so different, Alice as a lover of all things shiny tried to get me to buy some really colorful tops and pants, Rosalie wanted me to go for a more preppy look. I was closer to preppy than colorful but still wasn't pleased with either look. In the end I went for what I felt comfortable in, jeans, a few tops in muted colors and some new killer red shoes. I'd bought them in a fit of self-indulgence, they were sex shoes, shoes I would never normally consider but I was feeling rebellious.

After a long lazy lunch I was marched to the salon, where Alice and the stylist spent a good fifteen minutes discussing what to do with my hair. Rosalie wanted me to have it cut into a chic bob, I refused. Alice suggested red tones; I refused, reminding my friends that the idea was little changes. In the end, I agreed to have a few inches trimmed and layers added, to give my hair more volume and bounce. It was a big improvement even I had to admit and by the time were finished it was getting close to dinnertime. We left in a rush, conscious of the time Jake would be picking me up. Alice and Rosalie wished me luck and then left me standing.

Once home, I rushed a shower and then tried to decide what to wear. I eventually settled on a pair of skinny leg gray jeans, a white t-shirt and black vest over the top. I left my hair down, teasing out my natural waves before adding a thin black hair band and black ballet pumps. I re-applied my make-up as I had been shown and then checked my reflection.

I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face, I looked so pretty, and I felt so pretty! Alice and Rose had been right to talk me into this mini makeover; it was just what I needed to make myself feel better. It gave me something to do apart from sit and think about what had happened with Edward. My eyes sparkled in the mirror as I thought about what Edward's reaction would be when he saw me-STOP! Edward's reaction? I was supposed to be thinking about Jake and what he would think, not Edward, I scolded myself.

With a few minutes to spare I picked up my purse and headed down the stairs. As I reached the bottom I heard the door go. My heart began to pound and a million butterflies were suddenly let loose in my stomach, as I opened the door to see Jake standing there.

"Hi Bella" he smiled at me and I couldn't help think how good-looking he was, wearing his cargo pants and white shirt.

"Hey Jake, right on time"

"You ready to go?" he asked as I checked my purse for my key and then nodded. It was just because I was nervous and needed something to do with my hands.

I stepped out of the door and followed him out to the car, feeling nervous and excited all at once. It was a disconcerting mix.

"You look amazing by the way," he said and I beamed then blushed.

"Thanks" I said shyly, ducking my head as we drove off.

"You're friends all seem nice, it was cool of Alice to invite me along tonight" Jake said as we drove, obviously going for the small talk.

I laughed "I really don't think you would have had much say in the matter, what she wants she gets"

He chuckled "And you're telling me this because?"

"She wanted you to come bowling with us… I think she was playing cupid" I replied with a shy smile, darting a quick look into his handsome face.

"I don't mind, as long as she's planning on playing cupid with you and me and not me and Emmett" he laughed and I giggled.

"Nah, Rosalie would never allow that"

"But seriously Bella… I really wanted to come tonight, hang out with you," he sounded so sincere that my heart melted.

"I really wanted you to come too," I admitted and we shared a smile, our eyes meeting. My heart fluttered.

"So what's the story with you and Edward?" he asked casually, suddenly changing the subject.

"There is no story" I lied, hoping I sounded convincing

"Well you gotta admit, it's a little unusual to have a guy as a best friend, especially in high school"

"Second best friend, Alice would say" I replied avoiding the question

"So how did he become you're second best friend?"

I sighed, "It's a long story, lets just say we click."

"You're close right?"

I nodded, wondering where he was going with this.

"And he doesn't mind that you're coming with me tonight?" he looked at me, his big dark eyes probing.

"Why should he? We're just friends"

"It's just something Alice said," I groaned, damn Alice and her big mouth

"What did she say?"

"Nothing bad, just that you haven't really had another guy in your life besides Edward and he might have trouble adjusting to it"

I was going to kill her; slowly, very slowly, she had no right discussing my relationship with Edward.

"He's fine really, it won't cross his mind" I said and even I could hear the bitterness in my tone, "besides Edward usually has a girlfriend, he doesn't really pay too much attention to what I do"

If Jake picked up on my bitterness he never mentioned it. I breathed a silent sigh of relief.

"I just don't wanna step on anyone's toes that's all"

I painted on a bright smile, worthy of Rosalie "You won't be" I assured him as we reached the parking lot of the bowling alley.

* * *

EPOV

I spotted Bella and Black as soon as they entered the alley, and I stared in shock at Bella's new look. She looked beautiful, no longer just pretty, she was hot! With her hair curling loosely around her face, and her skin tight jeans, she looked stunning. I couldn't take my eyes off her and neither, it seemed could any of the other guys in the place.

"Dude! You're staring," hissed Emmett slapping my shoulder as Bella and Black made their way towards us.

I watched as she smiled shyly at Black and then laughed at something he said, feeling my stomach clench in response. Then I recognized the feeling for what it was… I was jealous! Jealous of Black!

Jealousy was an emotion that I just didn't do. I'd had jealous girlfriends before and people had been jealous of me but I had never experienced it for myself. It made me a little angry and feel slightly irrational, as though I wanted to pick a fight with both Bella and Black.

"Hey everyone" she smiled at the assembled group, deliberately not looking at me.

"Bella you look hot!" grinned Emmett, earning him a light slap from Rosalie.

"Thanks Emmett" she giggled, her entire face lighting up. I was mesmerized.

"Yeah like soo hot!" Alice grinned and then looked at me pointedly "Don't you think Edward?"

I nodded briskly "Sure, you look nice Bells" I said blandly feigning interest in the scoreboard, not really looking at her.

I watched her as she frowned for a second, and I felt guilty again, I was making her unhappy but then she looked at Black and beamed. The guilt disappeared fast and in its place that irrational anger appeared once more.

* * *

BPOV

I wanted to scream in frustration. Things were weird between us, as though we were not even friends, Edward seemed mad at me. If one kiss, albeit an amazing one, could have this affect on our friendship, I was glad I had decided to try and move on with my life. I don't think I could have coped being with Edward and then losing him.

Alice probably seeing the tension between us, smiled brightly and said "Okay Team time"

As the game got underway, I was determined not to let Edward's weird behavior affect my date. He hardly spoke to me, wouldn't really look at me and was unusually moody with everyone, including Emmett. Jake wisely, avoided him, sensing an undercurrent of tension between us. This wasn't fair, I wanted to stamp my foot he was spoiling this for me with his childish behavior.

I was pissed off with him and I could feel his eyes watching me with Jake. I could sense his anger, but I didn't understand why. He was ruining my date, all I could think about was him and the way he was acting, when I should be concentrating on Jake. Determined to show him I wasn't bothered by his behavior I began to flirt very obviously and deliberately. Take that Edward Cullen, I thought nastily.

"Jake, can you help me line this ball up?" I asked with a pouty grin, acting like stereotypical weak female.

He smiled back and stepped behind me, threading is arms though mine and holding his hands my shaking ones, moved the bowling bowl, lining it up with the pins.

I felt him behind me, his breath warm against my cheek and I waited for the tingle I got when I touched Edward… it didn't come. I froze for a second, give it chance I thought.

"Try it now" he said and I looked over her shoulder at him, with what I hoped was a sexy smile.

He stepped back from me and I sent the ball spinning down the lane, knocking all the pins down.

"Yay!" I cried and jumped into his arms, as he span me around, hugging me close in celebration.

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EPOV

I watched, repressing the urge to stand up and demand that Black took his paws of my best friend. I didn't like him, didn't like him touching Bella and was pissed at her for encouraging him. She was flirting with him, or trying to. She hadn't done a lot of flirting and it showed. But I still found it uncomfortable to be around. I didn't want to think about why I felt that way, it made me crazy. It was like she was my own personal demon sent up from hell to try me, everything about her was tormenting me. And when she threw herself into his arms, I had to grit my teeth against the urge to drag her away from him and kiss her senseless. To stake my claim.

I was glad when the games drew to a close and Alice and Rosalie made a point of telling me that we should all leave. Alice wasn't stupid and she knew something was going on between us, how much I couldn't say and was willing to bet that Bella hadn't told her a thing. As I stared at Bella with a glare, Rosalie nudged me and repeated that she wanted to go home. I got it, they were giving her time alone with him. I wanted to howl, to punch something, someone… Black. I watched as she hugged the girls and then Emmett and Jasper too. She was becoming very tactile lately.

"Bye Edward" she said, though not really looking at me

"What no hug for me?" I asked bitterly, I felt like a bastard but I couldn't help it.

Bella just looked at me, bewildered and hurt "What's your problem Edward?"

"I don't have a problem" I lied, as I saw how upset she looked.

"Great, then I'll see you Monday" she said with no real enthusiasm.

"Monday" I repeated and turned away, before she could see the anger in my face. I didn't look back.

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BPOV

I watched him walk away, tears burning behind my eyes. How dare he do this to me, now of all times.

"You ok?" Jake asked coming up behind me and placing his arm around my waist.

I nodded and plastered a bright smile on my face "I'm great"

"Ready to get on with our date?"

"More than ready" I said and slipped my hand into his. Nothing.


	9. Already Lost

**Thanks to all for reviewing so far, I am glad that you are having as much fun as me. Remember though folks this was never going to be plane sailing and I'm pretty sure that in a few chapters time I am not gonna be very popular at all…all I can do is warn you things are going to get bumpy. There is nothing too nasty but without giving the plot away, there will be some mature and dark themes… But for now on with the show. Oh and please share your thoughts with me ? Love to all Tink. XX**

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I thought about Edward's behavior on the way to the diner, I couldn't believe that he had been so sullen, so childish. The kiss had really messed things up between us, he seemed so angry with me and it hurt. Edward and I had never fallen out before and I hated the way it made me feel. It was almost like I had been abandoned and he had left me to face this alone. To deal with what had happened between us, alone. It had always been him and me against the world and now it was just me. All by myself….

"Are you sure you're okay Bella?" Jake asked me, obviously noticing how quiet I was. His dark eyes were soft and concerned.

"Yeah, just mad at Edward" I confessed with a sigh.

"Maybe Alice was right; he doesn't like you having any other guy friends"

"Well that's his problem, I like having you as a friend" I said stubbornly.

Jake smiled at me "Me too"

I beamed at him, determined to put Edward out of my mind and carry on with our date. We ate dinner and although I had a good time, my mind was elsewhere, I just couldn't relax. I kept thinking about Edward and how much he had hurt me with his mood. Jake must have noticed I was there in body but not soul, as after dinner rather than go somewhere else, he suggested driving me home. As much as I had enjoyed myself I was relieved, I wanted to settle things with Edward and I had a lot to say to him. I needed some time to think about what I was going to say when I saw him next. There was part of me which knew it wasn't a good sign that during my first real date all I could think about was another guy but I ignored that part, I was getting used to the change in my life and it would take time.

"I'll walk you in" he said to me as we climbed out of the car and walked up the drive. He reached out and took my hand in his, it was huge, his skin like fire, yet still soft on mine. I squeezed it gently trying to provoke something of a reaction inside me.

We stood on the porch talking for a while; making plans to meet up again tomorrow, when Jake said with a gentle smile,

"Bella I just want you to know, I know that Edward gave you a hard time tonight because of me but…. I really like you" he said, capturing my other hand in his and pulling me towards him. I was so close I could smell his cologne, it was a pleasant woody smell but not nearly as intoxicating as- I shook my head and focused on Jake.

"Edward doesn't matter and I really like you too," I confessed with a shy grin, staring up into his chocolate brown eyes, my pulse racing. I held my breath as his mouth lowered to mine and our lips mashed together forcefully.

I waited to feel the tingle and zing of electricity that I'd felt with Edward as he moved his lips on mine. But it didn't come, it was nice but there was no heat, no wildness. His mouth was firm as he kissed me again and again but still there was nothing and determined to make myself feel something; I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Slowly, so slowly, that I was barely aware of it, he pulled his mouth from mine a little and I could feel him smile against my mouth, obviously pleased with my response. Something good had come out of my kiss with Edward; at least I now knew what I was doing…soft of.

"So I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah"

He lent down and kissed me briefly once more, before saying goodnight and striding down the path. I watched him go, touching my lips, puzzled, willing myself to feel something like I felt with Edward, to feel even a fraction of that passion or desire.

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EPOV

I watched her from across the street, hiding in the shadows of my car. How long I had sat there until they arrived I didn't know but I had to see what was happening. Eventually they arrived and climbed from the car, smiling and laughing, they stood for sometime talking on her porch. My heart thumped in my chest as I watched Black lean down and claim Bella's mouth with his. It wasn't a gentle kiss, it wasn't given it seemed more taken. It just wasn't right. I wanted to shout stop, to take her away from him, and to hold her to me. I swore as the kiss continued and Bella appeared to throw herself into it, kissing him back, her arms wrapping around him. My insides twisted with jealously and I closed my eyes unable to take anymore. She belonged to me! Something primitive inside me sat up and howled and I fought the urge to run to her.

Anger coursed though me and I opened my eyes when I heard the sound of a truck starting up. Looking across the road I saw Bella touching her lips thoughtfully. I swore crudely and knew that I wouldn't settle until I spoke to her, told her how I felt. Told her that she should be with me and not Black, that I was the guy for her. I knew her best. I could be right for her if only she would give us a chance. There was no denying it any more, I knew from the second we kissed or maybe I had always known, but Bella was mine.

* * *

BPOV

After changing for bed I wrote in my journal trying to sort out my jumbled emotions and mulled over the night. Edward had acted like a jerk and had really spoiled my date. I was furious with him, I didn't know why he'd acted that way and I don't think I wanted to know, things were already way too complicated between us.

Jake was wonderful but I knew that when he kissed me, it was nice but there was no fan fare, nothing like what had happened with Edward. Perhaps what had happened was because my kiss with Edward had been a one off, my first kiss. Perhaps it was because we had known each other so long, but whatever the reason I didn't believe it would happen again. I'd spent enough time waiting for Edward and was determined to forget him and be happy spending time with Jake. I had to get used to kissing and touching him no matter how unmoved it left me. It was just different that was all.

For the second time in as many nights, I heard the tell tale noise outside my bedroom window and found Edward waiting impatiently to be in. I hugged my robe close around myself and leant forward to let him inside.

"What are you doing here Edward?" I hissed at him, for the first time in my life not pleased to see him.

"Look Bella, we need to talk about this, we can't just ignore it, things are weird," he said coming to my side and grabbing my arms lightly.

"There's nothing to talk about Edward, we agreed it was a mistake" I yanked my arms from his grip, he let them go immediately.

My voice was cold emotionless and I was proud that he wouldn't be able to hear the effect he was having on me.

"No, you said it was a mistake, I didn't" he pointed out, and I could see he was getting angry with me.

"It _was_ a mistake, look what's happened already, you barely said two words to me all night and you were acting like a jerk," I snapped at him, two could play at this game.

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, his hands rubbing through his hair, making it even crazier "I know and I'm sorry, but I don't like the thought of you with that guy"

"Jake? What's he ever done to you?"

"Nothing, it's not just him, it would be any guy," he admitted softly, so quietly; I had to strain to hear him. My heart thumped to a stop.

Despite everything I had said to myself and to Alice, I couldn't help the thrill his words gave me "Well tough, you don't get to pick and chose who I date. We're best friends Edward but right now I'm so mad at you I can't be around you."

"What? Why not? Because we kissed?"

I shook my head "No I'm not mad because of the kiss you idiot… it was a mistake… it didn't mean anything"

I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince.

"It didn't mean anything?" he asked, suddenly taking a step closer to me, his eyes glittering dangerously in the lamp light of my room.

I nodded with a gulp and slowly backed away from the window "It won't happen again"

"Won't happen again" he repeated, but there was a question in his voice, a deep velvet, as came closer still.

"I like Jake… I want Jake" my voice was unsteady and weak, feeble attempt Bella.

"You like Jake" his voice was smooth, silky and so low it gave me goose bumps. I'd never seen this side of Edward before, the dangerously seductive side but I liked it, more than I should.

My heart beat so frantically in my chest, it was a wonder he couldn't hear it. My mouth went dry and I swallowed taking another step back, my knees coming into contact with the back of the bed, as he advanced on me. He reminded me of a predatory mountain lion, all sleek and graceful.

"Edward, don't do this," I murmured weakly, reading the intention on his face as it came closer to mine. Yet my traitorous body reacted anyway.

"Don't do what?" he breathed against my mouth and my lips began to tingle in anticipation of his kiss. The air in the room became charged with electricity and I could feel it flowing through us, over us and around us. It was intense and I held my breath. This is what had been missing with Jacob, this feeling, this wildness, this fear.

"This isn't right, we can't do this" I panted out, terrified of what I was getting into with my best and most loved friend.

"Yes we can, it's easy," he practically purred.

I shook my head frantically, torn. My heart wanted him to touch me so much, wanted him to kiss me but my head knew it wasn't right. It could never work between us, Edward meant too much to me to lose him for good when things went wrong. And they would go wrong, I had nothing he would want, nothing that could hold him.

"Edward, I don't want this," I gasped as his lips touched mine for the briefest of seconds before pulling away. I felt as though a live wire had connected with my skin, and I felt the shock waves though my entire body, not just where he had touched me.

* * *

EPOV

I looked at her with raw desire on my face and saw the tears pooling in her eyes. That stopped me in my tracks and I asked gently "Hey Bells, what is it?"

"We can't do this Edward, you mean too much to me to screw it all up for a couple of kisses… Think about it, if something more happened and then it all went wrong, I'd lose you and I can't do that… you're too special to me" her voice was trembling and filled with unshed tears.

"You're special to me too… that's why we have to try and see where this can take us… I can't believe I never thought about this before Bella but now I have . . .Well I can't get you out of my head" I confessed quietly, watching her intently, seeing the struggle inside her. She wanted me just as much as I wanted her, she wanted this, I wanted this but there was something stopping her. Was she really afraid that being together could ruin our friendship?

* * *

BPOV

I felt as though my heart were breaking in two.

For so long I had waited to hear those words from him and now he'd said them I just knew I couldn't act on them. The more I thought about us being together, the more I knew it wouldn't work, for all we were best friends we were just too different. Like beauty and the beast. I knew which one I was deep down, despite my recent make over. I just couldn't face the prospect of loosing him when things inevitably went wrong. He meant too much to me.

"I can't Edward, I just can't . . . I want to be your friend but that's it" I said as tears fell unnoticed from my eyes.

"You don't mean that Bells, you felt it too… I know you did," he argued with me, his eyes soft and pleading,

"Edward, we can't be together, I didn't feel anything" I lied, unable to look at him, knowing I would betray myself.

"Oh yeah? Well how about now?"

* * *

EPOV

My mouth swooped down and captured hers, moving against hers time and time again, wanting drive all arguments from her mind. My tongue mated with hers, and I felt the shivers, which wracked her body as she leant into me, as though she was trying to get closer to me, trying to climb inside me. I wrapped my arms around her and felt her legs buckle and she clung to my jacket, suddenly kissing me back. The blood rushed to my groin and I knew she could feel the effect she had on me as she rubbed herself against me, our legs tangling, and she let out a soft moan which heated my blood.

I jerked my mouth away from hers and rested my head against her forehead, my breathing harsh and choppy.

"Tell me again that you don't want me and I'll leave you alone, once and for all"

* * *

BPOV

I heard his words and I knew what I had to do, I hated to but there was no other way to make him believe me. I didn't want to hurt him, hurting him would hurt me too but that was the sacrifice I was prepared to make to keep him in my life.

"I don't want you, I want to be with Jake," I said quietly, yet firmly unable to meet his gaze and see the hurt in his beautiful eyes.

"Don't do this," he said echoing my earlier words, as he chased a tear along my cheek with his thumb, his eyes so dark, so wounded.

"I have to Edward… I want to be with Jake…you're no good for me". More like you're too good for me, I thought and tried to sniff away the tears that fell.

Although it killed me to say it, it was for both our goods.

* * *

EPOV

I looked down at my beautiful best friend who was crying silent tears and I couldn't believe I had overlooked her for so long, had she always been right there beside me? It felt like it, and now she didn't want me. Pressing a tender kiss to her forehead I stepped away from her, the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. She really didn't want me, she really was choosing that mongrel Black over me. The pain when it hit me wasn't unexpected, just crippling, I wasn't losing her to him, I had already lost her.

"See you around Bella" I breathed and turning my back to her I walked away, climbing back through her window for what I knew would be the last time.


	10. Bam!

**So dear readers this is where I ask you to remember that I told you I was going to play with characterizations and not all would be in cannon. With that in mind Jacob fans beware…I originally wanted James to be the rival for Edward but I felt he didn't have the subtle manipulative skills which Jake has (as seen in Eclipse), so I had to write this as Jake. Please don't hate me Jake fans, I know he's a good guy really but for this story to work, we all need to forget that fact… The other thing I want to warn you about is Bella and remind you of the fact when it comes to guys, she's very naive and almost a little dumb-yes she may be acting odd but for now she doesn't know any better….. Anyway let me know what you think and please don't hate me…Love **

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In the weeks following Edwards late night conversation with me, our friendship was at worst non existent and at best strained. I was upset and hurt by his refusal to accept I wanted to be with Jake, and as a result we barely spoke. Edward for his part could not or would not accept that Jake and I were a couple. Personally I felt he was just being a sore loser that this was the first thing he was beaten at. The only reason he had wanted me was because Jake did and his refusal to accept Jake was linked to his perceived rejection. He still did not understand it had been an act of mutual self-preservation. I had given up the one thing I truly had wanted to protect our relationship, whatever was left of it but he didn't see it that way. He felt bested by Jake and as a result their relationship was acrimonious to say the least. I was torn between my best friend and my boyfriend.

I traveled to and from school with Jake now, we grew closer in the wake of the fall out between Edward and me. Although Jake had not mentioned it to me, I knew that he did not like Edward and was relieved he was no longer in the picture. But he was just worried about my feelings. So Jake and I sat together in class, at lunch and more often than not spent most of our evenings together. He filled the gaping hole left in me by Edwards' childish behavior. I needed him and he needed me, we were perfect for each other.

* * *

EPOV

"Edward, you should just make it up with Bella" Emmett said to me, noticing as I glared in Bella and Black's direction one lunch time, a few weeks after our confrontation.

I shrugged "I tried but she threw it back in my face"

"You were best friends Edward, don't let him push you out, she needs you to be her friend" Jasper said to me quietly, his eyes intense, his voice hushed. Jasper unlike Emmett was one of my more sensitive friends and I knew I could explain how I felt, he of all people would understand.

"It's not enough," I said in a low voice, staring at the table.

Jasper looked at me in surprise. We had never discussed my fall out with Bella in much detail, but I knew he might have heard some of it from Alice, who in turn would have heard it from Bella. I had always been evasive, I hadn't wanted to face it at first, I was convinced that she would change her mind, that she would make room for me in her life.

"You mean you . . ." his voice trailed away and I knew he had seen the pain in my eyes, as I caught a kiss between Bella and Black.

"Oh yeah . . . for years nothing and then out of the blue, bam" I slapped my hand down on the table, so loud that several students turned to look at us.

Beside me Emmett stared, his mouth hanging open comically "You like Bella?"

"Does she know?" Jasper asked after he had thrown a withering look at Emmett.

I nodded, forcing myself to look away from the scène before me. Bella was laughing as Jake whispered in her ear.

"That's why you fell out, she chose that jerk over you" Emmett growled indicating to the pair with a nod of his head.

"Yup, she chose some guy that she barely knows over me, her best friend of six years" I couldn't help it, I was bitter and missing my best friend.

Jasper frowned "That doesn't sound like Bells; she'll have had her reasons"

I snorted and waved my fork "Yeah and his name's Jacob Black"

"You know there's something about that guy I just don't like . . .I mean look at him, he's all over her all the time, Bella never struck me as the type to enjoy lengthy PDA's" Emmett said, his own gaze falling on the two.

I looked over at them, seeing nothing unusual, Bells was sat eating, with Black next to her, his arm draped around her shoulder, holding her close. Far from objecting she seemed to be enjoying the close contact and frequent French kisses he bestowed on her.

"So? He likes her, she likes him. You and Rosie can be as bad when you get going" I said with a weak chuckle, with humor I was far from feeling.

"Yeah but it's like more than that, like he's showing her off… branding her as his"

I looked at Emmett and realized he was serious, unusually so for him, he was always so light hearted and upbeat, like a big kid. I had never considered that Emmett had a sensitive side or that he too felt as protective of Bella as I did.

"I can't see it...Bella would never stand for that"

"I dunno… I think we'd better keep an eye on her"

I shrugged again "Whatever…does she look like she's miserable?"

Our eyes turned to their table where once more Black was kissing Bella, his tongue shoved so far down her throat he was probably tickling her tonsils.

* * *

BPOV

I could feel Edwards eyes on me across the crowded cafeteria and I smiled up at Jake as he draped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close for a long kiss. Although I tolerated the frequent and lengthy kisses we shared, nothing had changed in terms of passion. He still left me pretty much unmoved but I wanted to try, wanted to feel something but there was nothing. There must be something wrong with me. But as Jake constantly assured me, practice makes perfect. We hadn't gone further than sharing kisses but I know Jake was wanting to. I wasn't sure, as much as I liked him, I wasn't sure I was ready for that.

"Jake!" I giggled as he pulled away "Enough with the PDA's"

I could feel my cheeks flush red and it had nothing to do with the passion between us and everything to do with the embarrassment I felt at being pawed at in public.

"Why? Can I help it if I want the world to know you're mine" he said and kissed me again to emphasize the point. I forced myself to respond but it meant nothing. At the back of my mind I wondered if this was normal but I remembered we hadn't been together too long and these things take time and it wasn't as though it was unpleasant to kiss him.

I smiled up at him, hiding my inner turmoil. I liked Jake, a lot but I didn't feel anything like I had for Edward. No matter how much he kissed me or how often he touched me, there was just no spark, no tingle. I desperately wanted to feel something so much, that day after day, I spent more and more time with him, willing myself to fall for him. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I respond in the way he wanted me to? Jake was a nice guy, always telling me how much he liked me, how I belonged to him, how proud he was to be with me, not wanting to be apart from me even when I saw my friends. I reminded myself everyday that I was lucky to have someone who cared for me so much.

"You missing him?" Jake asked suddenly, glancing over at Edward, Jasper and Emmett. I wondered briefly where Alice and Rosalie where. I hadn't seen too much of them lately but I figured they were just giving me alone time.

I shook my head and pasted on what I hoped was a reassuring smile.

"Not really"

I was a terrible liar. I missed him like mad, he was my best friend and he was suddenly not there for me. There was a big gaping hole in my chest, a hole that Jake was trying hard to fill but he was failing, romantic issues aside, he just wasn't my best friend.

I didn't want to upset Jake by admitting that I missed Edward terribly, it felt like weeks since that night in my room.

"You don't need him, you don't need anyone else but me, right?" he smiled down at me and kissed me, this time gently, though briefly.

"You are such a romantic" I sighed with a little smile.

I just couldn't get away from the guilt, he obviously liked me a lot, he told me so everyday, he couldn't bear to be away from me, hated when I had to be away from him. I thought maybe it was a little intense but then again this was my first relationship and I had seen the intensity between my friends, who spent all their time with their boyfriends. This was perfectly normal I kept telling myself.

But at the same time I wondered what was wrong with me that I couldn't feel the same way about him. Maybe in time that would come, this was why I didn't break up with him. Besides I enjoyed the security of being part of a couple and not just by myself. It was a new experience having someone care so much for you that they couldn't stand to be apart from you, every relationship was like that wasn't it?

"Alice has asked me over to hers tonight, you don't mind do you?" I asked, catching his eye.

Jake pulled a face, looking sad "I thought we were going to the movies, I was really looking forward to it. You know how much I miss you when I'm not with you"

I admit I was flattered "I know you do but I haven't spoken to Alice or Rosalie in ages"

"You see her all day in school… how about I come with you to see Alice and then we catch a later movie" he compromised.

"I guess that would be okay" I said with an awkward smile, I had really wanted to see Alice alone to discuss Edward and a part of me hoped he would around. I longed to talk to him, to see him, to see him smile again. These days he spent more time glaring at me than anything else. But since Jake was my boyfriend it was only natural that he would want to be with me too.

"It'll be great, you'll see" he said and then pulled me close for another kiss. I let my eyes drift shut and tried to block all thoughts of Edward Cullen from my head.

* * *

Later that evening Jake arrived to pick me up and I'd dressed carefully in my skinny jeans and a low cut white halter with a waistcoat fastened over the top. Jake liked it when I dressed up for him, it made him proud to have a beautiful girl with him. I saw the way other girls looked at him and I knew he could have anyone he wanted. I just couldn't believe he wanted me; I wanted to make him proud. I wanted to please him. And besides for the first time in a long time, I liked the way it made my boobs look. Eat your heart out Jessica Stanley.

"Wow, you look hot" he said and grabbed me for a kiss, his tongue finding it's way into my mouth.

"Thanks" I panted, when my mouth was my own again.

"But don't you think it's a little much for the movies?"

"Wh- What do you mean?" I blinked, I liked what I wore and I had chosen it for him, to make him proud.

His eyes dropped to my neckline and then back to my face with a little leer. I tried not to shiver at the look on his face.

"You not think its a little low?" he asked gently, with a soft smile.

I looked down at myself, feeling uneasy, was it?

"Is it?" I was worried; it was one of the new tops Alice had helped me pick.

He nodded and stroked a finger along my collarbone, down into the space between my breasts. A strange sensation came over me and I waited for a second, trying to figure out what it was. My first thought was to jerk away from his touch; my second was that I was over reacting. He was my boyfriend, of course he would want to touch me.

"As much as I love it, I don't want some jerk staring at your body…everybody will stare at you.. You know you hate that," he said softly.

"Do you think I should go change?" I bit my lip nervously, unsure.

He nodded again "But only if you want to, if you're happy looking like that then don't… I just don't think you'd want some other guy hassling you, now would you?"

"You're right, I'll go change," I said.

"Good girl" he said with a wink and I smiled weakly, before disappearing upstairs.

He was so good, looking out for me. Jake knew I was uncomfortable with a lot of attention and he was always putting me first, watching out for me.

I felt bad though, I'd thought I looked nice, but maybe Jake was right, maybe my top was too low, too revealing, I mused as I changed into a hoodie and dashed back downstairs. Jake greeted me with a sexy grin.

"Much better… lets go"

"Hey Bells, I thought you were coming on your own" Alice whispered in my ear as we hugged each other, shortly after my arrival at her place. We stood on the porch and I felt my heart thudding, was Edward around? Did he even know I was here?

"I already promised Jake I would go to the movies with him, you don't mind do you?" I asked a little nervous of her reaction.

I hadn't seem her in so long and now I was here with Jake, I missed our girl time, I missed our whispered conversations, missed her lectures on how I should get over Edward. I missed her- period.

* * *

EPOV

I heard Bella's voice from the doorstep and I wanted to go out and speak to her, but as I glanced out of the open window I noticed Black's truck and thought better of it. Carefully so as not to be seen I moved to sit beneath the open window the nets affording me an excellent vantage point where I could see and hear everything but they could not see me. I watched the interaction between Alice, Bella and Black. I could see Alice watching Jake with a wary expression and I followed her eye line. Jake was staring at Bella, his gaze unmoving, almost obsessively; his arm was tight around her waist, pulling her to his side. She stood stiffly, a strange fixed smile in place, almost like a mannequin.

"See, I told you she wouldn't mind, you were just being silly…Silly Bella," he was chastising her gently.

"Anyway" he continued "We can't stay too long, Bella is anxious to get on with our date, aren't you" he said taking her hand and pulling her close to his side. I could see Alice's scowl.

"Is that right?" she said not without sarcasm. Good for you Alice, I thought.

"Well what can I say, she likes me, and I'm her guy…she's anxious to be alone with me if you know what I mean"

I kind of got the feeling he was _telling_ both Alice and Bella. Possessive much. Maybe Emmett was right, maybe something wasn't quite right with this guy. My stomach churned a little, anxious to be alone with him? What was he doing? Bella must be mortified; she was a very private person, even with Alice. Oh God, was she sleeping with him. I felt sick at the very thought, she had given herself to him, to this douche bag, who would joke about it in public.

"So Bella, have you spoken to Edward yet?" Alice changed the subject abruptly and I listened intently, my heart in my mouth for her response.

"No I-"she began sounding uncomfortable and hesitant.

"Bella doesn't need jerks like Edward, she has me now"

"Oh so you're her jerk now?" said Alice sarcastically and I could hear the whip of anger in her voice. I smirked to myself as I imagined the look on Blacks face. I waited to hear Bella defend me and was disappointed when she said instead.

"He is acting like as jerk Alice"

I couldn't believe my ears; she wasn't even trying to defend me. The Bella I knew would never sit back and let anyone diss her friends.

"Anyway she has me now, she doesn't need him, isn't that right" I heard Black say and I watched as Bella merely nodded and smiled, and Jake then planted a kiss on her forehead.

Alice pursed her lips and even I could see her disapproval. She was furious; I couldn't work out though if she was angrier with Black or with Bella. Bella probably.

"Tick tock… we'd better go if we wanna make that movie," Jake said as he tapped his watch face.

"You're right… I'll see you at school tomorrow" Bella said slightly apologetically, her face a picture of unhappiness. Something wasn't right with her. She didn't look as though she was happy.

"Yeah, whatever" Alice said without conviction, and then we watched as they stepped off the porch hand in hand and off into the night.

Alice turned from the doorway, a frown marring her elfin features. She stopped in surprise when she saw me and looked a little guilty.

"You heard that huh?"

I nodded my face blank. I had not yet revealed to Alice how I felt about Bella and I knew that Jasper would keep my secret, for now.

"I'm worried about her Edward…she seems…different, not herself"

I sighed, I was a little worried too "looks like Black is in charge… he's the one changing her"

She crossed to my side and I could make out the very real concern on her face "It's like she's always with him, it's not natural"

I forced a chuckle "Was it natural when she spent all of her time with me?"

"You know what I mean, it's like he is so possessive…and not too long ago she would have defended you to the hilt before letting anyone put you down"

I heard Alice sigh; she looked as unhappy as Bella had "It's like day by day she is disappearing from our lives"

"It's her choice Al, there is nothing we can do"

"Oh yes we can, we can fight for her" Alice said with a determined look "You can fight for her Edward"

I blanched, did she know how I really felt "Why me?"

She threw me a withering look "She is your best friend, how can you just sit back and let this happen?"

"Easy because she doesn't want me in her life" I snapped, sounding a hell of a lot more bitter than I intended. Alice looked at me for long seconds and then scowled just as Rosalie came into the hallway.

"Edward" she began tactfully "I know what you're going through but I'm really worried about her too…I was in the lunch queue on Tuesday and Bella was ordering fries and do you know what the asshole said to her 'You wanna be careful Bells, its so easy to get big, one minute you look like you and the next minute you're huge'. And you know what she did? Nodded and ordered a salad instead. Like what is going on with her, letting him chose her food. It was like she was some kind of stepford wife"

I listened shocked. Bella had just taken that from him? She hadn't retaliated. I remembered the time I once made a joke about her getting fat and I still had the scar to prove it.

Alice shook her head "There's something not right, I don't trust him, he's far too controlling. When was the last time we all did something together? It was bowling; I can't even get to see her alone"

"We need to do something Al…Edward she might not know it yet but she needs you in her life"

"OOH" squealed Rosalie after a seconds pause "I have an idea, why don't we have a party on Friday, just the usual, some food and drink, see if we can't figure out what's going on with her… maybe we can get her away from him"

"Perfect" Alice turned to me and raised her eyebrows, evil pixie was out "Are you going to be there Edward?"

Rosalie grinned evilly and answered for me "Naturally"

I didn't really have much of a choice.


	11. Jake Says

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**Thanks for your responses guys….I was so worried that you'd hate what I had done to Jake…Not to much to say just that things are only get worse before they can get better and hopefully I will post 2 chapters tonight as I have just realized this will be 6,050 words…bit too long!! Anyway enjoy and let me know what you think? Love Tink xx**

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It was early on Wednesday morning when Rosalie cornered me to ask Jake and I to a party at the Cullen's on Friday evening. My first instinct was to refuse. I wasn't ready to deal with Edward in a social situation. I didn't think my heart could take it.

Jake looked at me with a smile "What do you think, sounds cool right"

I nodded thinking it would be fun, give me a chance to catch up with all my friends, I'd missed seeing them lately. But there was still the problem of Edward.

"I'm not sure will Edward be there?" I hedged, chewing my lip.

Rosalie grinned "Of course"

"We'll be there and I'll protect you from Edward, I'll show him you're all mine" he said and took my hand, pulling me in to his side, holding me close. I think I was supposed to feel protected, I just felt stifled.

"I hope you'll dance with me Jake, I have some moves I can't wait to show you" Rosalie said with a wink. I stared in disbelief and disgust, had she just flirted with him? What the hell was happening? Emmett would tear them both apart of he caught them.

"When the hostess is as hot as you, it would be rude to refuse" he said checking her out with an exaggerated leer, the same one he had used on me the other evening. I didn't like it any better when it was used on someone else.

"Looking forward to it" she beamed and without evening saying goodbye, turned around, walked away, adding a sway of her hips.

I was furious with Rosalie, she had just flirted with Jake right in front of me and worse yet, he'd responded.

"Why did you do that?" I asked him, hurt, bewildered. Wasn't I good enough?

"Do what?"

"Flirt with Rose"

"I wasn't flirting, I was being friendly" he sighed," you want them to like me don't you? Are you jealous Bella? You know I won't be with a jealous girl, it's a waste of emotion…_you_ are mine, you don't have to worry about anyone else"

"I wasn't jealous, just surprised that's all" I hurried to assure him.

"If you don't want to go to the party . . . I mean Rosie was the one flirting with me, maybe we should give it a miss if you can't handle other girls being nice to me"

"No, I want us to go," I protested, I wanted to see my friends.

"If you don't trust me, this can't work . . . That hurts me that you don't trust me"

I immediately felt guilty for hurting his feelings, he was right _Rosie_ had been flirting, he was just being friendly. Of course I wanted him to get on with my friends, that was the whole point of this party wasn't it? I was glad they had asked us both; it meant they were willing to give him a chance. Lately I had gotten the feeling that they didn't like him and I didn't want that, I wanted them to be happy for me, happy that I had found someone.

"I'm sorry Jake, you're right… I didn't mean to hurt your feelings"

He kissed me, passionately, his hands reaching down to cup my ass "You know how much I like you right? I don't need anybody else but you, just like you don't need anyone else but me"

"I am sorry you know" I said softly, feeling bad that I had hurt him, all he ever did was tell me how much he liked me, how could I think he would flirt with another girl?

It made me feel guilty, guilty that I couldn't return the depth of his feelings. To make it up to him I vowed to be the best girlfriend I could be and if that meant spending lots of time with him then so be it. My friends had boyfriends of their own and like Jake had said to me the evening after the movies; if they really were my friends, then they would understand.

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EPOV

Rosalie came marching along the hallway towards Alice and I with a twisted look on her face.

"Uh I feel sick….do you know he checked me out right in front of her? He fucking flirted with me and she was right there watching…not only is he controlling and possessive but I wouldn't be surprised if he was a cheat too…God Bella grow some fucking balls"

I listened to what she had said; my Bella was disappearing before our very eyes. She was being controlled and manipulated and she didn't seem to care. What was wrong with her? Was she that in love with him she couldn't see him for what he really was?

"We have to do something Edward, we need to make her see sense" Alice said gently, softly and I could see the sparkle of tears in her eyes. I realized then that I was not the only one missing my Bella, Alice was too.

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BPOV

Some days after Rosalie's invitation, as I dressed for the party I was mindful of what to wear. Jake had already made some suggestions and I so wanted to please him. I had begun to feel as though I were always letting him down, because there always seemed to be a problem with what I wore. Either it was too tight, too low or too revealing. If I really didn't want to attract other guys' attention then why did I dress in those clothes? That's what he asked me all the time and I could see his point. After all I had been happy for years with what I wore until I let Alice and Rosalie talk me into a make over. He was right; I had a boyfriend now there was no need to dress up, for other people.

Biting my lip nervously, I looked at myself in the mirror, wondering what it was, that Jake liked about me. Sure I had lost a little weight, thanks to Jake's interventions but I still had some to lose, he'd reminded me. My hair was perfect, down and curly just the way he liked it, I didn't look girly enough with it tied back, he thought. I wore a loose white shirt with a wide fitted black belt and a pair of skinny jeans, which made my legs look impossibly long. I looked nice but I didn't feel as though I were going to a party and briefly wondered if I should change. But I remembered how disappointed Jake would be if I wore something else and decided to stay as was.

Another major reason for my indecisiveness was the fact that Edward would be there and I would hate for anyone- Jake especially- to think I was dressing to attract his attention. I was nervous about being in such close proximity to him, despite the fact I had seen him around at school, we hadn't really spoken.

I would never admit it to Jake but I missed Edward so much, missed his friendship, his laughter, missed knowing he was there for me, and missed his presence in my life. It would hurt Jake so much if he knew and so I hid my feelings, buried them deep inside. Tonight I was scared that Jake would see through my charade and be upset. He had done so much for me, made me a better person, it just wouldn't be right to hurt him like that.

A beeping horn pulled me from my thoughts and I took a deep breath before heading out of the room and down the stairs.

"Hey sexy " Jake said and kissed my cheek as I climbed in the car.

"Jake, you look nice" I commented and waited for him to return the compliment, he didn't he simply drove away as though I hadn't spoken. I bit my lip, didn't he like what I had on? Maybe I hadn't made enough of an effort for him? What if he wasn't pleased with me?

The journey to the Cullen's was quite short and I worried the entire way before I knew it we were parking and getting out of the car. My heart sped up with nerves as we pulled in behind Edward's shiny silver Volvo.

"Ready?" he pulled me to his side and wrapped an arm around my hips, his hand caressing my bottom, approvingly. He gave it a little smack. I was over come with the urge to smack him back, but stifled it and smiled instead. Tonight I had to put on a good show for all our sakes. I had to make them believe that I had not made a mistake in choosing Jake over my best friend. If there was one shred of doubt on my face Edward would see it and know how I felt. And if Jake realized how much I still cared for Edward it would hurt him terribly and after all he had done for me, I couldn't hurt him that way.

"Ready?"

I just hoped I was.

Inside everybody was dancing and having a good time, the large house was full to bursting with Forks High students. I spotted Emmett and Jasper and waved but I couldn't see any sign of Alice and Rosie as we wove our way through the crowds. Looking about nervously I wondered where Edward was, probably with some girl, knowing him, I thought, the old jealousy returning and I hadn't even seen him yet.

* * *

EPOV

Alice, Rosalie and I stood at the top of the staircase, watching the party below us. My heart thumped when I saw her come in, wrapped tightly in Black's arms. She was smiling, radiantly, moving a little in time with the music. Another first, Bella hated to dance, she thought of it as a health hazard.

"Oh God, what is she wearing?" Alice cried asked in disbelief "Are you ready to do this Rosie?"

I stared at them wondering what was going on between them, they had obviously concocted another plan.

Rosalie nodded, a malicious smirk on her face, I wondered again what she was about to do "You take Jake and I'll take Bella. I'll need at least ten minutes" Alice said to her

She fluffed her long blonde hair and pouted "Not a problem, although he does give me the creeps…it's a good job I warned Emmett, I would hate to see his pretty face marked"

"Let's do this" Alice said and the pair made their way down the stairs. I followed behind them marveling at the lengths these two would go to.

Rosalie added an extra wiggle of her hips as she made her way towards the couple and I hid a smile as she adjusted her skirt a little. She may practically be my sister in law but there was no denying that she was hot. I almost, almost felt sorry for Black.

* * *

BPOV

I groaned as she spotted Rosalie wiggling her way towards us, knowing she meant business.

"Jake, you promised me a dance," she purred in his ear, letting her body brush against his 'accidentally'.

Jake looked at me "I won't, if you don't trust me"

I forced a smile but inside I was seething at them both "No it's okay, you go dance with Rosalie, you said to me yourself you know how bad I am at dancing"

I noticed Alice appear beside us and she rolled her eyes at Jacob. "You're sure, I know how you worry, when I'm not with you" Jake said, he looked at Alice "she gets anxious and jealous when I'm not about…it's sweet really"

I gritted my teeth, this was getting annoying. But again I smiled.

"Positive, you go and dance; I'll get us some drinks"

"Okay then" he beamed and kissed my cheek briefly, then took Rosalie's hand to lead her through the crowd "Don't go too far" he warned and I nodded.

"I can't believe Rose, what's she playing at flirting with Jake? He's my boyfriend, she could have any guy she wants, where as me, I've only got him" I said to Alice when they had disappeared into the crowd.

"I know, but she probably just thinks she'd being friendly…Anyway, you could have any guy you want too" Alice said to me, a concerned looked on her face and I shook my head.

"No I can't, that's why I'm lucky I found Jake, he's great for me"

" Christ, you sound so rehearsed….wake up….Bella you could have any one you want, you don't _need _anyone. . .Anyway what's been happening with you, I've hardly seen you these last few weeks, you look different, have you lost weight?"

I nodded proudly "Yeah and Jake says I only have a few more pounds to lose"

"Bella, you don't need to lose any weight," Alice sounded exasperated.

I smiled at my friend "Alice, you don't need to be kind, I know I'm a bit too big but it's okay Jake says he likes me anyway"

"Bella, do you really think you should listen to everything Jake says, he's just a guy . . . don't let him tell you what to do"

I looked at Alice in surprise, is that really what she thought "I don't let him tell me what to do, he gives me advice, I take it"

"Says who?"

"Jake" I replied

"See my point. . . Bella we're worried about you… you're not yourself, we hardly see you anymore, you're always with him"

I folded my arms across my chest defensively "Jake warned me you would do this, you're just jealous of out relationship Alice, he really likes me, he's good for me"

Alice snorted and rolled her eyes at me "Jealous, Bells we're worried about you, you're changing, you're not yourself, you're not happy"

"Yes I am, Jake really likes me, he makes me happy"

"Christ Bella, will you listen to yourself, you sound like a robot, he makes me happy, you sure as hell don't seem it . . .Do you really like him so much, that you'd change the way you eat and dress for him?"

"You wanted me to do it for Edward, but because it's for Jake I can't do it" I countered my eyes spitting fire. This was so unfair, they didn't understand, how much Jake liked me, how much he needed me, it wasn't about them, it was about me and Jake. I was trying to please everyone and failing.

Alice shook her head "That was different, we care about you… you love Edward, we know you do"

This time I shook my head, furious with her "Jake cares about me too, and I don't love Edward, I'm with Jake now, can't you all accept that and be happy for me?" I cried tears coming to my eyes.

"He's no good for you Bella, he's turning you into someone else and you don't love him, I know you don't"

"He told me you would be like this Alice he said it's because you're Edwards sister. He said you would say things to try and split us up but we're stronger than that…. if you can't accept that then I don't want to be your friend or Rosalie's…. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to find my boyfriend," I snapped and dashed away my tears, turning blindly to look for Jake and Rosie.


	12. Who's it Gonna Be?

**So here is the second part…it's a little messy and rushed in places as I wanted to get it out in time…Other than that please remember Bella is having some issues, she is acting like an idiot but she's confused and Jake has really done a number on her…Oh and by the way I am a complete techno phobe and was wondering if anyone fancies having a go at creating a banner for this story as I am terrible at that sort of thing? Anyway share your thoughts with me…Love ya, Tink. xxxxx**

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EPOV

I watched Rosalie in disbelief as she grinded on the make shift dance floor with Black. This was her plan? This was why she was worried about Emmett? Judging by the look on his face, she should be. He looked ready to kill them both. I watched, reading their lips over the music as he pressed himself against her from behind and she looked momentarily revolted, her beautiful face tight.

"You are so hot" he whispered in her ear as he grinded up and down her body, arms wrapped around her waist.

"You too" Rose replied through, gritted her teeth "But what about Bella?"

"She's a nice girl but she has some serious issues, if you know what I mean"

Serious Issues? I wanted to march clear across the floor and beat the ever-living shit out of him. There was nothing wrong with Bella, she was and always had been perfect. I turned my attention back to Rosalie who seemed as pissed as I felt.

She moved her hips away from his slightly but he followed "In what way?"

"She had real low self esteem, you know she can't decide what to wear, I have to pick it… she moans about her weight and won't eat and she's soo clingy, won't let me have any time away from her . . . drives me mad sometimes… won't even let me, you know be close" he thrust his hips against hers for emphasis.

I clenched my fists and crossed the room to stand beside Emmett who looked to be having control issues of his own. I placed a placating hand on his shoulder

"It's for Bella big guy," I reminded him. He huffed beside me and crossed his massive arms over his chest, flexing them.

"Fuck Edward, this is killing me and I know she's just acting…I don't know how you do it knowing Bella likes him…I really really want to break his fucking face"

I nodded, knowing how he felt and then turned my attention back to the couple on the dance floor.

"Bet you wouldn't have that problem beautiful" Jake muttered leaning down as though to kiss her neck.

"You're so right, "she cooed and pulled away.

From the corner of my eye I saw a hurt looking Bella heading through the crowd towards them. I watched as she let her eyes fall to the floor as though she couldn't quite believe what she was seeing.

"Bella's coming" Rosalie said, turning to look.

"See jealous too" he responded and thrust his hips against hers once more before stepping away from her.

* * *

BPOV

As I made my way through the crowd of dancing students, a familiar figure caught my attention. Edward! He looked as gorgeous as ever as he stood brooding with Emmett. Hopefully unaware of my presence I allowed myself to drink in the sight of him; I'd missed him so much! He wore a pair of dark jeans and a blue button down shirt, with the sleeves rolled up to expose his forearms. He looked wonderful, as though he had stepped from the pages of an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog. I felt my heart contract painfully as he suddenly looked up and caught my gaze, both of our eyes filled with pain.

Our eyes held for a minute longer and I was trapped by his golden gaze, I wanted to loose myself in him. Emmett clenched his fists and pounded Edward on the shoulder, demanding his attention and he looked away.

I felt my eyes fill with tears as I carried on walking, pushing through the mass of heaving rubbing bodies. Ahead of me Rosalie and Jake were grinding against each other, with Emmett watching dangerously. Rosie spotted me and mouthed my name. They sprang apart and I fixed a smile on my face, so as not to upset him, I didn't want him to think I didn't trust him.

"Bells" he said and pulled me into his arms, moving with me in time to the music, as though he hadn't just been grinding on my friend.

"Rosalie" I said coolly, unable to fathom just what was going on "Mind if I dance with my boyfriend?"

"Be my guest" she said sweetly and shimmied away to stand beside Emmett and Edward. Emmett was quite obviously ready to kill and he sulked silently. Over Jake's shoulder I watched her pout at him and place a kiss on his lips lovingly. How could she do that? How could she throw herself at my boyfriend and then go back to hers as though nothing was wrong? I allowed a little smile as Emmett swung her into his arms, obviously she was forgiven, judging by the searing hot kiss they shared. Next to them Edward rolled his eyes and looked uncomfortable, his eyes reaching mine across the room. I smiled tentatively, he grinned back crookedly, almost being taken out by Rosalie's heel as she enthusiastically wrapped her legs around Emmett's waist. Edward covered his eyes with his hand and peeked out at me, looking so child like that I wanted to laugh. He was adorable. My heart hammered.

* * *

EPOV

My heart raced inside me as Bella smiled sweetly at me over Blacks shoulder as she moved awkwardly in time with the music. This is what I had missed most about her, her smile, her sense of fun and she was the only person I knew who felt about Emmett and Rosalie the way I did. I wanted her so badly, the beautifully awkward girl with the chestnut hair and haunted eyes. I was so glad she had not witnessed the almost kiss between Black and Rosalie but at the same time I got the feeling that if she had, things might have been different now. Maybe she would be dancing with me and not him.

She deserved better than that, I felt like punching Jake but I knew if that happened Bella would never speak to me again. I looked to see if Emmett and Rosalie had come up for air and I turned to her.

"Well, care to explain what all that was about?" I asked as she disentangled herself from Emmett, but stayed within the circle of his arms.

She snapped angrily." She won't do anything without the bastards say so, that includes, eating, drinking and dressing. It's like she's been brainwashed. Can you believe he's told her she has to lose more weight and when I was dancing with him, he made like she's so insecure and clingy and can't bear to be away from him"?

I stared at her appalled. This was worse than I first thought. Black was a manipulative bastard.

"He even told me she wasn't giving him what he wanted and then he tried to kiss me…told me Bella had _issues_"

I was horrified, that was tantamount mental and emotional abuse. My poor Bella.

"So why don't you talk to her, tell her" I said, it seemed so simple to me.

"Alice tried, that's why I was dancing with him to keep him out of the way . . . You know the son of a bitch told her that Alice would try and do this to split them up because she was jealous of their relationship" she fumed then carried on,

"Now do you see? We're really worried about her Edward, maybe you can try, get through to her . . . She thinks if she's not with him no one else will want her, she told me that. And she's pissed at me for flirting with Jake, especially since he's just being _friendly_"

I couldn't believe she was putting up with this crap, that wasn't the Bella I knew.

"I don't think she'll talk to me and if Jake is as controlling as that then he won't let me near her" I pointed out.

"You have to try Edward, we're losing her" Alice said joining us tears coming into her eyes and Rosalie pulled her close in a hug.

I nodded, she needed me, whether she knew it or not. "I'll see what I can do, Rosie can you get rid of Jake for a while?"

She looked at Emmett, who looked far from happy and flexed the muscles in his arms, his jaw tight. He nodded briefly still sulking.

She sighed and nodded "If I have to, but please don't be too long, I can't stand him . . . I'll wait till he comes for a drink and corner him, show him the house"

I nodded, grateful that they would help me, but I knew it wouldn't be as easy as all that" I'm warning you though, I don't think she'll listen to me, she's too mad that I wouldn't accept them being together in the first place"

I didn't want to tell them the real reason we had fallen out. Nobody but Bella and I knew about our kisses and that was the way I wanted it to stay….for now. If I had to I would fight dirty.

Alice shrugged " Oh Edward, you have to try, make her see sense"

"No promises" I said to be heard above the music, all of our eyes turning to watch the couple on the dance floor.

Bella had lost weight, I could see that now and that wasn't the only thing she'd lost, her sparkle had gone too. Although she moved in time with the music, I could tell her heart wasn't in it. Behind her Jake grinded, holding her hips with his hands, rubbing himself against her. She looked slightly sick as he moved his hands up her body and tried to stroke her chest through her shirt, she moved twisting away from him slightly, moving his hands back to her waist. I watched as Jake said something in her ear and she thought for a second before she nodded. I stared in disbelief and anger as again and again Jake stroked his hands up her body, each time getting closer to her breasts. Her eyes closed briefly but not before I was certain I could see the humiliation in them. I wanted to beat the crap out of him for subjecting Bella to this, she wasn't that kind of girl, didn't he see that? Didn't he know that? Didn't he care?

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BPOV

I hated it when he touched me like this, especially in public and I'd tried to move away. But I had offended him, hurt him and I didn't want that.

"Don't you like me Bella, don't you want to show me you like me? Am I not good enough for you is that it? Let me touch you… show me you like me too" he'd said in my ear as he danced behind me, rubbing his hips against me. I could feel his erection against me and I just wanted to move away, wanted a bit of space. But he was as right usual, I had to show him I cared too.

I allowed him to touch me in and I shuddered, not in pleasure but revulsion when he' groaned in my ear. Kissing him was one thing but going further was something else. This would be harder than I thought.

* * *

EPOV

I stared, willing Bella to tell Black to stop, she wasn't the kind of girl to indulge in explicit PDA's, he shouldn't being doing that to her. But she seemed to have no back bone, none of her old fire; she just stood there and let him feel her up. Her eyes were blank, she looked numb. I felt my heart begin to break a little as I realized just how bad things must be for her to do that. Beside me Alice, Rosalie and Emmett averted their eyes, it didn't seem right to watch as Bella was felt up. There was no love in the gesture, no feeling, only pure possession. He was marking her out as his own, as sure as a dog marks its territory. Sure I'd seen Emmett and Rose get hot and heavy on the dance floor dozens of times but with them you knew it was with love, with passion. You knew it was because they genuinely had a hard time keeping their hands off each other. It was a mutual feeling based on an intense love not a quick sweaty grope in a crowded room, to show off your shiny new toy.

* * *

BPOV

As the music changed Jake took my hand and led me through the crowd, to one of the many hall ways where kids were gathered some making out, other just talking. He stopped where it was a little quieter and backed me against the wall. I felt uncomfortable when I recognized the look in his eye, he wanted me, and what he wanted to got.

"You are so damn hot, " he muttered against my neck, biting me hard and then sucking at my skin. I jumped, it hurt a little. My entire body froze.

"Do we have to do this here?" I asked quietly, mortified. It was bad enough being felt up on the dance floor but this was something worse.

"Bella, look around everyone's doing it… Don't you want me? Don't you like me?"

"I do like you Jake, but it's just so public" I pointed out, looking at the couple next to us who were engrossed in a make out session, their hands fumbling down each others pants. Ugh Gross!

"What better way to show everyone you're mine… now kiss me , please"

It was the please which moved me. I reached up and placed my mouth against his, kissing him for a second. But all too soon he took control of the kiss and kissed his way down my cheek to my neck, before biting me again and sucking for a second, leaving a mark. A hickey. A hickey, I didn't want.

"Now everyone will know you're mine" he breathed and captured my mouth again, running his hand down my body and stroking my bottom, pulling me closer to him as he rubbed himself against me. I felt so uncomfortable and sick,. I hated when he touched me like this and now he'd given me a hickey. What was wrong with me? Maybe I just wasn't built for passion, maybe I was frigid. It just felt so wrong to do this with him, I thought I should feel passion and wildness but all I was felt was repulsion. Maybe it was my problem, because I didn't like him enough I thought, as he tried to touch me through my jeans. I squirmed away and pulled my mouth from his

"Don't, not here"

He made an angry sound of frustration "God Bella… what is it with you, don't you want me to touch you? You are my girlfriend, it is allowed you know"

"I'm sorry but it's just too much, too soon" I protested, trying to move my body away from him.

"We've been together weeks now… but hey if you have a problem then I understand if you're not normal… it won't affect the way I feel about you" he said softly.

So I had been right, it was my fault I felt nothing, I had the problem. But what about Edward, I wondered briefly; when he'd kissed me and touched me, I had felt amazing, like I couldn't get close enough to him and wanted to climb inside his skin. Edward was different though, he was my best friend. Jake wasn't, he was my boyfriend and he deserved better than a girlfriend he couldn't touch, guilt swept through me again.

"Thank you," I said with a forced smile, touching his cheek.

"There's nothing to say that you can't touch me though" he leered and I felt the sick feeling return. I looked around my face flaming, all around us couples were making out, lost in each other, some with arms and hands exploring.

"What? Here?" My voice came out as a squeak.

He nodded, taking my hand in his and moving down the center of his body, to rest on the fly of his jeans. "Show me how much you care Bella, touch me… it won't bite"

I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat and shook my head. I could feel him underneath my palm and I struggled to remove my hand. He didn't release me. I didn't like it, it just felt so wrong. "I'm not ready Jake, don't push me please, not here, not now"

"Later then… when we're alone. All girls do it Bells, its okay… you might even like it" he chuckled and rubbed himself against me once more.

"Can we get a drink Jake?"

He looked at me for long seconds and I could see the impatience on his face.

"Sure, might loosen you up a little, let you relax, let your inhibitions go" he said and led me towards the kitchen.

Rosalie stood in the there holding a bottle of tequila as we entered, her smile widening into a grin as she spotted us.

"Jake!" her face lit up "Did Bella show you the house yet? It's amazing you have to see it, Emmett has a hot tub in the back yard…wanna see?"

I glared at her and tightened my hold on Jakes hand "No Rose, he's okay with me"

Jake smirked at me "Bella babe, it won't take long; you can go and find Alice can have a nice little chat about what people in relationships do… I promise nothing bad will happen to me, I'll be back before you can miss me"

He stepped away from me after kissing my cheek and crossed to Rosalie's side, taking a swig from the bottle. I felt my heart sink; I knew this could only lead to trouble especially if Emmett caught them.

"Sure, I'll stay here" I said numbly, ignoring the acidic press of tears.

And I watched as Rosalie headed outside with my boyfriend. I stared after them not noticing Alice until she was by my side.

"Where were they going?" she asked and taking a long drink from her bottle

I shrugged "Think Jake wants to see the hot tub"

"Oh Bella, you don't look happy, we're all worried about you, especially Edward"

I stiffened and then snorted "yeah right, he doesn't care about me, he's just a sore looser"

"Bella?" came a voice behind me.

I stiffened.

I spun around to see Edward stood with a nervous smile playing across his mouth. His hair was untidy as though he had ran his hands though it several times. I fought against the urge to reach out and smooth it down as I had so many times before.

"Bella, we should talk, we need to sort things out"

"We don't need to talk, things are fine…I'm fine" I played with my fingers, so I wouldn't reach out for him.

"Yeah, that's why you won't look at me, that's why you look like you dying from the inside out?" he challenged softly "I miss you Bells, I miss my best friend"

"Well I don't miss you, I have Jake now" I lied. I couldn't admit what was happening to me. I couldn't back down not now. I had to protect myself.

"You do… but we all still need friends and we were best friends…. You need your friends, especially now…" he paused and looked me right in the eye. "He's no good for you Bells"

"Yes he is, he makes me a better person"

"How by telling what to eat, what to wear, who to talk to?" he moved to stand in front of me, he was so close I could feel the heat from his skin and smell his cologne. It made me weak, dizzy and I breathed deeply.

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EPOV

I hated to see the pain in her eyes as I attempted to make her see what Jake was really like. I hated the fact I was the one doing this to her, delivering the message, that her perfect boyfriend was a manipulating slim ball.

She looked at the floor and I wondered why she was ignoring the truth. "Leave him Gab, you deserve better," I said softly, touching her soft cheek and I watched as her eyes shut in unmistakable pleasure. She couldn't suppress the shiver of reaction the moved through her and neither could I. It had been so long since I'd touched her, since I'd been this close to her. The world around us seemed to dissolve until it was just her and I, together, linked by the touch of a single fingertip.

"I can't Edward, I just can't, I can't hurt him…I need him" she whispered.

" Please Bella we're all so worried, you're changing right before our eyes" I pleaded with her, my voice rough and low, my finger moving softly, soothingly.

She shook her head and her hair parted revealing the hickey on her neck I swore and her eyes flew open as she jumped back from me, from the venom I knew she heard in my voice.

"I can't do it, I'm his and he's mine"

"That why he branded you like some common slut?" I said harshly, angry to see the hickey, purple against her perfect skin.

"Don't call me that," she snapped at me her eyes full of fire and pain and hurt "anyway it's what everyone does"

"You're not everyone Bella… have you slept with him?" I demanded, I don't think I could have coped had she said yes.

"That's none of your business Edward but for your information I have problems okay? We're dealing with it, Jake's going to help me," she snapped, hugging her arms around her body.

I wanted to reach out and shake her. She didn't have any problems except him. He was the problem I wanted to shout.

" Help you? What out of your panties? Don't sleep with him please… you don't have any problems…he is your problem" I gave voice to my earlier thought.

"Edward, its none of your business, we're going be together, he wants me"

"If that's true, where is he now?" I questioned and watched as her eyes narrowed, tears brimming in them. I felt like a bastard but it had to be done.

I watched her bottom lip quiver "Rosie is showing him the hot tub"

I snorted "Yeah and a lot else besides"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean right now your guy is probably making out with Rosalie"

"You're lying" she accused me but I could read the truth of it on her face. She darted a glance to Alice, waiting for her to deny the fact. She remained stoic but I could see how much she was hurting too for her friend.

"Don't believe me… then follow me" I said and strode towards the door, leaving her with little choice but to follow.

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BPOV

I had to walk quickly to keep up with Edward's strides, my head spinning with all he had said to me. Was I changing? If I was surely it was for the better, that's what Jake had told me. What I couldn't understand was how a simple touch from Edward could nearly bring me to my knees and yet I couldn't bear to touch my own boyfriend. I followed him, Alice finding Jasper along the way and they trailed along behind us .As Edward rounded a hedge he came to an abrupt stop, so suddenly that I bumped into the solid wall of his back, banging my nose. I rubbed it.

"See for yourself" he said and pointed to where only a few feet away, Jake and Rosalie were leant against a wall, heads almost touching. His body was pressed against hers. I felt sick. It looked as though they were about to kiss. I wanted to scream and shout. How could they do this to me? Rosalie was supposed to be my friend. My knees began to shake and I watched as suddenly Jake stepped away from her looking angry. He turned to me, his face growing darker as he spotted Edward, Alice and Jasper.

"Hey princess" he said to Rosalie, over his shoulder "Thought you were a little bit too eager to get in my pants…and now I know why"

He laughed bitterly and looked from Edward to me "Lemme guess, he told you there was something you just had to see…. am I right?"

I stared at him bewildered, how did he know that? My mouth opened but I was in too much shock to say anything.

"Bella" said Edward urgently beside me "Don't listen to him, he came out here with Rosalie of his own free will, he wants to cheat on you Bella"

"Fuck off Cullen, Bella knows how much I love her, she knows I wouldn't do this…Bella it's a set up, like I've said all the long, they want to split us up, they're jealous of us"

My heart thundered and my blood roared in my ears. He loved me? Jake loved me? I looked at Alice who stared at the ground, unable to meet my eyes. Unable to deny the truth.

"Is it true, did you and Rose set him up?" she didn't answer me "Did you?" I screamed. Tears filled my eyes as I thought about the fact my closest friends had conspired to betray me, all to separate me from the one guy who cared about me, who looked out for me. Who loved me. Edward had never loved me like Jake did.

"We care about you Bella, he's no good for you" Rosalie said angrily.

"How could you do this to me, all of you….you were supposed to be my friends…Edward you… you were part of this?" I turned to him and the hurt I could see in his eyes matched my own.

"I had to Bella, he's using you…he doesn't love you, he just wants to control you" his voice was shaking with emotion but I was too devastated to hear it.

"You have to choose Bella, who are going to believe? " Jake said to me, as angry as any of us "Me or your so-called friends, who have been trying to split us up since the beginning…. Who is going to be…me or them?"


	13. For Good

**WOW!!! I was overwhelmed by the response to the last few chapters, it really keeps me motivated to know that you are enjoying what I am writing. Sorry about the cliffhanger but I had to keep you all interested somehow…. I loved the fact that some people's suggestions were ones which I have already written a bit later on for this story, which just goes to prove that great minds think alike… Now then what was Bella's response…let's see shall we….oh and if you would be so kind as to drop me a little review and let me know- how was it for you? Love Tink. Xxx**

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I stared around me, bewildered and trembling; noticing the night suddenly seemed so cold. Wrapping my arms tightly around myself I fought against the shivers that tried to wrack my frame. I didn't know what to do, what to say, Who to go to. My mind was a whirl of emotion, love, hate, fear, pain, and betrayal, all those things caused by my so-called best friends. I just didn't know who to chose, my heart belonged to Edward and it always would but he and my friends had betrayed me. They had deliberately conspired to take away the one person who cared for me, they had plotted a course of action they knew would hurt me and they had lied to me. And Jake, I didn't love him but I liked him and that was enough. He had never hurt me, he'd never lied to me, and everything he did was for me, to make me a better person. He loved me. Edward didn't.

I looked through tear filled eyes at Edwards face, his topaz eyes were pleading but his face was tight. His body tense and poised ready for fight or flight.

"Bella, please" he said softly, his velvet tones barely reaching my ears. "It was for your own good"

I shook my head, my mind already made up with those words. It wasn't for my own good at all, it was for their own good. I just couldn't open myself up to this kind of pain anymore. I may not love Jake but at least he couldn't hurt me like this. I moved my gaze to my friends who were stood quietly, waiting.

"Bella. We're your friends, we love you…. he's using you Bella, can't you see?" Alice snapped a little, her composure cracking "we just wanted to protect you"

"No you didn't, you just wanted to hurt me…Jake was right you're all jealous…you just want me away from him" I murmured, the truth shining before me like a beacon. There was no choice to make and I turned to look at Jake.

"It's your choice, if you don't feel the same about me, there is nothing I can do but let you go….but Bella I love you and I want to be with you, I want to take care of you" he said to me gently, a tender look on his face.

And right then I knew, Jake had been prepared to let me go… he must love me. He hadn't demanded that I leave my friends, that I ignore, them, he was leaving it up to me, giving me the power my friends couldn't. He loved me, I couldn't betray him like I had been betrayed.

My legs trembled as I closed the small distance between Jake and I, slipping my hand into his, I pressed a kiss to his lips and stood beside him. My choice was made. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and kissed my hair. I could feel Edward's eyes burning into me, and I repressed a shiver.

"C'mon lets go inside….they're not worth it" he said gently and together hand in hand we headed back into the party, leaving my friends staring after us.

"Can we go?" I asked Jake as we walked, fighting the tears I knew were close.

He stopped walking and took my chin in his hand, making me look at him "We can't hide from them Bella…we should stay, show them they can't do this to us"

I didn't want to stay, I wanted to go home and cry and break things "please?"

Jake sighed, "Bella if we go now they will think they have won…why don't we stay for a few more and then if you still want to leave, we can"

I wasn't sure but Jake despite the awkward and tense moments outside appeared to be having a good time "Okay, but not too long please…I want to get home to bed"

He looked at me and wiggled his eyebrows "Now that's what I like to hear" he joked. I forced a smile and a giggle; he was only trying to make me feel better.

"Lets find something to drink…. you can drown your sorrows" he told me and lead me away into the kitchen.

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EPOV

I stood staring after my best friend, numb for a few blissful seconds. Bella had chosen and she hadn't chosen me. The pain that lanced through my heart threatened to bring me to my knees and suddenly catching me unawares I felt a spurt of anger towards her. She had rejected me, again. I was furious, furious with her, how could she do this to me, to all of us? Did she really not see what he was?

"I need a drink," I snarled, looking over to Alice and Rosalie who were hugging each other. I wanted to, I needed to drown the pain of her rejection with alcohol, lots of alcohol, until I was so drunk I couldn't think about Bella anymore.

Alice gaped at me "Edward I don-"

"Save it Alice," I snapped, I was in no mood for her platitudes.

"Jazz, speak to him" I heard her say behind me as I took off for the house.

"I am going to shit faced…anyone want to join?"

I could feel them staring at me but I was too pissed off, I was angry and hurting and all I wanted to do was get so drunk that I could forget how beautiful my best friend was and how much I wanted her.

I stalked into the kitchen looking for something, anything to take away the pain inside me. My eyes fell on a bottle of vodka and I grabbed it from the counter, swigging right from the bottle, feeling the acidic burn sear away my pain as it traveled down my throat. I gasped for breath and wiped my mouth, clenching my teeth to prevent the bile I could feel rising. I was strictly a beer drinker, spirits were not my thing and now I remembered why.

"Edward, don't do this" it was Alice, her voice full of tears, Jasper at her side.

"This is a fucking party isn't it? I want to get drunk"

"Why are you being like this Edward?" I could hear her confusion. She didn't understand how I felt, she couldn't. She didn't love Bella the way I did.

"Like what…..I'm trying to have fun that's all" I hissed and took another swig, feeling the alcohol spread though my system, driving away the pain, the numbness I felt a welcome change from crippling pain.

"This isn't fun Edward"

I turned and spotted Lauren, smiling seductively at me. I ran my eyes over her, taking in the tiny jean skirt she wore, my eyes lingering on the pink shirt she wore tightly over her chest. She licked her lips and fluffed her hair, then toyed with the necklace that hung between her breasts. I knew what she wanted. Me. At least she wouldn't reject me, I thought bitterly and smiled back at her.

"Says who?" I muttered to Alice and we watched as Lauren came towards me, a sexy grin tugging at her cherry red lips.

"Hi Edward" she breathed, "Want to dance?"

I smiled back and it was wolfish, predatory " I have a better idea" I said spying the bottle on the side "Sexy Tequila!" I yelled and the room around me erupted in cheers.

Grabbing Laurens hand I all but dragged her through into the dining room, though she seemed more than willing. A crowd gathered around us and I swung her into my arms and placed her onto the table, flat on her back, her skirt riding up to flash her long legs at me. I was aware of the whoops and cheers as I climbed on after her and straddled her hips. I grinned down at her, determined to put all thoughts of Bella from my mind. I looked out into the crowd and I froze for one second. There at the back of the room stood Bella and Black, watching intently. After my heart started again I smirked at Bella and playing to the crowd, bent my head to Laurens body. Slowly I licked a path from her stomach to her breasts, popping buttons on the shirt as I went, until she was clad only in a pink satin bra. The crowd went wild. I held my eye contact with Bella, thrilled at the pain I could see in her eyes.

"Salt!" I cried and some random handed it to me. Still holding Bella's gaze I lightly sprinkled the salt on her body and bent to lick it off. As I did so I could see Black whisper something in her ear and a frown appeared on her face. Turning my attention back to Lauren I glanced down and noticed some helpful person had placed a shot glass of tequila between her breasts. Smirking I lowered my head and gripping the shot glass in teeth, I threw back my head and swallowed the contents in one go.

"Lemon" I hissed and went to pluck the lemon wedge from Laurens mouth. At the last second she moved it aside and my mouth connected with hers, her tongue finding its way into my mouth. Around us I heard the crowd cheering and whistling as we kissed on the table our bodies entwining. It felt so wrong but through the haze of alcohol I had consumed I couldn't tell that, all I could think about was driving the image of Bella, stricken and betrayed from behind my eyes. When I had to come up for air, Lauren grinned up at me and said "My turn".

Slowly I maneuvered off her body and sat back on my heels, with Lauren kneeling between my thighs. I placed my hands behind my head, my fingers resting in my hair and I grinned wickedly. My eyes sought Bella's again and she looked devastated, stricken, horrified. I jumped a little as I felt Lauren fingers deftly removing my shirt and then licking her way down my body, her mouth coming to rest just above my belt buckle. The entire time, I stared at Bella, smirking, wanting to punish her for hurting me, rejecting me, not wanting me, not loving me.

I was dimly aware of the catcalls and the cheering of the crowd as she licked the salt from one of my nipples, but all I could focus on was Bella. Seconds later, she poured the contents of the shot glass down my body followed quickly by her hot mouth. I tried to ignore Bella and focus on the sensation of Laurens mouth on my skin but it was impossible. Suddenly Jake tugged on her hand and she nodded, moving slowly , so slowly away again. With a last pained looked, tears brimming, she left the room as my mouth met Lauren's in a hot wet open mouthed kiss. And I tumbled head first into the oblivion that was alcohol fueled lust.

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BPOV

Jake suggested we move into the dining room, where it was quieter. He could see I wasn't happy and wanted us to go some place private to discuss what had happened. As we entered the room, there was a crowd of baying kids gathered around the Cullen's dining table. Curious as to what was happening I stood on tiptoes to see and the wished I hadn't. There on the table were Lauren and Edward, about to do a body shot. His eyes met mine and he went very still but then he grinned at me, evilly. He was enjoying this, he was enjoying the pain I felt.

I watched in horror as Edward looked over at me again and smirked as some one passed him the salt and he placed the shot glass in between her ample breasts now barely contained by the pink satin push up bra she wore. My heart thudded as he climbed onto the table and straddled her waist again.

Edward shouted something and looked over at me once again. He gave another smirk before he leant down and placed his tongue on her stomach, licking up her body coming to stop just below her breasts. I suddenly felt as though I wanted to be sick. I wished that this was a dream, that tonight had all been a dream, everything, all of it even what came before, i wanted it all to have been a dream. I wished that we had never kissed, that I had never agreed to go out with Jake and that we were still best friends.

I couldn't turn away as I watched Edward sprinkle salt on Laurens stomach and place his tongue back onto her skin, chasing the little grains around her body, Lauren gave a giggle and arched her back provocatively. I didn't want to see the expression of lust in Edwards' eyes, that proved what I had thought all the long. He had never wanted me, it had been a competition, one he hadn't expected to loose. I cringed, trying to control the trembling in my body. . There were no tears though, I had to be strong. I had to think about Jake next to me.

"Go Cullen" he said with a leer at Lauren, as they kissed on the table "You have to hand it him, Bella, she is fucking hot"

My heart felt like it was breaking as I stood watching the boy I loved making out on a table with another girl. And now my boy friend was clearly interested in ogling her, I felt my heart thud to a stop as she divested him of his shirt and I took in the perfection that was Edward. His hands fisted in his hair, the muscles of his arms and shoulders bunching and rippling in response. I could just make out the sexy little tufts of golden brown hair beneath his arms, they did funny thing to my stomach. The expression on his face was indescribable but I guessed it would be the closet I ever came to seeing what he had one day laughingly called his "sex face" He was so beautiful it was almost painful to look at, my eyes filled with tears as Lauren licked the alcohol from his body and their mouths met once more.

"You ready to go somewhere a bit more private?" Jake asked his breath hot and damp in my ear. I knew what that meant.

I nodded fighting the tears and the pain and with a long last look, I turned my back on Edward Cullen, for good.


	14. She made her bed!

**Evening all…I just want to say a massive thank you to all the lovely readers who have taken time out of their bust schedules and lives to share a little of themselves with me and review. It is amazing to think you are all enjoying this as much as me and are just as hooked. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much I enjoyed writing it and you get an idea of just where we are headed here. And last but not least I would like to dedicate this chapter to- XStaceyX- whose words humbled me and touched my heart. This one's for you……Love Tink. xxx**

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From the corner of my eye I watched as Bella slipped out of the room with Jake and forced my attention back to the lovely Lauren, who at this very moment was doing interesting things with her tongue against my neck. The crowd of assembled kids, hooted as she slowly licked her way down my body and I was filled with an urge to do something I never did. Indulge in mindless drunken copulation. I wanted; no needed to forget the pain Bella had caused me. Setting her away from me a little I looked down into her blue eyes and gave her a sexy smile.

"Shall we take this somewhere more private?" I breathed against her ear and she giggled and moaned, pressing her soft chest against mine. I stumbled from the table and caught her as she leapt into my arms, her arms around my neck, her mouth finding mine. I pushed my way through the room, still kissing her frantically, intending to head to my bedroom, stopping suddenly when Alice and Rosalie blocked my way. There faces were not happy. I wanted to roll my eyes but had a feeling it would only make things worse.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" Alice asked me not for the first time that night.

"I would have thought that was perfectly obvious…you're an adult, you figure it out" I sniped and Lauren giggled again but the noise was beginning to get on my nerves.

"Edward, Bella has just disappeared upstairs with Jake and all you can do is make out with Barbie here" Rosalie said with a pointed look at Lauren.

"_You _are calling _me_ Barbie?" Lauren asked with a nasty look at Rosalie.

"Girls, Girls…don't fight over me" I chuckled; I was drunker than I thought if I believed Rosalie was fighting over me.

"Cullen you are asking for it" Rosalie began.

"Yeah and I'm going to give it to him" Lauren smirked; pressing kisses against my bare chest.

I grinned at the murderous looks on the faces of Alice and Rosalie "Now if you'll excuse me, we have something to do."

Alice placed a hand on my arm and held on with considerable force for a pixie "Edward, he's took her upstairs to do god knows what and you don't care…this is still Bella we are talking about."

A surge of fury swept over me "And she is a big girl…she made her bed and now she will just have to lie in it won't she?"

I pushed past them and headed for the stairs with Lauren still trying to attack my mouth, desperately trying not to think about my best friend who was somewhere in my house probably half naked by now…. But with a bit of luck in a few minutes I would be too.

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BPOV

Tears still blurring behind my lids Jake took my hand and lead me from the kitchen where we had just spent the last thirty minutes talking and drinking. Although I had only three drinks I was feeling very strange. I fought against the urge to be sick. The small amount of alcohol I had consumed was making me feel a little dizzy and lightheaded. I was never much of a drinker anyway but I felt very weird, weird. I stumbled a little against Jake and he swung me up into his arms.

"Silly, silly Bella…you really shouldn't have drunk as much" he said with a smile, talking half to me and half to some of the kids in our class as they passed by.

I wanted to open my mouth to protest that I hadn't, but I found I was too tired and too sick to move properly. I felt my eyes roll a little in my head and I let myself rest against his chest, I wanted to be sick.

"Jake" I managed to mumble "I don't feel well"

"I know Bella; let's go somewhere you can lie down huh?"

He was so good to me, I thought as another wave of dizziness swept over me. I closed my eyes for a second to see if that helped but became aware that Jake had stopped walking and was outside a door. He shifted me in his arms and my eyes fluttered open with a moan of protest. We had stopped outside Edward's room.

"This should do Bells" he said and pushed open the door. Inside it was dark and I squinted trying to see through the darkness and blurred vision that was now troubling me. Christ I must have drunk more than I thought as he set me down on Edward's bed. Without a second thought I rolled flat onto my back and inhaled deeply. Edward. It smelt like Edward. I was in heaven, my sickness momentarily forgotten as I felt cocooned and protected by the mere scent of the boy I loved so much.

"Edward" I mumbled, burrowing into his pillow and sighing.

I felt the bed dip as Jake sat down next to me, his hands coming to rest on my shoulders. I couldn't see his face, it was too dark and the blurred vision was back with a vengeance.

"I feel so strange" I moaned, my head flopping from side to side and I could hear the panic in my voice.

"Sssh" Jake soothed "Its okay Bella, you just had too much to drink…I'm going to take care of you, I promise and you might even like it"

I couldn't make sense of his muddled words as he hands moved to the buttons on my shift and slowly one by one began to undo them.

"Wha- what are you doing?" I slurred, this wasn't right.

"I'm just trying to make you more comfortable so you can sleep Bella, you want to sleep don't you?" he crooned against my ear and I tried to nod, I was desperately tired.

"There now" he said, his hands parting my shirt and stroking down the center of my body to skim it from my shoulders. I shivered a little, not in reaction but as the cold air touched my skin.

"There's my good girl" he whispered and moved his hands to my breasts, squeezing me through the material of my bra. I wanted to move, to roll away but I felt like I would vomit if I did and I couldn't throw up on him. All I knew was that I didn't want him to touch me like that.

Jake's hands were hard and biting against my flesh and I moaned in protest, it was hurting me, I didn't like it. He must have misconstrued my moan because seconds later his hand slid inside my bra and he rolled my nipple between his fingers.

"No Ja-" I tried to protest.

"Sssh Bella, it's okay, it's okay… everybody does it, you'll like it Bella I promise" he said his tone soothing but his words filling me with fear. I shook my head from side to side as he pushed my bra below my breasts and bent his head. I had to move but my vision was blurring and my body felt too heavy, I almost felt paralyzed. My eyesight was fading and I felt as though I was about to pass out.

The door to the room flew open with a loud bang as it connected with the wall and a very feminine giggle met my ears.

"Occupied! Fuck off!" Jake growled angrily, not even rising his head from my body where his teeth were nipping at my skin.

Suddenly the room was filled with light and I blinked rapidly blinded by the sudden change. I lifted my head from the pillow and what I saw stopped my heart. Edward. He was stood in the doorway with Lauren cradled against his chest protectively but his expression was one of such fury that even in my drunken state, I will never forget it. His eyes were ablaze and his jaw worked tightly as he stared down at us. My first thought was to apologize but I could barely speak. I knew he would be furious that I was on his bed; he hated people being on his bed. He was a bit OCD that way. My second thought as overwhelming relief that Jake had stopped. I shifted on the bed and tried to make my arms work to dress myself.

"Who knew Bella Swan could be such a slut?" Lauren giggled and I tried to glare at her but was too busy trying to redress myself with hands and arms, which would not obey. I was useless and suddenly very aware that I was half naked in a room filled with bright light. Everyone, Edward included, was getting a good look at what I had, I wanted to curl up and die of mortification.

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EPOV

My mouth still connected with Laurens, I pushed through my bedroom door and became immediately aware of two things. One that we were not alone in there and two- someone was on my bed. I couldn't see in the darkness who it was and had intended just to give them an angry glare then kick them out. But I switched on the light and my heart had stopped beating in my chest. There spread-eagled on my bed was Bella and Black, obviously involved in a heavy make out session. Bella was half naked, her white cotton bra pushed under her breasts, her shirt abandoned on the floor. I tried not stare at her, at the perfection that was her body but I failed and I feasted my eyes hungrily on her. Rage hit at about the same time, she had come into my room to make out with Black. She must have known where she was, it was a punishment, a message to me, one she knew I would understand. I wanted to beat the shit out of him but all I could do was stare. This was her way of telling me again, she had chosen him.

"Wow who knew Bella Swan could be such a slut," Lauren giggled and I felt a red mist descend over me. How dare she call Bella a slut, at least she was in a relationship, however bizarre, with Jake. Lauren had come with me for a mindless fuck. She, not Bella, was the slut. I set her roughly on her feet and waited for Black to defend Bella. Instead he turned to me with a frown and said sarcastically "Nice timing Cullen", all the time looking Lauren up and down. I cast my eyes to Bella who appeared to be having some trouble moving correctly. Something wasn't right, she looked drunk out of her mind, no wonder she seemed to unfazed by what was happening.

"Bella what the fuck do you think you are doing?" I snarled, desperately trying to keep my eyes off her quivering globes as her chest rose and fell.

Her mouth opened but no sound came out.

"She's had too much to drink Cullen, she came in here to lie down…you know how it is…one thing leads to another and well –" he shrugged and smiled at me as though we were sharing some sort of brotherly bonding experience. I knew he meant Lauren.

"Get her dressed and get the fuck out of here" I snapped and turned to Lauren who was grinning like a Cheshire cat "You too"

She pouted at me "Why? I thought we were having fun!"

"Fun's over!"

She stomped her foot and whirled from the room in a flurry of fake blonde.

I glanced back over to the bed to see that Bella had managed to put on her bra but was still pretty much out of it. Her eyes were gazed over and she could barely move, Jake was looking at her a smirk on his lips. He was enjoying this I realized, enjoying seeing her so vulnerable and incapable. I pulled my cell from my pocket and dialed Alice's number

"Alice, I need you to bring Jasper, Rosie and Emmett too, I'm in my room with Bella"

"Wha-"she began, her tone concerned

"Don't ask questions just get up here" I hissed and shut the cell phone with a snap.

"What have you done to her Black?"

He grinned, he fucking grinned at me "Nothing she didn't want…Bella made her choice remember and she chose me…not you"

"I swear to god if you hurt her I'll-" I threatened

"You'll what? Don't you get it? Bella doesn't want you in her life, you do anything to me and she'll never speak to you again!" he laughed, looking down at the nearly unconscious form on the bed.

"Come on Bells, lets go back to your place and finish what we started" he said bending over her once again. She moaned weakly from the bed and I crossed the room in a heartbeat, gripping his arm in my hand.

"You are not taking her anywhere in that state…she stays here!" I snarled at him, she may not want me in her life anymore but that didn't mean that I was just going to let him walk out of here with her practically unconscious. God knows what he would do to her.

"You can't stop me," he said trying to throw off my hand, where it bit into his skin.

"No… but I can, and believe you me, I will enjoy the fuck out of it" Emmett's voice came from the door way as he stepped inside. Behind him I heard Alice's gasp of distress and she pushed past us to climb onto my bed next to Bella.

"Bella" she said urgently "Bella can you hear me?"

I could hear the concern and threat of tears in her voice as she looked at Bella.

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BPOV

I was dimly aware of an argument taking place in the background and I could hear Alice's musical tones close to my ear but I couldn't respond. The room was spinning and my body still felt so heavy. I tried to nod but that made the nausea worse and I moaned. Over my moan I heard the noise of a slight scuffle and I heard Jake shout

"I won't fucking forget this Cullen and neither will she!" he sounded as though he were outside the door and getting further away with each word he said.

"I'm banking on it" Edward said grimly and I felt the bed shift beside me as Rosalie appeared in my line of sight, the bed and my stomach rolling.

"Bells, Bella are you okay…do you need anything?"

I felt my stomach cramp and protest, swirling around "Bathroom" I managed to get out and felt the first rise of bile in my chest.

Within a second I was aware of being swung into a pair of arms and I snuggled against a bare hot chest. Inhaling deeply through my mouth, I sighed. It was Edward. I could recognize his smell anywhere and my heart flip flopped inside me. I lay my head against his muscular chest and felt the searing heat of him against my skin, my nausea gone temporarily. Only to return seconds later as he deposited me on the bathroom floor and I vomited copiously into the toilet. As I heaved I felt my hair being brushed from the clammy skin of my forehead with a tender touch and over the noise of my retching I heard a soothing sshing sound. The feeling subsided and my stomach calmed, a cool damp washcloth was pressed into my hand and I held it against my mouth, my cheeks, grateful that I wasn't going to be immediately sick.

There was a hand resting on the back of my head and I heard a very masculine chuckle. Emmett was stood in the door laughing like a drain. Me being drunk off my face was humorous to him? I tilted my head back and rested against the cool tile of the bathroom wall, suddenly aware I was wearing only my bra and jeans and I wasn't alone. Every member of the Cullen family, except for the parents, was staring at me curiously. I opened my mouth to tell them to go away and suddenly my head was in the toilet bowl as I retched again. Alice was there in an instant, supporting me as I cringed, rubbing my back. I didn't deserve such good friends, even though they had tried to break my heart they were still there for me. Maybe I had been too hasty in wanting to cut myself off from them. They were here Jake wasn't. And for the first time I was glad. I couldn't remember clearly how I came to be in Edward's bedroom half naked but I didn't think it could be good.

"Guys maybe a little privacy" I heard Edward's soft tones and my heart squeezed inside my chest. Fuck I had missed him, so much.

I was aware of the shuffle of feet as they left and I looked up expecting to see just Alice's warm brown eyes. Instead I met sympathetic topaz.

"Brown" I murmured and frowned confused into his face, which swayed slightly.

"Don't you mean Black?" he snapped at me and I knew I had done something wrong. I didn't mean to make him angry with me.

"Alice's eyes are brown," I told him as though he was stupid and then he chuckled.

"Oh fuck," I muttered as another wave of nausea crashed over me and I dived for the bowl.

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EPOV

I listened feeling a little sick myself as Bella retched into the toilet. Whatever she had drunk was leaving her system now and at least I knew she wouldn't die of alcohol poising. I held back her hair and tried to soothe her a best I could. Having had plenty of hangovers myself I knew it wasn't pleasant and felt a pang of sympathy. I still couldn't believe she had drunk so much to get her into this state of incoherency. What riled me further still was that Black had let her. If I didn't know better I would have suspected he was trying to taking advantage of her. When I had first come into the room, my first furious instinct was that they were making out. Now in hindsight and seeing how drunk she was and the fact that she could barely move, I wondered if it _was_ a make out session. I pushed the thought from my mind, I didn't like the boy but I didn't want to believe that he could do that to her, that he would feel her up while she was passed out.

"Bells" I murmured and she turned to look at me, her eyes a little more focused but her soft skin still chalk white. Her teeth were chattering a little, shock and cold I assumed.

"Edward" she sighed softly, a goofy smile on her lips. I couldn't' help it I smiled back. She was pleased to see me it seemed.

"Bella, think you could sleep? Are you still sick?"

She shook her head at me and yawned, I could see her drifting a little and bending down I handed her my toothbrush.

"Here Bell, use this"

I watched trying not to smile as she stuffed the toothbrush into her mouth and moved it about awkwardly. She looked like a three year old trying to brush their teeth. IN that moment I remembered how much I loved her, even if she didn't love me, I remembered how much I needed her in my life and it became clear that I wasn't going to let her get away from me again. I scoped her up in my arms and carried her back through into my room where Alice was waiting for me. Bella was barely conscious.

"Oh Edward, what has he done to her?" she sighed looking at her friend cradled in my arms.

"She'll be fine Al, she just had too much to drink that's all" I didn't want to mention my other suspicion until I had chance to talk to Bella herself.

I set her down in my bed and tried to ignore the primitive surge of pleasure within me "We can't take her home like this Charlie will kill her… she'll have to stay here"

Alice looked sheepish "Can she stay with you? Jasper is staying with me"

I wasn't planning on letting her go anywhere but again Alice didn't need to know that.

"No problem, I can watch make sure she doesn't get sick in the night… go in my top drawer and pass me one of my shirts"

I watched as she fumbled around before grinning triumphantly and passed me a white button down dress shirt. Next to Bella's tiny frame this was going to swamp her. I chuckled and shook my head.

"Could you perhaps have found something a little bigger" I asked with a grin, looking down at the bed were Bella was now snoring softly. I stared at her for a few seconds, enjoying her beauty, enjoying the fact she was in my bed, thrilled that for now I could be this close to her again.

"Oh My God!" gasped Alice and I turned my attention to her, ready to strike, convinced something was very wrong. She was staring at me with the strangest expression.

"What is it, what's wrong?"

"You love her!" she squeaked out around the hands she held to her mouth and she stared at me, a wicked grin on her face. My first instinct was to deny it but then I knew my sister and she wouldn't believe me, besides she was Bella's best friend and if I was going to fight for her, I would need all the help I could get.

I hung my head a little unable to hide the sheepish smile "Yeah, I think I do" I admitted, my eyes straying to Bella again "how did you know?"

She smirked "Your face when you looked at her, you just kind of went all goofy and got this grin…. Edward this is so exciting you have to tell her!"

She sounded so excited that I hated to burst her bubble "She knows Alice, or at least that I wanted to be with her…she turned me down…she doesn't want me" I said wincing as I said the words aloud.

"What no, that can't be true she-" her voice betrayed confusion and she frowned.

Alice stopped mid sentence and looked at Bella "You have to fight for her Edward, you have to tell her how you feel, tell her you love her!" her face was anxious now and I could see her almost thinking- before it's too late.

I shrugged and looked away, I couldn't decided what to do but one thing I knew was that Bella Swan was not pushing me out of her life anymore.

"Could you perhaps, er, help me with this" I said indicating to the shirt I still held. Alice grinned at me evilly and stooped to remove Bella's shoes as I began to unbutton the top buttons on the shirt I held.

"Think you can handle the rest" she smirked and I stuck out my tongue.

"Al, it just isn't right…if I ever get to undress Bella she will be conscious and fully aware of what I am doing…this just seems too much like something Black would do"

She looked at me sympathetically and nodded before going to work on the tight faded jeans she wore. I tried not to stare as bit-by-bit Bella's beautiful body was reveled to me. Her long slender legs, the smooth taut thighs and her …flat stomach. I gulped as I took in her feminine curves and I heard Alice tinkle out a laugh "Your drooling Edward"

I handed her the shirt and together we managed to fold her into it. Cradling her against my chest I thought I had never seen her look so beautiful. Alice pulled down the sheets and I gently placed her beneath them, covering her over. I reached out and stroked her hair away from her face, wanting desperately to bend down and kiss her.

"Sleep well my Bella" I murmured and gave in to my desire, kissing her cheek softly, overwhelmed by the love inside me. I wasn't aware of Alice slipping from the room, I only had eyes for Bella, my one, my only, my Bella.


	15. Of Us

**Sorry to keep you all waiting but this took me a while to write…it's still not perfect but I like it and am hoping you all will too…send me some love and I will try and include more of the same, if you like it tell me…I can't write it if you don't let me know if I'm on the write track (write track geddit?) Anyway bad jokes aside, please review and you can have my eternal gratitude. Love to all. Tink. XXXXXXXXXXXX  
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EPOV

It was well after one and the party was drawing to a close, I could hear the random thump, thump of the muted music slowly fading away and I shifted on the chair trying to get comfortable. My eyes drifted to Bella who lay on the bed, her soft snores filling the air. Every now and then she would shift and turn and mumble in her sleep and I would smile. She had always been a sleep talker and great fun at slumber parties. I shifted again and the muscles in my body protested. I ached all over, the alcohol long since gone from my system and I was starting to tire. I glanced enviously at the bed, noticing how Bella only took up a small amount and then pulled my sweater around me. It was starting to get cold, I was uncomfortable and tired and the bed, with our without Bella in, was starting to look inviting. Could I share the bed with her? Would she hate me for sleeping next to her? As I got to my feet I realized that I didn't care at this moment, I was just so tired and the idea of sleeping next to Bella was very very appealing.

I got to my feet and shucked off my jeans, before climbing in beside to her. I wanted to moan at the feeling of the warm sheets against my skin as I lay rigidly next to Bella hardly daring to breathe for fear it would wake her up. I looked up at the ceiling and listened to the gentle sound of her breathing and occasional snores, intending to let it lull me to sleep. But of their own accord my eyes drifted to her face and I drank in the sight of her so close to me after all this time. She looked different but still very much the same and my heart ached. All this time she had been in my life and I hadn't seen her for who she really was to me. She was the only one I wanted, the only one I needed and I wasn't about to let Jacob Black spoil our relationship.

I shifted onto my side, facing her and gazed in wonder at her beautiful lips. I wished that I could pull her close and kiss away her pain, kiss away all the doubts she had about us, all those doubts that made her stay with a douche like Black.

"Edward" she mumbled and I jumped at the sound of my name, sighing from her lips.

"Yes Bella?" I murmured.

"Miss you…come back"

She was clearly still sleeping and I smiled to myself, Bella's night time conversations where sometimes a joy to behold.

"I miss you too Bells," I whispered, waiting.

"It hurts…no don't Jake, I don't like it" she moaned, shifting in the covers, her face falling into a frown. I froze, prayed she wasn't talking about what I thought she was talking about.

"It's okay Bella" I tried to soothe her but her face was still upset and she shook her head from side to side, her arms thrashing a little now.

"No Jake, stop…Edward!" her plaintive cry tugged at my heartstrings and I scooted closer wanting to comfort her. Gathering her close to my side, I rested my chin on her head and began to hum softly, something I had always done when she was sad and scared. I inhaled her tantalizing scent and stroked her silken hair.

"I'm here Bella, it's okay….sleep Bells" I mumbled against her skin and let my eyes drift shut, intending to rest them for a few moments. I didn't notice when she slipped into a deep and dreamless sleep as I too slept on.

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BPOV

I stirred and suppressed a sigh as I wiggled closer to the hot male body beside me. This was by far the most realistic dream I had ever had about Edward and I was determined to enjoy every second of it while it lasted. I knew that sooner of later I would awaken trembling, throbbing, needy and alone. I could feel the heat of his skin and the slow thump, thump of his heart under my palm. Idly I moved my fingers, tracing the firm rise of his pectoral muscle. He was so smooth yet his skin puckered in reaction to my touch.

In my dream I was sprawled across Edward, my head pillowed on his shoulder, his chin resting on my hair, his soft breaths teasing my forehead. Our legs were entwined and I could feel the length of his hardness pressing against my inner thigh. A strange tingling filled me. Had I been awake I would have blushed. An erection, Edward's erection. My dreams had never included that before!

I allowed my hand to drift down his chest, savoring the sudden increase in his heart rate, my hands finding the muscles of his abdomen, pulled taut as I stroked them. My stomach clenched as a very masculine groan sounded against my ear, his hot breath tickling, turning my insides weak. Wow, oh wow. In my dream I turned my face up to his and our mouths met in a hot, wet, deep and passionate kiss. His tongue stroked mine, dancing with it, toying with it, drawing it deeper into his mouth. I moved my mouth, slanting my head to allow him deeper access, as his tongue stroked inside me. The hands, which rested on his stomach moved and he groaned again, fascinated I shifted them a little lower and was rewarded with another unbelievably sexy groan.

I felt that familiar throb building between my thighs and pressed myself closer to him, wanting to ease the ache. I could feel the flex and play of his stomach muscles and I congratulated myself on a dream well done. My dream Edward had never been this responsive or daring before as his hands drifted down my body to pull me closer to his side, our mouths never parting. I squirmed, wanting to feel his hands on my skin and I shifted restlessly, he must have got the message as I felt his hand slide slowly, so agonizingly slowly, up my calf to my bent knee. I tensed, my core turning to liquid at the thought his hands and fingers were so close to where I needed them……

………..Suddenly an insistent banging began to interrupt my dream and disappointment, not desire, flooded through me. This was where I would have to wake up. The dream would be over and I would wake up alone, my body trembling with need and love, ready to face another day without Edward in my life. I went still and slowly opened my eyes…………

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EPOV

The shrill panicked scream, which met my ears, was not exactly what I had been expecting and I cursed loudly as she deafened me. Her mouth was only inches from my ear and I could see her full lips, slightly swollen and bruised from the impact of our passion. But it was her eyes, which shocked me most, soft and alight with need as they first opened, changing rapidly to fear and anger. The anger I had kind of expected. The fear…it wounded me a little. But another piece about Bella's motivations for staying with Black suddenly clicked into place.

"Fuck Bells, do you have to scream?" I cursed flopping back onto the bed, rubbing a hand across my chest, as she sat up and clutched a sheet around her as though I planned some wicked perversion on her person.

The knocking on the door came again and without very little warning Emmett came bounding through it, closely followed by Alice.

"What's going on?" he demanded somewhat breathlessly looking anxiously around the room, taking it all in one glance.

I stole a glance at Bella who was blushing a furious red and gawking at Emmett in some admiration, he wore only a pair of tight boxers. I turned my attention to Emmett and gave him a dirty look, he smirked, his eyes going from me to Bella and back again. Obviously taking in my half naked body and thoroughly kissed looking Bella, he smirked wider.

"Oh, I see what's going on…. but why in the hell is she screaming about it?" he chuckled; relaxing now there was no imminent danger, look extremely amused. Alice stood beside him, looking like the proverbial cat that had got the cream and she couldn't keep the smile from her lips. I was having some trouble keeping a straight face myself. I glanced back at Bella who sat up in bed clutching the sheet so tightly her knuckles were white.

"I came to tell you that Charlie has been on the phone wondering where Bella is…don't worry Bells I told you were still asleep, he asks that you are home by lunch"

Bella was staring mutely at Alice and as amusing as we all found it, I could see Bella was having a hard time keeping it together. She must be in shock, waking up with a hangover and your ex best friend could be quite perturbing.

"Guys, could we have a few minutes…I need to get up"

Emmett chortled with laughter and looked pointedly at the slight tent in the sheet.

"Looks like you already are"

I felt the tips of my ears turning red and yanked at the covers, trying to preserve my modesty. Unfortunately Bella was unprepared for such eventuality and she tumbled onto me, her breasts pressing against my chest, her nipples pebbled and hard. I fought another groan when I thought about touching them, tasting them, rolling the around in my mouth until she cried out my name. Bella scrambled to move, her knee brushing my erection in the process. I began to shake and felt as though I was a touching away from cumming.

"Get out!" I yelled but with a smile and threw a pillow in the general direction of Alice and Emmett. With a loud chuckle and a musical tinkle, I found myself alone once more with Bella who was now sitting as far away from me as possible. One hand clutching the sheet to her, her other holding her head. She looked livid, her face a bright red.

"Bells?" I said softly, wanting her to look at me so I could see her eyes.

She stared ahead, her posture stiff "What happened last night…how did I end up here…with you….in your bed….and you with no, with no…well you know what I mean"

"Don't you remember?"

She turned to look at me then and rolled her "If I did I wouldn't be asking you would I?" she snarled at me and then clutched at her head again with a groan. The sheet she held protectively pooling around her and I tried not to look at he outline of her breasts or the way her stiff little nipples stood proudly to attention. I allowed a smile, I could have some fun with this but seeing the look of distress in her eyes, I knew I just couldn't do that to her.

"Relax Bells, you just had too much to drink and crashed here. Jasper was staying with Alice so I said you could use this room"

I watched as she thought about what I had said but she still looked a little suspicious

"Why didn't Jake just take me home?"

I floundered, I didn't want to tell her the real reason, that I wasn't sure what he would do to her in that state. But at the same time I saw no reason to protect him.

"I think he thought he'd get shit off Charlie taking you home drunk" I lied, gritting my teeth against the truth.

"Oh" she went quiet again and then her face colored again "and what about just now? Why did you kiss me?"

I chuckled then and grinned, it was predatory and I saw her eyes widen in helpless response "You kissed me Bella"

Her face froze in shock and she stared at me "I, I didn't…I wouldn't do that! I'm with Jacob," she protested hurriedly, shaking her head.

My face fell at the mention of that douche bag and the amusement I felt vanished.

"You kissed _me_! Why did you kiss me Bella?" I asked angrily, crossing the bed to look her in the face.

"I didn't… I didn't-"

"-Bella, I woke up to find you kissing the hell out of me…not that I minded but fuck Bells _please_ don't deny it…it was all you!" I spouted.

I watched the color spreading across her cheeks and down her neck onto her- I gulped, trying not to notice the way her breasts were quivering with her rapid breaths. She was just as turned on as I was… she knew and I knew it. The only question was, what was I going to do about it?

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BPOV

I stared at Edward in horror. He was right. I had kissed him. But in my defense I thought I was dreaming about him as I so often had before. I couldn't tell him that, not when I was a) going out with Jake and b) still mad for the entire trying to split us up thing. I didn't know what the hell to say to him but in the back of my mind I was filled with wonder and awe.

Kissing Edward had felt amazing, so, so right. I could feel. Everywhere he touched me I felt him. It was so natural and so perfect to be touching him that way; my hands and knees still trembled. All this time I had thought there was something wrong me because I didn't feel anything when Jake touched me. There was nothing wrong with me. I didn't feel anything was because Jake was not Edward.

Guilt flooded over me in waves as I realized I had cheated on Jake, whether I meant to or not. It wasn't his fault that I got too drunk to go home. He had done the right thing or so it seemed as I had a hazy recollection of him carrying me to Edward's room and loosening my clothing so I would be comfortable. I had to make this right and biting my lip slightly I said the only thing I could think of to get Edward off my case. I knew it would hurt him but it was for his own good. I was with Jake and that wasn't about to change any time soon.

"I thought you were Jake," I murmured staring at the ground, afraid to face him and see the pain in his eyes.

"Bullshit" he said succinctly "That's crap and we both know it!"

I shook my head franticly and my eyes rose to meet his "It's not Edward…. I'm so, so sorry but I thought you were Jake…. I was dreaming I was making out with him…you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time…I don't want you Edward"

"Really? So that's why you're still trembling with need huh? That's why when I look at you, your body reacts, your nipples get hard….that's why when I touch you, you melt…when I kiss you, you moan and claw at me….that's all me Bella! That's not him!"

Edward was furious his eyes almost black in their intensity as he snarled the words, his gaze raking over my body possessively and to my surprise I felt another flicker of desire. Would the wanting never stop? I attempted to press my thighs together surreptitiously but he noticed and gave me another heated look.

"See…you're just scared Bella"

I stiffened, incredulous "Of what?"

"Scared of me, of us, of what we could be…but most of all your scared of yourself…that's why all these years you've tried to be someone you're not…you dress like a guy to hide your amazing body, you don't wear make up, you don't date…you push every guy away because you are too scared to have a real relationship…. even with me…we had something special but you wouldn't give it a chance because you're scared… and now you're with Black…someone you don't love, someone that you don't even want because you are too afraid of me…of you…. of us".

He stalked from the room, leaving "us" behind him and me unable to control the tears that fell freely from my eyes.


	16. What she doesn't know

**Hello everyone and welcome to my snow day! This took me most of the day to write and is a little rough around the edges as I wanted to post it quickly. Thanks again for all your reviews I am thrilled to find that I am nearly on 200 reviews!!! Yay!! Just a little warning though, the language gets coarse in places here but you will see why. With that in mind I hope you enjoy and if you do, then please , pretty Cullen, please…review? Love to all. Tink. xxx**

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I felt the trembling of tears on my lids and wanted to scream in protest. Didn't he see that I was doing this not out of fear but out of love and for _his_ protection? I wouldn't be strong enough to go on if we split up and I lost him, at least this way, we still had each other. Friendship strained or otherwise was better than being without him. I stared at the open doorway he had recently left through and felt so lost, so lost.

I opened my mouth to deny it but I couldn't… he was right. I was afraid. Hell I wasn't just afraid I was terrified and had been all these years. That was the real reason why I had _never_ agreed to tell him my true feelings, I was scared, not that he would say no, but that he might say yes and I would have to put myself on the line and become vulnerable. At least being with Jake meant I couldn't get hurt. He didn't have the power to hurt me, not like Edward did.

I stared blindly through my tears and mechanically forced myself to pull on my worn and dirty clothes. I had to get out of here. I couldn't do this, I couldn't be here. I couldn't be around Edward and not confess that he was right, that I was scared of feeling, of loving of being with him. I opened the door and shouted for Alice, hating the tears in my voice as I sat back on the bed to wait for my best girl friend.

"Oh God!" I cried as she came into the room, a mug of coffee in one hand and plate of thick white toast in the other. She set them on the beside table and gathered me close to her as I cried and cried.

"Hey it's okay Bells…want to tell me what happened? Edward looked pretty upset when he stormed out of here"

"He's gone?" I croaked, strangely relieved yet devastated all at the same time. Once again he had left me to deal with the aftermath of our tangled emotions.

"Gone for a run, you must have had one helluva an argument"

I nodded and rubbed at my cheeks, dashing away the tears which still poured down my cheeks

" I kissed him," I confessed on a shuddering breath, wincing as Alice squealed and pulled me tight in a bone-crushing hug. Who knew a pixie could be so strong?

"Oh Bells that's great… it's about time you two stopped dicking around and got it together… see the plan worked right?" she chuckled, smug.

I stared at her aghast "Alice I'm with Jake, that's not going to change…the kiss with Edward…it was a mistake"

I couldn't believe those words were coming from my mouth. It had been my greatest wish all my adolescent life and now I was denying myself. Somehow it didn't seem real.

She stared back at me equally aghast "But Bella this is what you want, this is what you've always wanted"

I wiped away another tear "Yeah and look how far it has got me, three lousy kisses and here we are furious with each other…imagine what could happen if we started a relationship and it went wrong…I just couldn't face taking the chance and loosing him…it's not worth it"

"Lousy Kisses…they were that bad?" Alice was agog.

I sighed, remembering, and peeked at her though my tears "Actually they were pretty amazing… I just meant all we have done is kiss and already we are at each others throats…I just can't do it Al"

"But Bella, you could be so good together, it wouldn't go wrong…Edward's my brother, are you telling me he's not worth it?"

"It just wouldn't work, at least with Jake I know where I stand, I know how I feel…Edward just turns me upside down and inside out…it hurts too much" I cried banging my chest "I feel so guilty, I cheated on Jake…he's done nothing to deserve this and I cheated on him"

"Bella, you were pretty out of it…it's his own fault for letting you get so smashed" she reasoned acidicly, a frown marring her face.

"Don't blame Jake for me not being able to handle my drink…you try and blame Jake for everything, I wish you would just leave us alone" I snapped, my pain momentarily forgotten.

"Fine!" she snapped back "But we, all of us, Edward included, love you and we don't want to see you hurt…and you're hurting now Bells"

I sniffed again, wondering if and when the tears would finally abate "That's only because what you all tried to do…if you just left us alone there wouldn't be a problem"

Alice hugged me to her side "I can't do that Bella, I love you, we all love you and for as long as you need me I'm going to be there watching your back okay?"

She hugged me close to her and I let the rest of my tears go, safe in the knowledge that Edward was out and unable to hear my pitying sobs. I was paying for what I had done, the pain he felt would be nothing to my own as I denied myself what I most wanted….him.

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**EPOV**

It was three days before I spoke with Bella again. We had returned to the stage of not even acknowledging each other's presence. She was with Black as though nothing had ever happened, as though he had not tried to get her drunk and abuse her whilst she passed out. It seemed she had no memory of the event and for some reason as much as it frustrated me I was grateful, I didn't want her to have the pain of knowing what he did.

Every time he looked my way, I wanted to punch someone, punch something, as he smirked at me. So smug, so sure of himself, I was desperate to wipe that cocky smile from his face. And no one was more surprised than me when I finally got the opportunity.

It was Wednesday, the period before lunch. Gym. After a not so friendly game of soccer, with more fouls than I would admit to, we hit the showers, Emmett and Jasper with me. As we entered the shower block still dressed in sweats and our shirts, the sound of raised voices became noticeable above the noise of the running water.

"What the fuck did you give me Newton? She was so doped up she nearly puked all over me!" came a snarl. I recognized Black's voice immediately.

"Hey I warned you they all react differently…next time just give her half"

"I wanted her lucid, not fucking smashed…how the hell am I supposed to get any of that frigid bitch if she's off her face and puking into a bowl…it better work this time Newton or your ass is mine"

My heart raced inside my chest and I fought against the yell of rage inside me. He had drugged her. Given her something to loosen her up. That was horrific enough but to refer to her as that frigid bitch…

Christ, Bella didn't deserve that. Rage filled my whole body and I turned to look at Emmett and Jasper who looked as horrified as I felt. For once there was no smile on Emmett's face.

There was a tense silence between us and without saying anything Emmett nodded. We've got your back. I rounded the corner coming face to face with Black, the smug looking bastard. I tensed ready to strike.

I didn't wait for him to say anything; I just pulled back my fist and hauled off with everything in me. A satisfying crack ringing in my ears as my fist connected with his nose. The pain in my hand was nothing compared to the pain he would feel as I took aim again and landed a punch on his jaw.

"You fucking bastard! I know what you did!" I roared as he swung towards me, lunging for me. I winced as he landed a punch to my ribs and I hunched forward, before swinging at him again. The bastard laughed at me as he straightened up,

"She won't believe you Cullen, she's too fucking loyal like a dumb fucking bitch… when she sees what you've done to me she won't ever look your way again!"

I lunged at him again, but he weaved taunting me "I'm gonna fuck her Cullen and then when I'm finished I'm going to invite my friend James over and guess what limp dick…he's gonna fuck her too…and she'll love it…. Pisses you off doesn't it Cullen, knowing that I'll be inside her, with her screaming my name?"

I heard a warning growl beside me as Emmett shifted restlessly. I knew in that instant he wanted Black as much as I did but was giving me what I wanted, a chance to beat the ever living shit out of him. I reached out again, my fist attacking his face, his jaw, his nose, anywhere I could get and we tussled back and forth. Black landed a few cheap shots and I knew that in the morning I would have a black eye and several sore ribs. But it would be worth it to get this worthless piece of shit out of Bella's life.

"You touch her again and I swear I will fucking kill you" I yelled at him, pummeling into his now still form.

I felt a pair of arms pulling at my shoulders and I turned ready to spring again, brandishing my bloody and bruised knuckles. It was Emmett.

"He's had enough Edward…leave him…remember who you are," he said, his voice so soft and calm I had to strain to hear him over the noise of Jake's groans. I looked up at him and our eyes met, I knew he was right but the pain inside me when I thought about what he had done demanded vengeance. Jasper moved to stand beside me on the other side, his hand holding my arm to prevent me attacking again.

"It's okay Edward, you've made your point" he like Emmett, was calm and still.

I looked at Black who even through his bloodied face retained his smug grin "You've done it now Cullen, she's mine"

"Don't bet on it, Bella's smarter than that" I spat out the coppery blood in my mouth, just missing his face by inches and turned to walk away wincing at the pain in my ribs as I pulled in a ragged breath.

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**BPOV**

I huddled in the stall and pulled out my cell about to call Jake just to say hi, playing the role of the dutiful girlfriend that guilt demanded I play. I'd told Mr. Banner I had women's problems and he just stammered and blushed, pointing me in the direction of the bathroom. Men! Mention the word menstruation and they became totally weak. I was about to press the call button when I heard a familiar if slightly nasal giggle from outside the stall.

"You should have seen her, she was off her fucking face, smashed out of her skull….you could see everything…I'm sure she's had her tits done, no way were they real… what a slut!" it was Lauren.

"I always thought Bella was so quiet," retorted Jessica sounding scandalized.

"Quiet? Why do you think Jacob is seeing her? She has to be giving him it, why else would he go with her, she's a mess"

My heart thudded inside me, they were talking about me. About what had happened at the party. I felt angry and sick all at once.

"You know" Jessica was saying thoughtfully "I always thought that there was something between her and Edward"

Lauren giggled again and I wanted to punch something, probably her "Only on her side, she's chased him for years, pathetic really the way she follows him around like a puppy"

Anger flooded through me and then panic, had it been that obvious? Did everybody know how I felt about Edward, everybody but Edward himself?

"I don't know, they're pretty close but she's with Jake now anyway"

"Well for now… and what she doesn't know can't hurt her" Lauren gigged maliciously and I listened closely, my heart stopping. The second of silence in their conversation ringing like a bell in my ears.

"What do you mean…spill Lauren, what have you been up to?" Jessica sounded intrigued and I heard the sound of water running. I wanted to curse, unable to hear the conversation for a second or so.

"Let's just say when Jake left the Cullen's he didn't leave alone…. and boy is he talented" she sighed and then giggled.

I felt sick. I didn't have to hear the words to know what she meant. She had left with Jake and something had happened between them. Tears burned behind my eyelids, but they were tears of anger not of sadness. All this time I had felt bad about what had happened with Edward, Jake was guilty of the same crime. And with Lauren of all people. I didn't know what to do but I couldn't really break up with him. He had done something he shouldn't have but then so had I. Now we were equal.

"Are you seeing him again?"

"Tonight, after he has dropped Bella home…we are going for a ride…if you know what I mean" there was that malicious giggle again and I wanted to bust down the door and slap her.

That was it, once I could understand and maybe even forgive but to carry on, especially after the guilt trip he had laid on me about spending the night at the Cullen's. I had had enough. My friends were right. He wasn't any good for me. With the clarity came calmness and all my anger left me. I listened for a few more seconds and I heard the door creak open and then there was silence.

Slowly I opened the door and stepped out into the bathroom. I didn't know what to do, my mind was a little numb and I felt rejection course through me. Had I not been enough for Jake, had he not wanted me? Was I so bad that he had to turn to other girls? Was it my fault he wanted Lauren. I summarized so, if I had been normal like other girls and had enjoyed touching my boyfriend, he wouldn't have had to look elsewhere.

I didn't know what to do, where to start but I knew what I wasn't going to do and that was show them I was upset by their relationship. He was welcome to the vindictive little bitch and even though he didn't want me, I realized that underneath I wasn't really bothered. Through my relationship with Jake I discovered that I wasn't girlfriend material and had like Jake had said "issues". The thought of him touching me now just made me shudder and that was wrong, there was something wrong with me. I didn't ever want to be in that position again and the only way to avoid that feeling was to stay by myself.

My cell began to ring and I saw with surprise it was Alice. Alice? What was she doing out of class?

"Hey Alice" I said with forced cheer, not wanting to alert her to my recent change of heart. This was something I had to do in my own time, in my own way.

"Bella? Where are you? I came by your class and your not here," she was whispering, probably in a hallway somewhere.

"I'm in the girls bathroom by the library, why?"

"I need to speak to you…think you can get a pass and meet me at my car?"

She sounded urgent and for once I didn't question her, I just agreed. I found that I wanted to tell her what I had over heard before I spoke to Jake.

"Sure, I've got Banner this hour, he'll give me a pass"

"To leave for the rest of the day?"

"Er if I need to, do I need to?" I began to get slightly worried by her anxious tone "Alice nobody is dead are they?"

I heard a light giggle which reassured me "No but someone may wish they were after I've spoken with you"

"Okay, give me ten minutes and I'll be there"

"See you in ten Bella"

The call disconnected and I went back to class, claiming cramps and the need to change my clothes. Banner went as red as I usually did and handed me the pass without further question.

* * *

Less than ten minutes later I clutched my pass in my hand and strolled casually along as though cutting class was something I did all the time. As I neared the parking lot, I saw that Alice's car was full and I stiffened. Edward, Emmett and Jasper were sat talking in heated whispers. I couldn't see them clearly but I could tell from their body language something was wrong. I didn't want to see or speak with Edward and as I approached the car I opened my mouth to tell Alice that but my mouth fell open in shock as I took in his face. He had a rapidly swelling black eye on the left side of his face, his cheek was turning a dark violet color, his lip was swollen and bloody and there was dried crusty blood under his perfect nose.

"Edward!" I gasped unconsciously reaching out to touch his face, my hands shaking as I took in the extent of his injuries. He said nothing he just looked at me and leaned into my touch a little. I could have sworn I heard him sigh.

"What happened to you, are you okay? You need to see a doctor" I blurted all at once and turned angrily as I heard familiar but bitter laugh behind me. Jake.

My heart stopped, if I though Edward was in a bad way then Jake was far, far worse. His nose looked as though it could be broken and one of his eyes was beginning to swell shut. He too sported a fat lip and his shirt was torn. He looked at me and I could see he was expecting sympathy.

"Jake" I said coldly and I saw the worry on his flicker on his face.

"Bella don't listen to him! He's trying to split us up… he attacked me"

I shook my head in disgust, how could he speak to me after what he had done and was planning on doing again with Lauren.

"It was for you Bella, I did it for you…I just wanted to help you relax, you know because of your issues…I didn't know it would make you so sick, Newton swore to me it would be safe" he babbled, nervous now, his hands reaching out to me.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I snarled.

I froze, unsure what he meant, my heart dropping as I began to piece together his words. Behind me, I felt Edward move from his seat to stand closer to me, a growl beginning in his chest.

" You…drugged me?" I gasped, sickened and horrified, unable to believe it, not wanting to believe that he could do that to me.

"Bella, it was just something to make you feel in the mood…I didn't know you would react like that"

"You drugged me?" I repeated, my voice getting stronger, yet the hurt and horror still evident.

"You wouldn't relax with me Bella, I couldn't touch you…and I wanted to be close to you, you know how much I love you"

"So you drug me? You bastard" I snarled, all the anger inside washing over me and I began to shake.

Jake's face turned "Hey if you would loosen up a little I wouldn't have had to…Jesus Bella you're not normal, you froze every time I went near you…you're frigid Bella, I was trying to help you" he protested but his tone was condescending, almost patronizing yet still aggressive.

I was aware of my friends, silence, their presence a comfort to me, despite the fact that I felt like a fool. Humiliation joined the current of emotions battering me. I wanted to curl up and die but I couldn't. I had to be strong and see this through. I wouldn't let him do this to me.

"Help me?"

"I love you Bells"

"You love me so much you fucked Lauren Mallory behind my back on Friday?" I snarled. Not only was my soon to be ex boyfriend a cheat but he was also a potential date rapist. My legs were shaking as adrenaline fuelled my response.

"I, it was a mistake, a one off…I was frustrated Bella…I was drunk I'm sorry, it meant nothing" he said taking a step towards me. In that same second Emmett appeared at my side, folding his arms across his massive chest in an imposing manner.

"Oh" I said as though I just got it "Oh so that's why you were meeting her tonight to do it all again…just to make sure it meant nothing"

I felt more than heard Edwards chuckle of approval behind me and I took strength from it.

"Bella, it's you I want, it's you I love," he protested.

I shook my head "You don't know what love is…and I'm warning you now Jake, stay away from me or I will be speak to Charlie about the fact you drugged me…I'm sure Carlisle could run some tests, find out exactly what it was you gave me"

"You know what Bella, you really are a freak…your frigid, nobody else will want you" he snarled moving towards me once more. I didn't respond as he was suddenly and unexpectedly pushed bodily, landing in a heap on the floor. Emmett smiled at him menacingly "Just give me one more reason Black and I will tear you apart myself"

I watched him bluster and get to his feet. He turned to walk away, he may have been a bastard but he wasn't stupid. "This isn't over Bella, not by a long shot"

"Don't be on it, I'm smarter than that," I snapped, wrapping my arms around myself as the trembling increased. Now that the danger had passed I felt almost weak and wanted to sink to my knees and cry. Alice wrapped an arm around my waist and pushed me gently into the front seat of the car.

"It's okay Bella," she said softly, taking my shaking hands in her "It's over"

"Yes" I mumbled, "It is"


	17. Space and Time

**Hello to all…sorry for the slow updates I have been soo busy it's been unreal. Just a warning, just because Jake is out of the picture don't go expecting any happy endings just yet…this story will be slow in places…anyway as always let me know what you think and I have included a little bit of a song which I think Alice and Rosalie should maybe play Bella in the next chapter…it's on you tube if you want to check it out…. That's all for now folks, please take the time to send me a little review and I will send a hot naked Cullen around to you…(I wish ;) **

_The person that you were has died  
You've lost the sparkle in your eyes  
You fell for life - into its traps  
Now you wanna bridge the gaps  
Now you wanna bridge the gaps  
Now you want that person back_

**Wonderful- by Gary Go**

**

* * *

  
**

I stared after Jake, trembling inside the car, barely aware of the heated whispers around me, of Edward moving to kneel at my feet, of Jasper settling back on the seat, of Emmett pacing restlessly. I felt the hot, angry sting of tears as my bravado left me, a million emotions hitting me at once. Anger, regret, pain, humiliation, and most of all, guilt.

I had allowed myself to be manipulated and controlled, turning my back on my friends, on Edward, on the people who cared about me. And there was a part, although I wasn't sure how big, a part that wanted me to go after him and make things right. I had neglected the people closest to me for a guy who had drugged and cheated on me. What was I thinking? I shook my head, trying to clear the fog of Jake's control.

I had thought everything he'd said was right, that I was too fat, that I dressed wrong, that I had a problem being intimate with him, that these were all things wrong with _me_. All my problems, all my fault.

" Bella, are you ok?" Alice asked, her musical voice gentle as she wrapped an arm around me.

"I'm so sorry Alice, I can't believe I was so dumb… I thought he really liked me you know" I heard my voice and was shocked to discover how weak it sounded.

"He did really like you, but his idea of like was totally different to everyone else's. We could all see it" she gestured to the rest of the car and I jolted realizing Edward was still hurt.

My eyes sought his, where he knelt before me, watching me warily, as if he didn't know what I was going to do or say.

"You're hurt, because of me…I'm so so sorry Edward" I sniffed, hoping he would be able to forgive me, knowing I didn't deserve it. He offered me a weak smile; the corner of his swollen lip twitching and then he winced. Guilt poured through me again. I had hurt him, Jake had hurt him, I was no good for him. He was in this mess because of me, hurting because of me.

"It's okay Bella," he said, trying to soothe me. Always the good guy my best friend.

"Why didn't I see what he was really like?" I asked of no one in particular, staring ahead a little dazedly.

"Love is blind Bella, we all know that" Jasper said his quiet voice so full of caring that I wanted to sob again. Edward moved to reach for me as the tears left my eyes and he couldn't hide the sharp wince of pain. Here I was worrying about me and he needed medical attention.

"God we have to take you to a hospital. To your Dad!"

He chuckled dryly "Somehow I don't think that's the best idea…he would kill me"

"He would Bella" Emmett put in "Unless you tell him what happened to you….you should think about telling Charlie too"

I stared at Emmett as though he had grown two heads "No way" I said flatly. It was humiliating enough without having it dragged though some court and the whole town knowing that I was a "frigid bitch".

"Bella he could do this to someone else" Alice argued.

I held my breath against the thought "He wouldn't" I bluffed praying I was right "It was my fault…he was only doing it because I have problems…maybe in his twisted way he was trying to help me" I reasoned.

* * *

EPOV

As I listened to what Bella said I shook my head in disgust. Black tried to date rape her and when that didn't work, he slept with the school bike and she still was looking for excuses for him. She still couldn't see him for the dangerous ass hole he was. I wanted to reach out and shake her, to make her see sense.

"Perhaps you liked the idea of being a couple so much that you couldn't see him for what he was… you were running and Jake caught you" Alice tried to tell her.

I watched as she shivered inadvertently and I knew she was thinking about the time I had talked about being caught and the resulting kiss that followed. It was the kiss that had changed my life, made me see in Bella in whole new light.

"I wasn't running" she cried, sounding desperate

Alice nodded "Yes you were…. I don't know what from but what ever it was; it was enough to send you running to Jake"

I watched her shake her head again in protest and she looked on the verge of crumbling again. However much damage he had done to her self-esteem all this analysis was doing her no good at this moment.

"Alice" I said warningly and gave her a stern look with the only eye I could see through.

"Okay" she relented throwing her hands in the air "Maybe we should get you and Edward home, you both look like shit"

"Thanks Al" I said without malice and moved to my feet, before climbing gingerly into the back of the car with Emmett and Jasper.

Bella remained introverted for the rest of the journey back to my place. I could see she had a lot to think about and I could only hope that she wasn't trying to come up with excuses for Black or blame herself. Bella had a hard time seeing the bad in people, and to think that someone she had loved was bad would hurt her enough. The mood was somber as we all climbed from the car and I fought to hide the pain I was in, each time I looked at Bella I could see the guilt in her eyes and I knew it must be tearing her up inside. Once inside I excused myself to take inventory of my injuries and left Bella in Alice's capable hands, hoping she would talk some sense into her. As I hobbled slightly we shared a look and Alice nodded, she knew what she had to do.

* * *

BPOV

Seeing how much pain Edward was in, made me feel physically sick. I couldn't believe I had gotten him into this and now he was suffering because of my stupidity.

"Bella…why did you put up with his crap for so long?" she asked me bluntly.

"It's complicated" I sighed, "I think I was so desperate to forget my feelings for Edward and convince everyone how happy I was that… I just didn't care how Jake was with me…. I thought everything he did was for _me_, all the changes, always wanting to be with me…. I thought he loved me"

I know I sounded pathetic and child like even but I couldn't help the way I felt. I looked at her and she offered me a sympathetic smile.

"That isn't love Bella… that's control. He manipulated you when you were vulnerable" she pointed out "Don't blame yourself, he knew what he was doing"

I gave a helpless shrug; this did all feel like my fault. I had hurt Edward and I had drove Jake to hurt me. I was responsible for it all, the pain and the grief; I had to do something to make it right but I still had a lot to understand and to come to terms with before I could do that.

"What about Rosalie… why did she do that to me?" I asked turning her attention away from me, from the more painful questions inside me.

"It was the only way we could get him away from you, so we could try and make you see what a bastard he was" Alice told me with a sheepish smile.

I gave her a sour look "You could have just asked to talk to me".

I was still bitter about the way they had connived behind my back.

"That wouldn't have worked, he'd already tried to poison your mind against us, and he would only let you go if he thought he was going to get something out of it…. Rosalie said he was the worst kisser ever by the way! She didn't enjoy a second of it"

"I thought it was just me," I murmured to myself but Alice heard me gave me an enquiring look. I flushed red and shook my head; I couldn't bring myself to talk about my lack of feelings towards my now ex boyfriend. I couldn't talk about sexual things the way she and Rosalie could.

"Bella you did nothing wrong, you know that right?" she told me softly and although I knew she was just trying to help me, I had to admit I had done things wrong.

"Yes I did…look at Edward. I pushed him away…I pushed you all away…Edward was my best friend and look what I have done to him," I whispered.

"You didn't do anything Bella…he is big enough to make his own choices just like you and he chose to stand up for you…you're his best friend Bella what else could he do?"

I shook my head, my mind a mass of tangled emotions and I was not too sure how I was feeling right at this moment.

"Alice I think I need to go home, have a little bit of space, try and sort my head out"

She looked at me steadily for long seconds and I could see she was trying to evaluate my currant mental state; eventually she gave a little nod, almost to herself and relaxed.

"Sure but Bella will you do something for me?"

It was my turn to nod.

"Will you speak to Edward…I know he's been worried about you"

I didn't really want to deal with that now, I didn't want to have to face him, knowing he had been right but to keep Alice happy and to give me the space I craved, I nodded.

* * *

EPOV

I stared at my reflection in my bathroom mirror and winced as I dabbed at my lip which throbbed painfully in response. I looked like shit, the only saving grace was, Black looked worse than me. I turned sideways, gingerly moving this way and that, examining the raised welts and bruises the colors of olives against my ribs. There was a hesitant knock on the door. I knew who it was before I spoke. Bella would be the only one to knock in my family; any of the others would have just come right on in.

"Come in" I tried to inject a note of happiness into my voice to cover the aches and pains in my body.

The door opened slowly and Bella peeked around it, the color leaving her face as she took in my injuries. I heard the gasp of breath she sucked in as she stepped hesitantly towards me.

"Oh Edward…I'm so sorry" she began, her voice tremulous.

"Bells, it's okay really…it's worse than it looks" I lied, catching her eye in the reflection of the mirror as I dampened the washcloth and held it against my cheek.

She took another step closer, her face concerned and I could feel her behind me as she reached around to take the cloth and hold it once more under the faucet. For a long while she said nothing as she dabbed and wiped at the various cuts and scrapes on my face, the only noise, the sound of my breath as it hissed out in agony every so often. Despite the pain I was in, it felt good to have Bella at my side again, touching me, looking after me. There was so much to say, so much that had gone on between us but I could feel how nervous she was in the taut silence of my bathroom and knew we probably wouldn't get anywhere.

"Do you wanna talk about him?" I offered more to break the tension than thinking she actually would want to talk about what had happened.

She shrugged but she was avoiding my gaze now "There's not much to say is there… you were there you know what happened…. I can't remember a whole lot"

"Maybe it's better that way…. I know it's no consolation but I don't think he got too far"

She shrugged again "Maybe" her tone was flat almost devoid of emotion, uninterested.

Silence descended on us again, it was awkward, she knew it, I knew it.

"Edward…don't be mad at me okay but it's still too weird…I'm not sure if I can be around you for a while-"

"Bella I-" I began in protest.

"No, please Edward, let me finish…I need some time, some space to clear my head…to find myself again…being around you, well it just confuses me" she admitted biting her lip, darting little nervous glances at me from under eyelashes.

"How much time?" Was it just me or did my voice sound hoarse?

She shrugged again "I don't know…I'm not saying I won't speak to you but I just can't be around you right now"

I whistled low to distract myself from the mental, emotional and physical pains tearing at my heart, my body, my mind.

"He really did a number on you didn't he?"

She looked up sharply and I regretted my harsh words "What, what do you mean?"

I softened my tone "Just he manipulated you Bella and now you can't even be yourself, you can't even relax around me…. don't you think I see your pain…don't you think I want to help you Bells"

I could see the quiver of tears in her eyes and hear them in her voice when she said "If you want to help me Edward then you will have to give me some time…some space…. I need to find out who I am"

I took a tentative step towards her and cupped her cheek with my uninjured hand, my thumb brushing away the tears that seemed to slip unnoticed down her cheeks.

"No you don't you just have to remember who you were…you didn't need to change for anyone…I like you just as you are"

My voice was soft and was so still that for a moment I thought she hadn't heard me as she lent into my touch, her eyes fluttering closed. Touching Bella was like touching heaven and she was going to have to get used to it, because once she'd had her time and space, I was coming for her. She was mine and she always would be…she just didn't know it yet.

* * *

BPOV

I heard Edward exhale a soft breath through his bruised and battered lips and I stiffened suddenly remembering who he was. This wasn't fair to him. He wanted something I couldn't give him. My experience with Jake had taught me many things and one of them was that I wasn't built for touching and petting. Edward had to understand that, as humiliating as it was for me, I couldn't let him think there would be something between us.

In the past what had pushed me into Jake's arms was the worry a romantic relationship between us would ruin our friendship but now I had a very different kind of concern. I couldn't give him or any man, what they deserved in a loving relationship; my experience with Jake and his happy pills had shown me that. If my own boyfriend had failed to move me then I wasn't sure I wanted to try again with anyone.

"Edward, about what happened between us . . . My feelings haven't changed, especially now, after all of this … I don't even want to think about romance or couples or any of that stuff for a long time, Jake messed with my head and I don't know how long it will take for me to feel like me again. .. I'm sorry," I said honestly, feeling guilty and sick.

He smiled easily at me through lips which were obviously sore "Its okay Bella, we can be friends though right…when you're ready?"

"Best friends" I gave him a wobbly smile and stepped away from him, putting some physical and emotional distance between us. Edward injured still did nothing to detract from the physical impact of him half naked. Though he was covered in cuts, bruises and scrapes, his nearness still made me nervous and weak. He confused me and messed with my head in his own way. I needed that alone time and soon!

* * *

EPOV

I couldn't pretend I wasn't disappointed or hurt by Bella's choice but I understood it. And I now I knew I loved her, I was prepared to wait; she wasn't going anywhere without me, but of course she didn't need to know that yet. So I was resigned to the best friend role but if that's what she wanted, that was what I would do. She'd had been through a lot and it was only natural that she would want time to gather herself, remember who she was.

Although Black had only been in her life a relatively short time, he had done some major damage to her self esteem and the last thing she would want would be me creeping her out with my feelings, and not all of them strictly romantic. What can I say she is a beautiful girl.

All I could do was to be there for her when she was ready. As she backed away from me I looked at her, noticing the dark circles under her eyes and her hollow cheeks. She seemed to have lost her zest for life, her bubbliness and it was all thanks to Black.

"Are you gonna be okay?" I asked her as she began to physically and emotionally retreat from me.

"I think so… with a little help from my friends" she said with a shy smile. It was genuine and her words so broken, that I wanted to weep.

"You know we're all here for you… if you wanna talk or just do something to take your mind off him" I offered. I knew deep down, that for now, she would refuse but it was an open offer, she knew it.

She nodded "I know" she said softly "Goodbye Edward"

"Bye Bells" I said and watched as she left the room, my heart and my entire body aching with the beating I had just taken.


	18. On the up

**Hello everyone and welcome back. Thank you so much to those people who have reviewed, especially to those who picked up on my Freudian slip "it's worse than it looks"- don't know what I meant by that, maybe my unconscious was trying to make it into a joke- or maybe I was just tired and lazy when I read it back- YOU decide... There have been a few people getting confused with Bella's issues and although I want you to know that she too is confused, I don't think it's coming across properly. So with that in mind I am gonna put another a/n at the end of the chapter for those people who want to know what's going on with Bella and hopefully I'll do a better job of explaining it than writing it. That said please share your thoughts with me and tell us all how you see, the love between our heroes two and don't forget to leave a review. Love ya. Tink. xx**

* * *

I arrived home find Charlie was still at work and after hastily stripping out my clothes I ran myself a long hot bath. There I wallowed as the tears came again. My life just felt like such a mess right now that I didn't know what to do and which way to turn. Talk about my head being in the shed. I sobbed in the bath until my skin wrinkled and pruned, the bath water cooled and the light outside dimmed. For half a second I contemplated holding my breath under the water and never coming back up again but then I remembered Charlie and how much it would hurt him. I had to get on; I was or used to be stronger than this. I pulled the plug from the bath and wrapped myself in a large bath sheet before heading back into my room. Shedding the sheet for my pj's I climbed into bed and waited for my thoughts to stop chasing around in my head. It was little after six when I heard Charlie come in the house and I suddenly realized I hadn't made him any dinner.

"Bells?" he shouted, his voice concerned and I braced myself, I knew he would be at my side without a thought.

"Up here dad" I replied and sure enough less than thirty seconds later he appeared in the door way looking worried.

"Honey what's wrong are you sick? You didn't make dinner" he said and then winced as he realized how insensitive his words sounded.

"I'm fine Dad, I just broke up with Jake today" I told him and watched he nodded.

"Oh…are you okay baby?"

I shrugged, not wanting to go into more details; unable to face the truth that actually no I was not okay " I guess…it's just a little hard right now"

He came into the room and sat down on the edge of my bed, looking at me in concern, yet still seeming embarrassed and awkward.

"Damn Bells, this is when I wish your mom was here…I don't really know what I'm supposed to tell you kid…I know it will take time but you'll get over him…time heals everything" he said attempting to sound so wise and sincere that I almost laughed.

"It's okay Dad, really, I broke up with him"

"Oh" he said seemingly cheered by that fact "Well you want me to order some Chinese food?"

I shook my head, my stomach revolting at the thought of food and besides I still had a few pounds I wanted to drop.

"Well okay, if you're sure, I'll be right downstairs if you need me" he said and I could feel his uncertainty.

"Thanks Dad" I managed to paste a smile on my face and no one was more surprised than me when I held it until he left.

I flopped back onto my pillows and flung an arm over my eyes with a sigh, my head was so full of shit I didn't know which way was up. I needed to do something, needed to talk things through with someone but couldn't decide who. I couldn't talk to Edward he was half the problem, but I had so many things, so many worries whirling around inside me that I thought I would go crazy.

One minute I felt like I couldn't stand being around Jake and the next I was thinking about him, trying to figure out why he had done what he had done. I almost felt like it was my fault, after all _I _didn't like it when he touched me, _I_ felt wrong, kind of numb. I had thought I loved him, that the reason I felt nothing was because _I_ had a problem but maybe I hadn't loved him after all. Maybe Edward and Alice had been right. Maybe I had just been scared and ran away from my problems, thinking that being with Jake would make everything all right, when in fact it made everything worse. I hadn't responded to _him_ because I wasn't really in love with him, was that it? Was it really that simple?

Then there was Edward, the guy I had loved for so long. How did I feel about him now? Guilty… guilty that he had been hurt because of me, guilty that I had messed him around for so long. I was puzzled though about when Edward had kissed me. If I really had a problem, surely Edward's touch would have left me just as cold as Jake's? But it didn't and it hadn't. Edward's touch had inflamed me, scorched my skin, and burned into my heart. Did that mean I didn't have a problem, that I was normal. All my teenage life I had been compared and found wanting to other girls, to Edward even, he was so perfect so god like that I still had a hard time seeing what he liked about me, platonic or otherwise.

Was I really this confused? Was it really just about my perceptions of inferiority to others? I muffled a scream in my pillow and pulled the covers over my head. This wasn't helping; I hadn't reached any logical answer. Each time I thought I understand my behavior another stupid what if would appear and I was back at square one. Time, I decided again, time was what I needed, not Edward, not Jake and not my friends telling me how I should be feeling. The only thing I could do was wait it out and see what happened.

With that life altering decision made, I wriggled down under the covers and although it was still only dinnertime, attempted to nap. Just as I began to relax, my cell cheeped annoyingly and I reached down groggily to read the message. My heart thudded roughly, it was Jake.

"_Bella please don't do this to us. I Love you. I need you. Lauren meant nothing to me. Jake. XX"_

I frowned, yeah right! And hit the delete button. He didn't love me….did he?

I snuggled down once more but only thirty seconds later there was yet another message waiting for me.

"_Bella, please talk to me…I'm sorry you have to believe me Bella, I Love you, no one else, I was drunk Bells, I didn't know what I was doing. Call me please? Love you. Jake. Xx"_

He was drunk when he was drugging me? He didn't know what he was doing and that was why he asking Mike for some more? Once more I pressed delete, yet again only seconds later the message alert sounded. I wanted to throw my phone against the wall.

"_Dammit Bells, I want to talk to u. I need u. U need me. Call me. xx"_

Five minutes later another text

"_Bella, this is ur fault, if u want me u back, u better call me. U know it makes sense U need ME .xx"_

Followed shortly by another,

"_I know you're there Bella, don't ignore me u bitch!"_

I felt a slight frisson of fear, as the next few messages were all in the same vein, angry and vaguely threatening. I deleted his number and turned off my phone, knowing it was the only way to stop him. If anyone wanted to contact me they could do at home. By now I was too keyed up to even attempt to sleep, so I picked up a book from my shelf and attempted to loose myself, trying to block out the recent events. My mind wandered and I couldn't give the book my full attention. I chased myself round in circles, was it my fault because I didn't love Jake? Had I pushed him to act like that? He had always seemed to have my best interests at heart, why would he change now? I had stared at the same page for twenty minutes before I realized and with a sigh I put down the book. If this was on my mind nothing I did would change that and reluctantly I gave in and began to ruminate my fate.

Why would anyone do all the things Jake did? Because he had cared about me, I told myself, maybe everyone had him all wrong, and maybe he _was _looking out for me not controlling me? It just didn't seem logical to me that a person would set out to change another unless there was something that needed changing. There I went with my inferiority complex again.

As sleep finally claimed me I was only dimly aware of the fact, that my journey of self discovery had lead me to an impasse. The only thing I could be certain of was that which I already knew, I had to be by myself, to build myself back up again, to rediscover the girl I was, to build a better Bella.

* * *

The next morning when I awoke, I switched on my cell with a feeling of trepidation and discovered not to my surprise that I had twelve new messages. Ten were from Jake in much the same vein as last night, alternating between begging and threatening and the other two were from Alice and my mom. I briefly scanned Jake's messages before I deleted them, they were full of anger and hurt, referring to me as either the love of his life or a frigid bitch, depending on he felt at that time. I considered telling Charlie and asking him to speak with Jake but that would open up a whole situation I just couldn't deal with right now.

Alice had text me just to let me know that she was there for me, should I need to talk and I debated with myself all through breakfast whether I should just be honest with her and tell her about my problems and how they affected my feelings for her brother. I pushed thoughts of Edward away, I still had lots of thinking to do, decisions to make and he would just cloud my judgment. I realized that if I spoke to Alice there was a possibility that she could push me into doing something I wasn't ready for because she thought it would be good for me. Last time I had followed my friends' advice I had ended up with Jake, their foolproof plan wasn't so fool proof. I was the fool.

I drove to school wishing I could take a sick day but Charlie was smarter than that and I knew that if I asked, it would alert him that something more sinister was wrong than just a broken relationship. He may have been a little clueless as a father but he was a cop and mostly he had good instincts, so when his daughter wants to spoil her near perfect attendance record by staying home, you'd better be certain he would want to know why. I could feel all eyes on me as I climbed from the car and suddenly I felt like the new kid in town again, everyone staring and whispering. After overhearing Lauren in the bathroom it didn't take a genius to guess what most of the girls were whispering about and after the lies she probably told, most of the guys too. Alice and Rosalie were waiting by my locker as I marched through the hallways of Forks High, my eyes fixed firmly on the ground. I couldn't suppress the smile as I caught the glares Alice and Rosalie in particular gave to anyone who happened to look my way for more than a second.

"Hi Bella" she said in her melodic tones "How are you this fine morning?"

I groaned and rolled my eyes "You're awfully chipper for this time of the day"

"Well the sun is shining, the birds are singing and you my beautiful Bella are no longer with the asshole Jacob Black" she singsonged leaning against my locker door with a beaming grin. Beside her Rosalie was strangely quiet. I guessed things were still awkward between us because of Jake, although I understood their motives I was still a little pissed at Rosalie.

"How's Edward?" I asked ignoring her last statement and elbowing her out of the way to collect my books for first period.

"Well my Dad did give him hell but when he explained he was defending your honor, he relented a little"

I stared at Alice aghast, Edward had told his father what had happened to me, he had gone against my trust? "He told him?"

"Relax Bells, he just said the asshole Jacob Black was running his mouth about you and him first. He said the asshole Jacob Black started the fight and he finished it"

I glowered at her each time she mentioned Jake's name "Do you have to do that?"

She looked at me innocently but I could see the mischief dancing behind her eyes "What?"

"Call him that"

"What? Oh you mean the asshole Jacob Black…why not he suits it," she giggled and then her smile dropped a little, maybe in reaction to seeing my expression.

"Alice please, I can't find any of this funny…Edward was hurt because of me"

Alice made a snorting sound "Bella, my brother is big enough and ugly enough to look after himself, besides he likes to feel he's needed and protecting damsels in distress makes him feel needed…you feed his ego Bells"

I rolled my eyes then jumped as my cell vibrated against my thigh, Alice missed nothing of my distress, her eyes going to my cell and then back to mine. With a sigh I flipped it open and cringed when I saw it was from the asshole- Jake.

"_See you later sexy. XX Jake"_

"Um hello, does he not know you dumped him?" Alice scowled at my cell as if it were Jake himself.

Shit, damn, fuck and shit. I had forgotten the classes I shared with Jake. But I could handle this, I would have to. I didn't want anyone else to be hurt.

"I think he's in what's commonly referred to as denial-"

"Well it's not just a river in Egypt" Alice said with a giggle.

"That was bad Alice even for you…come on I want to see if I can change my schedule" I told her and though trying not to look furtively about me, I felt as though I was on constant look out for Jake to appear. The thought scared me more than I was willing to admit. I hadn't got far when Lauren appeared in front of me, her delicate features turned into a sneer.

"I suppose you're happy now bitch" she snarled at me and I stepped back shocked by her venom.

"Excuse me what?" I felt Alice shift restlessly beside me and became aware of the stares of the people around us.

"You getting Jake kicked out…he's been sent to school on the reservation because of you" she snapped, pointing a long bony finger in my face. I fought with the urge to snap it in two, whilst I felt a wave of relief. Jake wasn't here, he was gone.

"He brought it on himself, it was nothing to do with me" I snapped back, sick of being pushed about.

"If you hadn't thrown yourself at him, your new boyfriend wouldn't have started that fight and got him thrown out" she sneered over the word boyfriend.

"Edward is not my boyfriend" I said unwilling to explain what had really happened.

"You know Lauren you have a really have a big mouth and one of these days, it's gonna get you into trouble" Alice said facing up to the blond

"Oh really…I'm scared"

"You should be…we've got Bella's back and you say one word about her and you'll have us to deal with" Alice said with a pointed look at Rosalie, whose face was twisted with anger.

"Still hiding behind the Cullen's Bella, you're such a child…no wonder he came to me" she laughed maliciously.

Rosalie stepped forward and I placed a restraining hand on her shoulder moving her behind me. I moved closer to Lauren glaring at her, sick of taking crap "You're not worth it Lauren…as for Jake, you're welcome to him…enjoy him while you can…you really think you can keep him for long? If you do you're as pathetic as he is "

I span around on the spot, fury pumping through my veins, adrenaline making my legs weak as I walked away. Alice and Rosalie followed behind me, talking animatedly.

"Bella! Where did that come from?" Alice asked sounding impressed. I glowered at her in no mood to be humored.

"I'm sick of taking her shit"

"Good for you Bells, now if you could just turn that on the asshole Jacob Black"

"Alice" I was surprised at the warning growl that emanated from my throat. She held her hands up in mock surrender and smiled charmingly just as the warning bell sounded and we made for homeroom. Though I wouldn't admit it, I was a little proud of the way I had handled Lauren and was extremely glad I wouldn't have to see or speak to the asshole Jacob Black. Things were definitely looking up.

* * *

**A/N**

**Okay so this is me trying to explain what is going on with Bella. To me Bella always suffered from an obvious inferiority complex, particularly where Edward was concerned and I wanted to show this. This is kind of like the tag line on IMDB (which I have just found has changed- AGAIN!) for New Moon –_if you can't be with the_ _one you love, will you stay with the one who loves you_.**

**My rationale was that since she wouldn't dare take a chance on a romantic relationship with Edward because of her inferiority complex, she would gladly be with Jake because he didn't stir the same emotions in her, make her scared, she felt almost equal to him. The problems begin when he starts to manipulate her- as those who had read Eclipse would know- he plays on her insecurity/ inferiority, tells her she needs to loose weight, stifles her with his presence, won't let her see her friends because he can't bare to be away from her. Bella believes all this is because he loves her and she feels guilty that she cannot return the depth of his feelings so she turns a blind eye to his possessiveness etc.**

**When he touches her she doesn't feel anything for him and again this makes her feel guilty, so she allows it even if she doesn't enjoy it. She knows that deep down she still loves Edward. This feeds back into her inferiority complex and she believes it's her fault that she can't feel anything, remember by now Jake has done a number on her and she believes what he says. Bella believes that she has a problem, that she is "frigid". **

**The only thing which gives her pause is the fact when she has been touched by Edward, she "felt" everything. But Bella being Bella writes this off because she has known him for so long and that she can relax with him. What we know but she doesn't yet is that it's because they perfect for each other ;)…In this story I wanted to strip Bella right back, to break her and then build her up, to allow her to slowly build her self esteem and self worth so that when the time comes she will be more than a match for Edward and she will believe his feelings for her. I wasn't too happy with the whole hearing Edward's voice in New Moon, proving that he loved her, so this is my very flawed and slightly confusing way of doing it.**

**I hope this helps a little and does not confuse you all more, cause I don't mind telling you, it's been playing havoc with me- almost keeping me awake at night! Anyway thank you so much for taking the time out of your lives to be a little part of mine. And don't forget folks, to read is human, to review is divine! Love to you all. Tink. xx**


	19. Healing

**Hello everyone…I was thrilled to see how many people are engaging with this story and leaving me reviews, though I have to admit they have given me lots to think about and question my own ideas for this story but that is a good thing, gets the creative process jumped started. With that in mind I made a special effort to get this finished. So please all those people I haven't heard from yet, leave me a review. Don't be shy I'd love to know what you think, what you like, what you want to see happen (although I pretty much have this entire thing wrapped up). Thanks to all those who have reviewed so far and I hope we all enjoy. Love Tink. XX**

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"So" began Alice with a sly smile, a few days later at lunch "You never did tell us what happened between you and Edward"

I shrugged, not meeting her probing gaze "Not a lot, he just told me that he was there for me…we agreed to be friends"

"That's it?" she wrinkled her nose in distaste "I thought you two would be together by now, you've waited long enough"

I pushed my uneaten cob salad around my plate, my stomach turning over nervously. I really didn't want to talk about this anymore.

"I'm not interested anymore…. I don't even want to think about guys"

"But Bella this is not just any guy this is Edward, you've loved him like forever, don't let what happened with the asshole Jacob Black put you off"

"Please Alice, please just drop it… I really don't want to talk about this now…please?" I could hear the whine in my tone and I knew she could too. From the corner of my eye I could see Rosalie shake her head subtly as Alice opened her mouth once more to protest.

I feigned interest in my food, moving it around the plate rather than eating it "You not hungry Bella?" Rosalie asked me, her eyes narrowing.

I shook my head; the lie escaping easily "Had a big breakfast at home"

I couldn't miss the pointed looks exchanged by Alice and Rosalie "What? Don't look at me like that…I've just broken up with my boyfriend"

Rosalie snorted "Bella you always had such a good appetite"

"Yeah and look at me now, it won't hurt me to drop a few more pounds…help the fit of my jeans"

Alice grinned mischievously "I haven't heard Edward or any of the other guys complaining about the fit of your jeans"

Secretly her words thrilled me but also sent a frisson of fear down my spine, I couldn't think about Edward in that way. I wasn't ready yet, Christ I'd only just broken up with Jake.

"Alice" I protested but couldn't help the small smile that tugged at my lips. My smile died as I felt my cell phone vibrate in my pocket. Oh shit.

"Aren't you going to see who that is?" Rosalie asked, when I pointedly ignored it.

I really, really didn't want but knew it may have been important. I sighed and flipped open the cell, my stomach turning to lead when I saw it was from Jake. I decided not to read it, not yet and not with my audience.

"It's just Jake, he's been sending me a few messages" I told them, trying to sound casual, hoping they could not hear the slight panic in my voice.

"What sort of messages? Begging to have you back I'll bet" Rosalie said smugly with a smirk on her on beautiful face.

"Not exactly" I paused knowing my friends would be mad "Just reminding me how much he loves me, how much I need him, that kind of thing"

I didn't want to mention the violence and the threats, I was certain he would stop when he got bored. It was just his way of getting back at me because I broke up with him.

"Please tell me, you don't believe him Bella" Alice cried said seeing the unhappy look on my face.

"Well why else would he say those things? You and Rosie wanted me to change too, maybe he's right," I said softly uncertainly, despite my recent progress there were still things I didn't understand.

"Oh Bella we only wanted what was best for you" Alice said sadly looking at me with big eyes. I could see that until now she had not understood the impact her changes had made on me. They, along with Jake had made me question who I was and if I was good enough to be with them.

"So did Jake…he loves me" I argued, not because I wanted to be back with him but I wanted to make them see how I saw I things, how I felt, how I was so easily taken in, how he could manipulate me so easily.

"Not in the same way Bella, please believe us… you do not have to change the way you look or dress, you're perfect as you are" Alice told me urgently, reaching across the Formica table to grab my hand, squeezing mine.

"But why would he say all those things about me if they weren't true?" I asked my expression pained, almost bewildered.

"Because he's a jerk, he just wanted to control you Bella… We are your best friends and we wouldn't lie to you . . . You're bright and pretty and funny and any guy would love to go out with you" Alice told me, holding my hand tighter still. I hid my wince of pain, I knew she was trying to convince me of her sincerity but it still hurt.

I looked between my two best friends, Alice and Rosalie and could see the concern etched onto their beautiful faces and with a jolt realized they were the ones who cared about me. They were the ones who looked out for me, not Jake. They loved me for who I was and what I looked like. I allowed a smile, letting my love and appreciation shine through; their protective caring was like a balm for my wounded heart. I knew I had to listen to them, they were important, not him, not the asshole Jacob Black.

I smiled at them, feeling a surge of affection so strong I was floored and tears filled my eyes "You guys are great. You know what? You're right… I'm okay as I am"

"Hallelujah" Alice beamed and we all shared a smile. A true girly bonding moment, I knew Alice would be thrilled and I braced myself for the hug that I knew would ensue as the miniature hurricane gripped me close to her. For such a tiny and slight girl, she had a way about her, she was like a force of nature, unstoppable, I thought with a grin, which I buried in her shoulder as she held me tight.

I was grateful that the boys, in unusual show of sensitivity, had opted to sit else where at lunch. Edward still wasn't in school, Alice told me her dad had insisted he rest a day or two, just to give his ribs chance to heal. I was pleased he was absent. I needed this talk more than I realized and inside I knew things would be all right… eventually. I felt happier already, a little more content. The asshole Jacob Black wasn't in school any longer and as long as I ignored my cell then he would be out of my life for good.

As if my thoughts had conjured him, my phone began to ring and under Alice and Rosalie's watchful gaze, I answered. I could do this, I had dealt with Lauren and now I could deal with my ex boyfriend.

"What do you want Jake?" I sighed, and unconsciously folded my arms across my chest.

"Bella please, you've got to let me explain . . . It was all Lauren she came onto me, _she _kissed _me_" he whined. How had I ever thought his voice attractive?

"I don't care Jake, I don't want to be with someone who controls me, cheats on me or drugs me" I told him tiredly, glancing up at Alice and Rosalie to see them watching me intently.

"I don't control you Bells, god what have they been saying to you? I only gave you those things to help you relax Bella, you were so uptight…whose been filling your head full of bullshit?"

"The only person doing that was you" I snapped.

"Don't say that Bella, I care about you…I love you"

"No you don't! You just wanted to change me, control me . . ."I asserted and watched Alice give me a thumbs up.

" Bella I love you… I just want what's best for you…this is all Cullen isn't it? I knew he would be sniffing around, trying to get into your panties"

"Fuck you Jake, I don't want to talk to you… it's over!" I said and closed the cell with a snap, unable and more importantly unwilling to take his crap anymore.

I looked up as I heard a deep, masculine chuckle "Way to grow a set Bella"

I smiled thinly as Emmett and Jasper joined us at the table, Emmett looked amused but Jasper looked pained and concerned.

"Is he- is Jake bothering you?" he asked me. Jasper was so sensitive bless him.

I shook my head against the lie, yeah he was bothering me but I didn't want my friends to know. I didn't want to take the risk of anyone else getting hurt because I was a fool. It was my job to sort this mess out; they had all done enough already.

"No, it's fine really, he just wants to talk"

"Please don't tell me you are considering it? He's a prick," Emmett snorted, helping himself to my uneaten cob salad with gusto.

"I know, don't worry I have said all I have to say to him"

Emmett winked at me "That's my girl"

Rosalie slapped his arm and huffed as he pilfered another piece of my lunch "Hey! I though I was your girl"

"Aw baby, you're my woman" he told her with a wolfish smile and lowered his mouth to hers, kissing her passionately. Rosalie in typical fashion responded with enthusiasm and I couldn't help but stare at them. I wondered what it would feel like to be kissed like that, to want to kiss someone like that, to be that lost in someone that you were not aware of your gawking friends, to be so confident you were loved that you didn't care who saw. A memory of my first kiss with Edward stirred in my head and a little voice whispered 'you already know…it's good remember?' That was the problem I did remember, everything how it felt, how he had tasted, how he had smelt. I squirmed in my seat, shocked and surprised by the fluttery feeling in my stomach. Now what had that been about?

"Bella, you're drooling" Alice laughed at my startled expression and I jumped forcing my attention away from the still kissing couple.

"Sorry" I smiled self consciously, my smile disappearing as my cell rang again. I glanced at it, a little scared but was relieved to see it wasn't Jake calling just Edward. My heart flip-flopped inside me and a thrill accompanied the fluttering in my stomach.

"Hello?" I said and couldn't help the breathless tone to my voice.

"Bella, it's me…do you have a minute?" it was Edward. His deep velvet tones voice sending further little shivers through me.

"Sure what's up" I could see Alice looking at me in confusion as a grin spread across my face, it's Edward I mouthed to her. She grinned knowingly at me.

"I was wondering if you could collect my science report and bring it over after school…you know how Banner gets"

* * *

EPOV

I heard a breathy little giggle down the cell and I felt my face twitch with a smile of my own. I told myself I was ringing just to ask her to collect my homework but in reality I was calling to see how she was holding up. After our conversation about time and space I wasn't sure she would want to talk with me but I couldn't help myself. I had to know she was coping, that she was okay. She was my best friend dammit; I couldn't just ignore what she was going through.

"Sure Edward, I'll get a ride with Alice…unless you want me just to give it to her?" she sounded uncertain and I could just picture her biting her lip, worried.

"No!" I blurted and wanted to cringe, I was trying to give her time, not scare her away "I mean it would be good to see you, I feel like I haven't seen you in so long"

I heard that little chuckle and my heart swelled inside my chest "Edward I saw you only a few days ago"

"Yeah but that wasn't you Bells…you haven't been you for a while…where did you go anyway?" I asked her, attempting to distract her from the serious issue behind my words.

"Mexico" she responded without missing a beat. That was _my_ Bella "But I'm back now" she stated quietly and I could hear the certainty in her voice. I smiled to myself. I had missed my friend, so much.

"Nice to have you back Bella… so I'll see you after school?" I asked hoping I didn't sound as desperate as I felt. I couldn't wait to see her, to talk to her properly. I was …anxious.

"Sure, bye Edward" she said and I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Goodbye Bella" I waited and heard the call disconnect before I shut my own cell, still smiling. Well to be blunt I was grinning like an idiot but since I was the only one home and there was no one here to see me, I didn't care.

I glanced in the mirror my smile changing to a frown as I took in the sight of my bruised and battered face. Not so handsome anymore but I would do it all again just to protect my Bella. I had already spoken with Alice and I knew Black was gone; I also knew that she had fronted up to Lauren. Over the course of the last few days one thing had gradually became clear. Bella was slowly coming back to herself and a big part of me was anxious to get to know her again.

I wanted to be with her so badly but I also knew I had to wait for her to come to me. I couldn't rush this no matter how badly I wanted to. She had been through so much recently and I knew another relationship would be the last thing on her mind. But I just knew that eventually Bella would be mine, just as I would be hers .All it would take was time and that was just one of the many things I was prepared to give her.

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BPOV

The rest of the school day seemed to stretch out before me like an eternity and I was a little upset with Alice after lunch. When I told her of my plans to visit with Edward, she suddenly "remembered" that she was going into Port Angles with Rosalie, Emmet and Jasper to catch a movie. All of a "sudden" she wouldn't be able to accompany me. Somehow I had the feeling that this "sudden" urge to go to the movies had nothing to do with entertainment on offer and everything to do with getting Edward and me alone. Sometimes she didn't have subtle bone in her body. Half of me was pissed at her that she would make an assumption that I wanted to see Edward alone and the other half was pleased. Although I had told Edward not so long ago I wanted to be away from him, I realized after a lot of soul searching these past few days and long nights, that I was missing our friendship. I didn't have any reason to hide from him. I could heal and still be his friend. The thought alone cheered me and I tried to pretend that those weren't butterflies in my stomach.

I said a brief goodbye to Alice and the rest of the Cullen's and clutching Edward's science report made my way to his place. I arrived in record time, lost in my own thoughts, not noticing as a truck pulled up behind me. I stepped out smiling to myself, the smile rapidly fading as Jake appeared beside me.

"Bella…I need to speak to you please," he said coming to a stop before me.

I tensed unconsciously. I could do this.

"Go away Jake, I don't want to speak to you" I said trying to walk past him, as though he was not there.

"Bella, I love you," he said to me, catching hold of the top of my arm and I felt a shiver of fear as I tugged against his hold.

"Jake it's over… you cheated on me….you fuckin drugged me….I don't want to be with you" I told him, scared now as he his face changed and his fingers tightened around me.

"It's him isn't it…you're fucking Cullen aren't you?" his handsome face was twisted in anger, his tone accusing.

Fear raced through me now, I had never seen him like this with me, he looked so big and imposing and mean, his hand in a vice like grip around me.

"No I'm not! You're hurting me Jake… please let go of me" I couldn't help it I whimpered and he let me go, so abruptly that I stumbled back against my truck and slid to the floor, cowering away from him.

"Oh God! Bella I am so sorry, please believe me…I just love you so much" he blurted reaching for me his face stricken and I lurched away from him, my legs shaking.

I was terrified by the way he switched moods so quickly, one minute he was all anger and fury and the next he was full of remorse and humility.

"Did you follow me? I don't believe this… Stay away from me Jake or I'll tell Charlie what you did," I said pushing myself to my feet and backing away from him, I didn't want to stay in a vulnerable position around him. I didn't want him to know just how scared I was.

" I just wanted to talk to you…I thought you were going home…I didn't know you were coming to see _him_…Please Bells, I love you" he said, as I backed quickly away from him up onto Edwards porch.

"Stay away from me Jake…it's over" I called and rushed to Edward's door, stumbling through it.

Shaking I glanced through the window to see him staring in after me for a few seconds before turning and climbing back into his truck.

I heard him speed away in a squeal of tires and a cloud of dust.

I leant against the door, breathing heavily, my entire body shaking, tears pricking at my eyes. I blinked them away. I didn't want Edward to know what had just happened, I wanted to handle this alone. Gathering myself, I heard Edward call down from upstairs,

"Bella is that you?" his voice was hopeful.

I took a slightly shaky breath and hoped I didn't sound as freaked out as I felt.

"Yeah it's me…shall I come up?"

"I'm coming down, give me a minute"

I was glad of the chance to pull myself around and I moved down the hallway into the den on legs that shook. I plopped down on the sofa and tried to calm myself. I didn't know if I was more freaked out by his anger or by the fact he constantly told me he loved me. There was something in his eyes, wildness in his eyes that I didn't like or trust.

"Hey Bella, there you are… I almost sent a search party for you" Edward joked as he came into the room and threw himself down next to me. His mouth kicked up in my favorite crooked smile. I attempted to smile back but my face felt frozen and stiff.

* * *

EPOV

One look at her face and I knew something was wrong, her skin was pale even for her and her chocolate eyes were so large that they almost looked too big for her face. I could see she was trembling faintly too.

"What's happened?" I asked urgently.

"N-Nothing" she told me moving away from me and reaching for my science book.

"Don't lie to me Bells-", I said and then froze as her shirtsleeve rode up and I could make out the now very visible finger marks, purple against her pale skin. I stared at her arm as she quickly, awkwardly tried to cover it up. Savage fury erupted inside me and I wanted to hit out at Jake again.

"What's happened Bella?" I asked, trying to keep the anger out of my voice and failing miserably, as I slowly reached for her arm. I pretended not to notice the slight flinch she gave as I touched her.

"Nothing Edward… please just leave it" she whispered a strained look on her face.

"Don't lie to me," I repeated but it was a whispered plea not a demand, "It was him wasn't it? Jake did this to you? Are you hurt? When did this happen? Damn Emmett! He was supposed to be watching out for you"

"I'm fine really, he just scared me a bit that's all" she told me her voice quivering so badly I knew she was more shocked than she let on.

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BPOV

Edward's beautiful eyes were ice cold as they met mine "Tell me what happened" he demanded this time and I flinched away from the anger in his tone.

"Nothing really, he just wanted to tell me he loved me…he's gone now, I saw him drive away" I told him trying to soothe him, trying to calm him.

"He was here? Fuck Bella why didn't you come get me?" he sprang lightly to his feet going to the window and even in the midst of my slight panic I couldn't help but admire his gracefulness and the way his muscles moved and bunched beneath his tee shirt.

"He just wanted to tell me he loved me" I lied. I couldn't admit to the accusations that he leveled at me.

"And?" he prompted turning to look at me, apparently satisfied Jake was gone he returned to my side. I felt the touch of his leg against mine as he sat a little too close and couldn't find it in me to object, having him this near made me feel safe, secure in a way I hadn't for so long.

"And nothing, that's it, he just held me a little too tight, a little too long" I tried to sound blasé.

He looked at me through his blackened eye and I could see he was trying to work out if he should push me further, to press me for more information. I prayed he wouldn't, I was getting stronger but not strong enough to face all my demons just yet.

"Promise me Bella, if he gives you anymore trouble, you'll tell me. I can protect you," he told me, his voice urgent and I nodded, crossing my fingers behind my back. He had gotten into enough trouble because of me; I couldn't put him in any more.

"I promise" I lied, looking at the bruises he had already sustained because of me, meeting his golden gaze, my stomach dropping in free fall.

I felt the touch of his fingers on my arm, stroking the fingertip bruises, which were blooming just there,

"Does this hurt?" he asked me, his voice rough and deep.

I shook my head his tender touch soothed me, even as it tickled gently.

"You can't imagine how that feels" I sighed a little feeling myself start to relax under Edward's ministrations. For a few seconds I allowed myself the luxury of feeling his skin against mine before I slowly and inexorably pulled away, filled with wonder at the feelings that simple touch evoked. The fear inside me slipped away to be replaced with something softer and much sweeter… affection… for my best friend.


	20. Bluff

**Hey Folks…sorry for the delay in posting but we all know there was a technical glitch here at FF and for a few days I went quietly out of my head, so I worked hard on my next few chapters so I think I can post two this weekend, maybe three if I don't go out tonight! This one is a bit of a filler to move the story along, as I know some of you are getting impatient (you know who you are). So i mixed two chapters into one, just to get things going. Oh and I keep seeing the terms Eddie and Bellie about, so if nobody minds I am going to borrow them for a bit... Anyway thanks to all who review and as I reward I would send naked Edward to you (if I could). Go ahead, share the love and press the little button at the bottom of the page that says review. Love to all. Tink. xx**

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BPOV  
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Time moved quickly over those next few weeks and for the first time in a long time I was… happy. The gossip at school had died down and I was feeling better about everything. Bit by bit, Edward and I became closer again, we shared rides to school, ate lunch together but we were never really alone. If it wasn't Alice calling shotgun then it was Emmett stealing my lunch and to be honest at first I hadn't minded, I loved being around my friends again, I felt safe and dare I say it, loved. Everything was okay…mostly.

But lately I felt as though everyone was running interference between Edward and I, as though all of our friends were conspiring again, but this time to make sure we were never alone. It was almost as if they were acting as my personal bodyguards, as though Edward not Jake was a threat. But Edward had been the person closet to me in the world and I knew that part of my own healing process was accepting that I could be alone with him. As the time passed it soon became apparent to me that I wanted to be alone with Edward, wanted to get back that intimacy we had once shared. But no, we were always part of a group.

I understood the reasoning for this of course, they knew the messages and calls were continuing, they were just trying to protect me. But the calls didn't worry me. I hadn't seen Jake since that day at Edwards and nor did I expect to, his calls were a minor annoyance and I didn't even answer them anymore. I was trying my best to forget about him and it seemed to be working.

Occasionally I felt a pang of regret that things had turned out the way they had, Jake was my first real boyfriend and I hurt to think he had done those things to me. So much for the plan being foolproof! But I remembered how much better off I was and didn't mind so much; I liked being on my own, it was easier, safer. I had my friends and Edward and all was right in my world again.

Approaching my locker at the end of a school day, I could see something stuck haphazardly to it. From a distance it looked like a piece of paper but on closer inspection I could see it was a photograph. A photograph of me leaving for school and judging by the blue shirt and jeans I wore, it was taken only this morning.

My hand shook as I reached out to take it from the locker door. Somebody had drawn little hearts drawn around it. I looked around me furiously, wondering who had put it there and as I got closer I instinctively tell who it was from. Without thinking twice, I tore it from the door, ripping it into little bits, throwing it in the nearest trashcan. I jumped in shock as my cell cheeped and instinctively I knew it was him.

"_That wasn't nice you Bitch…. Why are you making me angry… come back to me Bella please and we can forget all this bullshit. I love you. Xxx"_

I swallowed back a bubble of hysterical laughter, in the same message he had called me a bitch, threatened me and then told me he loved me. Awareness prickled along my spine and I felt the fine hairs on my arms stand to attention as the deeper meaning of the message sunk in.

'That wasn't nice'… he must be able to see me! He was here somewhere watching me! I repressed a flare of panic and looked around urgently. Where the hell was he? I darted looks all around me convinced he was watching. I felt sick inside, panic coursing through me at the thought he was this close to me and yet I couldn't see him. The urge to run filled me but I was stuck waiting for a ride home, Edward was at practice, and Alice and Rosalie had already left with Emmett and Jasper.

I glanced around, now the hairs on the back of my neck standing up. I couldn't stay here and so then I did what every dumb heroine did in horror movies…I decided to walk home alone. In hindsight it wasn't my wisest ever choice but I felt more at risk stuck here at school. At least walking I knew I would be home safe eventually, hanging around school just made me feel vulnerable, especially if he was here watching me.

I grabbed my book bag and set off at brisk pace, the damp misty Fork's weather soaking my skin, leaving me shivering. I hadn't gotten very far when I heard the faint rumble of a truck behind me and I increased my pace, determinedly not looking around, keeping my spine straight. I wasn't going to act like I was afraid of him even though inside I was shaking. The truck slowed and I sensed rather than saw Jake pull up beside me, his truck idling along next to me.

"Hey Bells, why you walking home? I can give you a ride" he said all full of charm and smiles, as though the past few weeks had never happened. He was acting as though we had never been apart.

I kept walking eyes straight ahead in the deserted street, determined not to look at him "No thank you"

"Bella, don't be like that, didn't you like my present? Are you still made with me?" he singsonged

"Jake leave me alone," I gritted, willing my knees to stop shaking.

"I can't Bella, I love you'" he stopped the car and got out, and I felt my stomach fill with a million butterflies as adrenaline began flood my body.

"Well I don't love you, so leave me alone " I hissed at him as he walked towards me, blocking me in, his arms outstretched. I thought quickly wondering if I should try and force my way past him, dart around him or just turn back and run for school. But I was sick of acting like the victim, sick of letting him tell me what to do.

"You don't mean that Bella, I know you're just angry with me… come on babe, come with me, we can prove just how much we love each other" he said suddenly blocking my path.

I took a deep breath and fought against the panic that threatened to engulf me. I pulled my cell from my pocket and calmly dialed a number, even though my fingers, like my legs, were shaking. It was Charlie's cell number, I didn't know if he carried it but it was worth a shot. My fingers quaked as they poised over the call button.

"Don't be scared, please Bells, I only want to talk to you." he stepped closer still, his tone deceptively calm, his face wreathed in smiles which made my gut twist.

"I mean it Jake, leave me the fuck alone!" I said and pressed the call button.

It rang for a few seconds before a gruff voice said "This is Charlie, I'm not able to come to the phone right now but if you leave your number I'll be sure to call you back"

I stared Jake in the eye for a few seconds calling his bluff, testing him, trying not to show just how scared I was.

"Police please" I bluffed, forcing my eyes to meet his.

"You bitch! You'll regret this" he snarled venomously and stalked back to his truck.

I stood watching him drive off, my knees shaking, my heart slowing down as he disappeared from sight. Gathering my wits I made for home, at a steady jog.

When I finally got there I was a nervous wreck, I couldn't help the feeling I was being followed and spent a great deal of time looking over my shoulder, peering around me as though expecting Jake to appear again at any time. I felt like my entire body was made of jello, the shivers, which tormented me, did not abate with my safe journey home. I continued to tremble like a whipped animal even in the safety of my house.

He had been following me, first the photo on locker and then his sudden appearance. I had been convinced he would stop with the messages and calls but suddenly this felt more serious. I immediately locked and bolted the doors, I could always tell Charlie I was about to take a shower when he arrived home.

After stashing my bag and putting a few steaks in to marinate I sped up to my bedroom and hunted for the ancient can of pepper spray Charlie had given me years ago. I slipped it into my bag; with a silent yet fervent pray I would never need it. Feeling a little more relaxed now I decided to try calling Alice. I would be the first to admit that things were maybe getting out of hand and I had to do something, ignoring him wasn't working for me anymore.

" Hi Bella, what's up?" she chirped, her musical tones calming me a little. I decided the direct approach was best and didn't want to waste time. Sucking in a shaky breath I began.

"It's Jake…. when I got to my locker after school there was a photograph on it….a photo of me this morning on my way to school……… I tore it up and then he sent me a text . . . He'd been watching me Alice, it was so creepy" I told her and even I could hear the tremor in my voice.

"Bella, are you ok? Are you hurt" her voice sounded urgent, concerned.

" I'm fine, he didn't hurt me…. he just tried to follow me home. I had to pretend call 911 to get him to leave . . . He didn't hurt me or anything, he was just being a jerk."

" Pretended to call! Bella you should have called them, or at least your dad…. what if he's dangerous? He could really hurt you Bella"

"I don't want to get him into trouble Alice… he's just mad because I broke up with him, I'm sure he'll get bored of tormenting me soon enough" I wasn't that confident but I didn't want Alice to worry. While I now freely admitted that I didn't think I could handle this myself anymore, that didn't mean I wanted to go in all guns blazing.

"Bella I really think you should tell someone, he might hurt you!"

I couldn't hide my sigh "I don't want to make him angry Alice… it could just make things worse… I think if I just be more careful, he'll probably get sick soon"

" I don't know Bella, he seems obsessed with you….you really should tell Charlie, it might scare him off… and you have to make sure that you're never alone with him, I don't trust him"

"I won't be Alice, he won't come near me again…I think I scared him off"

"Well just in case I think it's a good idea if we take turns keeping you company for a while, I'll speak with Rosalie, Edward and Emmett tonight"

"No! I don't want him to know" I blurted, I couldn't bear the thought that he may get himself into more trouble because of me, things were just beginning to feel right between us again "Alice promise me you won't tell him"

"No way! Why?" she sounded indignant.

"Jake has already said he'll kill him if he so much as breathes on me, he thinks there is something going on between us . . .If you tell Edward, he'll go after Jake and he could get hurt again . . . Promise me Alice, you can't tell him"

There was a long silence at the end of the line and I guessed that Alice was thinking about this carefully before she agreed.

"Okay, Okay. I promise but _you_ have to promise _me,_ you'll be more careful and you'll think seriously about telling Charlie"

"Okay I promise" I crossed my fingers. "I'm sorry I called but I was a little shook up"

"Bella I would have killed you if you hadn't told me, just like Edward will when he finds out and probably Charlie too"

"I know but for now I want to handle this my way"

I heard Alice sigh, "But Bells, I really don't think your way is working, he's getting worse"

I felt a little prickle of irritation "We can handle this I know it, I just have to wait it out"

"I hope you're right"

"I am" I replied with a confidence that I was far from feeling. "I better go and check on dinner, I'll see you in school?"

"Uh huh and Bella, be careful!" she said before ending the call.

I headed back downstairs and tried to distract myself by fixing dinner. But it didn't help I felt edgy and anxious and I couldn't stop myself from checking the locks several times. I almost felt as though I were going out of my mind, slowly. Jake was winning again…

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EPOV

I stared at the ceiling, my eyes unfocused and smiled to myself as I thought about the recent changes in my relationship with Bella. Slowly we were getting close again, she smiled more and laughed with me but there was still a distance between us, an unspoken line we couldn't cross until she was ready to deal with the issues that had lead her to Black in the first place. But I was patient; I knew she would be more than worth the wait.

Suddenly my vision was invaded by a demon pixie from hell, tapping her foot restlessly and looking at me expectedly. I removed my ear buds and turned off my ipod, sitting back against the pillows of my bed.

"Christ Alice! Have you ever heard of knocking?" I asked. She frowned at me and plopped down next to me on the bed.

"Have you ever heard of answering me when I call you" she retorted and then took a breath. Something was wrong. I tensed involuntarily, ready to get the bad news.

"Edward, I need to tell you something but before I do, you have to promise me you won't get mad and you won't try and get even"

"Its Bella isn't it? What's happened? Is she okay? Is she hurt? Fuck Alice tell me," I cursed angrily, a million things going through my head. Had he hurt her again? Was she attacked? My heart thudded dully in my chest and a knot developed in my stomach.

"Promise me Edward"

"Christ I promise okay, you happy? Now tell me," I snarled, my concern for Bella making me short tempered.

"She's fine, but she's had a few problems with Jake again, he's been watching her and tonight he followed her home, freaked her out a little…she's fine but she's a little shook up"

"Why the hell hasn't she told me?" I couldn't believe she hadn't called me I thought that things were okay between us, that we were close again.

"Jake thinks there is something between you and he's threatened to hurt you- " her voice trailed off.

"She's trying to protect me?" if it weren't so serious I would have laughed out loud. She was trying to protect _me_ from _him_?

"It seems so Edward…the problem is you can't do anything about it. She made me promise not to tell you and if you do something now, she'll know that you know, if you know what I mean"

"So how is it that you are telling me all this?" I asked bemused, despite the serious subject at hand.

Alice shrugged gracefully and a wicked smile curved her lips for a second, before she held up her fingers crossed together. It was childish but amusing. Then her smile faded and she looked at me, I could see the worry in her eyes.

"She won't even fucking tell Charlie for fucks sake! I'm really worried Edward… _I_ don't think he'll stop even if she does"

I stared at Alice slightly surprised by the swearing "What can I do?"

"Get close to her and stay close to her, make sure nothing happens to her, god Edward, you're the guy. You're supposed to be good at this kinda macho shit, you figure it out." She rolled her eyes at me.

I smiled wryly "Thanks for the vote of confidence"

"You know what I mean Edward, this is serious, she's scared of him"

"Can't I just kick his ass again?" I wanted desperately to beat the crap out of him, he had hurt my Bella and I wanted him to pay.

"Then she'll know you know…she just wants to be left alone"

"I'll handle it Al" I said confident that I could.

She kissed my cheek lightly "Thanks bro"

I smiled in return "Now get the fuck out of my room"

She dimpled another smile at me and clambered from the bed, before moving gracefully through my door. Peace again.

I couldn't believe that she thought to protect me by not admitting what was happening to her. I was one of the last people at Forks High that needed protecting.

But for Bella to want to attempt to do it…it gave me hope that she cared about me in the way I cared about her. For so long I had overlooked her, overlooked the possibility that there could be more than friendship between us. But now it just seemed things were getting in the way, namely Black. I really wanted to ignore what Alice had said and just kick his ass but there was always a chance that doing so could be dangerous for Bella. Instead I would just have to do as Alice suggested and stick as close to her as possible, _if only,_ I thought with a smile as my fertile imagination and my hands began to wonder to my taut and burgeoning arousal.

Thinking about sticking close to Bella had a very pronounced effect on my body, one that was getting harder and harder to hide as time went on. I was just a normal teenager with normal teenage hormones and it had been far too long since I'd had sex. As I slid my hand to the waistband of my jeans I couldn't feel guilty about thinking about her like this, not when I wanted her so badly. She was the only cure for what ailed me and until she was available then I would just have to make do with losing myself in my fantasies.

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BPOV

I had yet another unsettled night, my cell beeped constantly to announce the arrival of yet more messages from Jake. Most of them were abusive, some begging for me back. When I turned off my cell and finally succumbed to sleep I was plagued by nightmares, where Jake attacked me and killed Edward and there was nothing I could do to stop him. I felt so powerless as I always had in my relationship with Jake. It was never like that with Edward, even as friends I had control.

By the time I woke in the morning I had more messages and missed calls from Jake, all demanding that I spoke to him, then telling me how much he loved and missed me. Enough was enough and I decided to change my cell number as soon as possible. I showered and then waited for Edward and the guys to arrive to take me to school. I was pleasantly surprised to see his shiny silver Volvo was empty as he parked up.

He was running late as usual and was still eating toast as I climbed into the car. He smiled at me and my heart gave a funny little flutter, sometimes he was just so cute, especially with half a slice of toast hanging from his mouth.

"Good morning" he mumbled around his breakfast.

"Running late Edward?" I enquired with a cheeky smile, determined not to let him know how worried I was about the whole Jake situation. Even though I had seen him at school yesterday I felt as though I had missed him.

"How'd you guess? So have you heard from Jake lately?" he asked me turning his golden eyes on me. Oh shit. I was going to have to lie my way out of this one.

"Just a few messages, think I'm going to change my cell number" I replied fiddling with his cd collection, wanting to play down the incidents.

Edward nodded and I could see he looked thoughtful "Might be a good idea . . So I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight? Just me and you, have some Eddie and Bellie time"

This was a bit of a shock. I hadn't heard those nicknames since we were kids. Eddie and Bellie time was something of a rarity now too. Did I want to spend some time alone with Edward? Half of me elated and the other half terrified by prospect.

"You got nothing else better to do?" I joked to hide my confusion.

He shrugged "Well I could go out and score some hot chicks but I'd rather hang with you"

" Oh ha ha…Sure why not" I replied, hoping I sounded carefree and not nervous.

"You gonna bring pizza?" he asked looking hopeful. I couldn't help it I melted. He was just so adorable.

"Only if you promise to share"

"Deal" he grinned at me and I beamed. Eddie and Bellie were back.

I couldn't help but tense as I entered the school, and approached my locker. Thankfully there was nothing there. I hid my sigh of relief.

"You ok?" he asked me, I could see he was concerned.

I nodded looking about "Yeah" I replied distractedly, making my way to my locker.

"Hey Guys!" cried Alice coming towards us, dragging Jasper with her.

I smiled at her as I opened my locker door, the smile dying on my face as I saw what was inside.

There perched on top of my math book sat a small brown bear holding a card which read "I love You xx Jake".

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EPOV

"Bella" I said softly "Are you okay?"

I looked over her shoulder and into the locker, as she stood frozen in place, her slender body wracked with tension.

"He's been in my locker, how could he do that? How could he get in?" she muttered, almost to herself as though she had forgotten we were there.

She turned to look at us, her expression shocked, her pale skin seeming even more pallid in this light. I reached in and removed the bear as though it were a piece of garbage.

"Get rid of it," she cried, her voice getting a little louder "I don't want it!"

"Bella, you need to tell someone" Alice insisted, "This is creepy"

"NO! He'll get bored soon," she said and I could hear the fear in her voice.

"Edward will you tell her?" Alice looked at me expectantly, her tone exasperated.

"Maybe she's right Bella, he has to be stopped… he's weird," I said looking into her eyes. She looked so scared, her eyes wide and fathomless.

"If I just ignore it, then he'll get bored and leave me alone" she repeated it like a mantra, I wasn't sure if she was trying to convince herself or us.

I wasn't so sure but didn't want to say so, and as the warning bell went, I dumped the bear in the nearest bin.

For the rest of the day I could tell Bella was on edge even though she never saw Jake, she felt as though he were watching her, as though he were close by. I could tell by the way she looked around her constantly, by the way she jumped whenever a door opened, by the way she angled herself closer to me in class. It made her nervous, angry and emotional. I knew Bella as well as I knew myself and I could see she was distracted. It hurt like hell that I couldn't do anything to help her, all I could was be there and watch.

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BPOV

By the last period of the day all I wanted to do was go home but I had gym to contend with first. I felt as though I were being watched constantly, that Jake could be anywhere right now and I would not know a thing about it. Being so nervy all day was physically and emotionally exhausting and as I warmed up for track I tripped and fell, spraining my ankle and had to be carried to the nurse's office.

It throbbed whenever I tried to put pressure on it and I couldn't fight the tears in my eyes. I was advised to rest it for a few days and stay off it. Obviously I wouldn't be able to come to class and while everyone joked how lucky I was, all I could think was that I was going to be alone and relatively defenseless in my house for the next few days. I called Charlie who dropped by to pick me and up and like a good father, carried me upstairs to my room. That was bad enough but when he asked me if I would need any help to get to the bathroom I practically threw him out of there. I lay on my bed and succumbed to the tears that had threatened all day. I may have been weak but all I wanted was Edward, I felt as though he were the only one who could take this away, make me better. Edward was the only one who could heal me, I was finally beginning to realize just how much I needed him.


	21. Okay?

**So as promised, just a little later than planned, here is the next chapter… Don't want to say too much, but I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did (SIGH). Feel free to tell me how much ;) and send me some love, reviews make me happy and when I'm happy my fingers can type that much quicker (shameless begging for reviews I know) Anyway, enjoy, I know I did. Love Tink**.

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EPOV

When I arrived at Bella's later that night without pizza, I found her propped up on her bed with her tightly strapped ankle slightly elevated. I tried not to notice that she wore only a pair of shorts and tight tee, and that when she shifted her long slender legs I could see a flash of the red panties she wore. I glanced around noticing that apart from the lamp and moonlight, the room was in semi darkness but it was still enough for me to make out the beautiful lines of her body.

I hid my grin, storing the images for later. Bella Swan wearing red panties, naughty, naughty. I had imagined her to be more a virginal white cotton kind of girl. But no it seemed my Bella had a naughty side just waiting to be unleashed. I fought to stop the grin spreading, all in good time, I thought. Then just as quickly I mentally chastised myself, thinking that way about Bella when she was on her sick bed.

She smiled at me as I stepped through the door and I felt it all the way inside my pants. I wanted to curse, why in the hell had I suddenly gone hormonal about Bella? Yes I knew I loved her and yes I knew I wanted to be with her but why did I now suddenly want to throw her down and lose myself in her delectable body? What had changed, what had managed to push my protective instincts to one side and replace them with a baser need?

To distract myself I flopped down next to her on the bed and lay back, my arms folded behind my head nonchalantly, as I had done so many times before. This time though, it felt different, almost carnal. This was crazy. Here she was dealing with an obsessive stalker ex boyfriend and all I could think was how much I wanted to get inside her panties. It was wrong, so wrong yet it felt so very right.

"How are you?" I asked and wanted to cringe, was my voice normally that raspy?

"I'm still a little sore but should be okay in a few days, to be honest it's nice to have a rest" she admitted setting the book she was reading aside- Wuthering Heights again. She scooted further away from me, to roll awkwardly onto her side, mindful of her ankle, propped up on a nest of fluffy white pillows. There was that flash of thigh again and I bit my lip against the groan that wanted to escape.

I looked at her hoping she wouldn't notice my preoccupied state "Who are you and what have you done with my Bella"

She giggled, "No really, it will give me time to get my head together, catch up on my work that kinda thing"

"Seriously though Bells, are you ok?" I asked her softly and turned onto my side to look at her.

* * *

BPOV

I rolled my eyes at him "I'm fine, I wish everybody would stop asking me that"

I shifted trying to get comfortable and I saw his eyes flicker briefly down my body before coming back to meet my own. My breath caught and I swallowed a gulp. I recognized that look in his eyes, I had seen it before but I was pleasantly surprised to discover it didn't scare me in the way it once had. This was Edward, everything would okay, he wouldn't hurt me like Jake had. I knew deep inside me that the time had come, I had fought this for long enough. I still loved Edward and I wanted to be with him, I just didn't know if I would be able to.

"We're just concerned… you were a like a different person…why Bella, why did you let him do that to you?"

I stared at him for a minute, trying to decide, was I ready to go over this again with him? Was I ready to explain why it had happened? Was I ready to admit my feelings to him? I didn't know. All I could do was answer his questions and take it a step at a time, a baby step at a time.

"I know but he had me convinced I needed to change-"

The ringing of my cell interrupted me and I didn't want to answer it.

"You don't have to answer of you don't want" Edward told me softly, his concerned golden eyes watching me closely.

I looked down and saw it was Jake; and knew I had to answer the call. I wanted to prove to Edward that I could handle this. I wanted to show him that I moved on and that I was ready to be with him. This was as good away as any, a good a time as any "I better or he'll just ring all night, he's done it before"

Taking a deep breath I opened my cell,

"Hello?" I said cautiously, praying for strength.

"Bella babe are you ok? I heard what happened to you" his voice was full of concern, soothing almost.

"I'm fine, " I sounded frosty, irritated. That was the result I was after, I wanted to alienate him so he would leave me the fuck alone.

"Did you like my present?"

"You've got to stop this Jake, I don't want anything from you… we broke up." my voice was wobbly now, suddenly less confident.

"But I love you… I thought you loved me"

"Bells hang up," Edward said from beside me in hushed tones. Obviously not hushed enough when Jake said,

"Is that Cullen? Is he with you? You sure as hell didn't wait long" he snarled all the charm gone, only to be replaced by fury.

"Jake it's not like that, we're just friends" I protested, yet even I knew it was a lie, we were going to be more than that, much more than that, it was only a matter of time.

"You slut! I bet he's in your room isn't he? In your bed? I never saw your room Bella; maybe I should come over when he's gone, show me what I've been missing…give me what you're obviously giving him"

"Jake, you stay away from me, I mean it," I cried, panic evident in my voice.

"See you later Bells" he chuckled and the line went dead. I stared at the phone in my hand in disbelief.

Edward looked at me; I knew I was pale and trembling as I closed my cell. He sat up slowly and gently pulled me into his arms, I knew he would be able to feel the tremors that ran through my body. I clung to him and buried my face in his neck, taking comfort from his strength, the steady pounding of his heart, his oh so familiar smell and I held on tight. I was scared, more scared than I had been when Jake had followed me home. The fear that he could get in here was never far from my thoughts. And now it seemed the idea had occurred to him too.

"It's ok Bella… I'm here…you're safe" he soothed running his hands up and down my back, trying to comfort me.

I shook my head against him, unable to prevent the words tumbling from my trembling lips,

"I'm scared of him Edward," I murmured into the crook of his neck, breathing in his delicious sent as I did and trying to ignore the tightening in my gut. What was this strange coiling sensation deep inside me?

* * *

EPOV

Her hot breath tickled my skin, which prickled in reaction and I closed my eyes for a second, willing my body to behave. Having her this close and barely dressed was playing havoc with my good intentions.

"What did he say?"

"That he knew you were with me, that he was coming over later to see what he'd been missing . . . He wouldn't, would he?" she turned her wide brown eyes on me. I could see the fear, the panic and then just a hint of something else as her pupils dilated a little.

"He's just saying it to scare you, he wouldn't dare" I tried to reassure her, pulling back a little to look down into her eyes.

"But what if he does?" she sounded like a little girl in need of comfort after a bad dream and my heart ached for her.

"He won't Bells, Charlie is here and I'm just a call away, we won't let anything happen to you, I promise" I stroked her soft cheek with my thumb, in a gesture that was meant to comfort but I couldn't help feel a frisson of awareness, as heat grew between us. The air became thick with tension and we both stilled in each other's embrace.

* * *

BPOV

I looked up into his amber eyes and felt all the feelings I'd had for him, rushing back into my body. I had never stopped loving him, never stopped caring about him, never stopped wanting him. I was thrilled when he returned my gaze. I knew I was practically begging him to kiss me but I just couldn't help the urge that ran through my body. I wanted to press myself closer to him, to feel the steady drum of his heart beneath my hand, to feel the hard planes of his body against mine, to allow my hands to wander, to touch him. I wanted what everyone else had. I wanted to forget about Jacob Black, forget that he was coming after me. I wanted to be with Edward, I loved him so much and I had denied us both, I had caused this problem. I wanted, needed to let him see how much he meant to me and as our eyes held, I hoped he understood what I was trying to tell him.

* * *

EPOV

There was that look again, love lust and tenderness all rolled into one. I felt as though my heart was going to burst. I couldn't do this, I couldn't touch her now. It seemed wrong after what she had been through with Black. My head told me she needed a friend but my heart and body told him something else entirely. I dropped my gaze to her lips and watched as she bit her lip nervously, her tongue darting out to lick it better. I bit back a groan as my whole body clenched in reaction, and I battled with the need to take her into my arms and kiss her till we were both senseless.

* * *

BPOV

I was amazed; all he had done was look at me and my whole body felt alive with tension and need. It was as though I was surrounded by nervous energy and my skin itched with the need to be touched by Edward.

Jake had never provoked that kind of reaction and I'd always blamed myself, thinking that there must have been something wrong with me, frigid he had said. But maybe I wasn't after all. I looked at him in wonder, wonder that I could feel this way without even touching him, wonder that I wanted to make him feel the same, wonder that I wanted him to kiss me, touch me, wonder because I'd never enjoyed it with Jake.

"Bells" Edwards voice was a husky question and made me shiver as he asked my permission. Suddenly I knew that I wanted to kiss him, wanted him to kiss me. I was over come with a wild sort of yearning and wanted nothing more than to throw myself at him. But before I could do that I had to explain myself, to warn him why I wasn't like other girls.

I gave him wobbly smile, finding it hard to concentrate when there was a squirmy feeling in my stomach. "When I kissed Jake, I used to feel numb" I began, whispering "I hated it… he always seemed to want to grab me and grope me, always wanting more from me than I wanted to give… he said it was because he liked me and it was ok because everyone did it…. I always felt so powerless"

I knew he could hear the pain in my voice and watched as he closed his eyes against it. I felt guilty for burdening him but if he was going to get involved with me he had to know my problems, my fears.

"I used to think there was something wrong with me, you know"

Edward shook his head his eyes popping open to stare deep into mine again "Bell, there is nothing wrong with you, you're bright and funny and gorgeous and sexy…you're Bella"

I blushed and ducked my head, still shy even after all this time but his words thrilled me "But with you, all you have to do is look at me and I tingle" I confessed in a hurried rush "I feel you everywhere…especially there"

I nodded quickly to my thighs, mortified but wanting him, needing him to understand how this felt for me.

* * *

EPOV

I felt my blood surge hotly at her words and innuendo, and groaned "Fuck Bella"

"But I need time Edward… I just don't want things to change between us…I couldn't loose you"

"You won't loose me Bella," I whispered as the night closed in around us, my eyes searching hers in the growing darkness.

"I don't know how much I can give you . . .This thing with Jake it's scared me…. All I know is that I want to be with you Edward" she confessed in a sudden rush and I felt my heart lift, she wanted me, beautiful, shy, perfect Bella, my Bella, wanted me!

I was amazed, elated and hungry all at once. I stamped down the wave of desire and need, which threatened to buckle my knees at her whispered confession, and tried to focus on Bella, this was about her not me.

"How about we start with a kiss?" I challenged softly, ignoring the painful stir of my erection, demanding more, demanding satisfaction.

"A kiss?" she repeated, sounding a little unsure.

"We've kissed before, it shouldn't be too hard"

She looked at me uncertain and chewing her lip, looking so fucking sexy I don't know how I held back and the it struck me, what she had said about being powerless. I had to give her the power, let her come to me, let her lead the way.

"Me… kiss… you?" she almost squeaked.

* * *

BPOV  
I felt my pulse quicken and my stomach tighten in anticipation. It felt like so long ago that I had kissed Edward and now here it was about to happen again.

He nodded a slow, sexy smile spreading across his oh so perfect face "You kiss me, then you know you'll like it… you'll be the one in control" he suggested his voice a little hoarse.

I nodded and my brow furrowed slightly, I was concentrating hard, wondering if I could do this… It did seem like the perfect solution.

I had hardly any experience to guide me; I only knew that I wanted to get close to him. So with a slowness that drove me crazy, I leant forward, my eyes closing by themselves, until my mouth brushed his. I pulled back a little and then moved closer, repeatedly kissing him time and time again. I couldn't believe I had waited so long to do this again, it was heaven. Slow and sweet and so sinful.

Each time I touched my mouth to his, I kissed him a little longer, a little harder, slowly opening my mouth until I was able to touch him with my tongue. I felt him groan into my mouth and my stomach clenched in reaction. A sigh escaped from my lips and a tremor ran along the length of my body as I fit my mouth more closely to his. I kissed him as I wanted to be kissed, my heart racing, my pulse thudding, my body trembling all with a need to have more of the delicious sensations that kissing Edward had evoked. I was unaware of the word shifting, tilting, until we lay once more side-by-side on the bed, only our mouths touching.

With the same slow tenderness that began the kiss, Edward ended it, pulling away from me slowly, dropping his forehead onto mine, his breathing uneven and choppy. I smiled to myself and opened my eyes slowly, to find Edward watching me intently. His eyes tender yet so dark, his face worried.

"Okay?" he breathed.

"More than okay" I sighed and it was. My stomach was knotted, my heart was pounding, my pulse was racing and I felt strange little tingles all over my body but I had never felt so good.

I should have been scared but all I could feel was free and the over riding need filling my body, prompting me to want more. I wanted to touch him but I was afraid, not afraid that he would hurt me or that I wouldn't like it, just afraid that I would do something wrong. He'd pulled away from me, not far, just enough so I could see his eyes and feel his hot sweet breath on my face. He was watching me closely; his eyes intent and probing mine, gauging my reaction. I swallowed convulsively and felt my heartbeat against my ribs, my breath still coming in shallow little pants.

"Do you want to try again?" he asked me, his rough velvet voice stirring something inside me and I felt like pressing my thighs together to get rid of the ache between them.

* * *

EPOV

From the second Bella had whispered her need to me, my body had been taut with desire and need, my pants uncomfortably tight. But I couldn't find it in me to care, this is what I had wanted since she first came to me and we kissed all those weeks ago. Now it was as though Black had never come between us and here we were laid out on her bed, together as we should be.

When she had kissed me I couldn't help closing my eyes, as I waited with baited breath for the touch of her mouth against mine. Then suddenly I felt it, the brief but heated touch of her lips. Her mouth had moved over mine, coasting, testing me as she withdrew and then came back for more. It took all of my self-control to stay still and in the end I pulled away from her, just enough so I could press my forehead to hers and still feel her heat, still inhale her strawberry sweet scent that was uniquely Bella.

I could see the emotions flickering across her face and wondered if she was fighting some internal battle with herself. Had I taken things to fast? Had I pushed her for something she wasn't ready to give? My heartbeat knocked against my ribs with the worry that she would back away from me, until a little smile played across her mouth and she shifted slightly next to me. I felt rather than saw her legs move and she pressed her thighs together. I had to fight a knowing grin, so she was feeling it too, the need, the want, although I doubted she really understood what was happening to her. I decided to press my luck.

"Do you want to try again?" I offered praying to whichever god would listen that she would say yes. Kissing my Bella was the sweetest torture I had even endured and I didn't want it to stop.

* * *

BPOV

I couldn't help the little sigh that slipped from my mouth as I nodded and Edward's jaw hardened, his eyes, hooded and heavy lidded, never leaving mine. They were a liquid gold and shimmering with heat, the intensity I saw there should have made me blush but all I could feel was pride, pride that I had made him look like that.

I inched slowly closer again, sucking in a sharp breath as my breasts brushed the hard plane of his chest and feeling brave I placed my hands on his shoulders. I couldn't help but knead them. He felt so hard, like warm, smooth, stone and when the muscles beneath my hands moved and stirred I felt another flood of pride. I liked that I could affect Edward the way he had always affected me, it made me feel a little more equal with him.

I heard a small groan escape from his mouth but his eyes never left mine, was it my imagination or did they seem to plead with me? Deciding to put us both out of our misery I pressed my mouth to his once more and let my lips linger there, my mouth open a little, inhaling his breath as he inhaled mine.

* * *

EPOV

The second her hot little mouth touched mine again I was lost. It was a simple kiss, innocent almost but I had never felt this hot, this tense and as she opened her mouth over mine I couldn't help the groan. I had never tested my self control this much before, if she were any other girl I would have had her naked by now. Just the thought of Bella finally naked in my arms was enough to send a fresh surge of blood to my already painfully erection.

I wanted to drag her against me badly, so press my aching shaft into her heat to assuage the ache, the tightness but I knew I couldn't. This was about Bella and not about my raging lust, my need for my shy, nervous best friend. But it was too much and with another harsh groan I took control of the kiss, covering her mouth with mine, my tongue slipping into her mouth to tangle with hers as she sighed. A-mazing.

Those little noise she made as I kissed her drove me crazy and I brought my hands up to tangle them into her hair, holding her closer to me, angling her head so I could kiss her hotter, wetter, deeper. As my hands moved so did my legs, tangling with hers, bringing our lower bodies into closer alignment. For a second I felt her freeze-shit, shit, shit. Had I scared her? Then all of a sudden she moaned into my mouth and tried to twist even closer to me, a cry escaping from her lips as she did so. At first I thought it was a cry of need but as it the sound penetrated the lust filled fog in my head I realized it was a sound of pain and I pulled away quickly, tearing my mouth from hers.

Her cheeks were flushed and her lips swollen from out kisses, but the rest of her face was pale and there were tears shimmering in her eyes. Oh God, seeing those tears was like a knife inside me.

"Bella" I panted "are you okay?"

I was terrified that I had scared her, pushed her. Too much, too soon?

She nodded and dragged in air, the action doing interesting things to her breasts "It's just my ankle,"

I looked down to where her ankle no longer rested on the nest of pillows but now lay awkwardly to the side, probably moved as our legs had tangled. Part of me was grateful we had stopped, things were moving too quickly. To distract myself and because I couldn't help it I sat up again and reached down, gently placing her foot back on the pillows. If I allowed myself to caress her bare flesh tenderly, then I hadn't meant too but some how it happened anyway.

* * *

BPOV

My entire body felt achy and heavy and the strange sensations between my thighs were getting stronger, I needed to press against something, anything to make them go away. As Edward tangled his legs with mine I felt the hardness of his body next to mine and I surged closer to him, mindless with need, inadvertently knocking my already bruised and painful ankle. I cried out, not with want but with very real pain. It throbbed much like the ache between my legs but nowhere near as pleasant. I felt bereft the second the heat of his body moved away from mine and wanted to protest but the pain in my ankle was too strong to ignore.

"Bella" he asked me, his deep voice sending like quivers through me "Are you okay?"

I gasped and tried to nod "It's just my ankle"

He sat up next to me and then his fingers were against my skin, touching, teasing as he gently, tenderly set my ankle back amongst the pillows. It felt amazing, much like everything else Edward did to me. I watched as he stroked my skin, his clever fingers almost driving away the throb there.

Seeing his large gentle hands against my skin made my stomach clench and the pulse inside me began anew. I allowed my eyes to wonder up the length of his body and was amazed that this gorgeous, beautiful boy, wanted to touch me. Our eyes met as he continued to stroke my ankle gently, and I groaned a little. Edward stilled, probably thinking he had hurt me.

"Don't stop" I managed to say and he gave me a crooked grin that did nothing to stop the furious pounding of my heart. The sensations his touch evoked filled me full of wonder, I wasn't scared, I wasn't numb, I wasn't repulsed. In fact my dominant feeling was "more".

"I can't believe how you make me feel" I confessed quietly, thrilled at the way his pupils dilated at my words, until almost all the honey had disappeared and his eyes appeared dangerously black.

"How do I make you feel Bella?" he whispered to me, his voice sinful and deep. So deep I almost felt it inside me.

"Hot" I sighed "And I feel kind of squirmy inside" My words were a pitiful attempt to describe just how amazing he made me feel. A though occurred to me, is this how everyone felt? Was this why Rosalie and Emmett couldn't keep their hands off each other? Or why Alice and Jasper would sneak away then return with long loving looks? This was what it was all about? This was what I had been missing? And this was just the kissing… Oh wow.

* * *

EPOV

I watched Bella with a hunger I could no longer hide and was surprised to see her looking so thoughtful as I continued teasing us both by caressing the soft skin of her ankle. A grin tugged at her lips and I wondered what she was thinking. I wondered that she could think at all.

I had broken out in cold sweat the second she breathily confessed how I made her feel and I was now so hard I wondered if I had masochist tendencies. But within all that was pride, pride that I could make this beautiful shy, insecure girl, feel this good. She was mine and I vowed I would spend as long as I could, making her feel this good, for as long as she would let me.

But for now I felt we had gone as far as we could, I didn't want to rush her and if I was honest a small part of me was worried that this was just a reaction to her relationship with Jake. That she was on the rebound, testing herself, trying to discover her sexuality, experimenting now that she had finally gotten her eyes opened to the world around her. I couldn't think about the prospect that she didn't want me in the same way I wanted her.

I was suddenly bombarded with a million emotions at once, pride, tenderness, lust and love so strong I thought my heart would burst through my chest. I stilled the movement of my fingers on her skin and smiled to myself as I heard her sound of disappointment. Through all this our eyes had remained connected, the only sound in her room our ragged and harsh breathing. It was as though we were in our own little bubble and as much as I wanted to leave it that way I couldn't. I had to know for my own peace of mind. I flopped down onto my back beside her and turned my head to look at her. My heart felt full to bursting.

"So what now?" I asked her quietly, wanting whatever happened between us to be her choice.

She shrugged a little and I felt the briefest surge of panic "Why don't we just hang out?"

I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face, she never did quite what I expected "hang out?"

She smiled back at me shyly "Yeah just hang out…like _this…_ only more often"

My heart did a triple somersault inside my chest as I evaluated what that might mean. I realized that in her own way Bella was trying to tell me there would me more nights like this. She wanted this as much as I did but wasn't sure how much she would able to promise me. I smiled at her, feeling so much tenderness towards her that I couldn't help but reach over and plant a reverent kiss on her sweetly upturned mouth. It was brief for my tormented body's sake but I was satisfied…for now.


	22. Not about you

**Hey all…hope you enjoyed the last chapter…this one isn't as exciting but it has some highlights…thanks again to all those who review and come one you shy folks send me some love so I know you are enjoying yourselves too…Anyway as always let me know what you think, and I will send Edward round to take care of you next time you're sick ;). Love Tink. Xxx**

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* * *

BPOV  
**

I smiled to myself as I lay back amongst my pillows and waited for sleep to claim me remembering the one last kiss Edward and I had shared before he had to go. It had been just as sweet and soft and slow as the others and had made my heart beat out of time in my chest…

"_So does that mean I get to kiss you goodnight?" he asked me his expression adorably hopeful. I could only nod in response and hope to control the wild beating of my heart._

_Slowly he brought his hands up to frame my face and stroked his thumbs across my cheeks, down to my lips. I couldn't help but catch my breath. He was smiling at me as he brushed his mouth against mine and I couldn't fight the sigh, which spilled from my lips. His tongue touched mine briefly, hesitantly, before retreating, making my stomach clench sweetly... His lips moved so softly, I barely felt their pressure, it was a sweet kiss, a tender kiss, almost chaste compared to the way Jake had kissed me. But Edward made me feel safe, made me feel special and he didn't push for me to give more than I was willing to. After several more seconds, he broke the kiss and I missed his mouth right away._

"_Thank you" I whispered to him as we lay facing each other again, so close our noses almost touched and we could feel the others ragged breaths. I was amazed at how I could affect him too._

"_What for?" he seemed amused, his eyes crinkling in the corners._

"_For kissing me… making me feel… special" _

"_Bella you are special"_

_I felt tears forming and offered him a quivering smile. I couldn't believe how long I had waited for this, to hear those words from his mouth and it was so much better than I had ever dreamed._

"_I have to go Bells, but I'll come over tomorrow after school if that's ok?" he asked me, shifting to sit up, his eyes full of the same regret I was feeling._

_I nodded and watched as he rose from the bed and bent down to place a soft kiss on my forehead._

"_Sweet dreams" he said huskily_

"_Night Edward" I smiled and watched as he disappeared from my room, with a last lazy wink……_

Blinking against the bright sunlight that poured into the room, and glancing at the clock I saw it was a little after eight-thirty. I stretched and then cursed as my ankle throbbed in protest. Looking around blearily, I spotted a large black box tied with a red ribbon under my window. Grinning I hobbled from the bed and when I reached it, tore it open, excitement coursing through me.

There inside was a large box of my favorite chocolates. Edward, I thought immediately with a grin, knowing his habit of coming in through my window, though it was usually if he didn't want to face Charlie. He left me a present! I couldn't help the little Alice- like squeal that left my mouth as I settled myself back onto the bed and dialed his number, clutching the chocolates to me.

He answered within a few rings,

"Good morning beautiful" he said and I couldn't help but love him all the more. I swear I wanted to swoon.

"Thank you so much Edward, it's so sweet of you, I love them" I gushed down the phone, laughing and smiling so much it almost hurt to talk.

"You're welcome" he chuckled "but what's sweet of me?"

I laughed again "Don't tease, the chocolates"

The smile froze on my face as I heard Edward swear colorfully, as a trickle of fear chased down my spine.

" Bella, I didn't send you any chocolates"

"No stupid, the ones you left under my window…you know Charlie will catch you one of these days," I said and there was false laughter in my voice, I was praying it was him who left them there.

"Bella, I didn't leave you any chocolates . . . what does the label say?"

I looked down at box beginning to feel very sick, realization dawned "It just says get well soon and some kisses . . . Oh God its Jake! He was here, in my room Edward …they were by the window… He was in my fuckin room Edward!" I gabbled, knowing I sounded panicky. I threw the chocolates across the room, not caring as they spilled out across the carpet. I looked around me, my eyes scanning the room to see if anything was out of place.

"Bella calm down…. Are you ok?" his voice was urgent and harsh, yet strangely gentle.

"Yeah I'm fi, fine" I stammered, "I can't believe this I feel so… violated… he was in my room…oh fuck… anything could have happened"

"Is Charlie home?"

"He's left for work already, please can you come over Edward, what if he's still around?" I could feel myself beginning to get a little hysterical.

"I'm on my way Bella, lock your door and call Charlie….I'll use the window… Be there in fifteen"

* * *

EPOV

I felt sick to my stomach to know that bastard had been in her room, probably watched her sleeping. He could have done anything to her and she wouldn't know about it. From the second she told me about the chocolates my heart had plummeted to my stomach. I knew I hadn't left her any gifts. I could hear the edge of hysteria in her voice and I knew the time had come to make a stand. She had to tell Charlie, he was a cop for fucks sake and this had just gone way beyond a few messages trying to get her back.

The entire way there I worried what I would find when I arrived, praying that Jake had left and not hung around. I felt powerless, felt guilty that I couldn't protect her like I said I would. But things had gone too far, now she needed to involve her father, her safety was at stake. I wasn't going to stand by and let Black hurt her, let him do this to her. Although I never wanted to treat Bella like he did, I had to make her see sense, to stand up to her, to push her into telling her father. I was taking the decision out of her hands.

* * *

BPOV

I lay curled up in a ball on my bed, unable to stop shaking, every little noise making me jump, wondering if it was Jake come back. Like I'd told Edward I felt so violated, he'd come into my room while I slept, while I was most vulnerable and he could have done anything to me. The pills I had taken for the pain in my ankle last night were so strong they had knocked me out shortly after Edward left. I was sickened, worried that he'd touched me; and I would never know because I'd been so out of it.

I knew before he even arrived that Edward would want me to speak with Charlie and I realized that he was right. I couldn't go on pretending everything was all right; I couldn't wait for him to get bored of this game. I couldn't wait for him to up the stakes and progress to something more dangerous.

I called the number for Charlie's office and tried to make my voice as casual as possible as I asked to speak with him. Part of me was relieved when the voice at the end of the line informed me he had gone down to Masen County and would be there most of the day. At least I wouldn't have to go through what had happened again and with Edward on his way, I wasn't alone.

My heart began to thump inside me as I heard the creaking of branches outside my window and I tentatively unfurled myself to see who was there. Relief over took me as Edward's handsome but concerned face appeared in the window.

"It's me Bella, let me in"

I sprang from the bed as quickly as my injured ankle would allow and hobbled to the window. Opening it I watched as he climbed gracefully inside my room and I flung myself into his waiting arms.

"Ssh Bella, it's ok, you're ok" he soothed, rubbing my back as tears seeped into his shirt. I cried for all I was worth, letting go of all my fear, all my anger, all my worry, waiting until my sobs had abated before trying to speak.

"He's been in here Edward, what if he did something to me while I was sleeping" I cried my head buried in his chest. I could feel my body trembling as I fought to stay upright on only one leg, favoring my injured ankle.

"Don't think like that Bella, you're okay," he said sweeping me up into his arms and carrying me to the bed. I rested my head against the broad expanse of his chest and looped my arms around his neck burrowing close to him.

He settled himself against the pillows, with me nestled in his lap. I felt safe, secure. I didn't ever want to move from this spot.

"I don't want to stay here alone anymore Edward, I don't feel safe, Will you stay with me?" I asked him, hoping to hell that I didn't sound like I was begging.

* * *

EPOV

She looked up at me and I noticed there were still tears clinging to her eyelashes, glistening like liquid diamonds.

I nodded, I had to give her what she needed to feel safe, to have back the power she had lost with Black's recent visit. "If that's what you want"

"Yeah… I just need to change though" she mumbled, more relaxed now, blushing, obviously embarrassed to be caught in her nightwear once more.

"I'll go" I said quickly and went to move her from my lap.

"No, it's okay, I'll take a quick shower and change in the bathroom…just promise me you won't go" she said as I shifted her onto the bed, grateful that she appeared not to have noticed my erection pressing against her. I watched as she moved awkwardly, clambering from the bed. She picked out some cargo pants and layered t-shirt and I averted my gaze as she delved into what I assumed to be her underwear drawer. With a half smile she hobbled into her bathroom and pulled the door after her.

I got to my feet and looked around the room wondering what Jake had actually done while he was there. I scanned the pictures on her notice board, a smile spreading across my face as I realized most of them were of us. Bella and I together, growing up. Her with her braces and me long and lanky. Bella and I at the beach in our wetsuits. Bella shortly after with her arm in plaster, me signing her cast. Bella and I on my sixteenth birthday, our arms around each other. Always together. That was the way it should always be, I mused but now there was a threat to that. Black.

I didn't want to say anything to Bella but I was worried he may have touched her. He'd done it before and there was no telling if he would do it again if he had the chance. Last night was that chance. Something had to give; the guy was too weird and needed to be stopped.

I looked up as I heard the sound of running water where Bella was brushing her teeth and I realized with a jolt that I could see her through the slightly open door. I watched as she rinsed her mouth, spitting the toothpaste into the sink. Involuntarily my gut tightened in reaction as her pink lips pursed and I imagined those lips around me.

My mouth went dry as without warning she pulled her top gracefully over her head, leaving her clad only in a red lace bra and shorts. She was beautiful, softly curved yet full and womanly. I knew it was wrong to spy on her, especially after all that was happening with Black but I couldn't seem to tear my gaze away.

God she was so beautiful, so perfect, that once more I was struck by the realization I had nearly missed out on this. I had nearly gone through high school without realizing just how special my Bella was.

My heart began to race as Bella placed her hands on her hips and began to shimmy out of her shirts, pushing them down her long slender legs, letting them pool at her feet. Unsteadily she stepped from them, trying to balance her weight away from her injured ankle.

All the blood in my body seemed to suddenly gather in my groin and I swore under his breath, this was so not the time to get turned on by my best friend.

I wanted so badly to run my hands up her long legs, along the smooth pale skin of her stomach, to cup her breasts in my hands, to stroke her, to tease her, to teach her just how much fun being "close" to your best friend could be.

Exhaling a breath I didn't even know I had been holding, I stared as she performed some awkward girlie movement I didn't know she was capable of and suddenly she had removed her bra. I gulped as I feasted my eyes on the most perfect pair of breasts ever designed. I had only a split second to look my fill at those pale, perky globes with dusky pink nipples before she stepped further into the bathroom and I was no longer able to see her.

I didn't know whether to weep or thank god. I was fighting a battle with myself, I was here to comfort her not get turned on by an inadvertent strip show. If Bella ever did decide to strip for me, after what I had just seen I didn't think my senses would stand it.

Forcing my eyes away I looked up at the ceiling and took several deep breaths, trying to think of something to take away the image of a scantily clad Bella. Nothing. All I could see were breasts encased in red lace. Breasts not encased in red lace. Just breasts… Oh Fuck…. I could count each of my heartbeats as a separate surge of blood to my hard-on and I knew I was in trouble. Here I was filled with raging lust and all alone with Bella, a Bella who I knew was inquisitive and desperate to prove to herself she didn't have issues. I didn't think my heart or my body would stand her unique brand of unintentional torture. She simply didn't have a clue what she did to me.

* * *

BPOV

"I'm ready," I said as I stepped from the bathroom, ten minutes later noticing the frown on Edwards face as he stared up at my ceiling.

He looked at me and smiled, but it seemed false, not reaching his eyes.

"Everything okay?" I asked him, worried.

"Um yeah, just thinking . . . maybe we should watch a movie until Charlie gets here" he said and crossed the room to offer me his arm. I took it and wished that he would just scoop me up like had done earlier; I had discovered that I loved it when he hauled me about. There was just something so primitive and animalistic about it.

"Charlie won't be back for hours he was called away…you'll stay with me won't you?"

I was suddenly filled with that panicky feeling again; I couldn't stand to be alone, not now Jake had been here in the house.

"Of course I will," he said but he looked pained and I felt guilty. All Edward ever did was look after me, I felt like such a baby.

"Are you sure, if it's too much I can call someone else?" I said but I really didn't want to.

I looked up at him and noticed he seemed to be weighing something up in his head; seconds later he swept an arm behind my knees and lifted me up against his chest.

"It's fine really…beats school any day," he said looking with a lopsided grin.

I grinned back, for a second forgetting all about Jake and the reason I was leaving home, I was just happy to be in his arms. His chest was warm and solid and I could feel his heart thudding, so hard and fast. He made me feel small and feminine and protected and that's what I wanted. I needed to feel safe, especially here in my own home.

I couldn't help but take a little sniff as I rested my head on his shoulder, taking in the scent of soap and his cologne, so fresh, so sexy, it made me want to cuddle up with him forever. It made me want things I hadn't thought about in a long time, things I shouldn't think about just yet.

As he carried me down the stairs, I began to wonder, not for the first time, what were we? Although we had kissed, we had never really discussed our relationship and where it was going. Were we still just friends? Or were we something more?

"Thanks" I said softly

"No problem" he replied with a slow tender smile.

* * *

EPOV

I loved the feel of her in my arms, her body against mine, her breasts crushed against my chest so I could feel the rapid beat of her heart. She was so light and feminine and she felt to right next to me, as though we had been designed for each other.

I looked at her from the corner of my eye, loving the way she snuggled close to me when I put my arms around her. I couldn't help but wonder where we were going? I didn't want to push her but I wanted to know what she thought. Were we still only friends or were we something more? What did Bella want from me? Did she want to be with me? Or was she still too upset over Black?

Did she even want another relationship? Especially with what had been happening lately. Shouldering open the den door, I carried her inside and slowly set her down on her feet, enjoying the feeling of her body sliding against mine.

* * *

BPOV

I looked up at him, my eyes wide from the sensations spinning through me, as I felt his body brushing against mine. We stood eyes locked, our bodies touching from chest to toes, our arms loosely around each other.

"Better?" he asked his voice deep.

"Better" I smiled shyly at him.

"Bella, what are you going to tell Charlie?" he asked and I stepped away from him, the spell between us broken.

"The truth I suppose" I said as I got gingerly onto the sofa, propping my ankle up once more.

"Which is what?" he asked as sat next to me and pulled my ankles onto his lap, stroking them gently again. I tried to ignore the shivery sensations flooding through me but it was hard. I sighed a little and gave myself over to the feeling of his hands on me for a few moments.

"Bell-La" he singsonged, pulling me from my daze.

I blinked at him, frowning a little as he stopped the movements of his clever fingers "Huh?"

"I asked you what you're going to tell him…the truth is what?"

"Just that Jake isn't taking the break up too well and could he… speak with him"

Edward frowned a dangerous look in his eye "Bella that is not nearly enough, the guy is dangerous, for gods sake he drugged you"

"I know but I don't want him in trouble, I just want him to stop"

"I think you are being stupid Bella, you have to tell him it all" he snapped at me, clearly frustrated as he ran a hand through his tousled bronze hair.

"Don't call me stupid…this is my life and I can do what I want…I will handle this my way Edward" I sniped back at him, a little annoyed that he was acting so pissy.

"Well, you're acting dumb… for fucks sake Bella, he's dangerous! He has to be stopped, I'm not letting him do this to you anymore"

I turned to look at Edward, fury sparking inside me "This isn't about you or what you want Edward, this is about me dealing with things in my own way and in my own time"

"In your own time? Bella what more does he have to do? Why are you protecting him? Do you still love him, is that it?"

* * *

EPOV

I couldn't help the anger in my voice but she was infuriating me. Why couldn't she see that he was dangerous? Was she going to down play this to Charlie? A thought occurred to me and then my heart froze in my chest. Maybe she still loved him, maybe she still wanted him?

"How can you ask me that?" she asked bitterly.

I shrugged "Maybe because you won't do anything about him…I mean it Bella I am not letting you do this, he has to be stopped"

"You're not letting me?" she repeated, disbelief and hurt dripping from every word and suddenly I realized that I was over stepping the mark. I was doing what Black had done, telling her what to do. I rubbed a hand over my face and groaned

"Oh Fuck Bella, that's not what I mean and you know it"

"Really? You could have fooled me Edward…I'm not going through this again Edward," she told me and I could hear the threat of tears in her voice. Immediately I felt awful, I was acting just like Black, pushing her, telling her to do something she wasn't comfortable with.

"Fuck Bells, I'm sorry, really I am…I just want him stopped, so he can't do this to you anymore" I said gently, reaching out to touch her face. She flinched back from me and stared defiantly at me. Oh shit. I had fucked up big time.

"When will you understand it's not about you Edward, it's about me"

* * *

BPOV

I couldn't believe he was doing this to me, he was telling me to what to do. He wasn't letting me? Fury rose up inside me and hurt that he would be so insensitive as to forget what I had been though. I could see the moment when he realized his mistake; regret clouded his eyes and the hard line of his chiseled jaw softened. I heard his words of apology but they didn't help, he had hurt me and I wanted him to know.

"When will you understand it's not about you Edward, it's about me" I told him softly, willing him to make the connection, to get it.

"I know that Bells, but when he hurts you, it kills me…I can't bare to see you cry, to see you look so scared and anxious…I just want what's best for you Bella, you're my best friend and I care about you…I'm sorry Bella" he looked so contrite that I felt a little bit of sympathy for him.

"Please Edward, just let me deal with Charlie…I know I'm asking a lot of you but just be there for me, please?"

"Okay but Bella"

"Yes?"

"I'm not giving up on this"

I laughed a little "I know"

I felt an awkward stilted silence descend on us.

"So what would you like to do today?" He cleared his throat, clearly changing the subject.

I shrugged "Watch day time TV, maybe some movies, study…Edward?" I said drawing out the syllables.

* * *

EPOV

I smiled as I heard her sing song my name, she sounded just the way she had when we met as kids all that time ago.

"Yes Bell-a" I singsonged back, I loved Bella in a playful mood. It seemed that our argument was forgotten for now.

"Would you please get me a glass of juice?"

She turned her pleading eyes on me and I was a sucker for them. I carefully moved her feet and got to my own.

"OJ okay?"

"Yes thanks, help yourself to whatever" she called after me.

I delved into the fridge and poured to large glasses of juice, glad to have the day alone with Bella. It was ironic that the person who was most qualified to protect her- her father, the cop- was never around and so she turned to me. I couldn't help but feel privileged that she would want me around so badly, that she obviously felt safe with me. I returned to the den, smiling as she I saw she was now stretched out across the sofa. Moving closer I tapped her head lightly.

"Make room for a big one," I said with a naughty smile and watched as she lifted her ankles a little, to allow me to sit down.

Instead of taking a seat at the opposite end, where she expected me to, I moved to sit where her head had just been.

"What are you doing?" she asked me with a suspicious look.

I leapt onto the sofa with a flourish, wanting to make her smile and have her close to me at the same time "Ta da!… You can put your head on my knees"

* * *

BPOV

I flushed a little, my head on his knees? Even though we had lain like this many times before, it all seemed different now, because we had kissed, it seemed more intimate.

"Hey Bella? You ok? You spaced out on me for a minute there" he said.

"What? Oh yeah, sorry" I apologized, settling myself back on the sofa, my head resting on his knees.

He looked down at me, his eyes shining with a golden light "Comfy?"

"Kinda" I replied, feeling stiff and awkward.

"You want me to move?" he asked slipping a hand into my hair and playing with my soft curls. I shivered, feeling that touch all the way down to my toes.

"No, it'll be okay" I smiled and wiggled about a little, finding a comfy spot, sighing as Edward switched on the television and continued to play with my hair. For the first time in a long while, I felt I could relax; I felt safe with Edward around and knew I wouldn't have to worry about Jake.

* * *

EPOV

What had initially seemed like a good idea suddenly seemed like torture as Bella's beautiful head lay only inches away from my raging erection. If she moved anymore she would come into contact with it and though that was what I would love eventually, it was not something I wanted to spring on her. Each time she shifted she would send more blood surging through my system and as she laughed at something on the television, I could feel the heat of her breath through my clothes. It got me thinking about the heat of her mouth on me, making my pants tighter still. I gritted my teeth and prayed for a slow end to this delicious torment.

The morning passed in a blur of soaps and talk shows and I had never enjoyed myself so much. It reminded me why I loved to hang with Bella; I could really relax and be myself. I toyed absentmindedly with her hair, twirling it around my fingers, feeling the softness of her slight curls, as I decided that now was the time to broach the subject we had both been avoiding.

"How are you?" I asked her, hoping she would understand the meaning behind my words.

"What do you mean?"

I rubbed the back of my neck with one hand, uncharacteristically nervous and unsure.

"Well just, are you over Black? Do you think you're ready to… move on?"

* * *

BPOV

I felt yet another blush begin and I shrugged, turning onto my back to look up at him, yet past him, avoiding his eyes. "I'm not sure, I haven't exactly had many offers lately" I said trying to make a joke to diffuse the awkward topic.

I caught my breath and held it as Edward slid a hand under my chin and turned it to him, making me look at him.

"I'm offering," he said simply and then paused for a long second "You're my best friend Bella but I want more… I can't keep pretending that I don't…I think about you all the time, I can't get you out of my head, the way you look, the way you smile, the way you feel in my arms, how you taste when I kiss you … I wanna be with you Bells and I think you feel the same"

My heart thundered inside me, my stomach clenched nervously and I felt a million butterflies escaping.

Tears formed behind my eyes and escaped down my cheeks. These where the words I'd waited so very long to hear but I was still scared what would happen if things went wrong between us. Still scared of what would happen if Jake found out we were together.

"I do Edward, but I'm scared… what if we screw this up and end up never talking again?" I mumbled biting my lip, swiping at the tears on my cheeks.

He shook his head, his hand moving mine to stroke my cheek almost absentmindedly yet so gently. "That'll never happen Bella… we just…we have to try… you have to take a chance with me…please"

I looked at him helpless against my own feelings and gave a small uncertain nod, after all this is what I been waiting so long for and I might never get a chance again. I had to try. I wanted him and he wanted me. We were meant to be together.

He reached across with his free hand and captured mine. I gave another little sigh at the feel on his hand in mine. We fit perfectly and suddenly I couldn't help but wonder how else we would fit. His golden brown eyes were filled with warmth and tenderness and something else that I couldn't name but whatever it was, it made my stomach tickle and my heart race.

"Eddie and Bellie against the world" he said softly and still holding my hand tugged me gently upwards and towards him, meeting my mouth in a kiss so sweet and tender it brought tears to my eyes.


	23. The Big Easy?

**Hey everyone…thanks to all those people who are still reviewing and sticking with me, it makes this all worthwhile…I know some people are not going to be happy and may throw things at me but remember I did say I was going to play with characterizations and Charlie was one of them…. Let me know what you think. Love ya. Tink. XX**

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BPOV  
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It was late afternoon when Charlie arrived home, and I knew he could tell something was wrong because Edward was still with me. After deciding that we were going to be a couple, I expected that we would spend the rest of the day making out, taking things to the next level, learning about each other. But Edward had simply kissed me sweetly a few times and that had been it, we talked, we laughed, we napped nothing more and nothing less. I admit I had been a little worried he would suddenly expect me to do things for him like Jake had but considering something pretty big had happened-us becoming a couple- nothing had changed. And I liked it that way. Edward was there for me and even Charlie couldn't miss the pointed way Edward said, as he left us to wait in my room "Wasn't there something you wanted to say to your Dad Bells"

So now here I was trying to broach the subject of my potential stalker ex boyfriend without sounding like a hysterical, over dramatic teenager. I explained that when I finished the relationship, Jake wasn't ready to let go and that now weeks later, he still wasn't. I didn't mention the cheating or the drugging, or the following me, just the calls, presents and messages.

Although sympathetic, he'd admitted to me that there was not a lot he could do to help. I couldn't believe this. He was my father and there was nothing he could do to help me- his own daughter!

"I can speak to him…scare him a little….The problem is Bella, you don't have any actual proof he was in your room or that he even left the chocolates for that matter…Did you see him?"

"No, I was asleep" I conceded slowly, not liking the way the conversation was going.

"Well did he perhaps leave a note, something to prove he was here? We need evidence Bells and all we have so far are a few messages and the fact that he won't stop calling you….from a legal standpoint he has done nothing wrong…we could maybe press charges for harassment but I doubt even they would stick… do you know for certain he was in your room?" Charlie sighed.

I shook my head, frustrated "No. . . But I know it was him . . . What about all the messages and the phone calls, doesn't that prove something?

"Yeah that he wants you back, it's hardly a big deal Bella….I believe you Bells really I do but legally there is nothing I can do yet…I'll speak with him and his parents see if I can't sort this out"

"Sort this out? He is stalking me for Christ's sakes"

"Bella watch your mouth" he reproved "I'll speak with Billy and Jacob tonight"

"So that's it, you'll speak with him?" I was incredulous. That was all he was going to do? Un-fucking-believable.

"There is not a lot I can do without direct proof," he sounded as exasperated as me.

I got to my feet huffing and wobbled a little, wincing in pain "Thanks a lot _Dad_"

* * *

EPOV

I had a feeling that Bella's conversation with her father would be difficult, so I didn't want to go too far. I let myself into her room and lounged lazily on her bed, trying not to think of her in it, scantily dressed, begging me to take her. My body reacted to the image and I shifted trying to get comfortable, rearranging myself as best I could. Surprised I saw her appear in the doorway, balancing precariously on her good leg, her arms folded over her chest stubbornly.

Her beautiful brown eyes were flashing fire. She was clearly not happy; in fact, I would go so far as to say she was furious.

"Well what did he say?"

She shook her head, sending her soft waves bouncing "He said he couldn't do anything without proof, but that he would speak to his father…Can you believe that crap?"

"Fuck Bella… I'm sorry… but he knows the law, surely there must be something they could get him" I was as frustrated as she was. I got to my feet and walked toward her, embracing her briefly.

She shrugged "I'll just have to ignore him I suppose…Charlie said he was going to scare him…I guess all I can do is wait and see" she said against my shoulder sounding resigned yet still angry.

I offered her a lopsided smile and pulled back " Maybe Charlie speaking to him will be enough to scare him off for now" I offered her my arm and lead her back to the bed.

"Did you eat yet?" she asked me with a concerned smile, clearly wanting to change the subject.

I grinned, "Why? Are you cooking?"

Bella was an amazing cook and my stomach rumbled loudly, embarrassment flooded through me and I was almost sure I could feel a flush on my chest.

"Stay for dinner, its only steak and salad" she offered looking a little nervous. It was as if suddenly everything in our relationship meant something else, like she was waiting for me to jump her or something. As much as I would love to, I couldn't do that to Bella. It had to be all her, her choice; she would have to come to me. But that didn't mean I couldn't use a little gentle persuasion.

* * *

BPOV

I invited Edward to stay for dinner, partly so there would be a buffer between Charlie and me and partly because I didn't want to be without him yet. I wanted to get used to this new dimension in our relationship, I had waited long enough for it.

We sat next to each other at the table as usual as we had many times before and began to eat. There was a tense silence between Charlie and I. Midway through my dinner I suddenly sat bolt upright as I felt a hand stroking my leg under the table, sending shockwaves of sensation through me. I coughed, choking slightly and grabbed for my soda.

"Everything okay?" Charlie asked as I went red in the face.

I nodded "Went down the wrong way" I managed to gasp out, slanting a look at Edward, who continued to chew his food with an innocent smile, replacing his hand on the table.

Within minutes he was at it again, drawing lazy circles on my thigh with his fingers, making me bite my lip to prevent me from sighing with pleasure. All the time he continued his conversation with Charlie, only the heat in liquid golden eyes, giving away his reaction to touching me. Turning my head to look at him, I moved a little restlessly on my chair, wanting, needing to him to slide his hand further up my body. I was shocked at my own thoughts; I had never felt this way with Jake, like I wanted to crawl inside his skin to be close to him. It was almost a need, a craving that only Edward could cure me of.

Although we had only shared a few gentle kisses I knew I wanted more, I also knew that Edward was holding back. I figured he was doing it so as not to scare me. But I had known Edward long enough and seen him with enough girls to know; that the kisses we had shared so far could not be enough for him. They were not enough for me either, ironically. It was such a turn around, I mused as I speared a tomato, to go from one boyfriend whose touch you couldn't stand to another boyfriend, whose touch you wanted, yearned for, yet who seemed reluctant, hesitant to touch you. He treated me as though I were spun sugar and I wanted to be treated like a normal girl.

"Bells, are you with us?" Charlie asked me, staring. I was sure my face was scarlet with my thoughts.

"Sorry, I guess I'm just tired . . . Do you mind if Edward and I watch a movie in my room?"

Charlie nodded "I don't see why not, I'm going over to the reservation after dinner…want me to bring you guys anything before I go?"

I shook my head, still annoyed with him, "We'll be fine but thanks" I said sarcasm dripping from every word. Charlie sighed and shook his head a little as I left the room, the battle line clearly drawn. Edward was following close behind me. He was so close that I could feel the heat of his chest against my back and I suppressed the shiver which snaked through me.

* * *

EPOV

I wondered what Bella was thinking while she had zoned out, I hoped it was about us and judging by the scarlet color of her face I may have been right. Sitting that close to her at dinner and not being able to touch her was torture for me and that's why I had decided to tease us both.

I could smell her sweet smell, like sunshine and strawberry lollipops, I could feel the heat from her body next to mine, and whenever she moved her breasts brushed my arm, turning my blood hot and heavy. Was that deliberate? I doubted it. Bella was so unaware of her own sexuality, she was… unawakened. My groin throbbed with the thought I could be the one to awaken her, to teach her about pleasure in the same way I had taught her to kiss.

It still amazed me that I could go from friendship to red hot lust in seconds where she was concerned. I had never had a girl make me so hot so fast and no one was more surprised than I, when it turned out to be shy Bella Swan, my best friend.

All I had to do was look at her and remember how good she had felt against me to set me off.

I was reluctant though to take things any further than those sweet, tender kisses we shared because Bella herself had told me she didn't like it with Black. She had admitted she didn't like touching Black, didn't want to move on in their relationship. What worried me was she felt the same about me, that I would scare her.

I didn't want to scare her with how much I wanted her. Bella was still very naive in some respects and had very little understanding of what needing someone, wanting someone, could do and how quickly it could happen. Without self-control, it would be very easy for us both to get carried away, Bella especially as she wasn't used to lust. It was a powerful and irrational master. I just didn't want her to do something she would regret in the heat of the moment.

I followed her awkward progress up the stairs in case she slipped. I tried not to notice how perfect her ass was or how tiny her waist was, but I failed miserably. Around Bella I felt as though I were permanently horny, which wasn't a good state to be in; she had been my best friend for Christ's sake and was emotionally fragile right now.

BPOV

I was aching with need to be kissed again, to feel the heat of his skin under my hands, to feel the strength of his body pressed against mine. I yearned to feel his mouth moving over me, conquering me, making those squirmy unsettled feelings return between my thighs. I decided to do the last thing he would expect. I wanted to seduce Edward, just a little, but I had no clue where to start. I had to act innocent of course, one clue about where this was going and he would back off.

"What do you wanna watch?" I asked as Edward settled himself on her bed, propping himself up against my headboard with my fluffy white pillows.

He shrugged smiling lazily at me "I don't mind as long as it's not a chick flick"

I studied my movie collection and tried to find something that would appeal to him, but also have the affect I was after; I wanted to get him thinking about making out with me, to plant the seed in his head to let him think it was his idea. Pretty Woman, Dirty Dancing, Bridget Jones, American Pie, all way too obvious and way too "chick flick". I searched a little longer and then grinning I held up the box.

"How bout this? It's Charlie's; it's old but pretty good"

* * *

EPOV

I looked at the box, I'd never even heard of The Big Easy, but as it was just something in the background to distract me from all the things I wanted to do to Bella, I wasn't too bothered.

"Sure" I said, watching as Bella popped the DVD into the machine and turned back towards me.

"Come up here" I said patting the bed between my spread legs with a smile. I wanted to tease us both just a little more and having her this close would do the job. A lttle bit of heaven and a little bit of hell.

* * *

BPOV

I tried not to sneak a look at where his jeans where pulled tight around his hips but I couldn't help it. Disappointment flooded through me as I realized there was nothing to see, maybe I didn't have the same effect on him that I had on Jake. I was a seventeen year old who had studied sex ed, I wasn't as naïve as people assumed. I had seen pictures but I found myself wondering how Edward would compare to those pictures. I felt heat flood my face and I forced those thoughts away.

I took a breath and climbed up next to him, my back against the broad expanse of his chest, and my legs inside his. I leaned back against him with a sigh as he wrapped his arms loosely around my waist, intertwining my fingers with his. My head was resting against his shoulder and his jaw was level was level with my forehead. It felt a little strange to be sat like this but after a few minutes I relaxed against him and tried to concentrate on the movie. This was easier said then done given our proximity. We had sat close before, but that was before we were together. Everything we did seemed much more intimate, almost sinful, every look, every simple touch seemed all designed to torment me.

He was invading my senses, his touch as he played with our entwined fingers, the smell of his cologne, his breathing hot, deep and shallow against my ear, the sight of his long legs encasing mine. All of these things were driving me crazy. Just being close to him and being still became a challenge in itself, as he planted soft kisses along my hairline or stroked my arm, leaving a trail of goose bumps in his wake. I was shivery all over and I felt my heart rate quicken as the couple in screen kissed on the bed.

* * *

EPOV

I wanted to groan as the couple on the screen began a very heated make out session. I cleared my throat and tried to shift on the bed, my body beginning to feel the effect of having Bella this close to me combined with this visual stimulation of the movie.

Not wanting to alarm her, I moved my hips back slightly, not sure how she would react to me being turned on.

Instead I attempted to distract myself by stroking my hands lightly across the soft skin of her flat stomach that peaked out at me under her tee. Bella sighed and turned her head and I couldn't help but kiss her neck with soft, wet, biting kisses, finding the spot just below her ear that made her quiver and sigh.

* * *

BPOV

He kissed his way up my cheek until his lips meet mine and I sighed into his mouth, leaning into his body as my tongue stroked his. I felt dizzy and weak all at the same time, as the kiss went on and on. Opening my mouth wider I tried to deepen the kiss and thread my hands into his hair but Edward pulled away, breathing heavily, his golden eyes dark.

"I should go, you need to rest," he said, sliding out from behind me suddenly, leaving me blinking and confused.

"I'm okay, you don't have to go," I said, annoyed to find herself sounding whiny and needy.

"I should go Bells, it's getting late and you'll want to talk with Charlie when he gets back" he said suddenly evasive as he headed my to bedroom door.

I got up from the bed," You can stay a little longer can't you?"

* * *

EPOV

I looked at the pleading expression on her face, the dreamy look in her eyes and wanted to curse. Bella was still caught in the moment, trying to tempt me but I knew, she wasn't ready for what she was inviting. She looked so beautiful and vulnerable that my heart constricted and I knew I had to leave before I changed my mind. With a sigh of regret I shook my head.

"I can't Bella… I really have to go, it's late," I told her, hating the look of disappointment and hurt that crossed her face at my words.

I crossed to where she stood and placed a soft kiss on her forehead,

"I'll call you later when you've spoken to Charlie…that okay?" I asked quietly.

She nodded stiffly and I could see she was hurt, disappointed "Yeah,"

"You ok?"

She nodded again but wouldn't meet my eyes "Sure, Just tired I guess" she said her voice flat.

I kissed her once more on the forehead because I couldn't help myself, my lips lingering a little longer than necessary "I'll see you later"

* * *

BPOV

I watched as he turned and left the room without so much as a backwards glance and felt tears welling up in my eyes. He had just rejected me. I'd wanted to take things further but he had stopped and rejected me, I couldn't believe it. Then an awful thought occurred to me. Maybe he didn't want me; maybe he didn't like me as much as he'd claimed. I groaned, maybe Edward was only with me out of sympathy. It was just the sort of thing he would do being the good guy, try and make me feel better, give me more self esteem by pretending to like me. Maybe that's why he stopped at sweet, gentle kisses, totally in control of himself and the situation. It all became clear now.

His kisses were so gentle because he didn't feel passionately towards me, I couldn't make him feel the same wildness I felt when I was kissing him. I didn't have the experience to make him ache with need and want. So much for lust. So much for moving on. So much for the big easy. I flopped back onto my bed and stared at the ceiling, ignoring the prickle of tears. Yes I felt stronger and more confident than I had in long time, but those demons were still there at the back of my mind whispering to me, reminding me that I wasn't good enough for him. I just felt so frustrated, it was only last night that he told me how much he wanted to be with me but he wasn't acting like it. Did I turn him off with my inexperience? Or was it just as I thought, he was acting like the good guy he was?

I huffed a little and turned onto my side, trying to loose myself in the movie. I couldn't help it when my eyes drifted closed and I was lost to sleep. Sometime later I became aware that someone was in my room. I sat up with gasp, looking around me wildly, panic flaring inside.

"Sorry Bella, didn't mean to wake you" Charlie said stepping out of the shadows and further into my room.

"It's okay" I took a moment to orient myself and then sat up "Did you get a chance to speak with Jake?"

He nodded gravely and sat on the end of my bed "I did"

"And?"

"He asked me to tell you that he still loves you and is sorry…he admitted to sending the messages and the making the calls…but Bella I think he's basically a good guy"

I stared at him aghast "What?"

"He's just a mixed up kid Bells, he thinks by doing this he will get you back"

"Are you serious? That's it?"

Charlie shrugged lightly "He didn't admit to coming into your room and without proof there is not a lot I can do…I don't think he is dangerous Bella, he's just stupid"

"Did you at least warn him off, tell him not call me or send me any more messages?" I fumed, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I did…I asked him to give you some time and space to figure out what you want…I told him that you could have him on harassment charges otherwise…he promised that he would leave you alone…Bella I really don't think he meant any of this maliciously, he's just a stupid kid who thinks he's in love"

I wanted to scream to yell, to shout out, he's much more than that, he drugged me and is stalking me. But I couldn't. I had made the choice not to tell Charlie the whole truth and all I could do now was wait and see what Jake did next.

"If he gives you anymore problems Bella, you have to let me know and we can maybe think about getting a protective order against him but I don't think you'll be hearing from him again" Charlie sounded so confident but I wished I could be so sure.

"God I hope not" I sighed as Charlie got to his feet and kissed my head, ruffling my hair slightly as he did so.

"Night Bells"

"Night Dad" I muttered back, still a little angry with him but somewhat relieved that the matter had been dealt with. There was nothing more I could do but wait.


	24. Details

**Hello all…I am so sorry for my delay in posting but in my defense I work full time, have a two year old and am finishing my degree, as well as writing this. So yeah full of excuses but here is the latest installment. Am not too sure what I think about it but it's important for the story to progress. So as always let me know what you think but please try and be nice (I had one or two not so nice and it made me think twice about carrying on but I know not everyone can like what I do so I will just have to deal). Anyway sorry for the ramble and send me some love. Tink. XX**

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BPOV

The next day brought me pleasant surprises in that I heard absolutely nothing from Jake all day and soon after school let out I had a visit from Alice who came bearing chocolates and a new copy of Wuthering heights. I was pleased to see my best girl friend yet slightly concerned about what I had to tell her.

I had decided to tell her about Edward and I because I needed her help, I didn't know what to do to make Edward see that I wanted him, that I needed to be closer to him, that I was ready. This was a big thing for me, Edward was her brother after all and I couldn't be sure how she would feel about giving me advice on how to seduce her brother.

We shared some small talk, she mentioned the school prom, who was spreading what rumour about me but Alice wasn't stupid she could see I was on edge and I could feel her watching me all the time, her eyes assessing me.

"So what gives Bella, you're like a cat on a hot tin roof" she said to me as we lounged on my bed eating the chocolates she had brought me and flipping idly through the homework she delivered.

I sighed and took a deep breath, looking at Alice for long seconds trying to decide if I really should tell and wondering why Edward hadn't already, did he want us to keep this a secret? That gave me pause and I found myself suddenly wondering if I should tell Alice what was happening between us. But Alice was my other best friend and she was Edward's sister, if anyone had a right to know then it was her.

"You've got to promise to keep it a secret . . . Edward and I are …together" I said my last words and they were almost obscured by an ear splitting shriek as Alice dived on me.

"How could you not tell me? When did this happen? And why don't you look happy about it?" she asked me breathlessly, when we had managed to untangle ourselves.

"It only happened a few days ago; I don't think we were going to tell anyone… Can you imagine how Jake would react if he found out that Edward and I are together? But I know I can trust you to keep it secret" I told her, unable to help the little sheepish smile when I thought about the fact that I was with Edward.

Alice tilted her head to one side and narrowed her eyes at me, assessing me again "I knew he would succumb eventually . . . but why do you look like someone has died? I thought you'd be crying tears of joy…How long have we been waiting for this?"

"Six years" I smirked but then my face fell "It's great, you know Edward is wonderful . . . he just makes me feel so, so …" I paused, searching for the right word to convey what it was I felt. How did you put all those wonderful, incredible, squirmy feelings into words?

"Horny?" Alice supplied with a snicker and I felt my face flush red.

I ducked my head, blushed some more and gave an awkward little laugh "I was going to say amazing but yeah horny would do it"

Alice fell about giggling; " Bella Swan, sex maniac" she joked and I wished I could find it as funny. I was a seventeen-year-old girl, madly in love with my boyfriend- if that's what he was- and I didn't know how to proceed, I didn't know how to make him want me. It was sad, not funny.

"You okay Bella? " she asked when she had calmed down, looking at me intently again. Alice certainly was consistent and far too astute for my good.

I shrugged uncertainly "I'm just so confused" I moaned picking up a pillow and holding it to me "When I was with Jake I didn't really enjoy kissing or touching him not… not like I do with Edward but he seems so careful with me, like he could break me or something"

"Well you've been through a lot recently, I'm sure brother dear just has your best interests at heart" she told me dryly but gently.

"Jake always wanted more, always on at me to do this or touch him or let him touch me, I just felt so pressured…But with Edward" I sighed mournfully, ignoring the wicked grin Alice gave me "With Edward, I love kissing him but I feel like he's holding back…going too slow… does that make me a slut?" I worried, chewing my bottom lip with my teeth

Alice shook her head and this time her smile was gentle "No it makes you a girl with a hot boyfriend, it's perfectly normal that you want to jump him"

I looked at Alice, groaned and smiled at the same time, burrowing my face against the pillow in acute mortification. The I found myself wondering why she didn't find this weird, I was discussing jumping on her brother. I pulled my face back to look at her, fighting to ignore the red flush of embarrassment.

"I never said I wanted to jump on him… But you'd think we were in first grade or something…he's so careful with me…too careful"

"Think about it Bells, he may be the school stud but he is one of the good guys… If I know Edward as well as I think I do he's most probably worried about pushing you, especially after what happened with Jake…He knows what he is doing or so I've heard" she giggled falling about with laughter again. I was glad she found this situation so amusing but it wasn't really helping me.

"Alice will you please stop laughing at me…I'm serious here… I need your help," I confessed.

She looked at me trying and failing to keep a straight face "You want my help to seduce my brother… Bella that is so wrong on many, many levels"

I stuck my tongue out at her "Alice" I whined, "I have no clue what to do and it's getting to me"

"Bella please if you never listen to me about anything else, listen to me about this…don't try and force things, don't try and be all seductive…just be yourself, be Bella and Edward and things will work themselves out"

I felt like stamping my foot, this isn't what I wanted to hear, I wanted to know what to say, what to do, what to wear to make him putty in my hands.

"Alice!" I protested frowning as best I could at her.

"Bella, I love you like a sister but I interfered once before and look where that got us…this is between you and Edward…don't be so impatient to get there Bella… stop and enjoy the ride for a while" she said with a wink and a wicked smile.

I smiled grudgingly "He won't even let me touch his car" I said around a little giggle and then suddenly I was laughing too. In typical Alice fashion she had made everything seem okay, reassured me that things would happen in their own time. I'm sure next time Edward pulled away from me I wouldn't find it quite this amusing but I would cope.

"As fascinating as my brothers sex life is, back to news of great importance" Alice said as our laughter slowed.

"And that is?" I prodded

"The school dance next month remember… Lauren and the committee in their wisdom have decided to make it Masquerade"

I shrugged lightly slightly disappointed. "That's it? The news of great importance? Masquerade…doesn't matter to me anyway, we all know I never go to those things… being girly… me and dancing, not a good idea"

"Edward does," she said quietly and that's when it hit me. If I was with Edward, I would have to go. I knew he would stay with me if I asked, he had done before but there was a party animal laying dormant inside Edward and every now and again he would emerge. I couldn't deprive him of the chance to cut loose a little.

That brought with it a whole other issue, telling people we were an item. When I got back to school, how would we react, did we still keep it a secret or were we just up front? I knew at Forks high this would be big news. And I knew I was in for a lot of shit, especially from the girls in our class.

"Bella" Alice waved her hand before my eyes.

"Sorry…just thinking"

"I could tell…so if Edward is going…" she trailed off.

"I will be going," I murmured and she a gave a little squeal

"Oh Bella this is going to be so much fun…I already have a costume in mind for you…I'll do your hair and Rosie can do your make up...Bella you'll be dazzling"

I groaned and rolled my eyes at her, she was a scheming pixie when she wanted to be. I didn't think I wanted to know what her plans were just yet, I had had enough shocks recently.

I looked at her with curiosity "What are you going as?"

"Tinkerbell"

I grinned, that would suit her to a tee but one thing was puzzling me "How is that masquerade?"

She shrugged "Oh I'll add a mask or something to it" and then she grinned madly with a wink "And don't forget, after party at mine , Mom and Dad are away again"

"Alice!" I pretended to sound scandalized but in reality my heart had missed a beat. An unsupervised party leading in all probability to a sleepover. An unsupervised sleep over. An unsupervised sleepover…. A chance to be with Edward all night, a chance to sleep in his arms again. Suddenly things were looking up.

"What?" she asked all innocence " I know what you are thinking Bella Swan so you can just wipe that shocked look from your face"

I grinned a little "I was just thinking how nice it will be to spend some time with Edward that's all"

"Uh huh" she said clearly not falling for it "So what about the asshole Jacob Black have you heard from him?"

"Not since Charlie spoke to him last night"

"You told Charlie?" she sounded surprised "You've made some pretty big changes since we spoke" I couldn't help but notice she sounded a little hurt.

"I had to, things couldn't go on as they were… Charlie thinks there isn't too much he can do without proof…he thinks Jake is just a stupid kid who thinks he's in love with me" I said and even I could hear the heavy undertones of bitterness.

"Shit Bells…so do you think he will listen to him?"

I shrugged " I have no idea but while he's being quiet I don't care…as long as he stays away from me…Charlie seems pretty convinced"

"Are you?"

I shook my head and she grimaced throwing a chocolate into her mouth "me either"

* * *

EPOV

I frowned, narrowing my eyes and line of sight, I concentrated on the hoop, took aim and threw the ball… which totally missed and bounced off the roof.

"Edward, what's with you today, you're like on another planet or something" Emmett said shaking his head, retrieving the ball, throwing it my way.

I shrugged "Lot on my mind" I said absently and aimed for the hoop again. It missed by a mile. Fuck.

"Ok Edward, spill" Emmett demanded, picking up the ball and stowing it under his arm.

"I'm fine" I said absently, wiping my face on my jersey, not sure I wanted to discuss this with Emmett. He wasn't the most sensitive guy in the world, hence the reason I knew all of Rosalie Hale's "hot spots" and just what to do to make her scream in pleasure. Ugh.

"Bullshit" he said succinctly "What's going on with you Edward?"

I looked into his face and wondered if he should tell him what was going on with Bells and me. He would know soon enough once she returned to school, I think even a blind man could see how I fell about Bella and he was family. Emmett would kill me if he were the last to know.

"If I tell you, you can't tell anyone at school" I warned him and he grinned, rubbing his hands together.

"Sure Edward"

"Bella and are I together" I said, almost falling to the floor as Emmett slapped me on the back with a loud guffaw.

"Finally…that's great news…so what's the problem?" he said laughingly.

I wished suddenly that Jasper was around, Emmett was really not the person to discuss this with, although he was sexually the most adventurous- please don't ask me how I know this- but when it came to emotions he was like a bull in a china shop.

I cleared my throat, trying to put this in the most Emmett friendly form I could think of "You saw what happened with her and Black, how possessive he was, how he was always feeling her up in public…I just don't want to be like that with her"

"So you won't be …what's the problem?"

"Well I like her Emmett…a lot… I don't want her to think I'm like that, so I thought I'd keep things simple, you know"

Emmett nodded; grinning like the idiot he was "Keep little Edward under control"

I chose to ignore the implied insult "Exactly, but it's… hard" I said for want of a better word.

Emmett said nothing but smirked at me.

"I have the feeling she thinks I don't want her like that, just because I don't paw at her like that bastard"

I still couldn't suppress the fury in me when I thought about Black touching her, the way I wanted to touch her, that she was made to go through that.

"Have you talked to her? Told her?"

I shook my head sighing "I don't want to freak her out by bringing up sex stuff"

"Edward dude, Bella is a smart girl… just talk to her" he made sound so fucking simple.

"Smart yeah but you and I both know she's not exactly experienced" I groaned low in my throat "I just don't wanna screw this up Emmett, I really like her"

"Edward, just talk to the girl, she knows you, fuck, she's your best friend… she knows you wouldn't do anything to hurt her" Emmett said throwing the basket ball at me. And it made sense, unusually enough for something that came from Emmett's mouth.

"Emmett when did you get so smart?"

He grinned "Dude it's hardly fuckin rocket science… now have we finished playing Dr Phil?" he grinned quipped, ducking as I threw the ball back at him.

"You know Emmett maybe I should tell the guys at school about this side of you…you could offer relationship counseling...sex therapy...you're a really sensitive guy Emmett " I retorted with a smirk of my own, knowing which buttons to push.

He was so sensitive he gave me the finger and replied with a prompt "Fuck you Edward"

* * *

BPOV

I was nervous as I waited for Edward the next day, we had only spoken on the telephone the night before and I didn't know if it was just me but things seemed strained. Was it to do with the way we left each other the night before? I was tense and needy and I'm sure Edward would have been too. The easy banter we had just regained didn't seem to flow and our conversation was short and stilted. I admitted to telling Alice, though I didn't elaborate as to why and he told me he had talked with Emmett. So our secret was officially out. He knew I was coming back to school, that staying home by myself was driving me crazy.

So here I was waiting patiently for him to arrive, my stomach in knots. I watched and gave him a tight smile as he parked up and opened the door from the inside for me to climb in. I wondered should I lean over and kiss him good morning? I moved towards him, thinking he would do the same. He didn't. So we were back to this were we, more rejection.

"You okay Bells" he asked me but he didn't even look my way.

"Sure, you?" I said injecting a false note of happiness into my voice.

He turned to look at me as he pulled away from the sidewalk "Not really, I think we have things we need to talk about"

Ice crystallized in the pit of my stomach, had he changed his mind already? I was scared of what he would say and that fear made me angry, defensive.

"What again?" I asked and couldn't help the little sneer in my tone.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he sighed, and I knew this wasn't going to plan.

"Ever since that kiss things have been going wrong and we have 'things to talk about'. . .this is exactly what I was worried about"

"So what are you saying? You want to forget about us is that it?" he snapped and I was taken aback by the fear in his voice. Maybe he did love me though for the life of me I couldn't fathom why. I softened my voice when I next spoke.

"No that's not what I'm saying, but this is supposed to be easy and it isn't…So lets just forget that you rejected me and carry on"

"I didn't reject you Bella…I knew you would think that" he said on a sigh and he looked at me again, taking quick glances away from the road as he drove.

"Really? Well you could have fooled me" I said bitterly "Any way just forget about it, I know where I stand now"

"Bella you don't understand, don't be like that please"

"Edward lets just forget it," I snapped, annoyed that after all this time things were still going wrong.

"Ok then its forgotten" he said coolly and became silent.

I fumed in my seat, I had never met anyone who I loved as much as Edward but that I wanted to strangle at the same time. When we were friends we hadn't really argued but as a couple it looked like it was too easy just to argue.

* * *

EPOV

I knew this was how she would take it. All I wanted to do was talk about the way I felt about her, tell her that I loved her and wouldn't push her for more like Jake had. But in typical Bella style, she believed I didn't want her, that I had rejected her. Still the self esteem thing. How could she not know how much I wanted her, how hard it was to keep my distance from her. How could she miss the battle I had with myself each time I was close to her?

We arrived at school in sullen, tense silence. I had imagined we would walk into school together, hand in hand so everyone could see we were together but obviously Bella had other ideas. As soon as we parked she pulled open the door and shot out, still a bit wobbly on her ankle. Despite her best efforts to walk away from me, my legs were longer than hers and she had her ankle to contend with. I caught up with her in a few angry strides. Well at least this way no one would figure out we were a couple, nobody would be able to make comment and hurt Bella. I didn't care what they thought about me but I knew there would be some in our class who would delight in telling Black that we were a couple. And that could mean more trouble for Bella.

Strolling through the halls our hands at our sides, my fingers burned with the need to clasp her tiny hand in mine and lace our fingers together, to pull her to my side, to claim her as mine. I glanced at her but her face was set in anger, her eyes staring straight ahead. As we approached our lockers I could see Alice watching us her smile fading as she took in the expressions on our faces. The second we reached her, Bella moved from my side to hers. Well fuck! I couldn't hear what they were saying about me in the noise of the hall way but they were clearly talking about me, judging by the wounded glances Bella sent my way and the frequent eye rolls and glares dished out by Alice. I pushed a hand roughly through my hair and turned away, pissed that this was even happening already.

* * *

BPOV

"What's going on with you two?" Alice hissed as I came to her side and glanced at Edward.

I shrugged coolly "I'm not sure… I think he's mad, because I'm mad about the other night"

"Have you talked about it yet?"

"No and I really don't want to at the moment, he's made himself clear on that one, he couldn't get out of the house fast enough" I could see he was watching us, he knew we were talking about him.

Alice sighed "Bells, I really think you are talking this entirely the wrong way….what did we talk about last night…just trust him Bella he knows what he is doing"

"I can't help it…as soon as he said he wanted to talk I just freaked…I thought he was going to say he didn't want this and I couldn't take that Alice…I'm not strong enough" I whispered.

"Bella, just talk to him, he's my brother and I know he's always been crazy about you whether he knew it or not, he cares for you Bella, don't make this harder for him please…just talk to him see what he has to say"

Alice was right as usual, I had panicked and over reacted, getting angry instead of letting him speak. It was a self-defence mechanism. When I didn't want to hear something that I thought could hurt me, I got angry or ran away. When Edward had tried to tell me how he felt about me after that kiss, I ran to Jacob. I was running now.

* * *

EPOV

I just couldn't believe that me trying to be a good guy and prove how much I loved Bella would lead to us nearly falling apart so soon. I just wanted to give her time and after this morning it looked like we would have was time. We still hadn't spoken since the car journey but I could see Bella was upset. I was torn, did I try again or give her chance to calm down, to come to me? I didn't want to mess things up anymore than they already were. During recess while Bella was hiding in the library I corned Alice, demanding some answers.

"So what's going on Alice, what has she said to you" I demanded.

"Edward Bella is my best friend and if you think I am going to just give up all her secrets then you are wrong" she said sweetly with a falsely innocent smile.

"How much?" I sighed and she grinned wickedly.

"Oh Edward, this is not just a matter of money. I want something more...I want a new shopping partner"

I groaned Alice knew how to hurt a guy "Isn't there something else, anything…my first born child…a kidney?"

She smiled, all traces of innocence gone "Those are my terms, take them or leave them"

I stared at the sky, at the ground, at the building, anywhere but Alice until finally I gave up "okay I'll do it but only for a month"

Alice grinned, magnanimous in victory "You are too easy Edward…she's gonna have you wrapped around her little finger"

"She already does," I admitted with a small smile, I didn't mind so much "Now what gives Alice?"

"She thinks you don't like her"

I wanted to roll my eyes at her "I figured that much Alice"

"No I mean like that…you know that you don't want her"

"Fuck!" I knew it "Why would she think that?"

Alice rolled her eyes at me and I think I detected a small blush across her cheeks "Bella in her wisdom has apparently been trying to seduce you and the way she tells it, you're just not interested"

I felt a goofy grin tug at my lips, Bella had been trying to seduce me? Oh wow. That's what the open door had been about? That's why she chose that movie? Oh Bella. My heart and dick swelled with emotion.

"Edward you're drooling" Alice smirked.

"Very funny Alice…she really was trying to seduce me?" I chuckled, my Bella, always surprising me.

"Don't laugh Edward, she takes this very seriously…she thinks you don't want her, deep down she's worried what happened with Black has affected how you feel about her and she's looking for a little reassurance, sleeping with you would apparently give her that reassurance…though fuck knows why, sleeping with you would give me nightmares"

"Yeah thanks for that _sis_," I said with distaste "So what do I do?"

"Do I have to do everything? I only just got through telling Bella to let you take care of it, you love her, you sort it out…just talk to her Edward, it's not rocket science"

I blinked "Have you been talking to Emmett?"

A small twitched across her lips "Maybe"

Fucking hell, could I have no secrets? In my family it seemed not. I turned to walk away.

"Hey Edward"

I looked back "Yeah"

"When you finally do it…tell her I can live without the details"


	25. Consideration

**Hey all. So today I was given the most amazing present by my ever-loving husband, a signed picture of Rob Pattinson!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well it's actually a picture of Edward when James holds him up against the wall by his throat but it's signed by Rob…SIGH… Which leads me to wonder when we read fics who do we see? Do we see Edward as played by Rob or do you see Edward? Hmm just a bit of a ramble. Anyway this one is a little short and rushed so forgive any mistakes but I wanted to get it out there so I could move on with the rest of the story. Let me know what you think. Love Tink. XX**

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BPOV

Endless tedium, those were the only words I could think to describe the day. There was so much I wanted to say to Edward, so much I needed him to say to me, so when I found him waiting outside my gym class for me at the end of the day I felt more than a little nervous. I offered him a tentative smile, regretting my earlier awkwardness. He beamed back at me and I shyly held out my hand, trying not to be aware of the stares of the kids around us. My heart fluttered in my chest as he linked his fingers with mine and looked at me from under his lashes, a coy yet sexy smile lingering around his very kissable lips.

"Hey" he finally spoke.

"Hi" I said breathily as he began to walk, leading me back to the parking lot, his strides lazy and unhurried. I stumbled along next to him conscious of the very odd looks we received as people began to take in the very palpable change in our relationship. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks and I ducked my head, nervous wondering what everyone else was thinking.

"You okay?" he asked from beside me as we strolled hand in hand through the mass of kids all making their way home to begin their weekends. I shrugged a little, I didn't honestly know if I was okay but through some unspoken conversation we had decided to go public, our twined fingers a testament to our new status as a couple. It felt a little bizarre to be like this with him here in school, almost surreal.

"Everybody's staring at us" I whispered mortified and I saw a grin widen his mouth.

"There probably thinking it's about fucking time" I heard Emmett's gruff voice come from behind me and I half turned to offer him a sheepish grin.

I looked back at Edward gauging his reaction but he simply grinned and in an unexpected yet none unwanted move, he pulled me close and kissed me on the lips, his tongue invading my mouth as I gasped in surprise and a little desire. Then suddenly I was lost in the world of sensation that only Edward could evoke, my heart raced, my blood pounded through my veins and my breath came in rasping gasps, as I struggled to confine my response to that appropriate for a school parking lot. I felt him smile against my mouth the second before he pulled away from me and I blinked up at him more than a little dazed by the suddenness of his kiss and the feelings it left me with. I was dimly aware of a shrill whistle sounding across the lot as other students clapped and cheered our impromptu show, and once more I felt the tell tale flush of color across my cheeks.

I stared into of Edward's eyes, thinking how much I wanted to get lost in their golden depths.

"For the record I want you…I'll always want you… please Bella, don't mistake consideration for rejection" he told me lightly, resting his forehead against mine as we continued to stare into each other's eyes.

"I want you too," I breathed out in a rush of air, closing my eyes against the sudden blaze of heat in his and also slightly embarrassed to be saying this aloud.

Emmett cleared his throat loudly behind us and shuffled from one foot to the others "Guys, you're even embarrassing me"

I giggled happily and made as though to step back from Edward, he allowed me space to move but then tucked me neatly at his side and snaked his arm around my waist in a way that made me feel supported rather than constrained.

"Rocket science, remember," he said cryptically with a mocking smile. Emmett if anything beamed harder rather than take offence. Edward turned to me with a smile.

"How about we escape for a while," he suggested and although the words were light, I could almost hear the slight pleading tone to his voice. It hit me, he wanted to be alone with me. My heart rate increased and my tummy tingled, was this is it? Was I going to get what I wanted. I sure hoped so.

"Sure" I smiled, matching his light but inside I felt as tense as he suddenly seemed. He looked relieved and squeezed me too him for a brief second before letting me go. Whatever had happened between us this morning was clearly forgotten and we had the rest of the weekend ahead of us.

* * *

EPOV

As I drove, I had never been more aware of Bella as I was right now. It seemed now I had made the decision to move our relationship on, to give Bella what she wanted to some extent, everything she did seemed so seductive, so carnal. From the corner of my eye I watched her shift in her seat and toss her hair over her shoulder, the movement causing her breasts to press against the shirt she wore and my palms itched with the urge to stroke them. I flexed my fingers with a grimace trying to rid myself of the need to touch her and cleared my throat.

"You okay?" she asked with a sweet smile, concern shining from her eyes.

I nodded and smiled. I was so tense with need that I could barely think straight, I hadn't brought Bella with me to relieve my baser instincts but it was all I could think about now. I wanted to talk to her to make her understand how I felt, to assure her that I wanted her and wanted to be with her.

"Are you going to tell me where we are going?"

"The meadow" I told her simply, watching her face light up. The meadow was a place we hadn't visited in a long time, it had always been our place when we were kids, the place we had escaped to whenever something was wrong. When Bella's grandmother died, when I was dumped for the first time, when we fought…. the meadow was always there, quiet and perfect, just for us. For Eddie and Bellie. It was our little piece of heaven and it had been way too long since we'd visited. Lost in my thoughts I looked down as I felt Bella's little hand curl around mine, her fingers locking with mine and squeezing. I glanced at her and she smiled at me so sweetly that I felt it my heart thump in response and my pants grow noticeably tighter.

* * *

BPOV

Edward was quiet and still as we drove but he didn't look unhappy, just thoughtful. I felt incredibly nervous yet incredibly excited to be spending some alone time with him, I knew he wanted to talk with me but I hoped if I had my way then it wasn't just our mouths that would be talking, I hoped our bodies would be too. When we reached the dirt track to the meadow he shut off the engine and we alighted the car. Edward came to my side and took my hand in his as we set off along the path. He was still silent and looked almost brooding but I didn't get the feeling he was angry or upset. We walked for a little while and then suddenly the path opened up and we were here. Lazily we strolled a little further into the copse and settled down on the grass, amongst the flowers. Edward was still silent and I was becoming more nervous as time went on.

"Edward" I said when I could no longer stand the silence "Why did you bring me here?"

He sighed, "To talk"

I couldn't ignore the slight feeling of rejection but I tried to hold onto Edward's affirmation that consideration wasn't rejection.

"Don't you want me?" I asked quietly, staring at the delicate blue flowers beneath my legs.

He turned to me and the expression on his face was tortured, as though he were in pain.

"Bella, let's just see what happens hmm?" he said and he reached out to stroke my face

"No its okay, I'm sorry to have asked" I mumbled, suddenly mortified.

"Fuck it Bells, I'm trying to do the right thing here," he sounded pained as he groaned out the words.

"Its Edward, if you don't want me then its okay" I made to turn away a little angrily but Edward cupped my chin in his hands and made me look at him.

"I didn't say I didn't want you" he gritted out and hauled me close to his body. Surprise lit through me and I had to admit I liked this side of Edward. But that was the last rational thought in my brain as he kissed me, more passionately than he ever had before.

My breath caught in my throat as his mouth closed over mine and I felt the pressure of his lips grinding against me. His tongue touched my lips, teasing them with little licks and tastes and I sighed in the back of my throat as I fought to get closer to him.

"Bella" he gritted out against my lips and I couldn't help the sounds that escaped from my mouth. His tongue touched mine and I felt a jolt run through both our bodies as he kissed me deeply. My hands shook a little as I placed them against the heat of his chest and I couldn't believe the speed with which his heart was racing beneath my palm.

I sucked in little panting breaths as Edward wrapped his arms around me and I found myself lying across him, my breasts crushed against him and our legs tangled. There was an insistent throbbing between my thighs and I moved, trying to get closer to the hardness that would ease my ache. Edward gave a strangled moan and I felt a surge of power that I could make him feel this way, I flexed my hips experimentally and he groaned again against my mouth.

* * *

EPOV

I couldn't help it, one second I was trying to talk to her and the next she was sprawled across me, moving her hips against mine, driving me crazy. I tangled my hands in the softness of her hair and held her to me, moving my mouth from hers to the rapidly fluttering pulse at the base of her neck. She hissed as I bit down gently and then my tongue snaked out to soothe the little love bite. Almost unconsciously I slid my hands down her spine and cupped her ass, helping her move against me, as we panted and gasped together, lost in the need overtaking us.

Surprising me she moved a fraction of an inch and pressed her lips against mine, our mouths met, open and hot, and I gave up any hopes of slowing down. The taste of her the feeling of her crushed against me was exquisite agony as my erection throbbed with each frantic movement of her hips in a parody of what we both wanted desperately. I could feel myself loosing grip on my control, and knew I had to pull back. I wanted more than this for Bella, more than a literal roll in the hay, I wanted our first time to be more special than a quick fumble. Attempting to pull my mouth away, I forced my eyes open to look up at Bella. Her cheeks were flushed with passion, her eyes shut as she continued to move against me.

"Bella" I choked out, my fragile control close to shattering. "Bella, we have to stop"

She struggled to open her eyes and went still above me, her breaths coming in quick and fast, doing amazing things to her breasts.

"Why?" she whined and I wanted to laugh despite the furious need raging through me.

"Because you deserve more Bells, we both do…I want you Bella and I'm not saying no, just not right now" I said around the deep breaths I had to take to calm my body. With Bella pressed so intimately against me, I knew it wasn't going to happen anytime soon, so gently and slowly, I rolled us to our sides. For long seconds we stared into each other's eyes, Bella's were still dazed with passion, almost sleepy looking.

"You're no fun," she pouted but she smiled. I was elated. I think she was beginning to understand. I pressed a gentle kiss to her pouting lips, because I was unable to stop myself.

"But I can be, I promise"

I felt her lips curve in a wicked smile and she giggled, snuggling close to me. I had never felt so content, at peace despite the raging hormones coursing though my system.

"So you do want me?" she asked and I glimpsed the trace of uncertainty behind her eyes, she was still unsure of my feelings after all this time.

"More than you can possibly imagine…I was trying to give you space Bells, show you I'm not like Black"

Tears filled her eyes "I never thought you were Edward but I couldn't understand why you seemed so reluctant to be close to me" she said and flushed.

"Since the first time I kissed you, I never wanted anything more…it was all I could think about and believe me I put a lot of thought into it" I grinned, remembering some of the dreams I'd had and how I had woken, tense and aching.

"Edward!" she said pretending to sound shocked but I could read the delight on her face.

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BPOV

"Don't tell me you never thought about me in that way" he teased and I felt my heart stutter. Did I tell him it had always him? Should I confess my deepest feelings? I wanted to but I was afraid, there were still parts of me that couldn't believe that he felt the same about me.

"In your dreams Cullen" I said to cover my nervousness.

"Every night" he responded with a wink and kissed me again. Inside I was thrilled at this new teasing side to Edward, he wanted me, he really did. Suddenly I didn't feel in such a hurry to take that extra step, I could wait. I would wait. When the time was right I knew it would happen. For now I was happy being here with him like this, Jacob was out of my life and Edward was in it. He wanted me and I wanted him and as I gave myself over to his kiss there was nothing else I needed right now.


	26. Masquerade

**So here is the latest chapter, it's not the best as I am doped up with cold medicine but I still wanted to post for those people who are following this story. There are only a few chapters left but look out for my next story coming soon _Bella, Book and Candle _. I am planning on posting a few sneaky extracts as an epilogue to this story so if you're interested stay tuned and send me some love. Love Tink. XX**

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BPOV

Since that day in the meadow things had gone great for Edward and I, we still hadn't taken things further than kisses and heated touches but after tonight I hoped all that would change.

It was the night of the masquerade ball and I was dressing at the Cullen's, Edward had been given strict instructions by Alice to leave the house and not to return until after the ball.

She wouldn't tell me what Edward was wearing, maintaining it had to be a surprise and refused to tell him what I wore. I had to admit I was a little nervous when she told me she would be in charge of my outfit but after my constant nagging she had relented and allowed me to glimpse the dress I would be wearing. It was beautiful, simple, plain yet stunning, I knew I would look gorgeous.

And as I stared at myself in the mirror, I silently thanked Alice for choosing it for me and Rosalie for doing my hair and makeup. I had to admit I looked fabulous and felt gorgeous for the first time in my life. The simple white dress had the right mixture of innocence and seduction and I hoped that it would have that effect on Edward. I toyed with the loose curls that fell around my shoulders and turned to the side to view the delicately feathered wings which were attached to the back of the dress. The combination of the darkness of my hair and the stark white of the dress was stunning.

"Bells you look amazing…Edward isn't going to know what's hit him," Alice giggled as she came up beside me and studied her own reflection in the mirror. She wore a forest green dress with a full net skirt which made the most of her lithe dancers figure.

"You know what? I think you're right!" I giggled and turned this way and that, trying to look at myself from all angles.

"I can't wait to see my brothers face"

"Won't you tell me what he's wearing, how will I know which one is him?" I tried out the pout that usually worked on Edward and may work on his sister. She shook her head with a wicked grin

"No way Bells, besides with his hair you really doubt you'd miss him?" she laughed again, smoothing her skirt and fluffing her own hair.

I hadn't thought of that and stuck out my tongue, looking around for my shoes.

"Alice, have you taken my shoes?" I asked exasperated after seconds of fruitless searching.

She shook her head "Bells don't you trust me?"

"Not really" I admitted and she pretended to look offended but then smiled at me.

"Bella I promise I haven't touched your shoes, I want you to come to this ball…maybe you left them at Charlie's"

I frowned trying to remember where I had seen them last and I saw a flicker in my minds eye, a pair in my closet sat waiting neatly for me.

"Shit, their in my closet, I meant to pick them up on my way out" I glanced down at my watch "Do I have time to run and get them…I could meet you back at the school"

Alice frowned and tapped her foot "Do you have to? You'll be late"

"Unless you want me to go in my tennis shoes…I'll meet you at the school, I won't be late I promise"

"If you have to, but Bella if you're too late you'll miss Edward's surprise"

I rounded on her "Edward has a surprise for me?"

She grinned wickedly "Yes but that's all I'll say, my lips are sealed"

My heart fluttered in excitement and I caught my breath "I'll be back before you miss me"

The drive home was relatively short and the entire time I couldn't fight the grin which spread across my face. Edward had a surprise for me! Charlie's cruiser was gone when I pulled up on the drive way and I let myself in, before running upstairs and rummaging through my closet.

I was aware of the noise of truck on the driveway and I figured Charlie had arrived home. The swing of front door seconds later and the sound of footfalls on the stairs confirmed my suspicion.

"Hey dad" I called out, as I heard his footsteps outside my door. I was still half in my closet as I looked for the shoes I needed. There was silence for a second and I felt a prickle of unease along my spine when suddenly there was an arm around my neck, a hand covering my mouth. A strong smell assailed me as I felt a cloth cover my mouth and nose and then everything began to blur, as darkness encroached over me.

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When I came around in was sprawled across the seat of Jacob's truck, unable to make sense of what had just happened. How much time I had passed I didn't know but the sky was darkening and as I tried to move I found my hands and feet bound with tape. I struggled suddenly afraid, more afraid than I had been in a long time.

"Aw you're awake Bells, I thought you'd sleep a little longer" Jake said and his voice sounded tender, almost caring.

"What's going on Jake, what are you doing?" I gasped, trembling with fear as he turned to look at me, smirking.

"I'm taking you for a ride Bella, why did you make it so hard…I know when Charlie came to tell me to stay away you didn't mean it, so I waited and I watched…I know you don't love him Bells, you don't look happy together" he said with a sigh.

"Edward" I croaked, "You're talking about Edward"

"Cullen," he snarled "he isn't right for you Bells, he doesn't love you like me…hell he won't even prove he loves you right" he chuckled sounding amazed "How can he not want to make love to you Bells, you're beautiful and perfect"

Panic flared inside me, I realized that he was crazy and I knew he wouldn't let me go. I had to do something, I had to make him let me go, had to make him believe that I wasn't going to try and escape.

"Jake let me up please, I'm uncomfortable," I said softly, shifting around on the seat.

He laughed softly and it sent a chill down my spine "I don't think so Bella…you're nervous about being with me again, you might change your mind and try and leave me…I'm going to give you what you want Bells, we're gonna make love and then we'll be together…they won't be able to keep us apart anymore, we'll be together forever"

I felt sick when his meaning sank through the fear shrouding my brain, he meant to rape me then kill us both. He really was crazy. I began to hyperventilate, with the thought that I was never going to see Edward or my family again. I knew I had to keep calm, if I had any chance of getting out of this I had to keep my head, to lie my way out, make him believe I loved him too.

"Jake, you don't have to do this, let me go and we can go back to my place, talk about this"

"Ah Bella, I wish it was that easy…Cullen won't let you go, we have to leave, we have to be together"

"Jake I want that too" I said choking on the lie "Let me speak to Edward, let me tell him I choose you, that I don't love him, that I don't ever want to see him again. He'll believe me, then we can go home, together"

Jake didn't answer and I could tell something in my voice must have reached him; he seemed to be considering what I said.

"If I let you call him you have to tell him the truth…tell him that I've won, that you love me, that you want to be mine"

"I will," I said swallowing the lies, feeling sick, and scared. Beneath me the truck came to a rumbling halt and a few seconds later the door next to me opened. I cringed as I felt Jake's hands stroke over my skin.

"Bella, I've missed you so," he said softly, stroking my hair as I tried not to cower away from him.

"Me too" I said though the words hurt.

He pulled out a cell phone and pressed it to my ear as I trembled, seconds later tears filled my eyes as I heard the most precious voice in the world.

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EPOV

"Where the hell is she Alice?" I demanded impatiently staring at the door. Beside me Alice giggled, "She's had to take a slight detour, but she'll be here…stop fretting"

"Detour?"

"She left her shoes at Charlie's she had to get them" Alice sighed, rolling her eyes at my frown.

"How long ago was that?" I prodded and continued my pacing, as she glanced at her watch, a frown crossing her face.

"An hour ago" she said biting her bottom lip, looking slightly concerned.

"So where the hell is she?" I snarled but didn't miss the worried look on Alice's face.

"You know what she's like, she probably just forgot the time"

Somehow I doubted it and I began to worry a little, Bella though accident-prone wasn't usually late. I retrieved my cell from my pocket and was about to call her number when it began to ring. I frowned as I answered.

"Edward" it Bella, her voice was quiet and I had to strain to hear her over the noise of the music in the gym.

"Bella, where are you? You're missing all the fun," I said with mock severity as relief washed though me at the sound of her voice.

"I'm not coming Edward…I changed my mind," she said and I noticed her voice shook a little. Something was wrong.

"What do you mean you're not coming… why Bella?" I asked, angry that she was standing me up.

"I don't want to be with you Edward," she said and I felt an iron cold fist around my heart, sick to my stomach as I heard her tell me she didn't want me.

I pushed past Alice who stood beside me listening, watching, a confused expression on her face and I stepped outside into the hallway.

"Bella what the hell is going on, where are you?" I snapped into the phone, wondering if this was a joke, if it was I didn't find it funny

"I can't tell you Edward…I don't love you …I love Jake, I, I want to be with Jake" she said and then it hit me, Black! He was behind this, suddenly the pain I'd felt was eclipsed with fear.

"Bella!" I said urgently "are you in trouble? Are you with Jake, if you are tell me again that you don't love you"

I held my breath as I waited for her response "That's right Edward, I don't love you" she said and this time her voice sounded a little calmer, a little less shaky.

"Good girl" I breathed, "Can you tell me where you are going, where you are?"

There was silence for a few seconds and I could hear Bella breathing heavily "I'm going away with him Edward, forever, somewhere you'll never find us, somewhere only I know" she told me but instead of the fear I expected to hear there was a happiness there, a confidence. Somewhere only she knew, I wracked my brains thinking where would she take him?

"Bella where are you going, tell me" I pleaded and I heard Black laughing softly, so softly in the background that a chill ran through me.

"Don't try to find me, you couldn't find me when grandma died and you won't find me now"

She snapped at me and I heard more laughter before the words that filled me full of dread.

"Say Goodbye to Edward" it was Black, he sounded pleased, amused almost.

"Goodbye Edward" she murmured and I heard the thickness of tears in her voice.

"No, Bella, Bella" I called out, but there was no answer. The line was dead. Think Edward, think. Where were they going? What had she been trying to tell me, somewhere only she knows? Hadn't been able to find her when her grandmother died? That was rubbish I had been with her after her death, she had cried in my arms in the meadow. The meadow. Our meadow. It hit me like a wrecking ball, she was taking him there, to the meadow, knowing I could follow. Flinging open the door to the gym, I reached Alice's side in seconds

"It's Black" I said flatly and watched the horror appear on her face "Find Emmett and Jasper"

She nodded her face a ghastly shade of white and turned to find them in the crowd, as I stood feeling sick and more terrified than I ever had in my life.

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BPOV

As the line went dead, I fought back the tears, which burned my eyes; I had to keep up the charade if I wanted to buy Edward time to find me. I just prayed he understood the references I gave him and that when he found me it wouldn't be too late. My mouth went dry as he sat me up and turned my face to his, my hands still locked behind my back.

"My Bella" he said and kissed me gently, I fought the urge to vomit and made myself respond a little as I had in the past.

"Jake, please untie me, we don't need these," I said gesturing to the restraints around my ankles and wrists. He smirked at me and reached out and touched my breasts, inside I cringed.

"Not just yet, I like you this way, it's … sexy" he smiled, stroking my skin. I offered him a smile, hoping he wouldn't see how false it was.

"So would you like me to take us to my special place, a place for us, where we can be" I paused "alone"

"I want you so much Bella, you can't know how long I've waited for you…why did you go with Cullen?" he asked his face falling from the loving gentle smile.

"I missed you so much, I just needed someone and I think…I think he kind of… brainwashed me," I said softly, thinking he would never buy that excuse in a million years.

He laughed and touched my face with gently fingers "Silly Bella…I should never have let them keep us apart"

"We're together now and that's all that matters…hurry Jake lets go to my meadow and we can lay down amongst the flowers and be together" I said lacing my voice with seduction whilst inside I felt physically sick.

He pressed himself close to me and his hands groped for my breasts, nipping at them, his fingers biting into my tender flesh. I bit my lip against the pain and need to cry out in violation, hoping he would mistake this as an act of passion.

"All these days and nights, all I could do was think about how good it's going to be when I'm inside of you…how hot it will be when my mouth is on you..…God Bella I'm so fucking pumped just thinking about how I'm going to make you scream" he said against the skin of my breasts as he bit them marking me. I tensed with the pain, tears welling up in my eyes again

"It's okay Bella, it's okay…I like to bite but it won't hurt much…I promise you'll enjoy it…just think of all the fun we can have while you're tied up, completely helpless, unable to stop me" he chuckled, enjoying the sound of this game he had described. It was all I could do not to scream out my fear and loathing and terror. I felt ill that I was going along with this charade but it was the only chance I was going to get to save my life.

"Jake, hurry then…lets go, before anyone finds us here…my dad's a cop remember" I said huskily, and watched his eyes widen than narrow with suspicion when I mentioned Charlie. Uh oh, that was the wrong thing to say.

"Think how it will look If we get a ticket for screwing in public, he'd kill me" I said again forcing myself to chuckle and he relaxed. I had to keep this normal, make him believe that I was going along with this sick scheme, if I didn't I would never see Edward or my father again.

"You're a naughty girl Bella and I promise you will be punished" he said with a laugh of his own and gave my breasts a final squeeze before strapping me in, moving back to the drivers seat and starting the engine. I swallowed convulsively so I wouldn't cry the tears I needed to and prayed Edward would find me in time.

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EPOV

I was dimly aware of my tires screeching as we careened out of the lot but I didn't care, all I could think about was getting to my Bella, and kicking the ever living shit out of Black.

"Fuck, Fuck, Fuck…I should never have left her alone" I muttered slapping my hands against the wheel.

"Edward you weren't to know, he's a fucking psycho, he would have found a way to get to her eventually" said Emmett in what I'm sure he thought was a reassuring tone. I glared at him but I could see he was worried too. I saw Jasper roll his eyes a little at him before he said

"We all thought he was done with her, nobody could have predicted this, it seems he just took a chance and snatched her…I don't think this was planned Edward"

"If he so much as touches one fucking hair on her head, I swear to god I will rip him limb from fucking useless limb" I snarled, trying to calm the panic raging through me.

"We'll find them Edward and I promise when we get done with him he won't be able to touch anyone, including himself" Emmett said darkly flexing his knuckles.

I glanced at the mileometer and pressed the pedal to the floor willing the car to move faster as I swerved in and out of other cars, I knew they had a head start on me but what I didn't was how long. I felt sick to my stomach, my body shook with adrenaline but all I could think about was what would happen if I was too late. All I could see was Bella, defiled and dirty, laying dead in our meadow amongst the flowers, her once rosy cheeks now pallid and grey. Tears of anger and pain pooled behind my eyes and I blinked them away. Beside me Emmett and Jasper sat grim faced and as silent as the grave I had just imagined.

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BPOV

I became aware of the car slowing to a gradual stop and I knew he had followed my directions to get us here. The night was growing darker and I was having trouble making out the pathway but I knew it was there and I knew I would be able to find it. I always had before and now my life depended on it, I knew I would again. Suddenly the door was thrown open and Jake yanked me from the car, I winced at the sudden pain of his fingers wrapped around my upper arm but he merely smiled. Some part of me knew then, instinctively that he got off on this kind of thing; he enjoyed inflicting pain on others and was determined to enjoy it with me. My legs buckled as I attempted to walk in my restraints and I stumbled, landing in a painful heap on my bottom. All I could thin about at that moment was that my beautiful dress was going to be ruined and so was I.


	27. Fallen Angel

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**Hey everyone, thanks so much for all your lovely reviews and sticking with this story, it means so much that people take time out of their lives to share their thoughts with me. Anyway so when I first started this story and chose Jake as the baddie I didn't really rate him as a character and wasn't very fond of him but recently I have gotten into some Jake/ Nessie fan fics and have seen a totally different side to him. Why am I telling you this you this? Two reasons really, 1 because I changed what I had planned for him and some of you may feel a little let down (sorry) and 2 because silly Tinkerbella didn't realise how good other "ships" can be, shock horror it doesn't all have to be about Edward and Bella (lol)…Anyway after that ramble you should all go and check some out, but without further a do on with the show… Love to all Tink. XX**

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BPOV

Jake pulled me roughly to my feet and I couldn't help myself, I cringed away from him, hating the feel of his hands against me, they literally made my skin crawl.

"Bella, don't be afraid of me I'm not going to hurt you…well not much and you might even like it" he said with a sick smile, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me to his side to breath his words against my neck. I shuddered and then twisted my body away from him as he started walking and pulled me along behind him, making for the path we could see illuminated in the moonlight. I tried to force myself to remain calm but I felt my breathing picking up pace again, when I realized Edward was still nowhere in sight. Tears pooled in my eyes and escaped. I was trapped. I sniffed hard trying to fight the impulse to break down and sob.

Jake stopped and turned to look at me "Don't be scared Bells, I'll be gentle" he said wiping the tears away "You are so beautiful… I can't wait to have you…what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

I froze for a second, I had to make this good, to come up with some plausible reason why I was suddenly reluctant to go with him and why I now stood before him with tears rolling down my cheeks.

"I just can't believe I'm here like this, with you…I'm nervous…well actually I'm terrified" I confessed on a shuddering breath, more truth in my words than he realized. I had to keep the act up, as soon as he suspected anything was wrong, I could be dead. I couldn't let that happen, I couldn't let Charlie or Edward have the grim task of seeing my body broken and defiled. I was doing this as much for them as for myself.

"Silly Bella" he cooed and touched my face again dashing away the tears with an almost tender touch. I offered him a trembling smile and he turned away from me again, to continue our journey with me staggering behind him awkwardly. The restraints on my ankles biting into my skin with each faltering little step I took. There was only one positive about this situation, the restraints on my ankles were so tight they only allowed for a little movement and so our progress was slow. This bought me more time, gave Edward a chance to reach us.

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EPOV

As I exited the freeway, my hands began to shake with the knowledge that we were close now. I still felt sick to my stomach but adrenaline was racing through me again, preparing me for the fight I knew I would find as soon as I found Bella. I headed down the dirt track and spotted Black's truck. I flung open the door and was by it in seconds, the sick feeling returning as I found it empty. My heart was thumping and fear coiled like a snake in the pit of my stomach, the truck was deserted, the doors left open, a cell abandoned on the seat.

"Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, we're too late" I roared, punching the hood of the truck, needing the pain to distract me. Bile rose in my throat and I growled.

"Edward, they can't have gotten far, the engine is still warm" Emmett muttered placing his hands on the hood of the truck. I sighed and turned , my eyes scanning for the path which seemed almost to glow in the moon lit night.

"It's this way," I said grimly, nodding to the track and set off running, aware of Jasper and Emmett somewhere close behind me. I had to find her in time, I couldn't allow myself to think about what would happen if I was too late.

BPOV

As the meadow came into view, fresh tears appeared in my eyes and I found myself remembering the last time I was here with Edward, the kisses we had shared, the things he made me feel. I tried to slow my awkward gait to an almost stop and Jake felt the change, he turned to me, suspicion in his eyes.

"What is it?" he asked, drawing me close to him to look into my face.

"I'm just remembering how beautiful this place is, how beautiful this moment is," I said, partly speaking the truth. If I was going to die, I wanted a beautiful memory to carry with me and my meadow by moonlight was as good as any. A bubble of hysteria clamored up from inside me, if I were to meet my death and turned up at the pearly gates dressed as an angel, what would the people upstairs think? We stumbled along for a few more seconds before Jake came to a complete stop.

"You're beautiful Bella" he whispered and suddenly, unexpectedly, he pushed me, none to gently, to the floor. I fell to my knees, feeling the prickle of some tiny pebbles beneath me and winced. Seconds later Jake was kneeling opposite me and he reached into his belt. I felt my eyes widen as he removed a long thick knife with a serrated blade. My heart began to pound, fear wrapping itself around me, making my throat burn with the urge to scream and plead for my freedom. I couldn't do it, I couldn't scream out. I held myself still and waited to see what he would do. Slowly so slowly I almost didn't notice it, he moved the blade until it lay flat against the skin of my breasts, the blade cold against my skin, Goosebumps springing up, making my nipples stand to attention.

"You like that?" he seemed amused, not understanding that rather than a reaction to desire, my body had reacted the cold source against my breasts.

I couldn't speak, terrified I would cry out in fear so I nodded, wishing almost immediately that I hadn't, as he drew the edge across my skin. I felt the sting of the blade and I whimpered, watching as a faint red line appeared in the moon light.

"Don't do that" I bit out with more force than I had intended and he stopped, the knife once more still against my skin. I thought fast and I cleared my throat, feeling the nip of the blade sharp on my sensitized skin.

"When can I touch you?" I looked pointedly over my shoulder at the restraints, which held my hands together behind my back. A leering smirk appeared on his face.

"A little eager are we…don't worry Bella you'll have your turn eventually but for now I like you like this"

I forced myself to pout in what I hoped was a sexy way and looked him in the eyes, hoping he wouldn't notice the fear and disgust I felt "But I want to touch you, feel you…taste you"

"Oh fuck Bella, you'll get your chance baby" he hissed and he pressed the knife against the front of my dress, the blade biting into my skin. I tensed again unable to help it, my eyes fluttering closed, unable to watch as he marked me.

When I didn't feel the pain I expected my eyes opened and I watched, as he sliced through my pretty dress and bra in one deep cut, leaving me exposed to his eyes. Every instinct in my body urged me to cower away, to cover myself up but with my hands bound I was helpless. I stared defiantly at Jake as I shook in shame, bracing myself as he lowered his head and took me into his mouth. Fat tears welled inside me and rolled unnoticed by Jake down my cheeks. I felt so disgusted, so ashamed. As he kissed and sucked my breasts his hands yanked at the side of my dress and I heard the delicate material tear. In the still of night it sounded as loud as a scream and I winced. I was bare from the waist up, on my knees in front of a guy who was more than likely going to rape me and then kill us both. I began to pray that Edward would find me soon, before Jake could hurt me anymore.

Groaning and grunting Jake pulled back from me and got unsteadily to his feet before me. I blinked confused, unsure what he was doing until a grin returned to his face and his hands reached for the buttons of his pants and he took himself in hand. Sickness rose inside me as I fought the urge to vomit when I realized what he intended. I began to really panic, I couldn't do that, this was where the charade was up, this was where I fell apart. This was where I would die.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, terrified and shaking, looking up into his face, all my pretense leaving me.

"Because I love you babe and I know you love me, but I understand that you're shy…You'll need special treatment to get you going" he said licking his lips and grinning that insane grin of his.

"This isn't love, you don't love me" I said unable to keep the contempt from my voice. He looked at me a little puzzled, his hand still inside his boxers moving slowly.

"Bella I love you so much it hurts" he said and with a sick grin held the knife in front of my face. "You said you wanted a turn, I'm giving you what you want"

I watched in horror as he roughly shoved his pants down, stroking himself. I gagged as he shuffled closer and tried to move back from him, my mind spinning thinking of a way to get out of this. I could bite him, incapacitate him, but to do that I would have to open my mouth and there was no way in hell he was putting that thing anywhere near me. I just couldn't do it, closing my eyes I knew my refusal would push him over the edge, make him see that I had been lying the entire time. I was signing my own death warrant.

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EPOV

My heart was pounding with fear, my breathing harsh and labored from running as I entered the meadow on near silent feet. Squinting in the darkness I saw them, Bella on her knees before him. Jake towering over her. I wanted to scream out her name, to run to her but I needed the element of surprise if I were to reach them unnoticed.

Nausea swelled inside me as I took in what was happening and with each step I took it became more and more apparent what I was witnessing. I wanted to vomit as I took in the pants pooled around Blacks legs but quickly realized this could be to my advantage. From his position he couldn't see my approach and nether could Bella as we advanced on them. I shared a quick grim look with Emmett and Jasper who understand my intentions without me having to say anything. He was mine, they were simply the backup plan. The closer I got the more enraged I became. From the gap between his legs in his aggressive stance, I could see Bella and my heart tore in two. She was on her knees before him, her beautiful dress hanging in tatters around her waist, her arms locked behind her back. The moonlight made her glow like some ethereal goddess.

"Please don't make me do this, Jake, please" she begged him, twisting her face away. She sounded terrified yet still furious. I was proud of her.

"Open your mouth Bella" he said silkily, and I could tell he was enjoying her fear. My eyes filled with tears of anger, I wanted to kill him, I wanted to rip him limb from limb for subjecting Bella to this degradation.

"I'm not gonna make this easy for you, you bastard" she cried, sounding defiant. With each step we took my rage increased, so much so that I could feel my anger growing with each beat of my heart.

"So you like it rough babe... that can be arranged" he smirked and reached out. Seconds later I heard her gasp and the sting of palm against flesh. I roared out my anger and pain, the silent but deadly approach forgotten as I launched myself at Black with all the rage I possessed.

BPOV

Tears stung my eyes at the feel of his palm connecting with my face and I felt a little dizzy, this was it, the pain was coming. I braced myself, mentally preparing for whatever torture he had devised.

"Don't you fucking touch her, you son of a bitch" I heard a voice roar and my heart jumped inside me. Edward! He had come for me.

Two things happened at once, Jake blanched and turned around in shock, Edward landed on his back knocking him to them both to the ground.

"Cullen, the things you'll do for a quick fuck" Jake chuckled without humor as he went down.

"He has a knife Edward" I screamed out, unable to move, paralyzed with fear, not scared for myself but scared for Edward. I couldn't let him get hurt. I became aware of Jasper and Emmett appearing at my side, Emmett using his brute strength to life me into his arms. I trembled, unable to see what was going on, unable to hear over the screams. I looked around for the source and then realized it was me, I was screaming Edward's name over and over again. I missed the pained look between Jasper and Emmett; all my attention was on Jake and Edward as they fought, tears blinding me, my screams deafening me, my body shaking uncontrollably. I felt pain erupt in my arms as Emmett tugged on the restraints and the blood began to flow again sending a million pins and needles along my veins. I didn't care, I couldn't do anything but scream and shake. I would look back and understand I was going into shock but for now I was simply terrified, terrified that I was going to lose Edward.

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EPOV

I erupted in blind fury as I connected with Black, knocking him to the ground. I was dimly aware that Bella was safe with Emmett and I called him to him to take her out of there, to get her somewhere safe. I didn't hear his response, I was totally focused on Black. I knew I would kill him, it had been a foregone conclusion since I'd stepped into the meadow and seen Bella cowering before him.

Seeing my Bella so defamed had sent me into a tailspin. I felt myself explode, having the advantage of icy rage as I lunged at Black again, sending him spinning. I dodged and weaved as he came at me, grinning madly, the knife moving from hand to hand to quickly for me to see properly. I didn't feel the blows he rained on me, didn't notice the blood as it seeped from my nose, didn't hear the crack of my ribs, all I could think about was how I was going to kill this mother fucker for what he had done to Bella.

I felt rather than saw my fist connect with the back of his neck as we scuffled, sending him to the floor. The knife disappeared from view as it embedded itself in his shoulder when he fell forward. I stepped back, panting and gasping for air as Black writhed on the floor in pain, bleeding profusely. I bent over him and couldn't stop the vicious punches I threw at him, taking out all my fear, all my pain, all my rage on him. Suddenly Jasper was at my side dragging me from him, hissing in my ear that this wasn't right, that we had to let the courts take care of this. I came back into myself slowly, breathing raggedly. Then and only then did I look up and see Bella and she was all I could see, my universe narrowed until she was the only person before me. There was no Jasper, no Emmett and no Black, writhing in agony on the ground. I was still shaking with rage, my knuckles bruised and bloody, my heart pounding furiously as I approached Emmett.

"Call 911, ask for Charlie," I said to Jasper, indicating to where Black lay bleeding on the floor. He would survive, I wanted Charlie to see what he had done, this guy who was just a guy in love. I wanted him to see what he had done to his only child. I placed the blame for this on Charlie as much as Black and I wanted them both to live with the consequences.

My eyes never left Bella, her dress in dirty tatters around her waist. She seemed so desolate, so devastated, so forlorn that it hurt me just to look at her. I was suddenly grateful to Emmett and Jasper for not looking at us, or Bella, knowing they were looking at her in this state would only hurt her more. She would be so ashamed to know they had seen her like this.

Her eyes were pleading with me, wanting me to heal her, to look after her, to hold her. But I had failed her, I hadn't protected her. I was wracked with guilt and shame.

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BPOV

I watched, shaking and crying openly as Edward approached me, slowly, almost warily, our eyes locked against the pain we had suffered. He was bruised and a little bloody but he had never looked so good to me. Gradually I became aware that I was held half naked in Emmett's eyes, that everyone was seeing parts of me even Edward hadn't yet seen. I flushed, mortified. I just wanted to go home, to have Edward hold me and tell me it was going to be all right. He came to a stop before me and reached out a hand. I could see it wasn't steady.

"Bella" he said simply, a prayer, a benediction and then opened his arms to me. I struggled in Emmett's grasp as he handed me over and then I was safe, I was home, I was Edward's arms.

I began to shiver all the more, the cold and the events of the night taking hold of me. Emmett in a move made all the more surprising by the tender look on his face handed me his shirt and helped me into it as Edward held me close. I took several deep breaths sucking in his scent, needing to reassure myself that it was him and I was safe.

"Take me home please" I asked and a rough voice. Edward squeezed me to him for a second but shook his head, a somber look on his beautiful face.

"Charlie is on his way, along with an ambulance or three" Jasper said the side of his mouth tipping in a grin.

"We have to wait for you Dad, this is a crime scene now…and he has to see what Black has done, he has to know…I'll be with you"

"Promise you won't leave me" I whimpered, I didn't want to face the thought of going over this again without him. I couldn't think about the endless questions I would be asked, the examinations I would be subject to, the photographs of my injuries, the intimate questions. I was Charlie Swan's daughter, I knew a thing or two about investigations. Going through it all again would be torture but it had to be done. Jake would not get away with what he had done to me.

"I promise Bella," he said hoarsely holding me tight and pressing a reverent kiss to my forehead as we heard the dim sound of sirens in the distance.

Within minutes the meadow was teaming with squad cars and ambulances, yet still I clung to Edward even as Charlie appeared.

"Bella, what happened? Are you hurt, let me see… Medic she needs a medic for fucks sake" my dad roared, as he attempted to take me from Edward. I whimpered and buried closer to him, not wanting to leave the safety of his arms.

"Jake happened Daddy, he snatched me from home and brought me here to kill me, after he'd raped me of course" I bit out, furious that my own father had allowed this to happen by not taking me seriously. I felt betrayed and so so very angry with him.

I watched as Charlie paled and looked like he was going to puke "Bella, what can I say…I'm sorry honey really I am…I didn't know…Medic where is that fucking Medic?"

He reached for me again, almost as though _he_ needed the comfort of my presence more than I needed it.

I shook my head tears coming freely again, I didn't want to deal with this right now.

"Dad I just want to give my statement and go home….Edward too" I looked at him as he stood grim faced with me in his arms. He was silent but I could see in his eyes, he was as furious with Charlie as I was.

Charlie looked ashamed and then awkward before saying "Bella, we'll need to talk to you all individually… make sure you're all telling the-"

"You think I'm lying?" I screamed out as several people turned to look and stare at me "You think we made this up, do you think I imagined Jake trying to cut my breasts with the knife now sticking out of his shoulder…do you think I dreamed up the fact he tried to force me to give him a blow job?"

Charlie's mouth trembled and I heard Edward trying to soothe me but I was too far-gone to care, as far as I was concerned Charlie had let this happen, he hadn't protected me, he hadn't believed in me.

"Charlie, she needs medical attention and then she'll talk" Edward said his voice cutting through the haze in my brain. He sounded cold with icy rage, although not disrespectful. I had never heard him speak to my father this way. It was nice to know I wasn't alone in apportioning blame.

I began to sob in Edward's arms; just wanting this night to be over and I knew as he carried me to the waiting ambulance it was just beginning.

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BPOV

Several exhausting hours later, I was allowed to return home after being pronounced healthy but shaken. I had given my statement with Alice present, crying and sobbing the entire time. Edward wasn't allowed to be with me since he had been invoked in the fight during which Jake was stabbed but he had been given the all clear to leave the sheriff's too. There was a part of me that was terrified Edward would be charged and Jake would set free, but Charlie had reassured me that Edward's story was plausible. After all he hadn't actually stabbed Jake, it was more an accident as he fell with the knife in his hand.

Jake was in hospital recovering from his wound and had been charged with kidnap, attempted rape and assault with a deadly weapon. Those were just the charges I could remember.

So now I found myself back at the Cullen's, Charlie had wanted me to come home with him but I couldn't feel safe there at the moment. I wanted, no needed to feel safe to begin to recover from this. I had been offered counseling but for now all I wanted was to bathe and sleep.

As I lay in the scalding hot bath, trying to rid myself of the touch of Jake's hands on my skin, I couldn't fight the tears that came too easily. I felt so dirty and used and ashamed that I had gone along with him, I couldn't understand that it had saved my life, I almost felt as though I had cheated on Edward, that I had brought it on myself. I felt tainted, that Edward would never want me after what I did. I felt like I should have fought harder, not made it so fucking easy for him to take me.

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EPOV

From my position on my bed, I listened to Bella sobbing in my bathroom and my own eyes welled with tears at the pain she must be feeling. It was my fault this had happened. I had failed to protect her; instead I had been setting up the perfect seduction scene, flowers, candles the whole nine yards. I had planned to give her what she wanted, our first time.

All I had to do was stay with Bella and this wouldn't have happened. I wanted her to punish me, to hate me as much as I hated myself and then I could begin to feel better. How could she love me when I hadn't stopped this from happening? How could she stand to be near me when I hadn't protected her from him? I became so absorbed in my own thoughts that I didn't realize the crying had stopped until I heard the door opening slowly.

I looked up to apologize again and my breath caught at the back of my throat. Bella looked so beautiful, so innocent and so very vulnerable. Her damp curls were tied loosely back and she wore a faded white dress shirt of mine, the tiny buttons up the middle just accentuated her figure. Her long elegant legs were bare as were her feet. Immediately I felt guilty about enjoying the way she looked, after everything that had happened I should be cherishing her not lusting after her. I was as bad as Black.

"How you feeling?" I asked as she crossed the room and sat on the bed next to me. Up close I could see her face was blotchy, her eyes red rimmed and her nose pink but to me she was still the most beautiful girl in the world.

"Better" she said softly, hiding a yawn behind her hand.

"I should go, I only came by to see if you need anything before turning in"

"You're not staying with me?" she asked in timid voice, sounding scared.

"I'm bunking in with Emmett, figured you'd want to be on your own" my face was taut as I tried to smile, to reassure her I wouldn't be bothering her. That I wouldn't be hanging around to remind her how I had failed her.

Bella shook her head "Please stay with me Edward, I won't be able to sleep if you're not with me" she pleaded her eyes wide and vulnerable. Such beautiful doe eyes.

"I'll stay" I said gently then paused,"give me five minutes".

I got to my feet and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek, allowing myself a little smile when she didn't pull away or flinch from the contact.

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BPOV

Edward disappeared into the bathroom and I heard the shower running. I felt so bad for him, he must be exhausted and here I was clinging to him like a whiny child. He must hate me I thought and wanted to cry again. But I couldn't cry anymore, my eyes were red and sore, my throat scratchy and hoarse.

It seemed like only seconds before he remerged, still slightly damp wearing a pair of soft sweat pants. As he dragged a towel roughly over his body I climbed into his bed and pulled the covers to my chin, inhaling as I did so. Ah his scent, so calming and so very intoxicating. I watched him for a few minutes as he tidied around, looking everywhere but at me. Was he avoiding me? Finding any excuse not to come to bed? It appeared so and not that I could blame him; he probably couldn't look at me, as he was so disgusted. I had gone willing with Jake, I hadn't fought and screamed like I should. He probably hated me. This time the tears came too easily. Would this never end?

"Hey, what's all this Bells" he said gently, sitting next to me, stroking my hair as my recently erected dam crumbled and the tears poured from me again.

"I'm sorry Edward, I'm so, so sorry… I just feel so dirty, so tainted" I cried gasping for breath against the pain inside me "I should have fought him, please forgive me Edward, I'm dirty"

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EPOV

"Bella, you're not, you did nothing wrong, you're beautiful" I said softly, fighting my own tears again at the pain in her voice. I lowered myself behind her on the bed and wrapped her in my arms, her back against my chest. I couldn't let her think those things, so I told her how much I loved her, how beautiful she was, how safe she was with me, how I could never love anyone as much as her. I could feel the sobs wracking her body as I held her close to my chest, letting her cry it out. This was for her but also for me, to reassure ourselves we were safe and we were together. For long minutes we stayed that way until I realized that Bella had cried herself to sleep. Placing a soft kiss to her head, I closed my eyes and relaxed, feeling myself drift away.


	28. Pillow Talk

**So we are nearing the end folks and I just want to say a big thank you to each and every person who has read and or reviewed, it really makes you glad that you share a little bit pf yourself. And now I find myself facing a dilemma, I was planning on starting _Bella, Book and Candle_ but now I have another idea niggling at me yep strange as it may seem there is a Nessie/Jake plot bunny bouncing around in my head and it wont shut up!! So you may be seeing the start of two separate stories, something I have never attempted before as I prefer to concentrate on one story at a time Oh well will have to see what comes out in the wash. This one is a little short but am posting two chapters today, it was supposed to be one chapter but then it was far far too long..as always sorry for the long rambling A/N and on with the show. Love to all. Tink. XX PS...when i uploaded this it seems to have removed all my speech marks and commas etc, am now attempting to put them all back in for the 3 time...i am sorry if i miss any, i did not write it this way...TECHNOLOGY! OH AND BY THE WAY EACH TIME I SAVE SOME OTHER PROBLEM POPS UP, SO ANY MISTAKES ARE NOT MINE!!!!!  
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EPOV

I usually slept well but having Bella curled around me meant that although I did sleep, I was hyper aware of her. I was aware of every breath she took, of every sound or movement she made. So when she began to move and mutter restlessly in the circle of my arms, I couldn't help but stir, instantly awake. I made what I hoped were soft soothing sounds in her ear and touched a finger to her cheek. I wasn't surprised to find it wet with her tears and it made me heart clench painfully inside me. In the near darkness of my room I could just make out her delicate features, her mouth trembling as she whimpered and cried out. My heart ached for her.

"Bella wake up, Bells" I said softly, unable to take her distress, her pain without reaching out to her.

Seconds later she went rigid and cried out, scrambling to get away from the circle of my arms. She flailed about wildly, lashing out against my chest, fighting to be free. Acting on instinct and to stop her hurting herself more than me I rolled her beneath me and pinned her in place with my body, resting my weight on my arms either side of her head. I knew it was a dangerous move, if she was struggling with demons being pinned beneath me, may not bring her out if it anytime soon. Bella continued to struggle and claw unaware in her half sleep, where she was, who she was with.

"Bella, its me. Its Edward, you're safe now", I whispered, over and over hoping my voice would pierce the fog of fear which engulfed her.

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BPOV

Panic flared through me as I struggled to be free, feeling Jake pin me to the bed. This was it, I was going to die and I fought with everything in me, fought to stay alive, fought to stay with Edward. When suddenly through my pain and fear, I could hear Edwards voice calling to me, telling me I was safe and that I was with him. My body went rigid and I swam up from the depths of my nightmare.

I opened my eyes feeling lost and confused, not shocked to find I was crying again. I sucked in a deep breath and with it came the smell that was all comforting and all consuming.

Edward.

I was safe.

One minute he was above me, panting heavily as he fought to restrain me and the next he rolled us to his side, taking me with him. I buried my face into the warm expanse of his broad chest and shuddered and sobbed against him until my cries became sniffles and the shudders wracking my body were not only to do with my nightmares and more to do with the sudden proximity to certain parts of him.

When I was silent and still at last, I felt him untangle himself from me and he disappeared into the bathroom. I felt the bed dip as he returned and sat next to me clearly giving me space. It wasn't space I needed or wanted, it was him. He held a face cloth and a bundle of tissue and I pulled myself up into sitting position, an arm wrapped around my knees, my cheek resting there.

"I'm so sorry" I sighed as Edward moved closer on the bed next to me.

He caught my heated and sticky face in his hands and gently stroked the cloth over it. It felt cool and clean. It was so soothing and yet so sensual at the same time. I was amazed I felt that way after everything that had happened and was shocked by the little burst of heat I felt in the pit of my stomach. Clearly when it came to Edward, my body had a mind of its own regardless of what trauma my mind had been put through.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for Bella he assured me", as he handed me the cloth and I held it over my swollen eyes, feeling its soothing coolness against my hot skin.

"I do, this isn't what I wanted for us, this is all my fault Edward" I hiccuped and he waited watching me, he was giving me time to talk. Suddenly it became the most important thing to be honest with him, I had to tell him how I felt and what had lead us both to this place. He may not be as kind and loving when he heard how this was my fault, how if I hadn't tried to get to him to notice me then none of this would have ever occurred. If I had just accepted he didn't love me, we wouldn't be in this situation right now.

"I wanted you to know how much you mean to me" I sighed again and took another shuddering breath before continuing "I wanted to tell you that I loved you, that Ive always loved you, probably from the moment we met its always been you"

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EPOV

I froze, struck by the enormity of her confession. She loved me? She'd always loved me? I had always thought I knew Bella inside out but I never had the slightest inclination that she had felt this way about me before now.

Suddenly my mind was filled with a million questions, if she loved me why had she never told me? Why did she go with Black? Why did she run from me? Stroking a light fingertip down her back I felt my entire body tense at her words, _loved_ me shed said, did that mean she didn't anymore? Had I let her down that badly that she couldn't love me? Of course I had.

If this was the big I'm sorry its over speech then I wanted to have some say, I touched her face gently and placed a kiss into her hair, encouraging her despite the fact I was terrified what she was going to say.

"God Bells, I love you too, so much" I murmured against her, my voice huskier than I had expected. She stiffened and turned away from me a little and I wanted to groan. I had pushed her too far too soon.

"How can you love me when this is all my fault, we wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for me" she said, the pain in her voice so tormenting.

"Bella this is not your fault, this was all that bastards doing" I said through gritted teeth, trying to get a hold of my temper before I scared her. She shook her head but instead of pulling away further she touched my jaw with her lips, just once, barely there but I felt it in the darkness.

"Ive always loved you Edward, for six long years Ive waited for you to notice me, you don't know how many schemes you've been the focus of, remember the double dates, the endless questions about what you liked about girls? Remember the song I sang at your fifteenth birthday party, you were so blind" she said but she was smiling a little, reminiscing.

I sat there still stunned, Bella had always wanted me? It had been me all the long? I thought back to my fifteenth birthday, Alice and her insistence we have a Karaoke machine. Slightly inebriated we had all taken a turn, Bella had sung Tear Drops on my guitar by Taylor Swift,. How had I missed this? I wanted to laugh at my own stupidity and cry at how much I had missed. As I stared at her I had to wonder why she was telling me this now, I was stoked that she was sharing this with me but couldn't understand what this had to do with the present situation we found ourselves in.

"Bella I love you but I don't understand what this has to do with what happened tonight", I told her gently, absentmindedly stroking her hair, feeling the soft curls tangling around my fingers. I felt and heard the sigh she sucked in.

"This thing with Jake, its my fault it started as a way to get you to notice me...we thought once you saw I could be interested in another guy you might start thinking about me as girl" she said hesitantly

I chuckled "Well that part worked, once you kissed me I couldn't get you out of my mind...I still cant believe that you've felt this way about me for so long...why didn't you tell me Bells?"

She shrugged next to me and I felt yet another sigh, Bella was clearly not comfortable with this conversation.

"Because you're you and I'm me"

"Whats that supposed to mean?" I felt a little prickle of irritation.

"Edward, you're not blind you're stunning, beautiful, you dazzle me Edward and then there's me, I'm just plain old Bella" she said softly,

"Bella there is nothing plain about you, you're beautiful Bells inside and out you're my best friend, the first person I think about when I wake up and the last person I think about when I go to sleep on a night"

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BPOV

My heart took flight with his words, he loved, me he really did. But I didn't deserve his love not when I had caused so many problems, so many misunderstandings, between us.

"Edward" I said on a little groan "You don't understand, if I hadn't wanted to you to see me, I wouldn't have gotten involved with Jake and we wouldn't be here now"

"Exactly Bella" he said sounding smug and I could just make out his infuriating little grin.

"I don't understand" I said miserably and shifted until I was sat before him so I could see into his eyes. Even though the room was only lit by the moon outside, once my eyes adjusted it became easier to make out his expressions.

"Bella, you never see yourself the way anyone else does if you hadn't gone after Black, we certainly wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for you coming to me we wouldn't have kissed, if we hadn't kissed then we wouldn't be together ,please Bells don't blame yourself for have done nothing wrong"

"But I caused this, I brought Black into our lives, because I was selfish, because I wanted you".

I couldn't understand why he couldn't see the problems I'd caused.

"Bella, Black is unstable, who is to say that even if you didn't encourage him he wouldn't have come after you...your actions probably saved your life", he told me gently, his fingers rubbing my back soothingly.

I wanted to believe him so bad but I felt so guilty, so to blame. Would I never be free just to love him and have him love me, without the complications, without the fears, without the worry.

"But I didn't fight him Edward, how can you bare to look at me?"

"Because when I look at you all I see is my brave beautiful Bella, who loved me enough to wait for me for so long and Ill do the same for you now"

I felt a flicker of alarm race through me at his words, why would he have to wait for me?

"Guilt works both ways Bells, I never protected you, I never stopped this from happening to you...I feel so useless" he confessed, hanging his head a little unable to meet my eyes.

Shock ricocheted through me, he felt he was to blame. Saddened I touched his face, I couldn't bare to see him hurting because of me.

"Edward I don't blame you, you saved me" I murmured and placed a gentle kiss to his forehead, bemused by this role reversal. I had to be strong for him, had to make him see I didn't blame him.

"I should have been there, should never have let him take you, I'm so sorry Bella" he said and I was surprised to hear the thickness of unshed tears.

"Edward don't, please...I'm having a hard enough time dealing with whats happened I don't blame you if you don't want me again"

He looked up suddenly "Why would you say that, I love you"

"You said you would wait for me, well I don't want to wait, if we do that then Jake will have won...I waited six years for you Edward, I cant go through that again" I told him tremulously, shaking from head to foot.

"You wont have to Bella, I'm yours, I'm here," he said gruffly.

Unable to help myself I launched myself into his arms, needing to feel him close to me

HOLY CRAP THAT WAS ANNOYING AND VERY HARD WORK...AM GONNA REBOOT...IF ANYONE KNOWS WHY IT IS DOING THIS LET ME KNOW..I HAVE HAD TO REPLACE ALL APOSTROPHE'S, COMMAS AND SOME SPACES IN WORDS....ARGH!


	29. My own

**So here is the second half of the chapter. Am sorry for the long rambling notes and the technical problems, I hope by shutting everything down I wont have that problem again as it was incredibly frustrating and I have no clue what caused it. So here goes, what we have all been waiting for? I am super scared about this so please send me some love Tink. XX PS THE TECHNICAL PROBLEMS ARE STILL HERE ANY IDEAS WHATS GOING ON? ANSWERS ON A POSTCARD TOO.........**

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EPOV

I caught her as we fell backwards on the bed and tucked her in front of me again, her back warm against my naked chest. There was still a lot of talking to do but I took my lead from Bella and if she didn't want to talk then I was happy just to hold her close and keep her near me. Trying to soothe her I stroked up and down her back through my shirt in a comforting manner, prepared to ignore the demands of my body to make her happy. I smiled in the dark when I heard her sigh my name, this time she sounded happier and she relaxed against me.

I hesitated for a few seconds as my blood began to pound through my body as I carried on my gentle stroking but my touched seemed to change from soothing to sensual. Heat prickled in my blood and I shifted back from her, unwilling to subject her to my hormonal battles. I gritted my teeth against the urge to rock against her when she moved backwards, pursuing my body. Her delicious bottom was nestled in my lap and my fingers clenched with the urge to hold her against me.

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BPOV

Unconsciously I followed the heat of Edwards body as it moved away from me and the air around us seemed to grow thick, heavy and charged with some thing I couldn't name. Something tight flickered inside me and heat blossomed once more in the pit of my stomach as I gave myself over to the feelings racing through me. The logical voice in my brain warned me I shouldn't be feeling this way after all that had happened tonight but my heart and certain other parts of my anatomy felt very differently indeed.

I felt tiny little prickles of awareness all over my body as Edward carried on the sweep of his hands down my back and over my hips to my stomach. My tummy muscles contracted as I felt the glide of his hands over the soft cotton of his shirt. I felt the little pull on the buttons, which snagged against his fingers before he moved away from them. I heard his breath hitch in his throat as I pressed my bottom back against the cradle of his hips and I came into contact with his erection. It was the first time I had felt it against me so blatantly and it thrilled me even as it should have scared me. He stilled behind me, his hands froze on my body and I knew he was waiting for me to retreat. Surprising us both I sighed, and instead of moving I snuggled closer wanting to take away the pulsing heavy ache that had sprung up between my thighs.

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EPOV

My hands shifted as I began to stroke up her body, giving her the chance to move away from me if I was going too far, moving to quickly. I wanted to touch her so badly that my hands were shaking but I was scared of hurting her, reminding her of something Black may have done. So I carried on with the sweet slow torture of my touch, loving the way her breathing became heavier as buttons caught against my fingers. I toyed with one or two idly before moving my fingers to the next one down.

"Stop" she breathed and immediately I retreated, trying to move my hands thinking I had scared her, taken this too far.

"Its okay Bella, it stops now you're safe I promise" I breathed heavily in her ear. Surprising me she twisted and suddenly I found my hand inside her shirt, my hands full of warm, plump flesh. Heat flashed though me and I couldn't help the groan that sounded in the darkness.

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BPOV

I had wanted Edward for so long, wanted him to touch me like this so badly, I needed him, needed him to make me feel well again. I could feel his hands shake as he cupped and stroked my breasts through my bra and my breathing grew heavier as need and want warred inside me.

My breath broke on another sigh as he cupped me, sliding a long finger under the lace of my bra to stroke the tip of my breasts. I gasped at the unexpected pleasure, at the splinters of sensation surging inside me. Behind me I felt Edward press a hot, biting kisses against my neck, his own breathing shallow and ragged. His body was tense but I knew he was enjoying this as much as I was, as he eased his other arm under my head and around my shaking body. Edward smiled against my neck as he cradled me, holding me as close as he could whilst still allowing him better access to my body, giving him two hands to stroke with me. Double the fun, I thought with a little smile and pushed back against him, my stomach jumping as he groaned in my ear.

I moaned a little at the sensation of his erection pressing against me, I felt like I couldn't get close enough to him and I stirred in his arms restlessly. In a heated rush I grabbed for his hands with mine and held them to my breasts, rubbing myself this way and that, lost in the sensations spreading through me as his clever fingers teased my nipples.

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EPOV

My body felt like it was going to explode, each separate race of my heart sending a fresh surge of blood pounding to my erection.

"Touch me, Edward", she whispered hotly.

"I am Bella, I am" my voice was deep and hoarse with need. It was like all my dreams had come true, I never expected Bella to be this comfortable with me after everything that had gone on tonight.

"No, without-"she panted.

I understood what she wanted and with a deft flick of my fingers I opened the front fastening of her bra, bearing her naked breasts to me. I wanted to weep with the beauty before me, my brave beautiful Bella.

She arched her back as I cupped her bare breasts, my fingers stroking her nipples, before deliberately, slowly, retreating across her body, taking the nightshirt from her, leaving her half naked in my arms. I trembled.

In a sudden twisting motion Bella removed her bra and nightshirt. We moaned together as her naked back come into contact with my chest, finally we were skin to skin.

I released one breast and slid my hand down her body as she shifted restlessly again, I wanted to give her what she needed, what she was asking for unconsciously but I fought to stay in control. I stroked my hands over her hips, enjoying her soft moans of pleasure, unable to help my reaction as I moved myself against her bottom. She whimpered and I felt like the most powerful man in the universe for making her feel this way. I loved her so much.

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BPOV

Christ Bella, I want to touch you he breathed in my ear, his voice as unsteady as the hands which held me. He was asking permission as his hand skated further down my body, over my stomach to the material of my underwear.

I nodded, stiffening a little, unable to help myself, suddenly embarrassed as Edwards hand skimmed across my panties. My entire body erupted in flames as he touched me through the barrier of my underwear, and I moved restlessly against him, moaning. I felt a soft kiss on my shoulder and I sighed out his name, half delirious with the pleasure his touch was evoking.

"Edward"

"Yeah Bells?"

"You, sweats, off" I panted, feeling as though I were unraveling from the inside out.

"No Bells I of us has to stay on control" he chuckled humorlessly and kissed me again, his tongue flicking across the skin of my shoulder.

"No fair" I gasped as he teased me again, stroking me through my panties, his clever fingers gliding, and seeking, sending moisture rushing to the juncture between my legs.

"I want to touch you", I said breathing raggedly, wriggling against him, and relishing the feeling of his hard on nestling against my bottom. It only increased the tension inside me, the hot heavy ache.

"Not yet Bella, this is about you all for you" he sighed, his palm moving rhythmically against me, sending sensations shooting through my body and I shifted, wanting, needing him to touch me under my panties where I was hot wet and aching.

"Please" I panted, twisting this way and that, my body shaking and arching.

* * *

EPOV

I shuddered as Bella gasped and writhed in my arms, she wanted more and I prayed I had enough self control left to give her what she wanted and not take anymore for myself.

Slowly, torturing us both, I eased a finger under the lace, finding her hot and wet. We both moaned at the touch as she closed her legs around my hand, trapping it there as I rubbed her gently, knowing just where to touch to bring her most pleasure. She was soft and hot and wet and I wanted to explode into her, to release the pleasure building inside me.

* * *

BPOV

My breath lodged in the back of my throat as pleasure glittered through me and my eyes closed as I moved helplessly against his touch. Slowly so slowly I almost didn't notice at first, I felt a long finger part me and push deep inside me. I cried out, not in shock or pain but in need. The feel of Edward moving his finger inside me, stretching me, filing me was unbelievable. My body seemed to grow tighter and tighter as he moved his finger in and out of me, gently at first but then with more speed. His other hand spread me open to his touch and he stroked me, teasing, spreading my heat and wetness with his fingers. My hips moved against his hands and even though I was embarrassed I couldn't help myself, as lightning shimmered through me. I was helpless to fight the building tension inside me and I panted heavily

"Edward, I don't know whats happening", I gasped as his finger increased in speed, dipping in and out of me, rubbing, faster and faster.

"Don't think Bells, just feel me", he groaned, spreading my wetness over me gently.

* * *

EPOV

I was filled with need but also a primitive urge I didn't recognize at first. As I touched her more deeply it gradually dawned on me, I wanted to be the one to give her first orgasm in the same way I had been her first kiss.

It didn't take long and within seconds, her breathing quickened and she panted and squirmed against me, moving in counter with the touch of my hands. The suddenly Bella cried out in my arms she came, I watched her convulse thinking she was the most perfect thing I had ever seen.

* * *

BPOV

I cried out as wave after wave of pleasure washed over my body, my muscles aching and tight. My vision blurred as I came, my body arching against Edward, a helpless high-pitched cry coming from me as I spiraled out of control. The sensations inside me went on and on as my pleasure reached a crescendo of beauty I hadn't even known was possible and I slowly began to float back to earth.

My eyes fluttered open and I became aware that Edward was watching me with heavy eyes. I was embarrassed; here I was half naked in bed with Edward who had just watched me cum. I wanted to curl up in a little ball and hide myself from him

"Don't Bells, please", he said reading my intention. I took a deep shuddering breath and turned towards him, my eyes staring at a spot in the darkness I couldn't even see.

"OhmyGod! I am so embarrassed" I murmured covering my bare breasts with my arms.

"Don't be Christ Bells, you are so beautiful", he said stroking my cheek, looking down at me with love in his eyes How did I miss it for so long?

I shrugged lazily; still feeling a little shy as I realized I wasn't done yet. As he looked at me, his eyes full of wonder and need I wanted more. I wanted to finish this, I still needed him.

"Can I touch you too?" I asked blurting out my question in a hushed, embarrassed whisper.

* * *

EPOV

I chuckled, despite the need still raging in me "Eventually when I've calmed down a little"

"You're doing it again", she complained, touching my chin with her lips, relaxing against me.

My mind went blank for a second with her touch.

"Doing what?"

"Rejecting Me", she pouted, snuggling her naked breasts against me. Heat began to burn inside me, my body throbbed with repressed need as her nipples pebbled against me. This was harder than I thought.

"Bella, I'm not rejecting you, but you've been through so much lately, its alright I don't expect you to" I said, clenching my teeth against the savage need still burning in me when she moved in my arms again. I heard the little whimper she gave and tried to ignore it, I wanted to do the right thing.

"But I want to Edward, I want to make you feel good" she said and placed both her palms on my naked chest, hauling herself closer. Don't you want me?

"Move your hands down a bit and tell me what you think" I said softly, daring her, hoping she didn't and praying she did. I was so desperate for her touch that I knew I wouldn't last long and Id always had such good self-control where sex was concerned. I didn't want to embarrass us both.

Bella scooted closer and placed hot wet kisses along my jaw line, dragging her hands across my chest, making me shudder and shiver.

* * *

BPOV

His skin was slightly salty and tasted so good, that I briefly wondered if he would taste that good all over and then found that strange sensation curling in my belly again. My tongue darted out and licked him, thrilled at the way groaned beneath me. He pulled at my head gently, sliding me up to reach my mouth and captured me in a ravenous kiss. I slide my tongue between his lips and threw my arms around his neck, tangling them into the messy bronze hair I loved so much. I poured my heart into the kiss and kissed him with all the love I felt. As we kissed I could feel the delicious friction of his hair roughened chest tickle the bare skin of my breasts, my nipples springing to attention one more.

Feeling daring I slowly slid my hands down his body and over his chest, down to his stomach and the waistband of his sweats, feeling the slight tremor beneath them. I stroked a finger along his sculpted stomach, feeling the muscles contract at my touch, surprising me. I toyed with the material of his sweats wanting him to understand what I wanted, needed.

"Did you like that?" I breathed in wonder, puling my mouth from his unable to believe that I could have such an effect on him.

Edward groaned and nodded, his lips searching for mine in the dark.

I hesitated for a second before I cupped him through the material of his sweats, feeling his power, his hardness. Oh. My. God. He felt so large in my little hand, so thick and powerful. I was a little intimidated by his sheer size.

Edward groaned again, his breathing harsh and ragged as I slipped a hand inside the waistband of the sweats and slowly pushed them down his legs before returning to where I wanted to touch him most.

I was startled to feel he was hard and strong but like steel in velvet, so soft. He was hot, so hot in my hand. Glancing at him I watched as he closed his eyes as my fingers curled around him, sliding and exploring, drawing low hoarse sounds from him as he throbbed and pulsed like life itself in my hand.

Bella he gasped between clenched teeth after only a few minutes "I don't know how much more I can take"

I touched my mouth to his chest, my lips drifting over his taught skin, as I continued to stroke him, loving the harsh ragged sounds he made. I could feel him tremble under my mouth and hear his tortured breathing as I stroked him.

"Edward, I want you I want this" I murmured clenching my fist around him, feeling the tiny drop of moisture appear at his tip.

"Bella, no we should wait" he groaned, moving against my hand, pulsing, throbbing, unable to help himself.

"Please Edward, I need this", I whispered at his lips, feeling him tremble under me. He froze and then he reached for me, taking my hands in his and drawing them to his mouth, before kissing my palms and tucking them against his chest.

"If we do this Bella, we take it slow and anytime I do anything you don't like, you have to tell me okay?" he said pressing a soft kiss to my forehead as he panted heavily.

"Okay" I breathed, a wobbly grin breaking out across my face.

* * *

EPOV

Passion and need coiled tightly within me as I felt myself grow harder still, at her breathy plea . My hands drew hers up my body and I attempted to calm my breathing and my raging lust. Tumbling her beneath me I bent my head and pressed hot kisses across her body, taking the tip of one pouting breast into my mouth, rolling it on my tongue. Beneath me Bella moaned and squirmed our legs tangling, only the barrier of her panties preventing our joining. I felt her swell and tauten under my mouth as I used my hands to skim her panties down over her hips. She was wet and hot as I slid a finger along her heated folds, seeking the nub of her desire.

"Edward" she moaned, shivering with desire, moving her hips against me, urging me to hurry. I gasped at the sensation of her rocking against me and fought the urge to plunge into her, I had to make sure she was ready for this. Moving my mouth from her breasts I placed hot kisses down her body to her belly, feeling it quiver beneath my touch as I moved lower.

* * *

BPOV

My eyes fluttered closed only to snap open seconds later as I felt his mouth press a butterfly kiss at the top of each of my thighs, his hands opening me to him, creating sensations I had never felt before. I clutched at the bed sheet beneath me as Edward breathed soft kisses over my hips and thighs.

"Open your legs for me Bella" he commanded gently.

I froze, tense, scared in a way that had nothing to do with fear. Nerves, it was nerves. I felt Edward tense and still too but he said nothing, he simply waited for me to make my choice. Gradually I opened to him, knowing I was exposed to him. I shook as I bent my knees, making room for him their. I felt him groan against my skin as he pressed his mouth to me, inside my thigh working his way higher and higher to the center of my need, which was throbbing and pulsing.

I whimpered as he kissed me gently, just where I needed him and shifted, almost pressing myself onto his lips. Suddenly I felt the stroke of his tongue seeking and finding the hidden bud between my legs and I almost leapt from the bed with a cry. The pleasure, which that simple touch evoked, was like nothing I had ever felt before, and as he licked me gently I gasped and moaned and writhed in his arms. I reached out and grabbed the pillow from behind my head, holding it over my face as Edwards tongue plunged into me. It muffled my screams as I came again, bucking my hips and clawing at Edwards hair, holding him where I wanted him.

When I could open my eyes I could make out Edward lounging beside me, his eyes gentle, his smile wicked. He touched his lips to my forehead and soothed a hand down my heated, clammy body, gathering me close to him again. I was trembling, tiny tremors still rippling through me as I became aware of the hardness of him against my thigh. This wasnt over, not by a long shot.

"Edward" I breathed feeling tears prickle at my eyes, I had never felt so safe, so loved, so cherished.

"Yes Bella?"

"I love you" I murmured, our eyes locked as I pulled him over me. I knew what I needed from him now and I couldn't wait a second longer.

"I Love you too Bells" he said in a shaking voice. I slid my hands down to his behind, and felt his hips flex, the tip of his erection nudging at my moist and swollen core.

I gasped as he pushed slowly into me, his clever fingers holding me open to him to ease his passage as he rocked against me, entering me inch by inch. I felt full, and stretched and couldn't help but stiffen, as there was pain. Brief and burning but it was there. Tears seeped from my eyes, not tears of pain but of wonder and of love. He was part of me. Edward was mine and I was his. He was inside me, part of me.

"Bella" his voice was gruff "Bella please don't cry, its okay. Ill stop baby" he crooned and made to pull away from me. Panicked, I locked my legs around his waist and lifted my hips to his. I couldn't let him go. Edward was still, as far as I could tell he wasn't even breathing.

"don't leave me Edward" I murmured and raised my face for his kiss, shivering as I felt him move a little inside me.

"Bella, my very own Bella" he said against my lips, as he began to move against me, rocking his hips in a slow steady rhythm that had me trembling and crying out in seconds.

I felt him shudder as I slid my hands to his hips to hold him to me as his thrusts picked up pace, our mouths mimicking the movements of our lower bodies. I tried to match him thrust for thrust, lifting my hips, helpless to stop the heat flaring in me once more.

* * *

EPOV

Oh fuck. She was so hot and tight and beautiful and perfect. I had never felt pleasure like this, knowing I was her first filled me with love and pride and determination to make this good for her. The feel of her legs around me, pulling me closer, her hands biting into my skin all served to send me over the edge and I knew I wouldn't last much longer.

"Don't move", I groaned hoarsely, knowing I was close to cumming.

"Why?" she breathed, staring up at me, moving experimentally making us both moan.

"I cant control-"I gasped my voice breaking, as she rolled her hips upwards again, and I felt her walls milking me.

Fire licked along our skins as I rocked against her slowly in return, making Bella gasp and shiver. I leaned down and captured her mouth with mine, my tongue mimicking the action of my hips. Groaning I pounded into her as her nails slid down my back, pulling me closer still, and I found myself riding the wave towards an orgasm. I stroked down her soft body, across her hip to cup her bottom and hold her still for my thrusts, as we ground against each other, my other hand seeking the nub between her thighs where we were joined. My eyes shut tight, my body sweating as I fought off the pleasure I knew was coming.

* * *

BPOV

I wrapped myself around Edward and held him fiercely, feeling the tremors that tugged against his control, kissing him feverishly. My fingers tangled in his hair as I felt my heartbeat building, my breathing coming faster as Edward groaned harshly and moved against me once more. I cried as I gave myself over to the shuddering exquisite sensations, the convulsions wracking my body as I came. I felt Edwards thrusts increase in pace as he too lost control and he threw back his head, to groan low and harsh as he came. Then we convulsed together, blind, deaf and helpless to anything but the pleasure wracking our tangled limbs.

I felt tears on my face as the spasms moved through us both endlessly and Edward spilled his love inside me. As I headed back to earth I could feel his damp skin against mine, his lips trembling as he buried them into my neck and nibbled at me mercilessly. He was shaking in my arms, trembling and shuddering as he fought to catch the breath that was as elusive him as it was to me. My heartbeat seemed to slow by degrees and I touched his hair, loving the feel of it in my fingers as he attempted to breath. I sighed and moved and was shocked to feel that he was still a part of me. He tried to move away from me, but I clasped his hips with trembling hands.

"Don't leave me" I sighed and heard him chuckle.

"Bells, I love you but I need a little time here" he said and rolled to his side, taking me with him. I touched his face in the dark and traced his smile, seeking my lips. He kissed me gently, lazily while we snuggled close.

* * *

EPOV

"Are you okay Bella, I didn't hurt you?" I breathed softly, many minutes later when I could manage to form a coherent sentence, looking into the face of the girl I loved more with each passing second.

"No you didn't hurt me...is it always like that?"

I shook my head and smiled "Only with us, especially if I can last longer but it seems like I have very little control around you next time will be better"

"Next time? Can you do it again?" she blushed as she touched my damp hair almost reverently and I looked into her wide and fascinated eyes. I didn't need to see her too clearly to know she must be blushing bright red.

"Oh yeah" I said his voice husky and loaded with meaning, as I kissed her softly, reverently, feeling the tug of tenderness and desire, my blood already pooling.

"Show me?" she invited, her hand sliding down to capture me, stroking me and I felt my eyes roll back in my head.

"I fucking Love you Bella" I managed to gasp out as the delicious friction over took me and I was lost in the heaven that was my Bella.

SO THATS ABOUT IT FOR THIS STORY THERE WILL BE AN EPILOUGUE IF I EVER FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH THIS BLOODY THING...IF ANYONE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT WHY MY WORD DOCUMENTS ARE SUDDENLY NOT COMING ACROSS PROPERLY I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER, IT TAKES TOO LONG TO HAVE TO RE READ AND ADD THESE THINGS BACK IN..... ANYONE LOVE TO YOU ALL.....XXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	30. HEAAn Epilouge

_**So just when you think you can never go back to a story, you find something you wrote long ago and the blasted plot bunny starts bouncing around in your head…honestly I had struggled with a long time for the right epilogue for this one and had never planned on a sequel but then all of a sudden it happens…with apologies for an update fail of epic proportions I give you the epilogue. This hasn't really been edited too much, I literally wrote while it was fresh in my mind and then posted right away, so all mistakes are my own lazy fault. Love Tink……..**_

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Nerves brook lose inside my stomach and I twisted my hands in my lap, feeling somewhat sick yet strangely excited. Across the table Dr Stephenson smiled at me and closed the manila folder she held.

"You've come a long way Bella and honestly I don't think you need to see me anymore"

I swallowed convulsively and cleared my throat "But what if…the nightmares, the dreams what if they come back?"

"Then you have my number, you can make an appointment anytime but Bella, you really don't need me anymore, you've done so well in the time we've been meeting" her voice was kind but her blue eyes steely.

I looked down "And you're sure?"

She laughed gently "Bella, hon if I wasn't sure I wouldn't discharge from my care...you'll be fine and if you're not then you know how to find me"

I huffed out a breath and noticed her glance pointedly at the clock behind me. It was time. The therapy I had been in since my ordeal with Jacob was over, I was cured. Cured? That was a laugh. I could still see his face when I closed my eyes at night and almost feel his skin crawling over mine but I no longer felt physically sick. I had stopped sleeping with light on and checking my closets. Cured, I didn't think I would ever be cured but I was healing, with Edwards help.

My heart skipped a beat as it always did when I thought of my wonderful, handsome, caring thoughtful best friend/boy friend. I knew that without him I wouldn't be where I was today, wouldn't be alive and wouldn't be living. I would be a shadow, existing in the darkness, looking for light.

"Edward picking you up today?" she asked as I got to my feet and headed towards her door.

I nodded, flushing a little. She knew all about Edward and how he had saved me, first from Jacob and later from my own despair. It had been a long struggle but one that had changed my life.

"We're going out to dinner…you know to celebrate"

There was a tap at her door and her pa appeared a professional smile on her face "You're six o clock is here"

"Thanks Mary" she said and then turned her attention back to me.

"It's time Bella" she rose and proffered her hand.

I grasped it firmly and shook, hoping I could convey just how grateful I was. Without her I wasn't sure I would have gotten through the trial, giving evidence and seeing Jacob sentenced. Without her I would have broken down long ago when I received Jacob's letter, apologizing, explaining that he was sick and that with proper help he would get well. The anger I felt would have consumed me, he was sick and could get help, he could get better but I was living with his actions for the rest of my life. She made me see that even though he had failed me badly, Charlie was only human and loved me.

She had got me through the nightmares, the resentment, the feelings of guilt and self-loathing, the fear that would strike me at odd times. Talking with her made me see that there was nothing wrong with me, what happened was not my fault. She helped me realize that I had self esteem issues, which allowed him to control me for so long. She taught me I was worth something. Now eighteen months later I was ready to stand on my own, with Edward's help.

"Thank you, so very much" I murmured not surprised by the tremor in my voice.

"You are very welcome Bella and I wish you all the luck in the world…be happy Bella, you deserve it" she smiled warmly and I nodded, turning and leaving her office.

I stopped dead when Alice jumped to feet, embracing me with her usual exuberance.

"Congratulations Bella" she squealed in my ear, her grip surprisingly vice like for one so tiny.

"Hey Alice, where's Edward?" I asked disappointment welling inside me.

"I'm sorry Bella, he wanted to come fetch you but he's sick"

" I know he wasn't feeling too good when I spoke with him this morning…Is he okay? What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know…it's nothing serious Bells" she said noting the look of concern which was on my face "he's just bummed he can't be here to collect you himself, he said you guys were going for dinner?"

"We were gonna celebrate…kinda an early anniversary"

"He's really upset Bells…I have strict instructions to take you there right away" she told me as she led me to the car.

Fighting back the urge to cry, I sniffed. This was not a big deal. Just because Edward was sick didn't mean this was any less reason to celebrate me being discharged from therapy. Suck it up Bella, I told myself as we drove the thirty-minute journey to his house, my mind and stomach in knots the entire way.

I leapt from the car almost before it had stopped moving and was through the door as fast as my uncoordinated legs could carry me…

"Hi Bella" Esme embraced me in a warm hug, meeting me at the foot of the stairs.

"How is he?"

She didn't even pretend not to know who I was talking about.

"Grumpy and sick…he was never a good patient even when he was a little boy" she said with an affectionate chuckle.

"Can I go up?" I didn't want to ask permission, I was going whether she said yes or not but I had to be polite.

"Please do…he's driving us all crazy asking if you're here yet…Carlisle is with him"

Trying not run, I took the stairs two at time and almost sprinted across the hallway to his room. Knocking gently I pushed the door open, my heart aching at what I saw.

Edward was sprawled across his pillows, arms and legs akimbo as he dosed restlessly. His messy bronze hair was even more disheveled, his skin paler than usual expect for the twin flags of scarlet across his prominent cheekbones. I dragged my eyes away from the beauty that was his naked chest, to Carlisle who sat watching me from across the room, hands folded.

"Is he okay?" I whispered, moving closer to his bed.

Carlisle shook his head "He's pretty sick Bella"

My entire body ached for him and I wanted desperately to soothe him, to take away his pain as he had taken mine so many times.

"What's wrong with him" I asked my eyes sweeping over his inert form, taking in the swollen appearance of his face.

"Mumps, I think…Edward never got it as a child"

"Mumps?" I wanted to laugh, I remembered having it myself as a small child and it didn't seem so bad.

"As he is an adult now, it's affecting him in different ways" he began tactfully, his voice quiet and full of caring.

"What do you mean?" I sank down on the floor beside Edward's bed and reached out stroke his hair gently.

"Mumps in children is mainly a sore throat, flu like symptoms, maybe some nausea, headaches that kind of thing…you can take some Tylenol and wait it out…but it with adults it becomes more complicated….Edward has a severe case and has Orchitis"

Puzzled I looked at him "Will he be okay… I've never heard of Orchitis…it's nothing serious right?"

" Orchitis is a complication which can develop from mumps…it's swelling in other glands of the body…. I don't think it is serious but he will be very sick for at least the next week to ten days"

"Other glands?"

Carlisle looked at me with clinical authority "His testicles, Bella"

I felt my face flush scarlet and I averted my gaze, looking down at my poor Edward, who mumbled and turned in his sleep, his eyes opening slowly.

I bit back a gasp, the green of his eyes standing out more vividly than ever against the fever flush on his skin.

"Bella?" he asked croakily,

"Hi Edward…how are you feeling?" I asked capturing the hand that had reached for my own, alarmed by the heat emanating from his skin.

"I'm sick Bells…I'm so sorry about today, I really wanted to be there for you" he apologized, guilt written across his face.

"Edward, you're sick sweetheart, please don't feel bad," I murmured brushing his hair away from his sticky forehead.

"I had plans, stuff to talk about"

I looked over at Carlisle who shrugged and got to his feet.

"Is there anything you need son?"

"Some water and more Tylenol"

Carlisle nodded and briefly pressed a hand to Edward's head, before withdrawing a thermometer from his shirt pocket.

"Open" he said and I smiled as Edward gave him a disgruntled look but did as he was told.

I smiled down at Edward, resuming my stroking of his hair, anything to try and soothe him.

"Hmm not good 39.6…I'll be back in a moment…please try not to tire him too much Bella" Carlisle said with a wink and I flushed once more.

As soon as he left the room, I perched on the side of his bed, gratified as Edward gravitated to towards me. Suddenly he froze and let out a muffled groan.

"What's wrong?" I asked worried instantly.

"I moved too quickly" he rasped, eyes screwed up, his hands across his lap over the sheets. I glanced down and saw what he meant, my eyes going back to the expression of agony on his face.

"Carlisle said you were having, um, complications" I said gently, not sure if Edward would mind me knowing.

He nodded and then opened one eye to look at me "Want to kiss them better?"

I chuckled and felt a little stirring inside, which I tampered down. Bad Bella, Edward is sick. Instead I smoothed the sheets across him and allowed him to rest his head on my lap. We were silent but comfortable, Edward's regular breathing told me he wasn't in too much pain but I couldn't stop stroking him, soothing him. Occasionally he would sneeze and I passed him a tissue from his nightstand, which he accepted with a mumbled thank you.

"I'm so sorry Bella," he said after a few minutes.

"Hey it's okay…it's not that big of a deal" I soothed, not wanting him to develop a guilt complex too.

"But it was going to be"

I winced each time he spoke, his voice was rough and though a little sexy it was so different to the velvet tones I was used to hearing from Edward.

"There will be other times Edward, I promise…for now you just have to focus on getting better" I told him as Carlisle appeared in the door way, carrying a pitcher of water, bottle of small pills, and a cloth. He said nothing when he saw the way Edward was laid across me, merely lifting one golden brow as he set his burden on the nightstand.

"Have you had Mumps Bella?" he asked pointedly.

I stamped down a little surge of irritation, he was only looking out for me but I just wanted to be near Edward, I didn't care that he was sick. In point of fact I had mumps as a child but even if I hadn't I would still be here now.

"Yes…Edward would you like a drink?"

He nodded and swallowed a little whimper; I had never heard such an adorable sound in my life and felt instantly guilty as I remembered what was causing him to sound like that.

I handed him the glass and watched as he drank greedily his Adams apple bobbing quickly.

He sighed when it was drained and snuggled against me once more.

"Edward, it's time for your medication…this should help with the pain and the aches, it will also bring your fever down" Carlisle said, his tone a mixture of paternal concern and professionalism.

I refilled the glass and watched as grudgingly Edward placed two capsules in his mouth and swallowed. Carlisle hovered for a little while longer, making sure he didn't vomit the capsules back up but left when it was clear he was okay, with instructions to call him if Edward didn't improve.

"Hot" he protested, shifting away from me, his long legs kicking away the sheets. I felt the loss of his body the second it was away from mine but I knew he had to be comfortable. He was what was important, not me.

"Want me to wet this cloth for you?"

He nodded and I hurried to the bathroom, running the face cloth under the cold faucet. My heart tripped as I found Edward naked except for a pair of snug gray boxers, the damp sheets now tangled around his legs. He had pushed the pillows onto the floor and was flat out on his back. Unable to help myself my eyes were drawn to his lap, as I tried to make out any signs of swelling. Feeling a little perverted and guilty for ignoring his need I hurried forward and pressed the washcloth into his hand. Immediately he clasped it to his throat, just below his ears. A soft moan came from him and I knew it was helping. Could it help everywhere I wondered?

"Edward, sweetheart would you like another compress, for your…other swellings?" I asked kneeling beside him, almost whispering for fear of being over heard. It was one thing for his parents to accept we were together and intimate but it was quite another to hear me talking about his balls.

He didn't move except to nod his head and I got to my feet instantly. Grabbing a soft hand towel from the bathroom, I doused it in cold water and returned to the bedroom.

It felt a little strange to be playing nurse but it was oddly rewarding, for once Edward needed me, needed me to take care of him, not the other way around.

"Do you need some help with this one?" I asked biting my lip. Again he didn't speak, simply nodding his head drowsily and I got the feeling he wasn't altogether conscious.

Breathing deeply I leant across the bed, getting level with his hips. Sucking in a breath for courage I wrapped my fingers around the waistband of his boxers and pulled them gently down, leaving him bare to my greedy eyes.

Even after all this time, I could never believe that this beautiful man boy, was mine. He was perfect in every way and he was mine. His body was changing, become thicker and more muscled as he grew, the long lanky boy I'd known had filled out into a beautiful Adonis. I looked down at the sharp angles of his hips, to the soft shape of his penis, nestled in the dark bronze curls and wanted to reach out and feel him in my hand.

"If you're going to stare at it all day this is going to get messy" he rasped.

I jumped, my eyes jerking to his and the crooked naughty smile, he saved for times when we were alone.

"I'm sorry, you're just so beautiful" I mumbled, mortified at being caught ogling my boyfriend.

"Relax Bells, it's allowed…I'll worry when you don't think I'm beautiful" he mumbled, his breath hissing out of his teeth.

Glancing down I watched amazed as his penis began to twitch and grow long and thick against his skin.

"Told you," he grunted ruefully.

"I'm sorry," I said but I wasn't not really. I was sorry I caused him pain but not sorry for his reaction. Inside I was thrilled, even sick he loved and wanted me.

Gently I opened the cloth and placed it across his lap, enjoying his sigh as the cold compress began its work. He shifted a little giving me access to his boxers as I tugged them back up his body and tried to arrange them the best I could across his body.

He yawned and closed his eyes, his skin already feeling cooler, the medication he'd taken earlier kicking in.

"Thanks Bells" he murmured into the mattress as he turned on to his side.

"You're very welcome sweetheart"

"I love you…I'm sorry about dinner…so much to say"

"I love you too Edward, we can talk when you're better…sleep now Edward, please" I breathed, bending and placing a soft kiss onto his forehead.

"Need to tell you…love you…always have…want you…marry me?" he mumbled half delirious now.

My heart stopped and restarted in the same beat, feeling as though it were going to explode from my chest.

"Bella…marry me…nightstand draw," he said sleepily.

Heart racing I opened the drawer with trembling fingers, there amid the condoms and tissues and gum wrappers sat a small black box. As I withdrew it, I was aware of the tears in my eyes leaking slowly onto my cheeks. Hardly daring to breathe I opened the box and gasped. A single white gold solitaire winked cheerily at me.

"Oh Edward…yes, yes I'll marry you" I said, tears dripping from the end of my nose as I laughed, overjoyed.

Turning to look at him with a tremulous smile, I couldn't believe my eyes or ears for Edward snored softly, finally asleep as fever and exhaustion caught up with him. Smiling wryly, I knew there would be time enough for everything eventually. Edward had healed me through my sickness and now I would do the same for him and we would love and laugh the rest of our lives as we remembered that Alice's plan was indeed Foolproof.

* * *

_**Okay so I was supposed to leave it there and then I found something I wrote a few years ago, which adpated like this, would be a perfect continuation of Edward and Bella's life together, a few years down the line. If you're interested in reading it then leave me a review, if I get enough interest then I'll post it, if not then never mind. Happy belated Holidays everyone. Love Tink. XX**_


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